The Definition of Resilience
Webster defines resilience as the ability to recover from or adjust easily to change or misfortune. It is basically the ability to bounce back from adversity and adapt to unforeseen situations. How well does the "everyone gets a trophy" generation score on this one? Do I even have to answer that question? Yet, nearly every article you can read on successful people underscores this ability as one of the greatest contributing factors to life-long success over talent and intelligence. The truth of life remains that someday, somehow life will knock you down and kick you in the teeth. It happens to everyone at some point. How you handle that situation will greatly determine the trajectory of your life from that point. What will become of our "fragile generation" when this happens to them? What will happen to our society if we are no longer successful in our endeavors because a large hunk of our population cannot handle the pressure? The government cannot take care of everyone when there are no successful people left to pay taxes. This is a huge deal, people.
The Role of Self-Awareness
Self-awareness can be defined as knowing oneself in an honest manner. In other words, when a person is self-aware, they understand their own strengths and weaknesses. They understand what makes them tick. How does this play into resilience? A self-aware person is more likely to look at mistakes as opportunities for improvement rather than failures. Therefore, they are less likely to become discouraged over setbacks and disappointments. They are more adaptable to change and will focus on overcoming an obstacle rather than the obstacle itself. This self-awareness makes them resilient. When a person understands that they have both strengths and weaknesses, they will also understand that people grow throughout life. This gives them a big-picture perspective and helps them to recover from those moments when life kicks them in the teeth.
The Difference between Self-Awareness and Self-Esteem
How does self-awareness contrast with self-esteem? Self-esteem involves feeling good about oneself. This is not bad per se, but when self-esteem is divorced from self-awareness, you get narcissistic people. Much has been said recently about unhealthy self-esteem. A person that just feels good about themselves without having an honest appraisal of themselves usually thinks too much of themselves. In order for a person to grow, that person must understand they have weaknesses that need to change. A person that does not see his/her own weaknesses will not see the need to change. Therein lies the kicker. Resilient people have a good healthy view of themselves making them more pliable to change. People that are not pliable shatter when faced with adversity. Our culture's overemphasis on self-esteem without self-awareness has created an environment that sabotages resiliency in our children.
Conclusion
So what is the solution? It is okay to teach children to be okay with their own skin but it is not enough. We must teach them to understand that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has that one thing that makes them tick. We actually do children a disservice by telling them that they can be anything they want to be. That really is not true nor is it fair. Instead we need to help them find that one thing that they were put on the planet to do, and help them to do it with all their might. True self-esteem comes from understanding oneself in that fashion. True self-esteem flows from self-awareness. Self-awareness is one of the key ingredients to being a resilient person.
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