In this post we will begin our discussion of 3 to 4 year olds. As with the discussion of 2 and 1/2 to 3 year olds, the age range will not be as big a factor as the skill range. We will discuss how to help children reach these milestones regardless of age. Remember I am taking my information from the Tennessee Early Learning Developmental Standards (TN-ELDS).
In this post we will look at the area of learning - Communication. The component is Receptive Language with the learning expectation: Listens with understanding and interest to conversations, directions, music, and a variety of reading materials. The first performance indicator is: Responds correctly to questions about own name, sex, and age. For once, most children in this age range actually conquer this particular performance indicator within the designated time frame. If a child cannot respond correctly to these types of questions by the age of 4 years old, developmental screening should be done.
The next performance indicator is: Understands size comparatives. Conquering this performance indicator depends greatly on how much exposure a child has had to size comparatives. Remember some children drag greatly in language development these days due to lack of exposure to real conversations. In years past, children picked up these types of skills from everyday conversation. That is not necessarily the case anymore. Never take for granted that children at even this age understand size comparatives. In my childcare, these concepts fall into my "position and direction" word instruction. I directly teach these concepts to every child to make sure they have an understanding of these types of words.
Next on our list of performance indicators is: Understands relationships expressed by "if," "then," or "because" sentences. I will admit to you that I laughed out loud at this one. This performance indicator assumes that children will be taught logical thinking. I do believe educational circles stopped teaching logical thinking in the 1990s. I say that because most young adults under the age of 25 have never really been taught logical thinking. My own biological children were taught logical thinking because I taught them myself. I did not realize how much other children their age were not taught this until I had employees in that age range. Sometimes I would just stand and stare at them dumbfounded because they could not process information in a logical sequence. My exact thoughts in those moments were "my own children could have figured that out by the time they were 10 years of age, and you are 20 something?" To say that this type of instruction is valuable would be the understatement of the century. One of the best ways to teach these concepts to children involves natural consequences. When a child understands that if I do this, then this will happen. That is the beginning of logical thinking. However, nowadays we redirect children to help them avoid natural consequences a great deal of the time. We do this to avoid actually having to deal with hissy fits and temper tantrums, but we are also cutting out our greatest tool to teach logical thinking. Childhood cannot be all rainbows and fluffy clouds and unicorns. Children need the hard knocks to truly become functioning adults. Please, let us stop raising 20 somethings that cannot take a train of thought to its logical conclusion. This is ridiculous.
The next performance indicator is: Understands "let's pretend" and "make-believe." In the last couple of years I have seen such a decline in children's ability to pretend it is sad. Unless a 3 year old has had exposure to an environment that promotes pretend play, they are just not developing this. Some three year olds do well to parallel play without a war. This represents another one of those areas where you cannot assume a child will learn this on his/her own. We have to teach them to play. A great deal of the children's lack of imaginative thinking revolves around how little they have someone read to them. Books open up a child's imagination and many parents hardly ever read to their children. I cannot stress enough about the importance of reading to young children. Many, many, many areas of development will fall behind when a childhood is not filled with the pleasure of having someone read books to them.
The last performance indicator for this learning expectation is: Listens attentively and shows understanding of story plot by responding to questions. The first assumption in this performance indicator is a doozy. Listening attentively does not happen among many 3 year olds at all. You do well to keep them actually seated during an entire story without flopping, pestering everyone around them, or simply getting up and walking away. Kindergarten teachers now have an awful time trying to teach children to sit for group times. Sometimes that one skill alone takes them a month or longer to accomplish to any semblance of competency. Since listening attentively does not occur, the second half of that performance indicator also does not occur. I am not saying that children this age cannot be taught to listen attentively or follow a story plot. I am saying that certain philosophies among early childhood experts and trainers really complicate teaching these particular skills. If a child has the choice to not listen or sit, chances are that they will not listen or sit. This skill must be taught. People, you cannot have both ways. If you want children to have complete choice, you will complicate trying in instill a great deal of other very necessary skills. It does not harm children to have to sit long enough for a short book at all. I have an almost 3 year old that can sit for fairly long books. It is all in what you expect.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Dealing with Children That Do Not Take Adults Seriously
This post will look at the growing issue of children that do not take adults seriously. These children have been so accommodated by the adults in their life that they tend to look at adults as large slaves rather than authority figures. Of course, this is directly related to the lack of respect for authority that I covered several posts ago. We will look at the underlying causes and some ways to help these children learn to truly respect authority.
The Scenario
This problem has to be one of the most frustrating issues childcares face today. You ask a child to do something, and they look at you like you are crazy. Then they turn around and demand you do something for them. Many children today take your instructions and treat them like suggestions that they can follow if they want, but if they do not want to do it, they can completely ignore you. If you persist in asking them to do something, they will fall in the floor and act like they are being tortured. This happens most often at pick-up time or anything else that remotely resembles work.
The Right to Refuse
Some in the early childhood field have no problem with this behavior. They believe children should have the right to refuse to do anything they do not feel like doing. Unfortunately for everyone in this industry the people that have that opinion represent the ones that make all the rules. They believe that adults should coax and beg or trick children to do what they are supposed to do rather than simply tell them to do what they are supposed to do. In their philosophical world, children choose to do the right things because they have been lead gently to the right choices not because they have been made to do what is right. I will refer you to the previous paragraph to show you how that philosophy plays out in the real world. This philosophy is so upside down and backwards I do not even know where to begin.
The Need for Obedience and Respect
I understand the why behind this philosophy. They feel that making children be obedient and respecting authority makes them more vulnerable to child abuse. They will also tell you that teaching children to be obedient really does not work. They may do what you want, but they do not learn anything unless they choose to do it themselves. Oh really? How is it that people within the last 50 years have decided that every previous generation for thousands of years did not learn anything through obedience and respect for authority. That has to be the most ludicrous statement I have ever heard. It also shows a complete lack of knowledge of history. Obedience teaches a child to do what is necessary whether they like it or not. Respect for authority keeps children from acting on their immature impulses and doing things that are not wise. When you remove obedience and respect for authority, what happens in the real world is that you turn adults into slaves of the children in which they provide care. Look around you. Children are becoming tyrants not learning good choices.
The Bandwagon Effect
At this point I want to have a discussion about propaganda techniques. One of the most popular tricks is called the "bandwagon effect." This technique says that if you say something often enough with enough authority behind it, everyone will believe it to be true whether it is or not. We have this used on us as a society every single day. It makes me sick to my stomach how easily the American public falls for this technique. If the media uses the words "latest research," we believe what they say hook, line, and sinker. I guess I understand how easy it is to bias research especially in the humanities. However, even in the scientific fields where they use hard data, they can still skew results nearly any way they want. If you do not understand that, you are doomed to follow a lot of fads that will be proven false in a few years. Why do Americans have such short memories? They do not realize that what was the "latest research" just last year has been completely debunked. They just simply latch onto the new "latest research." Good grief, people. Please, start thinking for yourselves. In the early childhood field, we are thrown the words "best practice." I can guarantee that the majority of the "research" that proves "best practice" has a liberal slant and has been intentionally made to disprove the conservative point of view. If you think they chose the words "best practice" randomly, I am afraid you might be a bit nieve. This is probably the most blatant use of the bandwagon effect out there at the moment. I am now off my soapbox.
How do we fix this problem?
The answer is quite simple unless you live in a heavily regulated state or have to follow accreditation criteria. Children must be taught that obedience and respect for authority are important, very important. How do you do that when you are forced to give children choices? When children have the right to say "no" to anything, it is nearly impossible to teach them obedience. However, let me just throw out this example. Are children allowed to say "no" to handwashing in any regulations? The answer to that question is "no." Liberals have double standards. You have to understand. They want you to force children to do what they think is important, but not anything that falls under what conservatives consider character training. The same way that you enforce handwashing can be used to enforce all the other. You simply just do not give them the option to do otherwise. Will this get you in trouble with the regulators? Possibly, but sometimes you have to make a choice and do what it is truly right for the children in your care.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Scenario
This problem has to be one of the most frustrating issues childcares face today. You ask a child to do something, and they look at you like you are crazy. Then they turn around and demand you do something for them. Many children today take your instructions and treat them like suggestions that they can follow if they want, but if they do not want to do it, they can completely ignore you. If you persist in asking them to do something, they will fall in the floor and act like they are being tortured. This happens most often at pick-up time or anything else that remotely resembles work.
The Right to Refuse
Some in the early childhood field have no problem with this behavior. They believe children should have the right to refuse to do anything they do not feel like doing. Unfortunately for everyone in this industry the people that have that opinion represent the ones that make all the rules. They believe that adults should coax and beg or trick children to do what they are supposed to do rather than simply tell them to do what they are supposed to do. In their philosophical world, children choose to do the right things because they have been lead gently to the right choices not because they have been made to do what is right. I will refer you to the previous paragraph to show you how that philosophy plays out in the real world. This philosophy is so upside down and backwards I do not even know where to begin.
The Need for Obedience and Respect
I understand the why behind this philosophy. They feel that making children be obedient and respecting authority makes them more vulnerable to child abuse. They will also tell you that teaching children to be obedient really does not work. They may do what you want, but they do not learn anything unless they choose to do it themselves. Oh really? How is it that people within the last 50 years have decided that every previous generation for thousands of years did not learn anything through obedience and respect for authority. That has to be the most ludicrous statement I have ever heard. It also shows a complete lack of knowledge of history. Obedience teaches a child to do what is necessary whether they like it or not. Respect for authority keeps children from acting on their immature impulses and doing things that are not wise. When you remove obedience and respect for authority, what happens in the real world is that you turn adults into slaves of the children in which they provide care. Look around you. Children are becoming tyrants not learning good choices.
The Bandwagon Effect
At this point I want to have a discussion about propaganda techniques. One of the most popular tricks is called the "bandwagon effect." This technique says that if you say something often enough with enough authority behind it, everyone will believe it to be true whether it is or not. We have this used on us as a society every single day. It makes me sick to my stomach how easily the American public falls for this technique. If the media uses the words "latest research," we believe what they say hook, line, and sinker. I guess I understand how easy it is to bias research especially in the humanities. However, even in the scientific fields where they use hard data, they can still skew results nearly any way they want. If you do not understand that, you are doomed to follow a lot of fads that will be proven false in a few years. Why do Americans have such short memories? They do not realize that what was the "latest research" just last year has been completely debunked. They just simply latch onto the new "latest research." Good grief, people. Please, start thinking for yourselves. In the early childhood field, we are thrown the words "best practice." I can guarantee that the majority of the "research" that proves "best practice" has a liberal slant and has been intentionally made to disprove the conservative point of view. If you think they chose the words "best practice" randomly, I am afraid you might be a bit nieve. This is probably the most blatant use of the bandwagon effect out there at the moment. I am now off my soapbox.
How do we fix this problem?
The answer is quite simple unless you live in a heavily regulated state or have to follow accreditation criteria. Children must be taught that obedience and respect for authority are important, very important. How do you do that when you are forced to give children choices? When children have the right to say "no" to anything, it is nearly impossible to teach them obedience. However, let me just throw out this example. Are children allowed to say "no" to handwashing in any regulations? The answer to that question is "no." Liberals have double standards. You have to understand. They want you to force children to do what they think is important, but not anything that falls under what conservatives consider character training. The same way that you enforce handwashing can be used to enforce all the other. You simply just do not give them the option to do otherwise. Will this get you in trouble with the regulators? Possibly, but sometimes you have to make a choice and do what it is truly right for the children in your care.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Cognitive Development for 2 and 1/2 to 3 year olds - Science
This will be the last post for 2 and 1/2 to 3 year olds. Next week we will move up to 3 to 4 year olds and begin to demonstrate the layering that should occur in the same areas from year to year. This week we look at the Science area of learning. Remember I am taking my information from the Tennessee Early Learning Developmental Standards.
The first component for Science is Sensory Awareness, Observation, and Exploration with the learning expectation: Builds knowledge of the world through observation and awareness of surroundings. The performance indicator for this learning expectation is: Shows curiosity and asks questions about the environment; is more interested in trail and error. In my last post I stated that when the words explore and observe appear in performance indicators, learning delays and difficulties should be anticipated. Helicopter parented children do not explore and observe until they are taught to do so. Also, slow language learners will drag behind in nearly every other aspect of learning. The language delay hinders the ability to ask questions, and that constitutes a huge amount of science learning in the preschool years. Helicopter parented children also show a lack of persistence in trial and error. They will attempt something for about 5 seconds, and then call for an adult to do it for them. Until they are put in an environment that promotes self-exploration these children will drag horribly in science learning. It has gotten to the point that I have to ignore more than half of what comes out of the children's mouths because the majority of it is whining and complaining trying to get me to do things for them. Because the children go back and forth between my environment and a helicoptering environment, this whining and complaining behavior persists much longer than it would if the parents would stop helicoptering. Mondays are especially bad. Most American parents do not begin to lessen the obsessive helicoptering of their children until they hit school-age and the school systems begin to demand it. Early childhood educators have a different relationship with parents than school systems do, and therefore, cannot push the demands quite so hard. Plus, we have to walk a very fine line between the regulations, which themselves are as bad as the helicopter parenting in many respects, and what is truly best for the children.
The second component for science is Sequencing and Time. The first learning expectation is: Begins to understand consequences when re-creating events. The performance indicator for this one is: Understands the need for a coat for warmth when it is cold outside. I am not going to go off on helicopter parenting for the rest of this post. I will only show you the results. In the last several years I have seen a huge uptick in children having no concept whatsoever about dressing for the weather. They want to wear what they want to wear regardless of how hot or cold it is outside, and the level of stubbornness over this has left many parents completely flabbergasted as to how to correct it. It should be evident that allowing children to have so much choice has to be the major place for blame in this one. American children are used to getting what they want 99% of the time, and this has consequences. Most parents bring other clothes and allow the children to wear what they want to my facility. At that point, I direct them to the bathroom to change. Usually they comply without a war leaving the parents feeling so defeated. However, it really is simple. I do not allow them to argue about it. If they are dressed incorrectly, they will change. Period. The right way to do things has to be enforced in order for children to learn the right thing to do in situations.
The second learning expectation for Sequencing and Time is: Demonstrates some understanding of when things happen in relation to routines. The performance indicator is: Beings to make connection between daily events and what happens "next" (after lunch it is time for nap). The most important word in that learning expectation is routines. If a parent/caregiver follows a basic daily routine, then the child will conquer this particular performance indicator. If not, the child has no point of reference to develop this particular skill. More than any other reason, this reason for routines has to be the most important. Developing sequencing skills without a daily routine will be nearly impossible. This is how young children develop a sense of the passing of time. It might be boring for some adults, but that does not nullify its importance.
The last component for science is Problem Solving. The learning expectation for this one is: Uses reasoning skills and imagination when planning ways to make things happen. The first performance indicator is: Describes drawing made after trip to the fire station. All I will say on the parenting front is if you do everything for them, they will not know how to make things happen. As far as describing a picture about an event, that is a stretch for many in this age group. 3 and 4 year olds do much better at this one, but 2 and 1/2 to 3 year olds might not have sufficient prior experience and language skills to do this one. This has to be something the child does on a regular basis, and in the beginning they might not make much sense. However, with practice even this age group can master this performance indicator by the time they are 3 years old.
The last performance indicator for the component Problem Solving is: During dramatic play, encourages peer to blow on food that is "hot." To be honest, I have rarely seen a 2 and 1/2 year old with enough dramatic play skills to come close to this one. Dramatic play skills really are not developing in children today until they are closer to 3 and 1/2 years of age. Most of the time, we do well to get them to play side by side without war. Cooperative play takes more social skills than many children possess these days. The only time I see more advanced dramatic play behavior from 2 and 1/2 to 3 year olds is when they regularly play with older children, and by older I mean 4 and up. Children that have the opportunity to be in mixed age group settings develop many skills faster than children in same age group settings. I learned the value of mixed age settings as a homeschooling mom, but many just do not understand the value of teaching children to relate to anyone other than their age peers. This may be one of the biggest reasons, children of the past developed faster. We as a society become more deadset on dividing by age with the passage of time even though it really does not help the children become more socially adept. When we do have pockets of environments that promote this type of setting like family child care, regulators often drive them from existence with rules designed for age-divided centers. I fear our society will be upside down forever.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The first component for Science is Sensory Awareness, Observation, and Exploration with the learning expectation: Builds knowledge of the world through observation and awareness of surroundings. The performance indicator for this learning expectation is: Shows curiosity and asks questions about the environment; is more interested in trail and error. In my last post I stated that when the words explore and observe appear in performance indicators, learning delays and difficulties should be anticipated. Helicopter parented children do not explore and observe until they are taught to do so. Also, slow language learners will drag behind in nearly every other aspect of learning. The language delay hinders the ability to ask questions, and that constitutes a huge amount of science learning in the preschool years. Helicopter parented children also show a lack of persistence in trial and error. They will attempt something for about 5 seconds, and then call for an adult to do it for them. Until they are put in an environment that promotes self-exploration these children will drag horribly in science learning. It has gotten to the point that I have to ignore more than half of what comes out of the children's mouths because the majority of it is whining and complaining trying to get me to do things for them. Because the children go back and forth between my environment and a helicoptering environment, this whining and complaining behavior persists much longer than it would if the parents would stop helicoptering. Mondays are especially bad. Most American parents do not begin to lessen the obsessive helicoptering of their children until they hit school-age and the school systems begin to demand it. Early childhood educators have a different relationship with parents than school systems do, and therefore, cannot push the demands quite so hard. Plus, we have to walk a very fine line between the regulations, which themselves are as bad as the helicopter parenting in many respects, and what is truly best for the children.
The second component for science is Sequencing and Time. The first learning expectation is: Begins to understand consequences when re-creating events. The performance indicator for this one is: Understands the need for a coat for warmth when it is cold outside. I am not going to go off on helicopter parenting for the rest of this post. I will only show you the results. In the last several years I have seen a huge uptick in children having no concept whatsoever about dressing for the weather. They want to wear what they want to wear regardless of how hot or cold it is outside, and the level of stubbornness over this has left many parents completely flabbergasted as to how to correct it. It should be evident that allowing children to have so much choice has to be the major place for blame in this one. American children are used to getting what they want 99% of the time, and this has consequences. Most parents bring other clothes and allow the children to wear what they want to my facility. At that point, I direct them to the bathroom to change. Usually they comply without a war leaving the parents feeling so defeated. However, it really is simple. I do not allow them to argue about it. If they are dressed incorrectly, they will change. Period. The right way to do things has to be enforced in order for children to learn the right thing to do in situations.
The second learning expectation for Sequencing and Time is: Demonstrates some understanding of when things happen in relation to routines. The performance indicator is: Beings to make connection between daily events and what happens "next" (after lunch it is time for nap). The most important word in that learning expectation is routines. If a parent/caregiver follows a basic daily routine, then the child will conquer this particular performance indicator. If not, the child has no point of reference to develop this particular skill. More than any other reason, this reason for routines has to be the most important. Developing sequencing skills without a daily routine will be nearly impossible. This is how young children develop a sense of the passing of time. It might be boring for some adults, but that does not nullify its importance.
The last component for science is Problem Solving. The learning expectation for this one is: Uses reasoning skills and imagination when planning ways to make things happen. The first performance indicator is: Describes drawing made after trip to the fire station. All I will say on the parenting front is if you do everything for them, they will not know how to make things happen. As far as describing a picture about an event, that is a stretch for many in this age group. 3 and 4 year olds do much better at this one, but 2 and 1/2 to 3 year olds might not have sufficient prior experience and language skills to do this one. This has to be something the child does on a regular basis, and in the beginning they might not make much sense. However, with practice even this age group can master this performance indicator by the time they are 3 years old.
The last performance indicator for the component Problem Solving is: During dramatic play, encourages peer to blow on food that is "hot." To be honest, I have rarely seen a 2 and 1/2 year old with enough dramatic play skills to come close to this one. Dramatic play skills really are not developing in children today until they are closer to 3 and 1/2 years of age. Most of the time, we do well to get them to play side by side without war. Cooperative play takes more social skills than many children possess these days. The only time I see more advanced dramatic play behavior from 2 and 1/2 to 3 year olds is when they regularly play with older children, and by older I mean 4 and up. Children that have the opportunity to be in mixed age group settings develop many skills faster than children in same age group settings. I learned the value of mixed age settings as a homeschooling mom, but many just do not understand the value of teaching children to relate to anyone other than their age peers. This may be one of the biggest reasons, children of the past developed faster. We as a society become more deadset on dividing by age with the passage of time even though it really does not help the children become more socially adept. When we do have pockets of environments that promote this type of setting like family child care, regulators often drive them from existence with rules designed for age-divided centers. I fear our society will be upside down forever.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Dealing with Children That Are Hard of Listening
This post will deal with one of the most frustrating bad habits of children - those children that can hear perfectly but never listen to a word you say. I call these children the hard of listening. This particular annoying habit goes hand in hand with last Wednesday's post on respect. A lack of respect drives the lack of listening.
The Scenario
We all see this scenario play out over and over again. You tell a child to do something, and the child sits there like you have not even spoken at all. The child continues to ignore you and do whatever he/she pleases until you reach the very point where action is about to take place. Believe me, every American child knows exactly where that line is with every single adult in his/her life. They will take you to that line every single time, but most will rarely cross it. However, some adults really have no line in the sand these days. The child understands this as well. If an adult will pester and plead until they become frustrated and give up, the child will never respond to the request. The child knows that if they outlast the adult, the adult will just give up.
No Respect
Of course, our epidemic of hard of listening children corresponds with the lack of importance placed on respect for authority. That is no coincidence. The slide in respect pretty much started in the 1960s. We as a society decided that respect for authority was overrated. We stopped demanding respect from our children, and it has led us here. Let us take a little trip back in time say 100 years ago and imagine a child treating their parents like children do today. It probably happened on rare occasions when a child was feeling his/her oats but no where near the level that it happens today. Children listened to what their parents had to say or they paid the consequences, and those consequences came swift and sure. Therefore, children learned that listening to their parents might be in their best interest. The parents of yesteryear expected their children to listen to them. Guess what? You get what you expect.
The Importance of Follow Through
How do we turn this situation around? First of all, adults need to learn some consistency and follow through. If the adult in the situation has no consistency or follow through, then the child will feel that ignoring that adult is normal. We have made it normal to be ignored. Adults, you have to have a "line in the sand" point. If you have completely given up on the line in the sand, you will never get a child to do anything. That is called follow through. However, be very careful what comes out of your mouth. If all you ever say includes idle threats and promises that you really never intend to keep, you will only be compounding your problem. The children know that you do not really mean what you say. Therefore, they will only ignore you. Say what you mean and choose your words carefully. In designing your "line in the sand" make sure it involves something you can actually do or do not go there. A "line in the sand" has to be enforceable.
And Consistency
Along with follow through comes consistency. When the child crosses your "line in the sand," you have to consistently do what you said you would do. It does not matter how inconvenient it is, or how tired you are at the moment. Just remind yourself that you hate to be ignored, and this is the price you must pay to be heard. It really does not take long for most children to figure out where that line is and never actually cross it. However, there will always be those choice few who cross lines for various and assorted reasons. If you have one of those, ask God to help you because they pretty much fall out of everyone's expertise but His.
The Line in the Sand
Next, place your "line in the sand" much closer to the beginning of the process. Some people have their "line" out at their emotional breaking point. That is much too far out. If you keep your consequences from being too extreme but appropriate for the situation, it makes it much easier to move your "line" closer to the beginning. One warning is really all any child needs. When you go beyond one warning, you begin to destroy your credibility and show the child your lack of consistency and follow through. Children are much smarter that many give them credit. They can smell inconsistency and lack of follow through a mile away. Do not ever forget that. Let me tell you that if you are not accustomed to this type of follow through and consistency, you are in for some serious personal growth. It is not easy to be this consistent. However, just keep telling yourself that the results are worth every ounce of personal struggle and inconvenience learning to be consistent involves. It will be one of those areas that reap results in nearly every nook and cranny of your life. Successful people are consistent people.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Scenario
We all see this scenario play out over and over again. You tell a child to do something, and the child sits there like you have not even spoken at all. The child continues to ignore you and do whatever he/she pleases until you reach the very point where action is about to take place. Believe me, every American child knows exactly where that line is with every single adult in his/her life. They will take you to that line every single time, but most will rarely cross it. However, some adults really have no line in the sand these days. The child understands this as well. If an adult will pester and plead until they become frustrated and give up, the child will never respond to the request. The child knows that if they outlast the adult, the adult will just give up.
No Respect
Of course, our epidemic of hard of listening children corresponds with the lack of importance placed on respect for authority. That is no coincidence. The slide in respect pretty much started in the 1960s. We as a society decided that respect for authority was overrated. We stopped demanding respect from our children, and it has led us here. Let us take a little trip back in time say 100 years ago and imagine a child treating their parents like children do today. It probably happened on rare occasions when a child was feeling his/her oats but no where near the level that it happens today. Children listened to what their parents had to say or they paid the consequences, and those consequences came swift and sure. Therefore, children learned that listening to their parents might be in their best interest. The parents of yesteryear expected their children to listen to them. Guess what? You get what you expect.
The Importance of Follow Through
How do we turn this situation around? First of all, adults need to learn some consistency and follow through. If the adult in the situation has no consistency or follow through, then the child will feel that ignoring that adult is normal. We have made it normal to be ignored. Adults, you have to have a "line in the sand" point. If you have completely given up on the line in the sand, you will never get a child to do anything. That is called follow through. However, be very careful what comes out of your mouth. If all you ever say includes idle threats and promises that you really never intend to keep, you will only be compounding your problem. The children know that you do not really mean what you say. Therefore, they will only ignore you. Say what you mean and choose your words carefully. In designing your "line in the sand" make sure it involves something you can actually do or do not go there. A "line in the sand" has to be enforceable.
And Consistency
Along with follow through comes consistency. When the child crosses your "line in the sand," you have to consistently do what you said you would do. It does not matter how inconvenient it is, or how tired you are at the moment. Just remind yourself that you hate to be ignored, and this is the price you must pay to be heard. It really does not take long for most children to figure out where that line is and never actually cross it. However, there will always be those choice few who cross lines for various and assorted reasons. If you have one of those, ask God to help you because they pretty much fall out of everyone's expertise but His.
The Line in the Sand
Next, place your "line in the sand" much closer to the beginning of the process. Some people have their "line" out at their emotional breaking point. That is much too far out. If you keep your consequences from being too extreme but appropriate for the situation, it makes it much easier to move your "line" closer to the beginning. One warning is really all any child needs. When you go beyond one warning, you begin to destroy your credibility and show the child your lack of consistency and follow through. Children are much smarter that many give them credit. They can smell inconsistency and lack of follow through a mile away. Do not ever forget that. Let me tell you that if you are not accustomed to this type of follow through and consistency, you are in for some serious personal growth. It is not easy to be this consistent. However, just keep telling yourself that the results are worth every ounce of personal struggle and inconvenience learning to be consistent involves. It will be one of those areas that reap results in nearly every nook and cranny of your life. Successful people are consistent people.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Cognitive Development for 2 and 1/2 to 3 year olds - Math (Part 2)
This post will continue the discussion of cognitive development in the area of learning - Math. We will cover the components: Patterns, Spatial Sense, and Problem Solving with their learning expectations and performance indicators. Remember I am taking my information from the Tennessee Early Learning Developmental Standards (TN-ELDS).
First we will finish up the component - Patterns with the learning expectation: Continues to understand the relationship between objects, solving simple jigsaw puzzles, and matching similar shapes. The last performance indicator for this component is: Matches more complex shapes such as hexagon, trapezoid, etc. This performance indicator really assumes a great deal of previous knowledge. I have had 4 year olds that struggled with basic shapes. It also assumes a much greater level of ability to notice details that many children today exhibit. My biological children could match at this level at this age, but they are now in their 20s. These standards were created nearly a decade ago, and children at that time also could match close to this level at that age. However, now, the ability to really match is not kicking in with a lot of children until 3 and 1/2 or 4 years of age. The top 1/4 of this age group still can meet this performance indicator by age 3, but the rest just cannot focus enough on detail or they are so immature that this performance indicator is beyond them. I really do not know what education officials will do in the next 5 years. The expectations for academic matters is going up, and children's abilities have gone way down. Kindergarten teachers may find it more and more difficult with every passing year to bring their classes up to the standards expected of them. For those of us on the front lines in the early childhood field, we are presented with the same difficult task as kindergarten teachers. The expectations and standards go up, while the level of maturity goes down. This is a train wreck in slow motion. For the children in your care, do not ever assume a skill just because of age. I have matching in my rotation regularly because I found my 3 and 4 year olds to be abysmal at it. However, they have gotten much better with practice.
The next component on our list is - Spatial Sense with the learning expectation: Explores world and understands position in space and how to get around. The performance indicator for this learning expectation is: Responds with accuracy most of the time when asked to put blocks "on" the table, or to go "under" the table. Conquering this performance indicator very much depends on a child's level of oral language skills. Children that are barely talking by 3 years old will not be to this point. Whereas, children that have good language skills will understand what those types of words mean. This performance indicator falls in the category that I call "position and direction" words, and it is where I start every child that walks through my door regardless of age. I have been absolutely amazed at the 3 year olds that really did not understand "on" and "off" until we covered it. Thanks to helicopter parenting, children do not explore their world anything like they used to do. This has made the job of early childhood teachers that much more difficult because what once was learned through everyday experience now has to be outright taught.
The last component for the math area of learning is Problem Solving. The learning expectation is: Explores materials and understands simple acts of cause and effect. The performance indicator for this one is: Builds simple block designs with some understanding of larger, heavier blocks go on the bottom and smaller light-weight blocks go on top. Every time you see the word "explore" in a learning expectation, you can just about immediately assume today's children will lag or be completely clueless. I have heard countless childcare providers complain about lack of interest in the block area. When children do go in the block area, the blocks become projectiles instead of tools used for building. I understand. When children start at my childcare, I have to sit with them in many of the areas and show them how to play. It has become so sad. Many children only know how to destroy and have no concept of building. They will go through the centers dumping out toys because they do not understand how to play. They make wonderful messes that they will through an enormous hissy fit about picking up, but no constructive play is to be found. If they do not "explore," they will never learn many, many concepts absolutely necessary for development. However, like everything else these days, we have to teach them to explore. Eventually the curiosity of childhood will take over and children will begin to blossom in the right environments, but you will probably have to help the process along in the beginning. American children are pacified not prodded into exploration. True childhood exploration has been deemed too dangerous by the "helicopters" that make up much of the childhood officials, experts, and parents. No wonder the children have been continuously losing ground since "helicopter" parenting became the norm. Again I say, this is a train wreck in slow motion.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457br />
First we will finish up the component - Patterns with the learning expectation: Continues to understand the relationship between objects, solving simple jigsaw puzzles, and matching similar shapes. The last performance indicator for this component is: Matches more complex shapes such as hexagon, trapezoid, etc. This performance indicator really assumes a great deal of previous knowledge. I have had 4 year olds that struggled with basic shapes. It also assumes a much greater level of ability to notice details that many children today exhibit. My biological children could match at this level at this age, but they are now in their 20s. These standards were created nearly a decade ago, and children at that time also could match close to this level at that age. However, now, the ability to really match is not kicking in with a lot of children until 3 and 1/2 or 4 years of age. The top 1/4 of this age group still can meet this performance indicator by age 3, but the rest just cannot focus enough on detail or they are so immature that this performance indicator is beyond them. I really do not know what education officials will do in the next 5 years. The expectations for academic matters is going up, and children's abilities have gone way down. Kindergarten teachers may find it more and more difficult with every passing year to bring their classes up to the standards expected of them. For those of us on the front lines in the early childhood field, we are presented with the same difficult task as kindergarten teachers. The expectations and standards go up, while the level of maturity goes down. This is a train wreck in slow motion. For the children in your care, do not ever assume a skill just because of age. I have matching in my rotation regularly because I found my 3 and 4 year olds to be abysmal at it. However, they have gotten much better with practice.
The next component on our list is - Spatial Sense with the learning expectation: Explores world and understands position in space and how to get around. The performance indicator for this learning expectation is: Responds with accuracy most of the time when asked to put blocks "on" the table, or to go "under" the table. Conquering this performance indicator very much depends on a child's level of oral language skills. Children that are barely talking by 3 years old will not be to this point. Whereas, children that have good language skills will understand what those types of words mean. This performance indicator falls in the category that I call "position and direction" words, and it is where I start every child that walks through my door regardless of age. I have been absolutely amazed at the 3 year olds that really did not understand "on" and "off" until we covered it. Thanks to helicopter parenting, children do not explore their world anything like they used to do. This has made the job of early childhood teachers that much more difficult because what once was learned through everyday experience now has to be outright taught.
The last component for the math area of learning is Problem Solving. The learning expectation is: Explores materials and understands simple acts of cause and effect. The performance indicator for this one is: Builds simple block designs with some understanding of larger, heavier blocks go on the bottom and smaller light-weight blocks go on top. Every time you see the word "explore" in a learning expectation, you can just about immediately assume today's children will lag or be completely clueless. I have heard countless childcare providers complain about lack of interest in the block area. When children do go in the block area, the blocks become projectiles instead of tools used for building. I understand. When children start at my childcare, I have to sit with them in many of the areas and show them how to play. It has become so sad. Many children only know how to destroy and have no concept of building. They will go through the centers dumping out toys because they do not understand how to play. They make wonderful messes that they will through an enormous hissy fit about picking up, but no constructive play is to be found. If they do not "explore," they will never learn many, many concepts absolutely necessary for development. However, like everything else these days, we have to teach them to explore. Eventually the curiosity of childhood will take over and children will begin to blossom in the right environments, but you will probably have to help the process along in the beginning. American children are pacified not prodded into exploration. True childhood exploration has been deemed too dangerous by the "helicopters" that make up much of the childhood officials, experts, and parents. No wonder the children have been continuously losing ground since "helicopter" parenting became the norm. Again I say, this is a train wreck in slow motion.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457br />
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Dealing with Children that Have No Respect
This post will look at those children that not only have no respect for authority, but also those that have no respect for property or anything else. Respect should be placed on the endangered species list because it has become an extremely rare commodity. We will discuss the underlying reasons for the decline in respect as well as tips for teaching children to have respect for people and things.
Survey Results - No Respect
Recently I saw a survey conducted by a nationally recognized provider of training for early childhood educators, and they asked what was the one area that causes the most problems in your childcare. Overwhelmingly, the response was lack of respect. It has become increasingly difficult to be a teacher of any age over the last decade or so. The lack of respect for authority, others, and other people's property has reached alarming proportions. I have heard many older teachers comment on the decline and how rapid it has become in recent years. This has made many teachers of all ages consider retirement or other professions in increasing numbers including me. Some days this job can be downright difficult if not impossible because of no respect.
Is Respect Necessary?
Some in the early childhood field actually feel that respecting authority is not really necessary. It falls in the same category as obedience. They truly feel that obedience and having to respect authority makes children more susceptible to child abuse. Therefore, teachers in early childhood programs should respect children, but children do not necessarily have to respect the teachers. Talk about having the cart before the horse. I used the word "some" at the beginning of this paragraph when I should have used the words "those in power" because every scale and most nationally accepted programs follow this philosophy. I truly believe this to be one of the most destructive philosophies in the early childhood community. This particular one has done more societal damage than any other of the philosophies that I have complained about in this blog.
Does obedience and respecting authority make children more susceptible to child abuse? I would think this to be a no-brainer, but many people believe this wholeheartedly. Child abusers take advantage of obedience and respect in children, but completely obliterating obedience and respect for this reason would be like obliterating our government because some in power abuse their position. We need government and laws for a stable society. Anarchy is no fun for anybody. Basically, this is what these early childhood "experts" have done to this society. Simply because some adults abuse their position of authority, they have chosen anarchy by demonizing the concepts of obedience and respect for authority. All you have to do is look around at today's society to see that they have nearly succeeded in establishing anarchy. One of the by-products of no obedience or respect is narcissistic behavior. We have had a literal explosion of narcissistic behavior among children and young adults in the last decade, and people, it is just going to get worse until we decide obedience and respect for authority might be a good thing.
Respect Has Great Value
How in the world do we turn the tide? Number one, you have to decide if teaching children to respect people and other people's property has value. To say that you will be going against the flow of society on this one would be an extreme understatement. For those of you that live in highly regulated states it just might cost you your business. All it takes is one person twisting what you do to completely destroy your business and reputation, and believe me, I have witnessed firsthand how ugly the establishment can be to those that dare go against the flow. However, I chose to go against the flow regardless of what can be done to me because I will someday stand before my God and give an account of how I conducted my life and business. He takes obedience and respect very seriously and therefore, so do I. The children we serve deserve to be raised in such a way that they will actually be functioning adults when they get to adulthood. Going against the flow may cost you, but if you really want to make a difference, here is your chance.
Respect Should Be Expected
Once you have decided that respect has value, then you expect it from the children you serve. There is no magic formula that produces respect without effort. This one comes the old-fashioned way. Basically you get from children what you expect, and if you expect respect, it will come. Will it come with trials and tribulations? Absolutely. Remember you are having to reset a generation. However, if you communicate to them that respect for people and property is not an option, they will eventually get the memo. The early childhood experts have put respect and obedience into the optional category for children, but just see what kind of response you would get from these "experts" if you tried to say that washing hands was optional. If we would just treat obedience and respect the same way we treat all the crazy handwashing we have to do, we could reset this generation in a year or two. We put so much emphasis in the wrong places these days. Like the Bible says, "we strain out the gnat and swallow the camel." We really have it so backwards.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Survey Results - No Respect
Recently I saw a survey conducted by a nationally recognized provider of training for early childhood educators, and they asked what was the one area that causes the most problems in your childcare. Overwhelmingly, the response was lack of respect. It has become increasingly difficult to be a teacher of any age over the last decade or so. The lack of respect for authority, others, and other people's property has reached alarming proportions. I have heard many older teachers comment on the decline and how rapid it has become in recent years. This has made many teachers of all ages consider retirement or other professions in increasing numbers including me. Some days this job can be downright difficult if not impossible because of no respect.
Is Respect Necessary?
Some in the early childhood field actually feel that respecting authority is not really necessary. It falls in the same category as obedience. They truly feel that obedience and having to respect authority makes children more susceptible to child abuse. Therefore, teachers in early childhood programs should respect children, but children do not necessarily have to respect the teachers. Talk about having the cart before the horse. I used the word "some" at the beginning of this paragraph when I should have used the words "those in power" because every scale and most nationally accepted programs follow this philosophy. I truly believe this to be one of the most destructive philosophies in the early childhood community. This particular one has done more societal damage than any other of the philosophies that I have complained about in this blog.
Does obedience and respecting authority make children more susceptible to child abuse? I would think this to be a no-brainer, but many people believe this wholeheartedly. Child abusers take advantage of obedience and respect in children, but completely obliterating obedience and respect for this reason would be like obliterating our government because some in power abuse their position. We need government and laws for a stable society. Anarchy is no fun for anybody. Basically, this is what these early childhood "experts" have done to this society. Simply because some adults abuse their position of authority, they have chosen anarchy by demonizing the concepts of obedience and respect for authority. All you have to do is look around at today's society to see that they have nearly succeeded in establishing anarchy. One of the by-products of no obedience or respect is narcissistic behavior. We have had a literal explosion of narcissistic behavior among children and young adults in the last decade, and people, it is just going to get worse until we decide obedience and respect for authority might be a good thing.
Respect Has Great Value
How in the world do we turn the tide? Number one, you have to decide if teaching children to respect people and other people's property has value. To say that you will be going against the flow of society on this one would be an extreme understatement. For those of you that live in highly regulated states it just might cost you your business. All it takes is one person twisting what you do to completely destroy your business and reputation, and believe me, I have witnessed firsthand how ugly the establishment can be to those that dare go against the flow. However, I chose to go against the flow regardless of what can be done to me because I will someday stand before my God and give an account of how I conducted my life and business. He takes obedience and respect very seriously and therefore, so do I. The children we serve deserve to be raised in such a way that they will actually be functioning adults when they get to adulthood. Going against the flow may cost you, but if you really want to make a difference, here is your chance.
Respect Should Be Expected
Once you have decided that respect has value, then you expect it from the children you serve. There is no magic formula that produces respect without effort. This one comes the old-fashioned way. Basically you get from children what you expect, and if you expect respect, it will come. Will it come with trials and tribulations? Absolutely. Remember you are having to reset a generation. However, if you communicate to them that respect for people and property is not an option, they will eventually get the memo. The early childhood experts have put respect and obedience into the optional category for children, but just see what kind of response you would get from these "experts" if you tried to say that washing hands was optional. If we would just treat obedience and respect the same way we treat all the crazy handwashing we have to do, we could reset this generation in a year or two. We put so much emphasis in the wrong places these days. Like the Bible says, "we strain out the gnat and swallow the camel." We really have it so backwards.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Cognitive Development for 2 and 1/2 to 3 year olds - Math (Part 1)
In this post we will switch gears to cognitive development from language development. We will be looking at the area of learning, Math, with two of the components with their learning expectations and performance indicators. Remember I am taking my information from the Tennessee Early Learning Developmental Standards (TN-ELDS).
The first component we will discuss is Numbers. The first learning expectation for this component is: Continues to build understanding of quantity and size. Its performance indicator is: Makes requests for "more" in a variety of situations; begins to compare size by using words such as big, little, small. This learning expectation and performance indicator assume a great deal of previous exposure which many children do not receive. While the concept of "more" and asking for "more" is probably one of the first lessons American children learn, comparing size can be an entirely different matter. They might understand one is bigger than the other, but many children do not have the language background to assign the right word to the comparison at this age. This is one of the first areas I begin to work on when they come in the door and sometimes 3 and 4 year olds do not have the language understanding to assign the right word to comparisons. You cannot assume children will pick this up from everyday conversation anymore. You must show them big, little, and small if you want them to actually know what these words mean.
The second learning expectation for the component Numbers is: Begins to count by rote. The performance indicator for this one is: Participates in songs and finger plays involving counting. Some children in this country get exposure to songs and finger plays that teach rote counting and some do not. Those that have previous experience do participate in these types of songs during group times or at home. Those that do not have previous experience with these types of songs usually pay no attention, act out, or do other things while you are singing such songs. Exposure, exposure, exposure to these types of songs cannot be overstated. Once a child becomes familiar with these types of songs, it becomes incredibly easier to get them to participate. Make sure that children see and hear you, the adult, count a lot whether it is in songs, finger plays, or just plain old counting objects. Rote counting is learned by modeling.
Now we will move on to the next component - Patterns. The learning expectation for this component is: Continues to understand the relationship between objects, solving simple jigsaw puzzles and matching similar objects. The first performance indicator for this one is: Completes 3-4 piece puzzles. Again, this assumes a great deal of previous experience that many many children do not get today. Trying to get some children to do puzzles can be downright difficult. Even the chunky puzzles can be a challenge for this age group when they have never tried to do puzzles before this point. Some of the problem stems from immature fine motor skills for many children these days. The type of play that developed fine motor skills in previous generations has been traded for screen time, and our children are paying a heavy price for it. Puzzles is one of those things that develops fine motor skills, spatial sense, among a host of other things. They are important. The hissy fits over puzzles became so bad at my childcare that I had to make puzzles a lesson unto themselves. It took months to get some children to develop skill with puzzles and believe me, the wailing and gnashing of teeth that ensued when I handed out puzzles for group time was unbelievable. I still have puzzles as one of my rotating lessons because they touch on not only academic skills, but they also work some character issues that children seem to have lost nowadays as well. Puzzles take attention, patience, persistence, etc, which are all character traits some adults nowadays do not have.
The last performance indicator we will cover in this post is: Begins to point out the differences in objects rather than the similarities. This performance indicator assumes that children point out the similarities. Some children do notice similarities at this age and some do not. Some children have a hard time noticing much of anything. I have noticed a serious uptick in children with focusing issues and attention problems. In order to notice similarities and differences, a child must be able to focus and pay attention. Of course, this is also something that can be improved with practice. If you have children that tend not to notice much of anything, begin to point out similarities first, and when they conquer similarities, begin to point out differences. Some children do not understand that paying attention to detail is even necessary. Until you begin to point this out to them, they just plod through life in their own little world. This is yet another area gravely affected by lack of play and too much screen time. Children used to notice everything and some still do. Sadly, more and more children notice very little of their surroundings until you begin to open their eyes to the world around them.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The first component we will discuss is Numbers. The first learning expectation for this component is: Continues to build understanding of quantity and size. Its performance indicator is: Makes requests for "more" in a variety of situations; begins to compare size by using words such as big, little, small. This learning expectation and performance indicator assume a great deal of previous exposure which many children do not receive. While the concept of "more" and asking for "more" is probably one of the first lessons American children learn, comparing size can be an entirely different matter. They might understand one is bigger than the other, but many children do not have the language background to assign the right word to the comparison at this age. This is one of the first areas I begin to work on when they come in the door and sometimes 3 and 4 year olds do not have the language understanding to assign the right word to comparisons. You cannot assume children will pick this up from everyday conversation anymore. You must show them big, little, and small if you want them to actually know what these words mean.
The second learning expectation for the component Numbers is: Begins to count by rote. The performance indicator for this one is: Participates in songs and finger plays involving counting. Some children in this country get exposure to songs and finger plays that teach rote counting and some do not. Those that have previous experience do participate in these types of songs during group times or at home. Those that do not have previous experience with these types of songs usually pay no attention, act out, or do other things while you are singing such songs. Exposure, exposure, exposure to these types of songs cannot be overstated. Once a child becomes familiar with these types of songs, it becomes incredibly easier to get them to participate. Make sure that children see and hear you, the adult, count a lot whether it is in songs, finger plays, or just plain old counting objects. Rote counting is learned by modeling.
Now we will move on to the next component - Patterns. The learning expectation for this component is: Continues to understand the relationship between objects, solving simple jigsaw puzzles and matching similar objects. The first performance indicator for this one is: Completes 3-4 piece puzzles. Again, this assumes a great deal of previous experience that many many children do not get today. Trying to get some children to do puzzles can be downright difficult. Even the chunky puzzles can be a challenge for this age group when they have never tried to do puzzles before this point. Some of the problem stems from immature fine motor skills for many children these days. The type of play that developed fine motor skills in previous generations has been traded for screen time, and our children are paying a heavy price for it. Puzzles is one of those things that develops fine motor skills, spatial sense, among a host of other things. They are important. The hissy fits over puzzles became so bad at my childcare that I had to make puzzles a lesson unto themselves. It took months to get some children to develop skill with puzzles and believe me, the wailing and gnashing of teeth that ensued when I handed out puzzles for group time was unbelievable. I still have puzzles as one of my rotating lessons because they touch on not only academic skills, but they also work some character issues that children seem to have lost nowadays as well. Puzzles take attention, patience, persistence, etc, which are all character traits some adults nowadays do not have.
The last performance indicator we will cover in this post is: Begins to point out the differences in objects rather than the similarities. This performance indicator assumes that children point out the similarities. Some children do notice similarities at this age and some do not. Some children have a hard time noticing much of anything. I have noticed a serious uptick in children with focusing issues and attention problems. In order to notice similarities and differences, a child must be able to focus and pay attention. Of course, this is also something that can be improved with practice. If you have children that tend not to notice much of anything, begin to point out similarities first, and when they conquer similarities, begin to point out differences. Some children do not understand that paying attention to detail is even necessary. Until you begin to point this out to them, they just plod through life in their own little world. This is yet another area gravely affected by lack of play and too much screen time. Children used to notice everything and some still do. Sadly, more and more children notice very little of their surroundings until you begin to open their eyes to the world around them.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Dealing with Children that Cannot Take Correction
This post will tackle a subject that some would say is completely unnecessary. Many in the early childhood world find correction too harsh and prefer redirection instead. However, correction and being able to take correction can mean the difference between being a truly successful person and one that never attempts anything. Adults must be able to take correction in order to fully function in this world. Therefore, to shelter children from correction sets them up for failure for the rest of their lives.
The Debate
This particular subject has come to be one of the hottest topics of debate of the last several years. Many in the early childhood world vehemently oppose correcting children. They feel that correction brings with it feelings of shame and worthlessness. They prefer to redirect children in a positive manner and guide them to good choices instead of pointing out bad choices. On the other side of this coin are those that believe we have completely ruined an entire generation by never letting them hear the word "no." This camp believes that facing failure and mistakes is the first step to growing as a person. Good choices flow from a person that has learned the difference between good and bad choices through correction and consequences. They believe redirecting children only postpones lessons that should be learned at young ages causing children to be incredibly immature and fragile emotionally.
Which camp has it right?
Since the redirection philosophy has been around long enough for us to have long-term effects, I think pretty much everyone knows the answer to that question. Almost every night on the news I hear about a study saying our children are more emotionally fragile than previous generations. Watching competitive shows on television also exposes this tendency for young adults to have a hard time dealing with correction. Those that cannot take direction have their dreams squashed very quickly. Seems that being corrected needs to be one of those hard-knock lessons everyone must go through to mature. If you do not know you have a problem, you can never change for the better. That is pure and simple logic, which constitutes another item many have completely thrown out the window.
The Importance of "No"
Now that we have established the necessity for correction, we will delve into the topic at hand. Before we can fix the children, we must first shut down the techniques that causes this problem in the first place. Number one, "no" is probably one of the most important words a child will ever hear. Responding to that word appropriately brings about more maturity than all the redirection in the world. Get some backbone, people, and start standing up to the little tyrants in your life and help them understand that "no" means "no" all the time. Start learning to ignore every manipulative ploy in children's arsenal, and help them become productive citizens of the world instead of victims.
The Importance of Resilience
Number two, quit thinking that your children are made of glass emotionally. In actuality, children tend to be rather resilient unless you teach them not to be. You teach them not to be resilient by instilling in them the fear that every little thing has the capacity to crush them emotionally. It's like when children fall down. If you react as if the world has come to an end, they will wail and cry as if you are right. If you do not overreact and wait to see if the child is truly hurt, then the child usually gets up and goes on with life unless they are truly injured. In our helicopter parenting world, we try to shield our children from every little bump and bruise when we really should not do that. Those bumps and bruises both physically and emotionally are the experiences that bring about maturity. Do not rescue them from what they need to become functioning adults.
Anger Management
What do you do with a child that has already developed an aversion to correction? Usually these children fall into two camps - the ones that get angry and the ones that fall apart. Both camps require different strategies. For the ones that get angry, you will need to work on anger management techniques that include how to respond to a "no' answer. At my childcare we talk about this one often because I have two that get angry when they do not get their way and one that gets angry sometimes when corrected. I teach them to take a deep breath and say "that's okay." Do they do this in the heat of the moment? Usually not, but when I remind them they do sometimes follow through with it because we have practiced. However, the heated moments following correction need more than just this technique. These children have to be reminded that correction is needed and necessary for everyone in the world. Calmly explain to the children that learning to accept correction means you are growing up. We must learn from our mistakes, and not get angry at the ones who correct us. If they did not love us, they would not bother. Children must understand that correction done properly is a loving gesture not a mean one.
The Difference between Nit-Picking and Correction
Before I move on the the other camp, I want to take a moment to differentiate between loving correction and nit-picking. Loving correction treats the child with respect. It should come off as "I know you can do better." Nit-picking and downright mean correction treats the child as if he/she is worthless. If you catch yourself degrading your child or treating him/her as if he/she can do nothing right, you might want to work on how you correct. Many in the redirection would say that all correction falls into the degrading camp, but it does not. When you treat a child as if they can do better but what they did misses the mark, you help them understand how to strive for goals and achieve them. We have to know we missed the mark in order to try harder next time. Redirection will never achieve that.
No Coddling
For the ones that fall apart when corrected, you might think those children need a more tender approach. Actually, that is backwards. They are like they are because they have been coddled. Further coddling only complicates the situation. This one can be compared to riding a horse. If you fall off, you have to get back on and try again. If you sit on the ground and cry, you will never ride the horse. We cannot let them sit in the floor and bellyache. These children need prodding to get back on the horse and try again. How that is accomplished will vary from child to child, but tough love needs to be present. These children must understand that it is not appropriate to come unglued every time something does not go their way or work like it is supposed to work. If we do not teach these children persistence, they will never be able to set goals and reach them. We will be setting them up for a life of failure. Stop coddling them.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Debate
This particular subject has come to be one of the hottest topics of debate of the last several years. Many in the early childhood world vehemently oppose correcting children. They feel that correction brings with it feelings of shame and worthlessness. They prefer to redirect children in a positive manner and guide them to good choices instead of pointing out bad choices. On the other side of this coin are those that believe we have completely ruined an entire generation by never letting them hear the word "no." This camp believes that facing failure and mistakes is the first step to growing as a person. Good choices flow from a person that has learned the difference between good and bad choices through correction and consequences. They believe redirecting children only postpones lessons that should be learned at young ages causing children to be incredibly immature and fragile emotionally.
Which camp has it right?
Since the redirection philosophy has been around long enough for us to have long-term effects, I think pretty much everyone knows the answer to that question. Almost every night on the news I hear about a study saying our children are more emotionally fragile than previous generations. Watching competitive shows on television also exposes this tendency for young adults to have a hard time dealing with correction. Those that cannot take direction have their dreams squashed very quickly. Seems that being corrected needs to be one of those hard-knock lessons everyone must go through to mature. If you do not know you have a problem, you can never change for the better. That is pure and simple logic, which constitutes another item many have completely thrown out the window.
The Importance of "No"
Now that we have established the necessity for correction, we will delve into the topic at hand. Before we can fix the children, we must first shut down the techniques that causes this problem in the first place. Number one, "no" is probably one of the most important words a child will ever hear. Responding to that word appropriately brings about more maturity than all the redirection in the world. Get some backbone, people, and start standing up to the little tyrants in your life and help them understand that "no" means "no" all the time. Start learning to ignore every manipulative ploy in children's arsenal, and help them become productive citizens of the world instead of victims.
The Importance of Resilience
Number two, quit thinking that your children are made of glass emotionally. In actuality, children tend to be rather resilient unless you teach them not to be. You teach them not to be resilient by instilling in them the fear that every little thing has the capacity to crush them emotionally. It's like when children fall down. If you react as if the world has come to an end, they will wail and cry as if you are right. If you do not overreact and wait to see if the child is truly hurt, then the child usually gets up and goes on with life unless they are truly injured. In our helicopter parenting world, we try to shield our children from every little bump and bruise when we really should not do that. Those bumps and bruises both physically and emotionally are the experiences that bring about maturity. Do not rescue them from what they need to become functioning adults.
Anger Management
What do you do with a child that has already developed an aversion to correction? Usually these children fall into two camps - the ones that get angry and the ones that fall apart. Both camps require different strategies. For the ones that get angry, you will need to work on anger management techniques that include how to respond to a "no' answer. At my childcare we talk about this one often because I have two that get angry when they do not get their way and one that gets angry sometimes when corrected. I teach them to take a deep breath and say "that's okay." Do they do this in the heat of the moment? Usually not, but when I remind them they do sometimes follow through with it because we have practiced. However, the heated moments following correction need more than just this technique. These children have to be reminded that correction is needed and necessary for everyone in the world. Calmly explain to the children that learning to accept correction means you are growing up. We must learn from our mistakes, and not get angry at the ones who correct us. If they did not love us, they would not bother. Children must understand that correction done properly is a loving gesture not a mean one.
The Difference between Nit-Picking and Correction
Before I move on the the other camp, I want to take a moment to differentiate between loving correction and nit-picking. Loving correction treats the child with respect. It should come off as "I know you can do better." Nit-picking and downright mean correction treats the child as if he/she is worthless. If you catch yourself degrading your child or treating him/her as if he/she can do nothing right, you might want to work on how you correct. Many in the redirection would say that all correction falls into the degrading camp, but it does not. When you treat a child as if they can do better but what they did misses the mark, you help them understand how to strive for goals and achieve them. We have to know we missed the mark in order to try harder next time. Redirection will never achieve that.
No Coddling
For the ones that fall apart when corrected, you might think those children need a more tender approach. Actually, that is backwards. They are like they are because they have been coddled. Further coddling only complicates the situation. This one can be compared to riding a horse. If you fall off, you have to get back on and try again. If you sit on the ground and cry, you will never ride the horse. We cannot let them sit in the floor and bellyache. These children need prodding to get back on the horse and try again. How that is accomplished will vary from child to child, but tough love needs to be present. These children must understand that it is not appropriate to come unglued every time something does not go their way or work like it is supposed to work. If we do not teach these children persistence, they will never be able to set goals and reach them. We will be setting them up for a life of failure. Stop coddling them.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Language Development for 2 and 1/2 to 3 year olds - Communication (Part 6)
This post will finish the discussion for the area of learning - Communication. We will finish the component - Speech and do the last 4 performance indicators for the learning expectation: Speech is understood by most familiar adults. Remember I am taking my information from the Tennessee Early Learning Developmental Standards (TN-ELDS).
The first performance indicator is: Uses most of the consonants in our language. With the extremely wide range of language skills for this age group that can be present, conquering this one depends greatly on that level of skill. However, there is a way to test even children that are not using a lot of language yet - babble games. Children as young as 12 months old can participate to some degree with babble games. In fact, because we can no longer rely on everyday conversation exposure to ensure language development, babble games should be a part of every toddler curriculum. I have had so many speech issues walk through my door in recent years. Some have been so bad that they have immediately put up my autism radar. I use babble games with 3 and 4 year olds that have difficulty with many consonant sounds. If you do not understand what I mean by babble games, it is when you say a consonant sound over and over and over. Young toddlers love this game and will study you intently until they figure out how to make the sound you are making. Older children actually have a harder time with this game because they have engrained patterns to overcome. Some speech problems stem from lazy habits rather than actual difficulty in pronouncing sounds. Breaking bad habits can be as difficult as dealing with children that have physical reasons for their speech problems. Again, let me say that it is your responsibility as early childhood educators to work with children to improve their speech rather than think their quirks are cute. Sometimes if you do not do it, no one else will until they reach school age and have to have speech therapy.
The next performance indicator is: Majority (about 75%) of speech is understandable; family may understand child better than a stranger. In reality I am only seeing about 25% of children reach this performance indicator by age 3. By age 4 most children have reached this particular performance indicator. We really are having a speech crisis in the early childhood arena of the United States. Some of it is caused by lack of experience with language due to digital electronic use by parents. Some of it is caused by overuse of sippee cups in toddler years. In case you did not know, drinking from a normal cup starting around the age of 18 months is extremely important for the development of the muscles in the mouth. Overuse of sippee cups after the age of 18 months will cause underdevelopment of those muscles and therefore cause the children to have speech issues. Early childhood programs and stay-at-home parents must be proactive about developing language in the children we keep. Give these children rich language environments. Surround them with words and give them ample opportunity to use language as well as hear it.
Next on our list is: May have a "normal non-fluent" period where sounds, words, or phrases are repeated; not to be confused with stuttering. I call this period the "spit it out" period where they seem to get stuck on a word and cannot seem to finish what they are saying. Sometimes this is caused by their brain going faster than their mouth, and they lose track of where they are. Sometimes, they become fascinated with the sound of a word and say it over and over losing track of their original thought. Playing with words and sounds should be greatly encouraged at this age. The more a child pays attention to sounds and words, the more fluent that child will become in speech and language. It may be a little frustrating to try to follow a conversation with a child in this period, but do not worry about the repetition. It is a temporary phase that will go away with time and practice. I will say also that you may see this phase in older children that have been slow to mature in language. With older children, you might want to help them maintain their train of thought more than you would a 2 and 1/2 year old.
The last performance indicator for this learning expectations is: May have some difficulty saying certain sounds that are more complicated to produce e.g., (s), (z), (sh), (ch), (r), (er), (l), (th). This list is by no means all inclusive. I have had children have trouble with nearly every consonant sound. It can vary widely. When 2 and 1/2 year olds have difficulty with sounds, you need not necessarily intervene. When 3 year olds have difficulty with certain sounds, you need to start gently intervening. When 4 year olds have difficulty with certain sounds, it is definitely a speech issue by that point if you have been gently intervening since they were 3 years old. Even if you have not been gently intervening with this child and they are new to your program, at 4 years old it is time to work harder on learning to say the different sounds. My best advice before you start working with children's speech is to sit and ponder how you make certain sounds. Say the sound over and over taking notice of the placement of your lips, tongue, and teeth. Many times children with speech issues will have immature control of their tongue. Working on tongue control and placing the tongue in various positions will go a long way in helping children conquer speech issues. I am not advocating taking over children's speech therapy, but speech therapists only work with children once per week. We have them every day. Work with the speech therapist if the child has one. We can be a great assistance to the speech professionals by making the children work on their speech every day instead of just once per week.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The first performance indicator is: Uses most of the consonants in our language. With the extremely wide range of language skills for this age group that can be present, conquering this one depends greatly on that level of skill. However, there is a way to test even children that are not using a lot of language yet - babble games. Children as young as 12 months old can participate to some degree with babble games. In fact, because we can no longer rely on everyday conversation exposure to ensure language development, babble games should be a part of every toddler curriculum. I have had so many speech issues walk through my door in recent years. Some have been so bad that they have immediately put up my autism radar. I use babble games with 3 and 4 year olds that have difficulty with many consonant sounds. If you do not understand what I mean by babble games, it is when you say a consonant sound over and over and over. Young toddlers love this game and will study you intently until they figure out how to make the sound you are making. Older children actually have a harder time with this game because they have engrained patterns to overcome. Some speech problems stem from lazy habits rather than actual difficulty in pronouncing sounds. Breaking bad habits can be as difficult as dealing with children that have physical reasons for their speech problems. Again, let me say that it is your responsibility as early childhood educators to work with children to improve their speech rather than think their quirks are cute. Sometimes if you do not do it, no one else will until they reach school age and have to have speech therapy.
The next performance indicator is: Majority (about 75%) of speech is understandable; family may understand child better than a stranger. In reality I am only seeing about 25% of children reach this performance indicator by age 3. By age 4 most children have reached this particular performance indicator. We really are having a speech crisis in the early childhood arena of the United States. Some of it is caused by lack of experience with language due to digital electronic use by parents. Some of it is caused by overuse of sippee cups in toddler years. In case you did not know, drinking from a normal cup starting around the age of 18 months is extremely important for the development of the muscles in the mouth. Overuse of sippee cups after the age of 18 months will cause underdevelopment of those muscles and therefore cause the children to have speech issues. Early childhood programs and stay-at-home parents must be proactive about developing language in the children we keep. Give these children rich language environments. Surround them with words and give them ample opportunity to use language as well as hear it.
Next on our list is: May have a "normal non-fluent" period where sounds, words, or phrases are repeated; not to be confused with stuttering. I call this period the "spit it out" period where they seem to get stuck on a word and cannot seem to finish what they are saying. Sometimes this is caused by their brain going faster than their mouth, and they lose track of where they are. Sometimes, they become fascinated with the sound of a word and say it over and over losing track of their original thought. Playing with words and sounds should be greatly encouraged at this age. The more a child pays attention to sounds and words, the more fluent that child will become in speech and language. It may be a little frustrating to try to follow a conversation with a child in this period, but do not worry about the repetition. It is a temporary phase that will go away with time and practice. I will say also that you may see this phase in older children that have been slow to mature in language. With older children, you might want to help them maintain their train of thought more than you would a 2 and 1/2 year old.
The last performance indicator for this learning expectations is: May have some difficulty saying certain sounds that are more complicated to produce e.g., (s), (z), (sh), (ch), (r), (er), (l), (th). This list is by no means all inclusive. I have had children have trouble with nearly every consonant sound. It can vary widely. When 2 and 1/2 year olds have difficulty with sounds, you need not necessarily intervene. When 3 year olds have difficulty with certain sounds, you need to start gently intervening. When 4 year olds have difficulty with certain sounds, it is definitely a speech issue by that point if you have been gently intervening since they were 3 years old. Even if you have not been gently intervening with this child and they are new to your program, at 4 years old it is time to work harder on learning to say the different sounds. My best advice before you start working with children's speech is to sit and ponder how you make certain sounds. Say the sound over and over taking notice of the placement of your lips, tongue, and teeth. Many times children with speech issues will have immature control of their tongue. Working on tongue control and placing the tongue in various positions will go a long way in helping children conquer speech issues. I am not advocating taking over children's speech therapy, but speech therapists only work with children once per week. We have them every day. Work with the speech therapist if the child has one. We can be a great assistance to the speech professionals by making the children work on their speech every day instead of just once per week.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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