This post will continue the discussion of language development in 3 to 4 year olds in the area of learning - Communication. I am still covering the component - Expressive Language. I will start by finishing the performance indicators for the learning expectation: Participates in conversations and then move on to the learning expectation: Uses conventions of speech while expressing ideas. Remember I am taking my information from the Tennessee Early Learning Developmental Standards (TN-ELDS).
First, I will finish up the performance indicators for the learning expectation: Participates in conversations. The last performance indicator for that one is: Continues to ask many "who," "what," "why," and "where" questions. This week I actually started a child that restored my faith in parents to some degree. She is 3 and 1/2 years old, and she actually is 3 and 1/2 years old developmentally instead of being closer to 2 and 1/2 to 3 years old developmentally. She is the first in a while, but I have also had a very long string of boys. Boys will typically lag behind girls developmentally anyway. A good deal of the boys I have had and some of the girls have not really started asking the "w" questions until well after their fourth birthday. I truly believe the lack of "w" questions and the underdeveloped imaginations of today's children go hand in hand. One truly feeds off of the other and when one is lacking the other will be lacking as well. To bolster the amount of "w" questions, I believe you need to stimulate the imagination. How do you stimulate the imagination? Read to the children and give them plenty of uninterrupted free play time where you back off.
Next, we will move on to the learning expectation: Uses conventions of speech while expressing ideas. The first performance indicator for this one is: May combine sentences in conversation. This one very much depends on how well-developed the child's language skills are. When a child reaches a certain level of competency with language, this one will naturally develop. The key to helping along a child's ability to communicate is to make them use their words. If you are allowing a three year old to point and grunt when that child has the capacity to use their words, you are not helping. I know it can be frustrating with some children whose parents allow a lot of pointing and grunting, but in your setting never let that be an option for a 3 year old unless you know for certain that child has serious developmental issues. For moderate to mild developmental issues, pointing and grunting is still not acceptable at 3 years old.
The second performance indicator for this learning expectation is: Expresses both physical and emotional feelings. This one is also heavily tied to how much you make the child use his/her words. A great deal of 3 year old children express feelings of all kinds through fits and screaming and not words. I have even had 4 year olds that mostly used fits and screaming to express emotions. Even positive emotions come out as squeals and rambunctious behavior rather than words. We as a society need to work on understanding our own emotions and being able to express those in appropriate ways. Many young millenial parents do not possess a great deal of competency in this area. They know a lot about drama and how to scream at each other, but not so much about handling emotions in an adult manner. How can we expect their children to have a great deal of emotional intelligence if the parents do not posses a great deal of emotional intelligence? This is one of the major underlying reasons we are seeing hissy fits throughout childhood now instead of just in the toddler years. Your mantra needs to be until we turn this around, "Use your words, please." Teach children about emotions and how to express emotions appropriately.
The third performance indicator is: Uses more plural words but may over-generalize (foots for feet). As long as children pull up their language skills to a somewhat reasonable level, this particular performance indicator usually comes along on its own. Most children hear this enough in conversation to conquer it naturally. If a child has not conquered this one by age 4, developmental screening may be in order. A language delay that involves this one could be considered a fairly serious delay.
The fourth performance indicator is: Understands past tense, adds "ed" to verbs. Again this is one that normally develops naturally unless there is a significant language delay. Although this one may develop later than the plurals. If you see that a child is not understanding past tense by 3 and 1/2, you might want to start working on this one. If a child is understanding past tense but does not use it in conversation, simply correcting their words for a short while should alleviate this. When a child develops random issues with language that do not make logical sense, that might be a sign of high-functioning autism. For example, a child that uses past tense but does not use plurals might throw up a red flag. Autism in early childhood manifests itself in very random ways. Sometimes their issues change from day to day, and there is no rhyme or reason why all of a sudden that has become an issue other than you presented the information in a slightly varying form. Slight variations throw high-functioning autistic children. Remember, never try to diagnose something like autism. Leave that to the experts. However, be aware of the red flags because early intervention does make a huge difference in the life of that child.
The last performance indicator we will look at in the post is: Uses contractions regularly. In American language contractions are so prevalent that this one might actually develop before plurals. "I can't" tends to be one of the first phrases an American toddler learns. If an American born child is not using contractions by 4 years old, that would fall into the category of a random idiosyncrasy that should throw up red flags. It is definitely time to take a good hard look for other random idiosyncrasies that might call for developmental screening.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Dealing with the Effects of Helicopter Parenting - No Problem Solving Skills
This post will continue the discussion on the effects of helicopter parenting. This style of parenting has now been around long enough for us to have a decent grasp on the long term effects, and it is not pretty. Specifically, I will look at what the helicopter style of parenting does to children's ability to problem solve. I will contrast this with a child's ability to manipulate, which is not the same.
Helicopter Parenting is . . .
Before I dive in to the effects of helicopter parenting, let me give you a good overall definition of what I mean. Helicopter parents believe that childhood should be magical and stress free. They believe that parents were put on this earth to make sure their child(ren) have everything their hearts desire especially if the parents were deprived of it during their childhood. They also believe that children should not be rushed to maturity. Childhood should be savored for as long as possible even if that goes into the child's twenties.
As a rebuttal for this style of parenting, I have only one word - millenials. Every negative connotation that word brings up is a direct result of the helicopter parenting style so prevalent in the 1990s and 2000s. Unfortunately, we have not learned our lessons and continue to use and push this style of parenting even though many psychologists are beginning to sound the alarm finally. However, undoing the damage of three decades' worth of helicopter parenting will not be easy to put it mildly. To add to the chaos is the new style now taking our county by storm - attachment parenting. I will not touch that one yet because we need to work on correcting the helicopter parenting first.
To Stress or not to Stress
This post will look at helicopter parents' overemphasis on the lack of stress in children's lives and what that overemphasis has produced. Basically for many, many years if a parent thought a certain task would produce stress, then the parent just did that task for the child rather than have the child throw a fit. The prevalent train of thought was that if a child threw a fit, then the child was stressed and that activity should be avoided at all cost. Children should not cry for more than 5 minutes if that long or they run the risk of being damaged by stress. However, now the psychologists have finally come to the conclusion that some stress is good for a child and without it children cannot properly develop problem solving skills. When everything is handed to them or done for them, these children that are now adults crumple at the first little setback and cannot handle any amount of stress without coming unglued. How many times have you heard that description of millenials? It is actually worse as you move down the scale in age. I have seen fits by ten to twelve year olds that would rival any two year old, and we think this is normal?
Worse yet, in place of problem solving skills this generation is developing manipulation skills. They have become experts at getting people to do for them what they do not want to do for themselves. Please, tell me that you see how backwards that is. Children should do for themselves everything they are capable of doing in order to be functioning members of society. If we raise generation upon generation of people that expect everyone else to take care of them, we have a serious problem. Eventually you will run out of people to do the taking care of part. Then what are you going to do?
How do we turn this situation around?
Stop doing for the children and adults what they are fully capable of doing for themselves. Let them throw hissy fits that lasts for days, months (in the case of the adults) if that is what they do. Until we make them start using the part of the brain that figures out how to get things done themselves it will not develop. That is called problem solving skills. This should start as early as 18 months old and continue indefinitely until they are too old to do for themselves. Then they can have someone do it for them. If you do not make them do for themselves, you are enabling. Please, stop enabling.
Before I leave this subject, I want to touch briefly on another byproduct of children developing manipulation skills rather than true problem solving skills. Another huge trend nowadays is bullying. Guess what is one of the underlying reasons children bully other children - manipulation. It is not the only underlying reason, but it is one of the major underlying reasons. The bullying epidemic did not come of nowhere. We created this monster.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Helicopter Parenting is . . .
Before I dive in to the effects of helicopter parenting, let me give you a good overall definition of what I mean. Helicopter parents believe that childhood should be magical and stress free. They believe that parents were put on this earth to make sure their child(ren) have everything their hearts desire especially if the parents were deprived of it during their childhood. They also believe that children should not be rushed to maturity. Childhood should be savored for as long as possible even if that goes into the child's twenties.
As a rebuttal for this style of parenting, I have only one word - millenials. Every negative connotation that word brings up is a direct result of the helicopter parenting style so prevalent in the 1990s and 2000s. Unfortunately, we have not learned our lessons and continue to use and push this style of parenting even though many psychologists are beginning to sound the alarm finally. However, undoing the damage of three decades' worth of helicopter parenting will not be easy to put it mildly. To add to the chaos is the new style now taking our county by storm - attachment parenting. I will not touch that one yet because we need to work on correcting the helicopter parenting first.
To Stress or not to Stress
This post will look at helicopter parents' overemphasis on the lack of stress in children's lives and what that overemphasis has produced. Basically for many, many years if a parent thought a certain task would produce stress, then the parent just did that task for the child rather than have the child throw a fit. The prevalent train of thought was that if a child threw a fit, then the child was stressed and that activity should be avoided at all cost. Children should not cry for more than 5 minutes if that long or they run the risk of being damaged by stress. However, now the psychologists have finally come to the conclusion that some stress is good for a child and without it children cannot properly develop problem solving skills. When everything is handed to them or done for them, these children that are now adults crumple at the first little setback and cannot handle any amount of stress without coming unglued. How many times have you heard that description of millenials? It is actually worse as you move down the scale in age. I have seen fits by ten to twelve year olds that would rival any two year old, and we think this is normal?
Worse yet, in place of problem solving skills this generation is developing manipulation skills. They have become experts at getting people to do for them what they do not want to do for themselves. Please, tell me that you see how backwards that is. Children should do for themselves everything they are capable of doing in order to be functioning members of society. If we raise generation upon generation of people that expect everyone else to take care of them, we have a serious problem. Eventually you will run out of people to do the taking care of part. Then what are you going to do?
How do we turn this situation around?
Stop doing for the children and adults what they are fully capable of doing for themselves. Let them throw hissy fits that lasts for days, months (in the case of the adults) if that is what they do. Until we make them start using the part of the brain that figures out how to get things done themselves it will not develop. That is called problem solving skills. This should start as early as 18 months old and continue indefinitely until they are too old to do for themselves. Then they can have someone do it for them. If you do not make them do for themselves, you are enabling. Please, stop enabling.
Before I leave this subject, I want to touch briefly on another byproduct of children developing manipulation skills rather than true problem solving skills. Another huge trend nowadays is bullying. Guess what is one of the underlying reasons children bully other children - manipulation. It is not the only underlying reason, but it is one of the major underlying reasons. The bullying epidemic did not come of nowhere. We created this monster.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Language Development for 3 to 4 year olds - Communication (Part 4)
This post will continue the conversation on language development for 3 to 4 year olds focusing on the area of learning - Communication. The component is expressive language starting with the learning expectation: Uses language for a variety of purposes. Remember I am taking my information from the Tennessee Early Learning Developmental Standards (TN-ELDS).
The first performance indicator we will discuss today is: Shows lots of imagination in verbal expressions. As I have written in previous posts, I am seeing a real decline in imaginative play and verbal expressions in the 3 to 4 year old range. I am seeing imagination from 4 to 5 year olds, but not as much as I used to see. Many 3 year olds are lagging in language skills compared to their counterparts of only a few years ago. They barely know how to play at all. Some 3 year old children are still in the parallel play phase and do well to play next to another child without a war. Some only know how to dump and destroy and do not play at all really. We are having a crisis of imagination these days. I truly believe it is because we have nearly made free play extinct, and it is costing us in every area of development.
The next performance indicator is: Tells the sequence of a story with appropriate pictures. Truthfully, I have 4 year olds that struggle horribly with this performance indicator. I have had 3 year olds that could do this, but they had been with me since they were one year olds and had heard these familiar stories enough to be able to sequence the pictures. That is the key. If a child has not heard a story enough times, they will not be able to sequence the pictures. Children that are not read to enough struggle with this particular performance indicator. I cannot state enough how important it is to read to children daily. So much of their language development depends on this.
Now we will switch gears to the next learning expectation: Participates in conversations. The first performance indicator for this one is: Likes to talk about things that have happened and will happen. Again, this is behavior I am seeing more from 4 year olds than 3 year olds. I have seen 3 year olds that conquer this one very shortly after their 3rd birthday. I have also seen 3 year olds that could barely converse in real conversation until they were well over 3 and 1/2 years old. The lag of language development hits so many different aspects of a child's ability to communicate. However, we as a society view everyone under the age of 4 as babies and are not really all that concerned about this lack of language skills. We need to make some adjustments in our expectations. These standards were written over a decade ago, and they applied for the most part at the time. Looking at them now, we see the downward spiral or at least I do. We have problems that are only going to get worse unless we change our philosophies.
The second performance indicator for that learning expectation is: Continues to ask questions to keep conversation going. I hate to sound like a broken record, but this is a behavior I see from 4 year olds and not many 3 year olds. I hope that these posts have been making you take stock of the children in your care and the ones you come in contact with throughout your weekly activities. Are you seeing the lag in language development as much as I am? I am seeing maybe 3 and 1/2 year olds able to participate in a verbal exchange by answering a question, but to keep that conversation going by asking questions? That I am not seeing except from children that have been in high quality care most of their lives. I also might see it from a 3 year old in a homeschooling family. The average 3 year old from the average family can barely converse and be understood at all. Children have to be able to participate in conversations quite a bit to be able to show this level of skill in participation in conversations. I will tell you that they can mimic their parents talking on their cell phone, but to actually know how to participate in conversations? Not so much.
The last performance indicator we will look at in this post is: Participates in meaningful, two-way conversation with another person. Guess what? I am not seeing this with 3 year olds but with 4 year olds. I am also seeing some 4 year olds that cannot conquer this performance indicator. The only 3 year olds I see that can carry on a meaningful two-way conversation are those that have been in high quality care from birth or homeschooling families. I will admit to you that a large majority of care does not qualify for high quality care. High quality care provides environments that promote academic development. These facilities have daily activities for even toddlers that promote language development and math development on the level appropriate for that child. Homeschooling families usually have an environment where the very young watch older siblings' lessons and learn a great deal. They might actually outdo the ones in academic preschools divided by age. Many people do not understand the great blessings of mixed-age environments unless, of course, they are family childcare providers or homeschoolers. Children in mixed-age facilities or homes benefit from all the instruction provided whether for older children or younger children. The older children benefit from the review they get in being exposed to the younger children's lessons. The younger children gain exposure to higher concepts from the older children's lessons. It is by far the most win-win educational environment out there. This is why many homeschoolers outperform their public school counterparts. I wish those that were in positions of power in the United States Department of Education understood that particular concept.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The first performance indicator we will discuss today is: Shows lots of imagination in verbal expressions. As I have written in previous posts, I am seeing a real decline in imaginative play and verbal expressions in the 3 to 4 year old range. I am seeing imagination from 4 to 5 year olds, but not as much as I used to see. Many 3 year olds are lagging in language skills compared to their counterparts of only a few years ago. They barely know how to play at all. Some 3 year old children are still in the parallel play phase and do well to play next to another child without a war. Some only know how to dump and destroy and do not play at all really. We are having a crisis of imagination these days. I truly believe it is because we have nearly made free play extinct, and it is costing us in every area of development.
The next performance indicator is: Tells the sequence of a story with appropriate pictures. Truthfully, I have 4 year olds that struggle horribly with this performance indicator. I have had 3 year olds that could do this, but they had been with me since they were one year olds and had heard these familiar stories enough to be able to sequence the pictures. That is the key. If a child has not heard a story enough times, they will not be able to sequence the pictures. Children that are not read to enough struggle with this particular performance indicator. I cannot state enough how important it is to read to children daily. So much of their language development depends on this.
Now we will switch gears to the next learning expectation: Participates in conversations. The first performance indicator for this one is: Likes to talk about things that have happened and will happen. Again, this is behavior I am seeing more from 4 year olds than 3 year olds. I have seen 3 year olds that conquer this one very shortly after their 3rd birthday. I have also seen 3 year olds that could barely converse in real conversation until they were well over 3 and 1/2 years old. The lag of language development hits so many different aspects of a child's ability to communicate. However, we as a society view everyone under the age of 4 as babies and are not really all that concerned about this lack of language skills. We need to make some adjustments in our expectations. These standards were written over a decade ago, and they applied for the most part at the time. Looking at them now, we see the downward spiral or at least I do. We have problems that are only going to get worse unless we change our philosophies.
The second performance indicator for that learning expectation is: Continues to ask questions to keep conversation going. I hate to sound like a broken record, but this is a behavior I see from 4 year olds and not many 3 year olds. I hope that these posts have been making you take stock of the children in your care and the ones you come in contact with throughout your weekly activities. Are you seeing the lag in language development as much as I am? I am seeing maybe 3 and 1/2 year olds able to participate in a verbal exchange by answering a question, but to keep that conversation going by asking questions? That I am not seeing except from children that have been in high quality care most of their lives. I also might see it from a 3 year old in a homeschooling family. The average 3 year old from the average family can barely converse and be understood at all. Children have to be able to participate in conversations quite a bit to be able to show this level of skill in participation in conversations. I will tell you that they can mimic their parents talking on their cell phone, but to actually know how to participate in conversations? Not so much.
The last performance indicator we will look at in this post is: Participates in meaningful, two-way conversation with another person. Guess what? I am not seeing this with 3 year olds but with 4 year olds. I am also seeing some 4 year olds that cannot conquer this performance indicator. The only 3 year olds I see that can carry on a meaningful two-way conversation are those that have been in high quality care from birth or homeschooling families. I will admit to you that a large majority of care does not qualify for high quality care. High quality care provides environments that promote academic development. These facilities have daily activities for even toddlers that promote language development and math development on the level appropriate for that child. Homeschooling families usually have an environment where the very young watch older siblings' lessons and learn a great deal. They might actually outdo the ones in academic preschools divided by age. Many people do not understand the great blessings of mixed-age environments unless, of course, they are family childcare providers or homeschoolers. Children in mixed-age facilities or homes benefit from all the instruction provided whether for older children or younger children. The older children benefit from the review they get in being exposed to the younger children's lessons. The younger children gain exposure to higher concepts from the older children's lessons. It is by far the most win-win educational environment out there. This is why many homeschoolers outperform their public school counterparts. I wish those that were in positions of power in the United States Department of Education understood that particular concept.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Dealing with the Effects of Helicopter Parenting - No Sense of Danger
For the next several midweek posts I am going to look at issues that arise in children because of the helicoptering style of parenting. I could also have called this the effects of helicopter regulations because both cause the same effects. This week we will look at the problem of these children having no real sense of danger.
Danger: A Part of Childhood
Up until the recent past, instilling a good healthy sense of danger in children was one of the only ways to help those children see adulthood. When I was a child, my parents understood that childhood was a dangerous time, and I had to get with the program as young as possible. I raised my own children in this way. However, now the name of the game is to shield children from every possible scenario where they might get the least bit hurt because childhood should be all rainbows and unicorns.
Now do not get me wrong, some of the play equipment I played on as a child was probably unsafe. The slides were metal and tall. We did not have fall zones with pea gravel or wood chips, etc. We had grass and sometimes concrete under our play equipment. However, we had a healthy sense of danger whereas children today do not really. I knew that if I fell off that slide it would hurt and probably break something. If we took risks, we understood they were risks. Yes, we were daring, but we had a better understanding of our limits because we had been allowed to experience hurts. Therein is the problem with today's children. They have no concept of their own limits.
Learning Limits
When we shield children from experiencing the bumps and bruises of childhood, we deprive them of a very big part of their development - learning limits. When a child falls off the chair, that child learns about gravity and that climbing on a chair can be risky. The scenarios for this are endless. Whether we like to admit or not, a child learns more from a negative consequence than they will ever learn from a positive experience. I read an article recently that dealt with this very concept. Did you know that our brains are hardwired to experience negative situations differently than positive situations. The negative situations register in a different part of the brain and go straight to long-term memory. That is called the negativity bias and most of the time it is painted as a bad thing. However, in this article it showed how in times past this negativity bias ensured survival. We had to remember the negative experiences in order to avoid doing it again. Guess what? We still need that.
We cannot shield children from negative experiences and have those children grow up to be functioning adults. Children do not learn limits from positive experiences - ever. It just does not work that way. Children learn limits by pushing those limits until they find the point of hurt. Then they back off. They have to be free to explore this on their own. Parents, I am afraid you cannot just tell them where those points occur. It will have no relevance to them unless they have had experience with it themselves. They must experience negative consequences. It has actually been documented that children today are experiencing more injuries per capita than they did even 10 to 20 years ago. Most of the studies I have seen on this subject agree that children today have developed a false sense of security due to not having enough exposure to natural consequences.
Natural Consequences
How do we rectify this? Back off parents. Back off regulations. We cannot plan for every contingency to make sure that children experience a pain-free childhood nor should we. We have to let them take their lumps just like we had to take our lumps. It is called natural consequences, and we should never shield children from them. Otherwise, they will not learn about gravity. They will also not have a working knowledge of their own limitations. We can plan for worst-case scenario, but these days parents freak out when their child gets a bruise or a skinned knee. Good grief, people. It will be okay.
We have actually made childhood more dangerous by trying to usher in the utopia of childhood. Remember it is documented that our children are experiencing more injuries than previous generations and believe me, these children are not more daring than those previous generations. We have taken something out of the equation we never should have touched. Actually, we have believed a lie that has been pushed by every single movement for a utopic experience. We never learn from history. Every time we try to bring utopia on Earth, we end up with a dystopic situation. It is always because we go too far and remove core pieces of our existence in order to bring it to fruition. We need to learn to accept the "good enough." In childhood, that means we need to let the bumps and bruises be. They serve a very important purpose. To remove them as we have tried to do, has brought about bad results.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Danger: A Part of Childhood
Up until the recent past, instilling a good healthy sense of danger in children was one of the only ways to help those children see adulthood. When I was a child, my parents understood that childhood was a dangerous time, and I had to get with the program as young as possible. I raised my own children in this way. However, now the name of the game is to shield children from every possible scenario where they might get the least bit hurt because childhood should be all rainbows and unicorns.
Now do not get me wrong, some of the play equipment I played on as a child was probably unsafe. The slides were metal and tall. We did not have fall zones with pea gravel or wood chips, etc. We had grass and sometimes concrete under our play equipment. However, we had a healthy sense of danger whereas children today do not really. I knew that if I fell off that slide it would hurt and probably break something. If we took risks, we understood they were risks. Yes, we were daring, but we had a better understanding of our limits because we had been allowed to experience hurts. Therein is the problem with today's children. They have no concept of their own limits.
Learning Limits
When we shield children from experiencing the bumps and bruises of childhood, we deprive them of a very big part of their development - learning limits. When a child falls off the chair, that child learns about gravity and that climbing on a chair can be risky. The scenarios for this are endless. Whether we like to admit or not, a child learns more from a negative consequence than they will ever learn from a positive experience. I read an article recently that dealt with this very concept. Did you know that our brains are hardwired to experience negative situations differently than positive situations. The negative situations register in a different part of the brain and go straight to long-term memory. That is called the negativity bias and most of the time it is painted as a bad thing. However, in this article it showed how in times past this negativity bias ensured survival. We had to remember the negative experiences in order to avoid doing it again. Guess what? We still need that.
We cannot shield children from negative experiences and have those children grow up to be functioning adults. Children do not learn limits from positive experiences - ever. It just does not work that way. Children learn limits by pushing those limits until they find the point of hurt. Then they back off. They have to be free to explore this on their own. Parents, I am afraid you cannot just tell them where those points occur. It will have no relevance to them unless they have had experience with it themselves. They must experience negative consequences. It has actually been documented that children today are experiencing more injuries per capita than they did even 10 to 20 years ago. Most of the studies I have seen on this subject agree that children today have developed a false sense of security due to not having enough exposure to natural consequences.
Natural Consequences
How do we rectify this? Back off parents. Back off regulations. We cannot plan for every contingency to make sure that children experience a pain-free childhood nor should we. We have to let them take their lumps just like we had to take our lumps. It is called natural consequences, and we should never shield children from them. Otherwise, they will not learn about gravity. They will also not have a working knowledge of their own limitations. We can plan for worst-case scenario, but these days parents freak out when their child gets a bruise or a skinned knee. Good grief, people. It will be okay.
We have actually made childhood more dangerous by trying to usher in the utopia of childhood. Remember it is documented that our children are experiencing more injuries than previous generations and believe me, these children are not more daring than those previous generations. We have taken something out of the equation we never should have touched. Actually, we have believed a lie that has been pushed by every single movement for a utopic experience. We never learn from history. Every time we try to bring utopia on Earth, we end up with a dystopic situation. It is always because we go too far and remove core pieces of our existence in order to bring it to fruition. We need to learn to accept the "good enough." In childhood, that means we need to let the bumps and bruises be. They serve a very important purpose. To remove them as we have tried to do, has brought about bad results.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Language Development for 3 to 4 year olds - Communication (Part 3)
This post will continue the discussion of language development for 3 to 4 year olds. We are still discussing the communication area of learning. We will now switch gears to the component - Expressive Language. Remember I am taking my information from the Tennessee Early Learning Developmental Standards (TN-ELDS).
The learning expectation for this component is: Uses language for a variety of purposes. The first performance indicator is: Tells familiar stories. Unless a child is lagging in language development, most children actually conquer this one by 4 years old. Children that have been read to frequently will conquer this one closer to 3 years old. Children that have hardly been read to will not conquer this performance indicator because they do not have a repertoire of familiar stories from which to pull. It is imperative that we read to children. That one activity touches so many different aspects of development. It cannot be overdone.
The next performance indicator is: Likes to make up stories; likes silly words and stories. Some children conquer this one before 4 years old and some do not. This one is also tied to how much a child has had an adult read to him/her. It is also linked heavily to the amount of imaginative play in which the child participates. We as childcare providers are seeing many children struggle with imaginative play because they are not getting the opportunity for free play as much as children used to get. Making up stories comes directly from the right brain and free play is vital for the development of the right brain. Also, a child's sense of humor develops at a pace with the child's language development. If the language development is lagging so will the sense of humor. I have activities in my childcare that directly build creative thinking skills. I call them creative writing activities because we make up stories together. This activity has greatly increased the children's imaginative play, which was lagging. All of these skills are so interrelated. Take away one and so many others are affected.
Next on our list is: Knows and tells names and sex of family members. Again, this performance indicator is conquered by most children by age 4. Unless a child has a very complicated family, which I have seen, this one does not present a problem. If a child does not have this one conquered by age 4 (unless a very complicated family situation does exist), I would definitely have that child tested for developmental delays.
The next performance indicator is: Engages in imaginary talk; plays both roles. In recent years I have seen fewer and fewer children able to really participate in imaginative play until they were nearly 5 years old. To be truthful, I have not seen very many 3 year olds able to carry on an imaginative conversation where they played both roles. A great deal of the time, I am teaching 3 and 4 year olds to actually play and not just dump and destroy. This level of imaginative play is beyond many of them. We have helicopter parented imaginative play right out the door. We, the adults, need to back off and let the children explore and play without us being all up in their business. It is called free play, people.
The last performance indicator on our list is: Asks many questions; wants to know how answers fit into her own thoughts and understanding. With the demise of the imaginative play has also come the decline of inquisitiveness. I really am not seeing 3 year olds ask a lot of questions. I am seeing 4 year olds ask questions, but not 3 year olds. These standards were created in the early 2000s. We have seen such a rapid decline in these types of skills in the decade following the creation of these standards that it is scary. What are we doing to our children? Actually what we are seeing is the results of second generation helicopter parenting. The parents of these children were helicopter parented and now we have nearly outlawed what I consider childhood. My childhood experience would probably send my parents to jail these days. I roamed for miles unsupervised until the streetlights came on for the night. I played on equipment that would have people arrested these days. I did things and had experiences so foreign to modern children, but we had imagination coming out of our ears. Something precious has been lost in our quest for the perfect childhood, and it is childhood.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Dealing with Children that are Hyper-Sensitive
This post will deal with increasing children's emotional intelligence and teaching them to deal with negative circumstances without coming completely unglued. More specifically we will discuss those children that take everything personally to the point they cannot function in a group setting.
The Hyper-Sensitive
We all know this scenario all too well. A statement is made by either a child or an adult, and a hyper-sensitive child takes offense. Or everyone laughs at something that happens and the hyper-sensitive child falls to pieces because he/she feels that everyone is laughing at him/her. Actually I know adults with the same problem and you probably do, too. We all know those people that require you to walk on eggshells around them because they have no capacity for dealing with negative or embarrassing situations.
Unlike a lot of other character issues I have covered, this one is actually mostly genetic. It can be greatly aggravated by environmental factors, but these people come into the world hardwired with this hyper-sensitivity. This explains why this trait runs in families. This also explains why this one can be so hard to correct because it involves an underlying characteristic of a person's personality. I do not know if some chemical imbalance or other related cause occurs in their brains, but I do know that they have a difficult time with all aspects of what we now call emotional intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence
What do I mean by emotional intelligence? Academic intelligence is not the only type of intelligence we humans possess. We all know people that are not necessarily book smart but are people smart. They understand the inward workings of relationships much better than others. We would call these people emotionally intelligent. They understand how to handle complicated situations that call for handling emotions. Let me give you an example. Some of us find it difficult to deliver bad news to other people. Yet, we all know those people that can give bad news in such a way that the person still feels good about the situation. I do not have this capacity and sit in awe of such people. Just like some people come into this world better equipped for academic endeavors, other people come into this world better equipped for emotional situations. The opposite is also true. However, we all know we can increase our academic intelligence with hard work and persistence. The same is true of emotional intelligence.
Hyper-sensitive children come into this world with very little natural coping skills for certain situations, and those situations can vary from person to person. Some cannot handle embarrassment. Some cannot handle any type of criticism. Some cannot handle people not liking them. Some have all or a combination of the above. Adults with these issues may require counseling and/or life coaching to improve, but we that take care of children are in the unique position to really help these children learn to manage what does not come naturally.
No Coddling
Before we get to strategies, I want to cover what not to do. First and foremost, do not coddle these children. Sheltering them from these types of situations will only leave them emotionally immature. This is why we have adults with these types of problems. No one helped these children work through their issues. People usually do not outgrow these types of issues. They have to learn sometime in their life to work through them. Let me put it this way. If you shelter and overprotect, you are being an enabler in a situation that desperately cries for change. On the other hand, these children do not have the capacity to suck up and deal with it. They honestly do not know how. Tough love without instruction is just as useless as coddling and overprotecting in this situation.
The Power of Logic
How do you deal with this situation? Mostly logically actually. A great deal of the thought processes that these children have in these situations are irrational. To deal with irrational thoughts, you teach logical thought processes. Let me give you an example. You have a child that gets upset every time people laugh because the child thinks they are laughing at him/her. When people begin to laugh and the child begins to get upset, ask the child what are they laughing at. At first the child will reply "me." However, if you continue to make the child look harder, he/she will realize the true source of the laughter, which is usually not the child at all. How many times will this be necessary before the child does this on his/her own? Thousands possibly. I did not say this would be easy or fun. Over time the child will begin to correct the irrational thought processes that contribute to the hyper-sensitivity. Let me give you another example. For this one, you have a child that crumbles at the least little criticism. Avoiding criticism throughout your entire life is not practical. Therefore, you must teach this child how to handle criticism. This must start with the child understanding everyone makes mistakes. When the child makes a mistake, this should be the first statement out of your mouth. The second statement should involve teaching the child to learn from mistakes rather than being crushed because they made mistakes. This will take the same amount of persistence as teaching a child not to be embarrassed. This is how you build emotional intelligence.
When dealing with children that seem to have very little emotional intelligence, be very observant to find the underlying irrational thought process. If you pinpoint the irrational thought process, it is much easier to understand how to help the child overcome that thought process. Sometimes we as adults have our own irrational thought processes. Guess what? Teaching ourselves to think logically about situations will help us just as much as it will help the children.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Hyper-Sensitive
We all know this scenario all too well. A statement is made by either a child or an adult, and a hyper-sensitive child takes offense. Or everyone laughs at something that happens and the hyper-sensitive child falls to pieces because he/she feels that everyone is laughing at him/her. Actually I know adults with the same problem and you probably do, too. We all know those people that require you to walk on eggshells around them because they have no capacity for dealing with negative or embarrassing situations.
Unlike a lot of other character issues I have covered, this one is actually mostly genetic. It can be greatly aggravated by environmental factors, but these people come into the world hardwired with this hyper-sensitivity. This explains why this trait runs in families. This also explains why this one can be so hard to correct because it involves an underlying characteristic of a person's personality. I do not know if some chemical imbalance or other related cause occurs in their brains, but I do know that they have a difficult time with all aspects of what we now call emotional intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence
What do I mean by emotional intelligence? Academic intelligence is not the only type of intelligence we humans possess. We all know people that are not necessarily book smart but are people smart. They understand the inward workings of relationships much better than others. We would call these people emotionally intelligent. They understand how to handle complicated situations that call for handling emotions. Let me give you an example. Some of us find it difficult to deliver bad news to other people. Yet, we all know those people that can give bad news in such a way that the person still feels good about the situation. I do not have this capacity and sit in awe of such people. Just like some people come into this world better equipped for academic endeavors, other people come into this world better equipped for emotional situations. The opposite is also true. However, we all know we can increase our academic intelligence with hard work and persistence. The same is true of emotional intelligence.
Hyper-sensitive children come into this world with very little natural coping skills for certain situations, and those situations can vary from person to person. Some cannot handle embarrassment. Some cannot handle any type of criticism. Some cannot handle people not liking them. Some have all or a combination of the above. Adults with these issues may require counseling and/or life coaching to improve, but we that take care of children are in the unique position to really help these children learn to manage what does not come naturally.
No Coddling
Before we get to strategies, I want to cover what not to do. First and foremost, do not coddle these children. Sheltering them from these types of situations will only leave them emotionally immature. This is why we have adults with these types of problems. No one helped these children work through their issues. People usually do not outgrow these types of issues. They have to learn sometime in their life to work through them. Let me put it this way. If you shelter and overprotect, you are being an enabler in a situation that desperately cries for change. On the other hand, these children do not have the capacity to suck up and deal with it. They honestly do not know how. Tough love without instruction is just as useless as coddling and overprotecting in this situation.
The Power of Logic
How do you deal with this situation? Mostly logically actually. A great deal of the thought processes that these children have in these situations are irrational. To deal with irrational thoughts, you teach logical thought processes. Let me give you an example. You have a child that gets upset every time people laugh because the child thinks they are laughing at him/her. When people begin to laugh and the child begins to get upset, ask the child what are they laughing at. At first the child will reply "me." However, if you continue to make the child look harder, he/she will realize the true source of the laughter, which is usually not the child at all. How many times will this be necessary before the child does this on his/her own? Thousands possibly. I did not say this would be easy or fun. Over time the child will begin to correct the irrational thought processes that contribute to the hyper-sensitivity. Let me give you another example. For this one, you have a child that crumbles at the least little criticism. Avoiding criticism throughout your entire life is not practical. Therefore, you must teach this child how to handle criticism. This must start with the child understanding everyone makes mistakes. When the child makes a mistake, this should be the first statement out of your mouth. The second statement should involve teaching the child to learn from mistakes rather than being crushed because they made mistakes. This will take the same amount of persistence as teaching a child not to be embarrassed. This is how you build emotional intelligence.
When dealing with children that seem to have very little emotional intelligence, be very observant to find the underlying irrational thought process. If you pinpoint the irrational thought process, it is much easier to understand how to help the child overcome that thought process. Sometimes we as adults have our own irrational thought processes. Guess what? Teaching ourselves to think logically about situations will help us just as much as it will help the children.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Language Development for 3 to 4 year olds - Communication (Part 2)
This post will continue the discussion of language development for 3 to 4 year olds. The area of learning is still Communication. We will finish up the component - Receptive Language. Remember I am taking my information from the Tennessee Early Learning Developmental Standards (TN-ELDS).
In this post we will cover the learning expectation: Demonstrates understanding of conversations through own actions and responses to directions and questions. The first performance indicator for this learning expectation is: Anticipates correct response to statements made regarding familiar routines (goes and gets coat when told it's time to go outside, finds own blanket and mat when told it's nap time). This performance indicator assumes a child has regular routines. For those children that are in more structured environments, this would be a correct assumption. However, many children do not have regular routines. The downturn in the economy has actually decreased the population of young children in structured environments until those children reach PreK age. Many parents simply cannot afford to put their children in good childcares, which tend to cost to more money. Some childcares can be complete free-for-alls without much structure at all. In order to conquer this particular performance indicator, a child has to have regular routines. Many of today's parents and grandparents do not put much emphasis at all on establishing routines for small children. The children cannot anticipate what does not exist. However, once a child does enter a structured environment even if that is not until kindergarten, they will eventually conquer this particular performance indicator. This is yet another reason kindergarten teachers deserve medals of honor. Many children reach kindergarten completely unprepared.
The next performance indicator is: Knows where he lives (i.e., street name and number). This is a performance indicator from a different era. So many children today live in two or three different places during the same week. Mom has one house. Dad has another house. Grandparents may be thrown in the mix. Most children do well to know which house they will be going to on any particular day. To actually know the street address just might be asking a little much. Very few 3 to 4 year olds know their street address. Many children enter kindergarten not knowing their street address unless the school requires such knowledge in which case the parents frantically try to teach the children their address two weeks before the start of school. I do not personally worry about this particular performance indicator until the child is 6 months out from kindergarten. Some young parents move around A LOT, and if that is the case, I do not even worry about the address at that point, either.
Next on the list is: Understands colors and can identify basic colors when asked (red, yellow, blue, green, orange, purple, and others). As I have said many times before, colors must be directly taught, or they will not be learned. I have had many 4 year olds come through the door not knowing but maybe one or two colors if that many. When colors are directly taught, even 2 and 1/2 to 3 year olds will know their basic colors. What do I mean by directly taught? Teaching colors actually involves two steps. The first step is to name the colors for the child. After that has been done regularly, then you have the child name the color for you. How this is accomplished matters little as long as both steps are involved in the activity. Some early childhood teachers shy away from the second step because it feels too much like requiring rote responses. However, I know from experience that if the child is not required to respond with the correct color, some children will not pay attention to the activity. Learning the names of anything falls on the left side of the brain and requires this "rote" type of instruction.
The next performance indicator is: Understands responses to "Hi" and "How are you?" and answers appropriately. I do believe this one might be a performance indicator from another era as well. Unless a child is friendly and outgoing as a personality trait, most children these days are extremely socially awkward when it comes to these types of social graces. When you say "hi" to them, they either hide behind someone or something or completely ignore you. This continues well into their fourth year. I have to work hard to get the children to say "good morning" to me when I say it to them, and this is 4 to 5 year olds not 3 to 4 year olds.
The last performance indicator for this learning expectation is: Carries out a three-part, related direction (three levels would be "Please, would you get the can of dog food out of the refrigerator and feed the puppy?"). I will say that some children can conquer this performance indicator at this age and some absolutely cannot. I have two boys with ADHD, and if I can get them to focus long enough to actually fully carry out one direction, I have done well. If it is an established routine, they might be able to carry out a two-part direction on good days, and they are 4 and 5 years old not 3 years old. Even if you have children you suspect to be ADHD, you still should really work on this performance indicator. Being able to follow multi-part directions lays the groundwork for sequencing and other math skills. If they do not conquer three-part directions before they turn 4 years old, keep after it. They need to be able to do this in order to handle other skills in the future.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
In this post we will cover the learning expectation: Demonstrates understanding of conversations through own actions and responses to directions and questions. The first performance indicator for this learning expectation is: Anticipates correct response to statements made regarding familiar routines (goes and gets coat when told it's time to go outside, finds own blanket and mat when told it's nap time). This performance indicator assumes a child has regular routines. For those children that are in more structured environments, this would be a correct assumption. However, many children do not have regular routines. The downturn in the economy has actually decreased the population of young children in structured environments until those children reach PreK age. Many parents simply cannot afford to put their children in good childcares, which tend to cost to more money. Some childcares can be complete free-for-alls without much structure at all. In order to conquer this particular performance indicator, a child has to have regular routines. Many of today's parents and grandparents do not put much emphasis at all on establishing routines for small children. The children cannot anticipate what does not exist. However, once a child does enter a structured environment even if that is not until kindergarten, they will eventually conquer this particular performance indicator. This is yet another reason kindergarten teachers deserve medals of honor. Many children reach kindergarten completely unprepared.
The next performance indicator is: Knows where he lives (i.e., street name and number). This is a performance indicator from a different era. So many children today live in two or three different places during the same week. Mom has one house. Dad has another house. Grandparents may be thrown in the mix. Most children do well to know which house they will be going to on any particular day. To actually know the street address just might be asking a little much. Very few 3 to 4 year olds know their street address. Many children enter kindergarten not knowing their street address unless the school requires such knowledge in which case the parents frantically try to teach the children their address two weeks before the start of school. I do not personally worry about this particular performance indicator until the child is 6 months out from kindergarten. Some young parents move around A LOT, and if that is the case, I do not even worry about the address at that point, either.
Next on the list is: Understands colors and can identify basic colors when asked (red, yellow, blue, green, orange, purple, and others). As I have said many times before, colors must be directly taught, or they will not be learned. I have had many 4 year olds come through the door not knowing but maybe one or two colors if that many. When colors are directly taught, even 2 and 1/2 to 3 year olds will know their basic colors. What do I mean by directly taught? Teaching colors actually involves two steps. The first step is to name the colors for the child. After that has been done regularly, then you have the child name the color for you. How this is accomplished matters little as long as both steps are involved in the activity. Some early childhood teachers shy away from the second step because it feels too much like requiring rote responses. However, I know from experience that if the child is not required to respond with the correct color, some children will not pay attention to the activity. Learning the names of anything falls on the left side of the brain and requires this "rote" type of instruction.
The next performance indicator is: Understands responses to "Hi" and "How are you?" and answers appropriately. I do believe this one might be a performance indicator from another era as well. Unless a child is friendly and outgoing as a personality trait, most children these days are extremely socially awkward when it comes to these types of social graces. When you say "hi" to them, they either hide behind someone or something or completely ignore you. This continues well into their fourth year. I have to work hard to get the children to say "good morning" to me when I say it to them, and this is 4 to 5 year olds not 3 to 4 year olds.
The last performance indicator for this learning expectation is: Carries out a three-part, related direction (three levels would be "Please, would you get the can of dog food out of the refrigerator and feed the puppy?"). I will say that some children can conquer this performance indicator at this age and some absolutely cannot. I have two boys with ADHD, and if I can get them to focus long enough to actually fully carry out one direction, I have done well. If it is an established routine, they might be able to carry out a two-part direction on good days, and they are 4 and 5 years old not 3 years old. Even if you have children you suspect to be ADHD, you still should really work on this performance indicator. Being able to follow multi-part directions lays the groundwork for sequencing and other math skills. If they do not conquer three-part directions before they turn 4 years old, keep after it. They need to be able to do this in order to handle other skills in the future.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Dealing with Children that Give Up Too Easily
This post will tackle the serious lack of persistence evident in many children today. Many, many children will throw up their hands and quit at the least little resistance. This post will look at the underlying causes for this behavior and some strategies to help children develop persistence.
The Scenario
We have all seen this scenario. A child is asked to do a task that he/she does not really want to do. They attempt it for about two seconds, and then throw up their hands and begin whining about how it is too hard. There is always whining. If the adult does not immediately rescue them, the whining and complaining kicks up a notch. If the adult dares to not intervene at this point, the wailing and gnashing of teeth that ensues would make you think the child was being tortured. This particular scenario can produce some of the most intense hissy fits a child throws.
What Is to Blame?
What are the underlying causes for this behavior? Helicopter parenting. We have done this one to ourselves. Parents swoop in at the least little whimper and do nearly everything for their children. I have seen some parents not even wait for the whimper. These children have become accustomed to being waited on hand and foot. Why in the world would they do anything for themselves?
When the children enter an environment where the adults have no intention on waiting on these children hand and foot, issues galore develop. A great deal of a child's first few months in a structured setting these days has to be devoted to teaching self-help skills, and it can get ugly. For those poor souls that live in heavily regulated states, they have to walk such a fine line between teaching children self-help skills and making sure they do not cry for more than a few minutes. What should take only a couple of weeks has to be dragged out over months because the childcare provider ends up having to wait on the child hand and foot in the beginning. The implementation has to be stretched out and incremented in the smallest possible baby steps to avoid the horrible nasty hissy fits. This hinders some children from being kindergarten ready. Therefore, the first few months of kindergarten must be devoted to pulling these children up to speed instead of the actual learning the states are now requiring. I feel very sorry for kindergarten teachers these days. You are being asked to do more with children that come equipped to do less. You all deserve medals in my book.
Dealing with Helicopter Parents
This particular problem really needs to be attacked on two fronts. To simply work with the children and not deal with the underlying parenting issues will only get you so far. Every Monday you will be set back and almost have to start from scratch, which will make you feel like you are taking one step forward and two steps back. However, getting helicopter parents to change their ways presents a daunting task. You must approach this in a respectful and tactful way even though you will feel neither respectful or tactful on the inside. You will also have to have a very calculated plan of attack. Remember these children basically look at adults as large slaves. In your setting you can correct that assumption but that will not transfer to anywhere else unless the adults in that situation dethrone the tyrant as well. Therefore, this will be a constant battle you will have to wage unless you can manage to change the other scenarios at least a little.
In my childcare I always use kindergarten readiness as my weapon of choice when approaching the helicopter parents. Most helicopter parents will about 6 months out from kindergarten freak out over whether or not their precious angel will be ready for kindergarten. I make sure my parents of 3 year olds already have kindergarten in their sights. I have the self-help skills laid out in a logical succession and show the parents how the child must conquer this before we move on to this. I point out that if we do not start on this now, we will not be able to conquer X, Y, and Z before kindergarten. That usually brings even helicopter parents back to reality although I will say they will protest immensely. However, if you can get even half-hearted help with this problem, it will be better than none at all.
Developing Self-Help Skills
On the flip side of this equation is the children. For the children I expect them to do for themselves what they are capable of doing, and I refuse to do it for them regardless of the level of the hissy fit. For the first few weeks this makes for a lot of unpleasantness. With extremely stubborn children this can turn into the first few months. However long it takes, eventually even the most stubborn get with the program at least in my setting. They may try to go back to their old ways but I am one consistent puppy. Most of the time I simply have to look at them and say, "You need to remember where you are. Get busy."
Now some of you may be asking how in the world do you handle the over-the-top hissy fits this will produce? Very calmly. In the Bible it says "A gentle answer turns away wrath." When a child is throwing a massive hissy fit, you will simply and calmly keep repeating what you expect the child to do. Sometimes this may require pulling yourself from the situation and regrouping, but continue to stand your ground. Be that steady, calming influence that does not waver. Work through those hissy fits and not around them. This can be exhausting work in the beginning but it produces a wonderful harvest once you get to the other side.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Scenario
We have all seen this scenario. A child is asked to do a task that he/she does not really want to do. They attempt it for about two seconds, and then throw up their hands and begin whining about how it is too hard. There is always whining. If the adult does not immediately rescue them, the whining and complaining kicks up a notch. If the adult dares to not intervene at this point, the wailing and gnashing of teeth that ensues would make you think the child was being tortured. This particular scenario can produce some of the most intense hissy fits a child throws.
What Is to Blame?
What are the underlying causes for this behavior? Helicopter parenting. We have done this one to ourselves. Parents swoop in at the least little whimper and do nearly everything for their children. I have seen some parents not even wait for the whimper. These children have become accustomed to being waited on hand and foot. Why in the world would they do anything for themselves?
When the children enter an environment where the adults have no intention on waiting on these children hand and foot, issues galore develop. A great deal of a child's first few months in a structured setting these days has to be devoted to teaching self-help skills, and it can get ugly. For those poor souls that live in heavily regulated states, they have to walk such a fine line between teaching children self-help skills and making sure they do not cry for more than a few minutes. What should take only a couple of weeks has to be dragged out over months because the childcare provider ends up having to wait on the child hand and foot in the beginning. The implementation has to be stretched out and incremented in the smallest possible baby steps to avoid the horrible nasty hissy fits. This hinders some children from being kindergarten ready. Therefore, the first few months of kindergarten must be devoted to pulling these children up to speed instead of the actual learning the states are now requiring. I feel very sorry for kindergarten teachers these days. You are being asked to do more with children that come equipped to do less. You all deserve medals in my book.
Dealing with Helicopter Parents
This particular problem really needs to be attacked on two fronts. To simply work with the children and not deal with the underlying parenting issues will only get you so far. Every Monday you will be set back and almost have to start from scratch, which will make you feel like you are taking one step forward and two steps back. However, getting helicopter parents to change their ways presents a daunting task. You must approach this in a respectful and tactful way even though you will feel neither respectful or tactful on the inside. You will also have to have a very calculated plan of attack. Remember these children basically look at adults as large slaves. In your setting you can correct that assumption but that will not transfer to anywhere else unless the adults in that situation dethrone the tyrant as well. Therefore, this will be a constant battle you will have to wage unless you can manage to change the other scenarios at least a little.
In my childcare I always use kindergarten readiness as my weapon of choice when approaching the helicopter parents. Most helicopter parents will about 6 months out from kindergarten freak out over whether or not their precious angel will be ready for kindergarten. I make sure my parents of 3 year olds already have kindergarten in their sights. I have the self-help skills laid out in a logical succession and show the parents how the child must conquer this before we move on to this. I point out that if we do not start on this now, we will not be able to conquer X, Y, and Z before kindergarten. That usually brings even helicopter parents back to reality although I will say they will protest immensely. However, if you can get even half-hearted help with this problem, it will be better than none at all.
Developing Self-Help Skills
On the flip side of this equation is the children. For the children I expect them to do for themselves what they are capable of doing, and I refuse to do it for them regardless of the level of the hissy fit. For the first few weeks this makes for a lot of unpleasantness. With extremely stubborn children this can turn into the first few months. However long it takes, eventually even the most stubborn get with the program at least in my setting. They may try to go back to their old ways but I am one consistent puppy. Most of the time I simply have to look at them and say, "You need to remember where you are. Get busy."
Now some of you may be asking how in the world do you handle the over-the-top hissy fits this will produce? Very calmly. In the Bible it says "A gentle answer turns away wrath." When a child is throwing a massive hissy fit, you will simply and calmly keep repeating what you expect the child to do. Sometimes this may require pulling yourself from the situation and regrouping, but continue to stand your ground. Be that steady, calming influence that does not waver. Work through those hissy fits and not around them. This can be exhausting work in the beginning but it produces a wonderful harvest once you get to the other side.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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