This post will delve into the problem of jealousy with young children. Believe it or not, there was a time when children had to learn to be okay with other children receiving something when they did not. Guess what? They dealt with it. Why is it that we think today's children are completely incapable of handling this situation? Children as young as three and four can actually handle and conquer the jealous bug.
We Created this Monster
When I was little, children did not receive gift bags at birthday parties, and I definitely did not get a present on my siblings' birthdays. Did these instances warp me for all eternity? No. I survived. Yet, in today's society children will go absolutely ballistic when they do not receive something at every party. This particular problem is definitely of our own creation. We as a society have trained children to expect something. We are getting what we deserve on this one.
The Myth of the Magic Childhood
Why in the world did we start all this? This one can most definitely be pinned on the philosophy that all children's childhoods should be filled with magic and wonder. Nothing should ever be negative or hard. Children should be able to drift from one happy episode to another. While in theory this sounds like utopia, we experience every time a child of today's society must deal with something unpleasant the horrible side effect of this philosophy - completely demanding children that grow up into adults that cannot handle the basic struggles common to all humans on this planet. I will also pin this one on Developmentally Appropriate Practice and all the repercussions that have set into our society since early childhood experts decided to throw out all conventional wisdom. Since the inception of developmentally appropriate practice, we have been told as parents and early childhood educators that it is inappropriate to expect children to handle jealousy. We should structure everything in such a way that we do not expect children to deal with this most basic of emotions. How in the world do we expect children to learn not to be dominated by jealousy when we never give them the opportunity to face it? Children will not magically learn to handle anything just because they get older. They must be given opportunities to learn to deal with all these negative emotions in childhood or they will just become very jealous adults.
Start with the Parents
How do we teach children to deal with jealousy? Fixing this one would take a societal correction that is completely beyond my control. However, as early childhood educators we can do our part to make sure the children in our care learn these life lessons. Number one, work on the parents. Talk to your parents about the need to teach their children to learn not to be jealous. Explain to them that just taking away all opportunities for jealousy to set in will not teach their children to deal with jealousy. That plan actually makes the situation worse. Children have to work through negative emotions in order to learn how to handle them. That is the only way it works. Encourage your parents not to always give something to everyone, and then use those experiences to talk about the importance of being happy for others. Will this involve wailing and gnashing of teeth at first? Absolutely. However, after this happens repeatedly the child's expectations will change. Children in previous generations had different expectations. Those children knew ahead time they would not be receiving anything, and therefore, did not throw hissy fits when someone else received a gift. They may have had to deal with jealous feelings, but they knew better than to act like a brat over it. Those children were given many, many opportunities to learn to deal with that situation without becoming jealous.
The Day Privilege
In our early childhood settings we can provide daily opportunities for children to learn to let others have things when they do not get to have them. I accomplish this through a special day privilege. Each day I write a different child's name on the board. That means it is that child's day, and it comes with privileges all day long. It is amazing how fast even toddlers adjust to a system like this. The children learn that today I do not get to sit in the big chair, but I will on my day. Some early childhood experts might say that making children wait days for a privilege is not developmentally appropriate. However, years ago, children had to wait months or longer for their turn for special privileges and gifts, and they survived. Actually, those children grew up to be more adjusted to adult life than we see in today's generation. The children in my childcare survive having to wait days for their day. It has solved a multitude of issues in my childcare. Do these children still have jealous episodes? Yes, but only when they encounter a situation where the expectation is that they are supposed to get something. We need to adjust an entire generation's expectations in a bad way. All these jealous episodes are of our own creation. We made the monster, and we need to slay it.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Saturday, February 22, 2014
The Concrete Learning Style
This post will look at the concrete learning style. This is sometimes called the hands-on learning style. However, it does not necessarily encompass learning through doing even though many lump hands-on and learning through doing into the same category.
A Child's "Bent"
Before I delve into this learning style, I want to have a discussion about children's "bent." As I told my middle child when she was trying to decide between majoring in chemistry or creative writing in college, everyone on this planet has that one thing that makes them tick. It is their "bent," and that term comes from the Hebrew word from the verse in Proverbs, "Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." The phrase "the way that he should go" actually can be interpreted "bent." In other words, it means his/her natural leanings. For us in the educational world, this would mean their personal learning repertoire.
We often tell children here in the United States that they can be anything that they want to be. Actually, that is neither true nor is it fair to that child. What we should be doing is helping each child find that one thing that makes them tick and doing everything in our power to help that child along that path. However, in America we are so consumed with money-making power that we often forget it takes all kinds of people to make a society function. We push our children toward those careers that bring in the bigger bucks instead of looking at our children to see where their talents and strengths lie. The educational world is just as guilty. We push the more academic careers that bring in the bigger bucks instead of offering a wide variety of educational opportunities for people from every sector of society. I have been ridiculed for counseling my daughter in the way that I did. Many people believe I should have pushed her into the chemistry field because creative writing does not have the same opportunities for making money except for the very few. However, I know my daughter, and writing is her passion. She will find the path that makes her happy by pursuing a career that involves words. Chemistry would make her miserable. We need to learn in this society that money does not equal happiness and fulfillment. You can actually be below the poverty line and have a happier life pursuing your passion than a millionaire that has to work at a job he/she was not designed to do. The trick lies in doing what your "bent" involves.
The Path to Contentment
I said all of that because many children that have the concrete learning style strongly will never be doctors, lawyers, architects, or any other field that requires abstract thinking. These children will be mechanics, builders, and all other such careers that have skills with their hands. They will be happy working with their hands at the thing that makes sense to them. To force such children down a more abstract path is wrong. Will these children make less than the doctors, lawyers, etc? Yes, but these children could not handle the stress and abstract thinking that those higher paying jobs require. Our society needs these people to function. Instead of trying to instill greed into the people of our society, we need to instill contentment. People that are content are rich no matter what their socio-economic status. Working at our passion presents the easiest path to contentment.
Why I Am not a Concrete Learner
Now that I am off my soapbox, how can you tell if a child does or does not have a bent toward the concrete learning style? I will start by explaining why I do not have a strong bent toward the concrete learning style in any shape, form, or fashion. The best example I can present involves science experiments. Every time I had to do science experiments in high school, I usually picked someone that needed an "A"desperately as a lab partner. I would then tell the lab partner how to conduct the experiment in such a way that I touched it as little as possible. You might think that made me lazy until I explained that I had a tendency to make things explode, catch on fire, etc. I knew what was supposed to happen, why it was suppose to happen, and even the margin of error needed in the results to make it believable. However, to actually make it happen in the real world was far beyond my ability. Therefore, I wrote the lab report making it be what it needed to be regardless of what actually happened in the lab. If I was lucky enough to pick a concrete learner as a lab partner, I did not have to doctor the results. The concrete learner could make the experiment work, but could not explain the why, how, and technical details needed to write a good lab report. When I had to do science experiments as a homeschooling mom, it became the running joke that they never turned out like they were supposed to turn out. I always ended up explaining to my children what was supposed to happen, why it was supposed to happen, and any other technical details surrounding the experiment. I am an abstract learner, which I will cover next week.
What Makes a Concrete Learner
My oldest child, however, is a concrete learner. She needed to be able to at least picture concepts in the real world for them to make sense to her. She did not always have to necessarily put her hands on it, but it always had to be a concept that could be demonstrated in that way. Any concept that required lots of abstract thinking gave her difficulty beyond measure. Trying to teach that child abstract grammar rules and algebra nearly drove me crazy. I did not push that child to go to college. That is not her bent. She loves to clean. She can clean circles around most people. Therefore, she cleans houses for a living, and her clients are very glad she found her calling.
In the early childhood world, the easiest way to find your concrete learners is to watch the block area. The concrete learners will build amazing creations and take things apart just to put them back together. They will have great fine motor skills, but may struggle greatly with academic concepts. These children tend not to be the greatest at imaginary play. Their play is based more in the real world and doing real work. The children that create other worlds and grand schemes will tend to be your abstract learners.
Academic Concepts for Concrete Learners
Academic concepts for concrete learners needs to be broke down into tangible concepts from the real world. For example, concrete learners can usually make more sense out of a word being made up of individual sounds that having to just memorize that word on sight. Individual sounds to them is something concrete onto which they can latch. These children may learn the sounds of letters before they learn the names of letters. Learning the names falls into a more abstract concept. For these children everything needs to relate to a tangible part of their reality. Rote memorization for concrete learners can be absolute torture. In math, these children will need to handle objects as math concepts are explained. These children will grow up to be great skilled craftsmen at whatever they choose to do. Let them develop along their bent and give them lots of opportunities to work with their hands.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
A Child's "Bent"
Before I delve into this learning style, I want to have a discussion about children's "bent." As I told my middle child when she was trying to decide between majoring in chemistry or creative writing in college, everyone on this planet has that one thing that makes them tick. It is their "bent," and that term comes from the Hebrew word from the verse in Proverbs, "Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." The phrase "the way that he should go" actually can be interpreted "bent." In other words, it means his/her natural leanings. For us in the educational world, this would mean their personal learning repertoire.
We often tell children here in the United States that they can be anything that they want to be. Actually, that is neither true nor is it fair to that child. What we should be doing is helping each child find that one thing that makes them tick and doing everything in our power to help that child along that path. However, in America we are so consumed with money-making power that we often forget it takes all kinds of people to make a society function. We push our children toward those careers that bring in the bigger bucks instead of looking at our children to see where their talents and strengths lie. The educational world is just as guilty. We push the more academic careers that bring in the bigger bucks instead of offering a wide variety of educational opportunities for people from every sector of society. I have been ridiculed for counseling my daughter in the way that I did. Many people believe I should have pushed her into the chemistry field because creative writing does not have the same opportunities for making money except for the very few. However, I know my daughter, and writing is her passion. She will find the path that makes her happy by pursuing a career that involves words. Chemistry would make her miserable. We need to learn in this society that money does not equal happiness and fulfillment. You can actually be below the poverty line and have a happier life pursuing your passion than a millionaire that has to work at a job he/she was not designed to do. The trick lies in doing what your "bent" involves.
The Path to Contentment
I said all of that because many children that have the concrete learning style strongly will never be doctors, lawyers, architects, or any other field that requires abstract thinking. These children will be mechanics, builders, and all other such careers that have skills with their hands. They will be happy working with their hands at the thing that makes sense to them. To force such children down a more abstract path is wrong. Will these children make less than the doctors, lawyers, etc? Yes, but these children could not handle the stress and abstract thinking that those higher paying jobs require. Our society needs these people to function. Instead of trying to instill greed into the people of our society, we need to instill contentment. People that are content are rich no matter what their socio-economic status. Working at our passion presents the easiest path to contentment.
Why I Am not a Concrete Learner
Now that I am off my soapbox, how can you tell if a child does or does not have a bent toward the concrete learning style? I will start by explaining why I do not have a strong bent toward the concrete learning style in any shape, form, or fashion. The best example I can present involves science experiments. Every time I had to do science experiments in high school, I usually picked someone that needed an "A"desperately as a lab partner. I would then tell the lab partner how to conduct the experiment in such a way that I touched it as little as possible. You might think that made me lazy until I explained that I had a tendency to make things explode, catch on fire, etc. I knew what was supposed to happen, why it was suppose to happen, and even the margin of error needed in the results to make it believable. However, to actually make it happen in the real world was far beyond my ability. Therefore, I wrote the lab report making it be what it needed to be regardless of what actually happened in the lab. If I was lucky enough to pick a concrete learner as a lab partner, I did not have to doctor the results. The concrete learner could make the experiment work, but could not explain the why, how, and technical details needed to write a good lab report. When I had to do science experiments as a homeschooling mom, it became the running joke that they never turned out like they were supposed to turn out. I always ended up explaining to my children what was supposed to happen, why it was supposed to happen, and any other technical details surrounding the experiment. I am an abstract learner, which I will cover next week.
What Makes a Concrete Learner
My oldest child, however, is a concrete learner. She needed to be able to at least picture concepts in the real world for them to make sense to her. She did not always have to necessarily put her hands on it, but it always had to be a concept that could be demonstrated in that way. Any concept that required lots of abstract thinking gave her difficulty beyond measure. Trying to teach that child abstract grammar rules and algebra nearly drove me crazy. I did not push that child to go to college. That is not her bent. She loves to clean. She can clean circles around most people. Therefore, she cleans houses for a living, and her clients are very glad she found her calling.
In the early childhood world, the easiest way to find your concrete learners is to watch the block area. The concrete learners will build amazing creations and take things apart just to put them back together. They will have great fine motor skills, but may struggle greatly with academic concepts. These children tend not to be the greatest at imaginary play. Their play is based more in the real world and doing real work. The children that create other worlds and grand schemes will tend to be your abstract learners.
Academic Concepts for Concrete Learners
Academic concepts for concrete learners needs to be broke down into tangible concepts from the real world. For example, concrete learners can usually make more sense out of a word being made up of individual sounds that having to just memorize that word on sight. Individual sounds to them is something concrete onto which they can latch. These children may learn the sounds of letters before they learn the names of letters. Learning the names falls into a more abstract concept. For these children everything needs to relate to a tangible part of their reality. Rote memorization for concrete learners can be absolute torture. In math, these children will need to handle objects as math concepts are explained. These children will grow up to be great skilled craftsmen at whatever they choose to do. Let them develop along their bent and give them lots of opportunities to work with their hands.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Dealing with Mean Girls
This post will look at the issue of girl bullying that now seems to start in preschool. With the many sad episodes related to bullying that have occurred in recent years, this post will delve into the beginnings of bullying behavior that occurs in the early childhood years. This is a complex topic, and I will by no means cover it extensively. However, I will do my best to deal with the issue as it relates to girl world.
The Queen Bee and Her Posse
When we think of mean girls, most of us go straight to middle or high school and envision those uber popular girls that control their schools. However, for those of us in the early childhood world, we have seen those queen bees beginning to spread their wings and influence in our childcares. These girls dictate what is played and how it is played. They also dictate who gets to play and who is excluded. I have even seen the girl posse develop among four year olds. The queen bee has her little followers that do her every bidding, and will have panic attacks if the queen bee decides one of them just happens to be on her bad side that day. It is a social hierarchy that develops beyond our control most of the time, and many times, our attempts to dismantle it only make matters worse. These little girls have a great need to be accepted by the queen bee and will do just about anything to get that acceptance.
The Problem of Being a Geek
Having been the geek in high school that suffered much at the hands of these queen bees, it made my blood boil to see that type of behavior in my childcare. I was not even remotely interested in being a part of raising the next generation of mean girls. Yet, here they were. At first I tried to counter the bullying behavior head-on only to discover that the posse would defend the queen bee at all costs. Having been the geek, there was a lot about the social games popular people play that made no sense to me. I did not understand the underlying causes for many of the behaviors, which is why I ended up being their victim. As an adult, I needed to step back and observe the whole landscape. Not only did I not want to raise another generation of mean girls, I also did not want to raise another generation of victims. Both sides of this cycle needed addressing.
Is It Genetic?
When I stepped back and observed, I noticed for the most part these queen bees were second generation. Their mothers had been popular in high school and possibly even their grandmothers. Therefore, even though I do not think the moms meant to do this, they passed on an attitude of superiority. These little girls already knew they were going to be the beautiful ones when they hit school. It was their heritage. I also noticed that many of these little girls would rather manipulate people than play with toys. They had a social savviness to them that far exceeded their peers. They could manipulate adults and children alike. It was a gift. On the flip side, the posse usually were the descendants of women who had been followers themselves. Again, I think attitudes were passed down from mom to child about the super importance of being accepted. Likewise, the victims tended to be the descendants of victims. The parents passed on the social knowledge that was their own experience. However, I believe it goes deeper than just the passing of attitudes. Genetic dispositions for each group also came into play, and it was not just the mother's genetics. Those children who came from two parents that were beautiful ones were twice as likely to be queen bees. The other various combinations lined the children up on the social food chain.
My Experiment
The next area I observed was how well the child played by themselves. Victims played very well by themselves. Queen bees could not play by themselves at all. The posse fell in the middle. This observation gave me more information than the family heritage and an idea. If I worked on the queen bees and the posse to train them to play by themselves, I might break the vicious cycle. On the flip side, I knew from experience that the victims needed to learn to function in a group setting without being dominated. I used my center times to carry out my experiment. I structured the center times in such a way that sometimes everyone had to play by themselves and the children played with different people in every other center time. When the queen bees had to play by themselves, it was pitiful. They cried and threw hissy fit after hissy fit because I removed their favorite toys - people. On the other hand, the socially awkward were able to make strides when I paired them with posse away from the queen bee. Even the posse became stronger people when I removed the queen bee from the equation for just part of the day. It took months, but eventually the queen bee learned to play with toys instead of people and the victims learned to function in a group without being dominated. However, soon after this my state adopted a new scale and forced me to give more choice. When that happened, the queen bee took back over and the victims fell to the bottom of the pool again. This might explain another reason I am no fan of too many choices for children.
Why My Experiment Worked
This experiment worked because it went to the heart of the issue. Dominators tend to be the type of people that have a hard time entertaining themselves. Therefore, they use other people for their entertainment. Victims tend to be people that march to the beat of their own drum and have a hard time understanding social contexts. Therefore, group settings intimidate them and confuse them. The posse tends to be the followers and has a extremely hard time with confrontation. They will do anything to be accepted and avoid confrontation at all costs. When I taught the dominators to entertain themselves, I removed their excessive need for manipulating people. When I gave the victims the opportunity to operate in a social context with the posse, I provided a social context that was more equal for them. Therefore, they learned social context rules in a nonthreatening environment. When I removed the queen bee from the posse, I gave the posse an opportunity to be a leader instead of a follower. This gave them confidence to handle confrontation better. However, I had to micromanage the environment to accomplish this. If you live in a state that has a star quality system in place, you will be penalized for doing this. I chose the centers for the children instead of letting them choose for themselves. This was necessary because the posse would not voluntarily separate themselves from the queen bee. The queen bee would never voluntarily choose to be alone, and the victims would never really have the opportunity to play with the variety of children my system allowed. Too much choice for children is complicating our current bullying crisis along with all the other negatives it is doing to our society. However, the choice people currently hold sway. Therefore, if you have a bad queen bee situation, this solution may cost you in your star rating.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Queen Bee and Her Posse
When we think of mean girls, most of us go straight to middle or high school and envision those uber popular girls that control their schools. However, for those of us in the early childhood world, we have seen those queen bees beginning to spread their wings and influence in our childcares. These girls dictate what is played and how it is played. They also dictate who gets to play and who is excluded. I have even seen the girl posse develop among four year olds. The queen bee has her little followers that do her every bidding, and will have panic attacks if the queen bee decides one of them just happens to be on her bad side that day. It is a social hierarchy that develops beyond our control most of the time, and many times, our attempts to dismantle it only make matters worse. These little girls have a great need to be accepted by the queen bee and will do just about anything to get that acceptance.
The Problem of Being a Geek
Having been the geek in high school that suffered much at the hands of these queen bees, it made my blood boil to see that type of behavior in my childcare. I was not even remotely interested in being a part of raising the next generation of mean girls. Yet, here they were. At first I tried to counter the bullying behavior head-on only to discover that the posse would defend the queen bee at all costs. Having been the geek, there was a lot about the social games popular people play that made no sense to me. I did not understand the underlying causes for many of the behaviors, which is why I ended up being their victim. As an adult, I needed to step back and observe the whole landscape. Not only did I not want to raise another generation of mean girls, I also did not want to raise another generation of victims. Both sides of this cycle needed addressing.
Is It Genetic?
When I stepped back and observed, I noticed for the most part these queen bees were second generation. Their mothers had been popular in high school and possibly even their grandmothers. Therefore, even though I do not think the moms meant to do this, they passed on an attitude of superiority. These little girls already knew they were going to be the beautiful ones when they hit school. It was their heritage. I also noticed that many of these little girls would rather manipulate people than play with toys. They had a social savviness to them that far exceeded their peers. They could manipulate adults and children alike. It was a gift. On the flip side, the posse usually were the descendants of women who had been followers themselves. Again, I think attitudes were passed down from mom to child about the super importance of being accepted. Likewise, the victims tended to be the descendants of victims. The parents passed on the social knowledge that was their own experience. However, I believe it goes deeper than just the passing of attitudes. Genetic dispositions for each group also came into play, and it was not just the mother's genetics. Those children who came from two parents that were beautiful ones were twice as likely to be queen bees. The other various combinations lined the children up on the social food chain.
My Experiment
The next area I observed was how well the child played by themselves. Victims played very well by themselves. Queen bees could not play by themselves at all. The posse fell in the middle. This observation gave me more information than the family heritage and an idea. If I worked on the queen bees and the posse to train them to play by themselves, I might break the vicious cycle. On the flip side, I knew from experience that the victims needed to learn to function in a group setting without being dominated. I used my center times to carry out my experiment. I structured the center times in such a way that sometimes everyone had to play by themselves and the children played with different people in every other center time. When the queen bees had to play by themselves, it was pitiful. They cried and threw hissy fit after hissy fit because I removed their favorite toys - people. On the other hand, the socially awkward were able to make strides when I paired them with posse away from the queen bee. Even the posse became stronger people when I removed the queen bee from the equation for just part of the day. It took months, but eventually the queen bee learned to play with toys instead of people and the victims learned to function in a group without being dominated. However, soon after this my state adopted a new scale and forced me to give more choice. When that happened, the queen bee took back over and the victims fell to the bottom of the pool again. This might explain another reason I am no fan of too many choices for children.
Why My Experiment Worked
This experiment worked because it went to the heart of the issue. Dominators tend to be the type of people that have a hard time entertaining themselves. Therefore, they use other people for their entertainment. Victims tend to be people that march to the beat of their own drum and have a hard time understanding social contexts. Therefore, group settings intimidate them and confuse them. The posse tends to be the followers and has a extremely hard time with confrontation. They will do anything to be accepted and avoid confrontation at all costs. When I taught the dominators to entertain themselves, I removed their excessive need for manipulating people. When I gave the victims the opportunity to operate in a social context with the posse, I provided a social context that was more equal for them. Therefore, they learned social context rules in a nonthreatening environment. When I removed the queen bee from the posse, I gave the posse an opportunity to be a leader instead of a follower. This gave them confidence to handle confrontation better. However, I had to micromanage the environment to accomplish this. If you live in a state that has a star quality system in place, you will be penalized for doing this. I chose the centers for the children instead of letting them choose for themselves. This was necessary because the posse would not voluntarily separate themselves from the queen bee. The queen bee would never voluntarily choose to be alone, and the victims would never really have the opportunity to play with the variety of children my system allowed. Too much choice for children is complicating our current bullying crisis along with all the other negatives it is doing to our society. However, the choice people currently hold sway. Therefore, if you have a bad queen bee situation, this solution may cost you in your star rating.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, February 15, 2014
The Sequential Learning Style
This post will look at the sequential learning style. This particular style is for those that have a hard time finishing the job. Some people must stick to one task until it is done or they will leave it unfinished. Unlike the simultaneous learning style where several projects can be going at once, the sequential learning style involves one thing at a time.
The Distracted
We all know those people that once distracted from a task are never able to pick it up and finish it. A lot of us have this issue to varying degrees. My husband is a 90-95% person. He finishes a task up to 90-95% and then he is done. Getting him to finish that other 5-10% most of time becomes a lost cause. For me, this kicks in when I have to do something I really dislike. If I let myself get distracted, it is over. The unpleasant task will get shelved until it hits the "absolutely must get done now" category. Taxes every year fall into this scenario.
Finish the Job
For children, learning to finish the job can be a very difficult lesson. Of course, like so many other good habits that have gone the way of the wind, this one can be complicated by the prevalent parenting style of today. When you do too much for your children, they will not learn to do for themselves. Many times it is so much easier to do for them than to let them do it themselves that most parents do not even realize they are sabotaging teaching their children to finish the job. I had a scenario come up in my childcare recently where I had to teach my mother to stop doing for the children. I have often caught her during pick-up time picking up sometimes half of the kid's mess just to get them done faster. Growing up under her I knew this to be one of her weaknesses that I often exploited as a child. Finally, a scenario presented itself that allowed me to talk to her about enabling the children. One of our two year olds made a huge mess under my watch. I do not pick up for them because I have my center times structured in such a way that I know exactly who made each mess. Each child is responsible for his/her mess, period. After the child finally picked up the enormous mess, I had a talk with my mom about how it was important that I not do it for the child. My mom had never considered how much she enabled the children to not finish the job. She learned a bigger lesson that day than the child did.
Rotate vs Finish the Job
Sometimes a situation calls for rotating jobs to break up the monotony. However, when it becomes apparent that finishing the job has become an issue, then it is time to switch to the sequential learning style. These two learning styles often fall in most people's learning repertoire depending on the circumstances. As a teacher, you must be observant enough to see when a situation calls for breaking up monotony or finishing the job. With children this will shift back and forth from day to day. Some days the children work better with the rotating of activities. Other days, stubbornness rears its ugly head and finishing the job becomes top priority. This is why flexibility in a schedule can make or break your day. Many times in the one-on-one instruction I do with the children everyday, I will run across a topic that requires us to dig in and work through something. I always make sure I have buffers in my schedule to allow for those times. Sometimes an activity that the child had no problem with the day before suddenly becomes an issue because of an attitude or mood swing. When this happens, all else falls away and finishing this activity becomes top priority. I do not do this because the activity in and of itself is so all-important. What becomes important is working through a difficult situation. The child needs to learn to push through difficult circumstances or activities that do not fall on their favorite list as much as adults need to learn the same lesson.
Daily Routines
Not only do you need flexibility in a schedule to allow for those circumstances where you must switch gears to deal with a situation, but you also need to have daily activities that teach finishing the job. Daily routines often make the best times to zero in on teaching this skill. Having a specific order for a routine helps the child to concentrate on one thing at a time and not move on to the next thing until the first is finished. Our center rules have this built into them. The children must pick up their mess before they can transition to the next activity. After nap time, the children must pack up their pillow, blanket, and sheet in their box before they can come for snack. This MUST be consistent from day to day in order for it to be effective. If you are doing it for them when issues arise, you are sabotaging what you are trying to teach them. With small children all important lessons usually come with wailing and gnashing of teeth at one point or another (or daily). Do not sweat the occasional hissy fit because the child had to finish the job.
When to Use the Sequential Learning Style
The sequential learning style for most children comes into play for some routines or a difficult or unpleasant subject. However, some children cannot concentrate on more than one thing at a time. These children will need everything structured in the sequential style. Like all other matters dealing with learning styles, observation and trial and error will tell you if you have this scenario. When a child has serious concentration issues, you might try giving that child only one task at a time. Do not even mention the next task until the first one is complete. Lead the child step by step through a process to see if that works well for that child. This sometimes works extremely well when dealing with toddlers and two year olds, but you really want them to transition to being able to follow more than one direction at a time. You will also see this with immature three, four, and five year olds. Again, you want them to eventually transition to being able to follow more than one direction at a time. However, some children require the step by step process every time a new concept is introduced whether it be a routine or an academic concept. They eventually transition when the concept becomes familiar, but will shut down when a slight variation is introduced. These are the children that require the near constant sequential learning style. They need to only concentrate on one thing at a time and must learn to follow the process to completion.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Distracted
We all know those people that once distracted from a task are never able to pick it up and finish it. A lot of us have this issue to varying degrees. My husband is a 90-95% person. He finishes a task up to 90-95% and then he is done. Getting him to finish that other 5-10% most of time becomes a lost cause. For me, this kicks in when I have to do something I really dislike. If I let myself get distracted, it is over. The unpleasant task will get shelved until it hits the "absolutely must get done now" category. Taxes every year fall into this scenario.
Finish the Job
For children, learning to finish the job can be a very difficult lesson. Of course, like so many other good habits that have gone the way of the wind, this one can be complicated by the prevalent parenting style of today. When you do too much for your children, they will not learn to do for themselves. Many times it is so much easier to do for them than to let them do it themselves that most parents do not even realize they are sabotaging teaching their children to finish the job. I had a scenario come up in my childcare recently where I had to teach my mother to stop doing for the children. I have often caught her during pick-up time picking up sometimes half of the kid's mess just to get them done faster. Growing up under her I knew this to be one of her weaknesses that I often exploited as a child. Finally, a scenario presented itself that allowed me to talk to her about enabling the children. One of our two year olds made a huge mess under my watch. I do not pick up for them because I have my center times structured in such a way that I know exactly who made each mess. Each child is responsible for his/her mess, period. After the child finally picked up the enormous mess, I had a talk with my mom about how it was important that I not do it for the child. My mom had never considered how much she enabled the children to not finish the job. She learned a bigger lesson that day than the child did.
Rotate vs Finish the Job
Sometimes a situation calls for rotating jobs to break up the monotony. However, when it becomes apparent that finishing the job has become an issue, then it is time to switch to the sequential learning style. These two learning styles often fall in most people's learning repertoire depending on the circumstances. As a teacher, you must be observant enough to see when a situation calls for breaking up monotony or finishing the job. With children this will shift back and forth from day to day. Some days the children work better with the rotating of activities. Other days, stubbornness rears its ugly head and finishing the job becomes top priority. This is why flexibility in a schedule can make or break your day. Many times in the one-on-one instruction I do with the children everyday, I will run across a topic that requires us to dig in and work through something. I always make sure I have buffers in my schedule to allow for those times. Sometimes an activity that the child had no problem with the day before suddenly becomes an issue because of an attitude or mood swing. When this happens, all else falls away and finishing this activity becomes top priority. I do not do this because the activity in and of itself is so all-important. What becomes important is working through a difficult situation. The child needs to learn to push through difficult circumstances or activities that do not fall on their favorite list as much as adults need to learn the same lesson.
Daily Routines
Not only do you need flexibility in a schedule to allow for those circumstances where you must switch gears to deal with a situation, but you also need to have daily activities that teach finishing the job. Daily routines often make the best times to zero in on teaching this skill. Having a specific order for a routine helps the child to concentrate on one thing at a time and not move on to the next thing until the first is finished. Our center rules have this built into them. The children must pick up their mess before they can transition to the next activity. After nap time, the children must pack up their pillow, blanket, and sheet in their box before they can come for snack. This MUST be consistent from day to day in order for it to be effective. If you are doing it for them when issues arise, you are sabotaging what you are trying to teach them. With small children all important lessons usually come with wailing and gnashing of teeth at one point or another (or daily). Do not sweat the occasional hissy fit because the child had to finish the job.
When to Use the Sequential Learning Style
The sequential learning style for most children comes into play for some routines or a difficult or unpleasant subject. However, some children cannot concentrate on more than one thing at a time. These children will need everything structured in the sequential style. Like all other matters dealing with learning styles, observation and trial and error will tell you if you have this scenario. When a child has serious concentration issues, you might try giving that child only one task at a time. Do not even mention the next task until the first one is complete. Lead the child step by step through a process to see if that works well for that child. This sometimes works extremely well when dealing with toddlers and two year olds, but you really want them to transition to being able to follow more than one direction at a time. You will also see this with immature three, four, and five year olds. Again, you want them to eventually transition to being able to follow more than one direction at a time. However, some children require the step by step process every time a new concept is introduced whether it be a routine or an academic concept. They eventually transition when the concept becomes familiar, but will shut down when a slight variation is introduced. These are the children that require the near constant sequential learning style. They need to only concentrate on one thing at a time and must learn to follow the process to completion.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Dealing with Demanding Children - Control Freaks
This post will finish up my discussion of demanding children by looking at those children that have to have their own way all the time. This one is closely akin to the ones that have to have stuff all the time, but it goes a little beyond that. These children must have the day proceed on their agenda, and if it does not, everyone around them pays for it.
The Scenario
We have all witnessed this scenario play out wherever two year olds dwell. An adult needs for a child to transition to another activity, and the child is acting like the world just came to an end because the child does not agree with the transition. This is typical for a two year old. However, now imagine a six year old throwing the same fit for the same reason. Now we have an issue. I have seen teenagers throw hissy fits that could rival any two year old when they do not get their way. This is becoming a very prevalent problem in our society. Our children have become so demanding even minimal rational expectations have become difficult to maintain. How did we get here?
Choices
One word lies at the heart of it all - choices. We as a society decided in the 1980s that parenting up until that point had produced emotionally dysfunctional adults. Therefore, we threw out all conventional wisdom on the subject and began to give children more choices and control. No longer would we demand obedience and respect. We would instead let the child be more in charge of his/her destiny and figure out what he/she believed to be right and wrong. Basically we embarked on a massive societal experiment and are now truly beginning to see the fruits of our labors. Are you happy with the results of this grand experiment? I am not. To be honest, it scares the life out of me to think how much worse it must get before we dethrone the crazy individuals that set us all on this path in the first place. Some of their ideas have become so engrained in our national psyche that it will take massive societal upheaval to remove it. Don't believe me? Start talking to childhood experts about the danger of choices and see how fast they label you something completely awful.
Entitlement
Some of you might say that choices could not possibly be the reason our children are growing more demanding with every passing year. Really? What else could it be? The prevalence of giving children choices instead of expecting obedience is what has changed since I was a child. If I had tried some of the stunts I see children pull today, I would have been cleaning something for days on end until I learned the futility of that endeavor. We have created an entitled generation or two. My generation understood that the world owed us nothing, and if we got anything, it was through hard work and perseverance. Now some of my generation gladly embraced the entitled mindset out of sheer laziness, and now bums off of everyone including the government. Entitlement is a dangerous slippery slope for a society to embrace. Someone has to provide for all the entitled people, and eventually they will get tired of it. The saying of "if you do not work, you do not eat" has a very distinct purpose in a society, and only the truly disabled should be exempt from this rule. We now have almost an entire generation that believes the world owes them everything. We are in deep trouble.
Having No Control
Beyond just the matter of entitlement, we also have an epidemic of people who cannot deal with not getting their way. Many adults do not see the danger of being a control freak until life puts them in a situation where they have no control. Then the panic attacks and overall freaking out that accompanies such a situation truly complicates an already difficult situation. Make no mistake, sometime in your life you will experience a situation where you have absolutely no control. How well you survive that situation will very much depend on being able to go with the flow. If you cannot handle not being in control, the situation will break you. If we are raising a generation of control freaks, we are raising a generation that cannot handle life and will be broken by it. Experts are already telling us our children lack resiliency. However, these same experts will never link our overindulgence of choices for children as the culprit. Resiliency comes from what my husband likes to call the "suck up and deal with it" factor. We have to teach children that sometimes we have to just deal with what life hands us.
Learn to Take "No" for an Answer
Now let us bring this into the early childhood realm. How do we deal with these overly demanding children? Number one, never give them anything they demand. Demanding should be a behavior that is treated as completely inappropriate. Teach them to ask nicely. Teach them to take "no" for an answer without throwing a hissy fit. At my childcare I teach the children to take a deep breath and say "that's okay" when they are told "no." We practice a lot so that when we hit the heat of the moment, they know exactly what I am going to tell them to do. It takes lots of work to teach a child to take "no" for an answer in today's society, but it can be done. Lastly, make them be last as often as they get to be first. I have many systems in my daily routines that dictate who gets to go first and who goes last. These systems rotate so that this is equally divided. When children start at my childcare, this has to be one of the hardest lessons they learn in the first six months. Do I have hissy fits because a child does not always get to go first? Absolutely. I just smile to myself and tell myself I am teaching them one of life's most important lessons.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Scenario
We have all witnessed this scenario play out wherever two year olds dwell. An adult needs for a child to transition to another activity, and the child is acting like the world just came to an end because the child does not agree with the transition. This is typical for a two year old. However, now imagine a six year old throwing the same fit for the same reason. Now we have an issue. I have seen teenagers throw hissy fits that could rival any two year old when they do not get their way. This is becoming a very prevalent problem in our society. Our children have become so demanding even minimal rational expectations have become difficult to maintain. How did we get here?
Choices
One word lies at the heart of it all - choices. We as a society decided in the 1980s that parenting up until that point had produced emotionally dysfunctional adults. Therefore, we threw out all conventional wisdom on the subject and began to give children more choices and control. No longer would we demand obedience and respect. We would instead let the child be more in charge of his/her destiny and figure out what he/she believed to be right and wrong. Basically we embarked on a massive societal experiment and are now truly beginning to see the fruits of our labors. Are you happy with the results of this grand experiment? I am not. To be honest, it scares the life out of me to think how much worse it must get before we dethrone the crazy individuals that set us all on this path in the first place. Some of their ideas have become so engrained in our national psyche that it will take massive societal upheaval to remove it. Don't believe me? Start talking to childhood experts about the danger of choices and see how fast they label you something completely awful.
Entitlement
Some of you might say that choices could not possibly be the reason our children are growing more demanding with every passing year. Really? What else could it be? The prevalence of giving children choices instead of expecting obedience is what has changed since I was a child. If I had tried some of the stunts I see children pull today, I would have been cleaning something for days on end until I learned the futility of that endeavor. We have created an entitled generation or two. My generation understood that the world owed us nothing, and if we got anything, it was through hard work and perseverance. Now some of my generation gladly embraced the entitled mindset out of sheer laziness, and now bums off of everyone including the government. Entitlement is a dangerous slippery slope for a society to embrace. Someone has to provide for all the entitled people, and eventually they will get tired of it. The saying of "if you do not work, you do not eat" has a very distinct purpose in a society, and only the truly disabled should be exempt from this rule. We now have almost an entire generation that believes the world owes them everything. We are in deep trouble.
Having No Control
Beyond just the matter of entitlement, we also have an epidemic of people who cannot deal with not getting their way. Many adults do not see the danger of being a control freak until life puts them in a situation where they have no control. Then the panic attacks and overall freaking out that accompanies such a situation truly complicates an already difficult situation. Make no mistake, sometime in your life you will experience a situation where you have absolutely no control. How well you survive that situation will very much depend on being able to go with the flow. If you cannot handle not being in control, the situation will break you. If we are raising a generation of control freaks, we are raising a generation that cannot handle life and will be broken by it. Experts are already telling us our children lack resiliency. However, these same experts will never link our overindulgence of choices for children as the culprit. Resiliency comes from what my husband likes to call the "suck up and deal with it" factor. We have to teach children that sometimes we have to just deal with what life hands us.
Learn to Take "No" for an Answer
Now let us bring this into the early childhood realm. How do we deal with these overly demanding children? Number one, never give them anything they demand. Demanding should be a behavior that is treated as completely inappropriate. Teach them to ask nicely. Teach them to take "no" for an answer without throwing a hissy fit. At my childcare I teach the children to take a deep breath and say "that's okay" when they are told "no." We practice a lot so that when we hit the heat of the moment, they know exactly what I am going to tell them to do. It takes lots of work to teach a child to take "no" for an answer in today's society, but it can be done. Lastly, make them be last as often as they get to be first. I have many systems in my daily routines that dictate who gets to go first and who goes last. These systems rotate so that this is equally divided. When children start at my childcare, this has to be one of the hardest lessons they learn in the first six months. Do I have hissy fits because a child does not always get to go first? Absolutely. I just smile to myself and tell myself I am teaching them one of life's most important lessons.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, February 8, 2014
The Simultaneous Learning Style
This post will look at the simultaneous learning style. This style encompasses those people that learn better when involved in multiple projects at once. Although research is starting to show that pure multitasking does not produce good results in any of the projects attempted, rotating between different projects has been shown to produce good results for some people.
Pure Multitasking
What do I mean by pure multitasking? Most people who try to truly do several things simultaneously (like drive and text) cannot really concentrate on any one thing enough to do it well. However, what most people consider multitasking actually involves rotating between different projects to utilize time more efficiently. For example, many women will do one task that needs to sit or run, and then while that is going on, they will move on to another task that can be done in the downtime. Many people also use this strategy in their jobs to produce more in the same timeframe. In a learning situation, this can be used with great success. Actually, this is how one-room schoolhouses functioned. One class would do teacher directed activity and then would go off to do independent work while the teacher did directed activity with another group. The teacher stayed constantly busy, but the children did not necessarily.
The Small Bursts
How can this learning style be utilized in a childcare setting? My own childcare is structured much like a one-room schoolhouse. I have learned that young children benefit from many small bursts of academic instruction instead of long sessions. This system allows me to do one-on-one instruction with every child in my childcare everyday. These daily small bursts are concentrated in content but do not last very long. Most of the child's day in spent in play. However, I keep hopping all day long. I also rotate between academic work and other activities such as routines. I never go from one-on-one instruction time straight into a group time without some sort of break even if it is just a pick-up time. Many researchers say that breaking up activities in this way helps the brain to reset making the brain more receptive to new information.
Rotating with Other Activities
Many people actually benefit from this particular learning style. Most people will get bogged down when they try to do schoolwork in one long session. However, when people break the work down in smaller sessions and rotate doing other things, they can retain more from session to session. I personally work very well this way. It is how I survived graduate school. Very rarely do I ever write long works in one setting. Most of the time, I write papers in sections and rotate the work between academic and nonacademic work. This really helps me get housework done. While I do housework, my brain pre-writes the next section of the paper. By the time I sit back down to the writing, it can flow because I had the downtime to ponder. For children with short attention spans rotating academic work with other activities gives them time to digest the academic concepts. This keeps them from being overwhelmed by an enormous amount of content at one time. Many children are capable of academic work that many consider developmentally inappropriate when it is delivered with this format. Remember, I was a homeschooler. Therefore, the way I present academic content does not necessarily match how a classroom teacher might approach the same content. For me, it will always be about individually appropriate practice.
Who Benefits from this Learning Style?
Like every other learning style, people will use each style to varying degrees. Some people may use this type of learning style for nearly everything. Other people will use this type of learning only in certain situations. Still others may not be able to use this learning style at all. How can you tell if a child can function well with this style of learning? As with all other matters concerning education and individual needs for learning, trial and error and good observation usually represent the best options for determining what works and what does not work. Children that have an extremely hard time concentrating might really have issues when too many activities are going on around them. They may still benefit from the short bursts of instruction but must have near silence around them to be able to concentrate. Over the years I have had many children in my childcare with attention issues. Therefore, while I am doing one-on-one instruction, loud, rowdy play by the other children is not allowed. The children always have other times for more physical play, but out of respect for the children with attention issues or learning disabilities, they must tone it down while I do "school." This benefits both parties because all children should learn appropriate times for all behavior.
The Strugglers
Another group of children that might struggle with this learning style are those that take a long time to get involved with a subject. Usually but not always this type of learning situation accompanies learning disabilities. Most of the time, these children cannot retain much from session to session, and therefore much rehashing of material becomes necessary. This also might show itself in a subject that proves difficult for a child to understand but in other subjects the child does fine with short bursts of information.
What Is Not Simultaneous Learning
Before I leave this subject, I want to address what I do not mean by simultaneous learning. As I stated in my opening paragraph, researchers are beginning to rebuff pure multitasking. Therefore, people normally must concentrate on one thing at a time even it it is for a short time. Trying to cram way too much activity into one time frame normally does not produce very good results. People cannot talk and listen at the same time. A chaotic atmosphere also normally does not produce very good results. Sometimes there is a fine line between stimulating activity and complete chaos. Good observation should tell you whether the children in your care are learning or just simply running wild. When you hit the running wild phase, you probably will want to rein it in.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Pure Multitasking
What do I mean by pure multitasking? Most people who try to truly do several things simultaneously (like drive and text) cannot really concentrate on any one thing enough to do it well. However, what most people consider multitasking actually involves rotating between different projects to utilize time more efficiently. For example, many women will do one task that needs to sit or run, and then while that is going on, they will move on to another task that can be done in the downtime. Many people also use this strategy in their jobs to produce more in the same timeframe. In a learning situation, this can be used with great success. Actually, this is how one-room schoolhouses functioned. One class would do teacher directed activity and then would go off to do independent work while the teacher did directed activity with another group. The teacher stayed constantly busy, but the children did not necessarily.
The Small Bursts
How can this learning style be utilized in a childcare setting? My own childcare is structured much like a one-room schoolhouse. I have learned that young children benefit from many small bursts of academic instruction instead of long sessions. This system allows me to do one-on-one instruction with every child in my childcare everyday. These daily small bursts are concentrated in content but do not last very long. Most of the child's day in spent in play. However, I keep hopping all day long. I also rotate between academic work and other activities such as routines. I never go from one-on-one instruction time straight into a group time without some sort of break even if it is just a pick-up time. Many researchers say that breaking up activities in this way helps the brain to reset making the brain more receptive to new information.
Rotating with Other Activities
Many people actually benefit from this particular learning style. Most people will get bogged down when they try to do schoolwork in one long session. However, when people break the work down in smaller sessions and rotate doing other things, they can retain more from session to session. I personally work very well this way. It is how I survived graduate school. Very rarely do I ever write long works in one setting. Most of the time, I write papers in sections and rotate the work between academic and nonacademic work. This really helps me get housework done. While I do housework, my brain pre-writes the next section of the paper. By the time I sit back down to the writing, it can flow because I had the downtime to ponder. For children with short attention spans rotating academic work with other activities gives them time to digest the academic concepts. This keeps them from being overwhelmed by an enormous amount of content at one time. Many children are capable of academic work that many consider developmentally inappropriate when it is delivered with this format. Remember, I was a homeschooler. Therefore, the way I present academic content does not necessarily match how a classroom teacher might approach the same content. For me, it will always be about individually appropriate practice.
Who Benefits from this Learning Style?
Like every other learning style, people will use each style to varying degrees. Some people may use this type of learning style for nearly everything. Other people will use this type of learning only in certain situations. Still others may not be able to use this learning style at all. How can you tell if a child can function well with this style of learning? As with all other matters concerning education and individual needs for learning, trial and error and good observation usually represent the best options for determining what works and what does not work. Children that have an extremely hard time concentrating might really have issues when too many activities are going on around them. They may still benefit from the short bursts of instruction but must have near silence around them to be able to concentrate. Over the years I have had many children in my childcare with attention issues. Therefore, while I am doing one-on-one instruction, loud, rowdy play by the other children is not allowed. The children always have other times for more physical play, but out of respect for the children with attention issues or learning disabilities, they must tone it down while I do "school." This benefits both parties because all children should learn appropriate times for all behavior.
The Strugglers
Another group of children that might struggle with this learning style are those that take a long time to get involved with a subject. Usually but not always this type of learning situation accompanies learning disabilities. Most of the time, these children cannot retain much from session to session, and therefore much rehashing of material becomes necessary. This also might show itself in a subject that proves difficult for a child to understand but in other subjects the child does fine with short bursts of information.
What Is Not Simultaneous Learning
Before I leave this subject, I want to address what I do not mean by simultaneous learning. As I stated in my opening paragraph, researchers are beginning to rebuff pure multitasking. Therefore, people normally must concentrate on one thing at a time even it it is for a short time. Trying to cram way too much activity into one time frame normally does not produce very good results. People cannot talk and listen at the same time. A chaotic atmosphere also normally does not produce very good results. Sometimes there is a fine line between stimulating activity and complete chaos. Good observation should tell you whether the children in your care are learning or just simply running wild. When you hit the running wild phase, you probably will want to rein it in.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Dealing with Demanding Children - Attention Hogs
This post will continue the discussion on demanding children. In particular, I will look at those children that demand almost constant attention. I call them "attention hogs." Many times those children that exhibit demanding behavior usually display all three types of behavior that will be discussed in this series. However, the root cause for this type of behavior is different than the other two. This one stems from insecurity and immaturity.
The Scenario
We have all seen the poor mom that cannot hold a conversation with an adult without her child(ren) doing everything in their power to maintain her attention. They will crawl all over her, and if that doesn't work, they will proceed to start to tear the place down. To them, negative attention is still attention. They come unglued when they are left alone and think potty time for mom is a community affair. These children completely dominate their mom's and/or dad's time and attention and will throw a hissy fit for the ages if their need for attention is not met.
Should It Always Be about the Children?
Before I get into the emotional reasons for this behavior, I want to discuss how parents create (or at least feed constantly) the monster. We live in a culture that caters to children heavily. Parents are constantly fed the line that "it's all about the children." However, more and more articles by prominent psychologists have surfaced talking about how we might be doing our children a disservice through this philosophy. We become so engrossed in making our children's lives "perfect" that we do not see how we make them codependent on us. I know this is not a pleasant fact, but parents, you are enabling the monster. Because of parental guilt and overindulgence of the children, the children in today's society get away with behavior that would never have been tolerated 50 years ago. Parents feel extreme guilt when they do not provide everything for their children or make them happy constantly. They do not understand that this actually stunts emotional growth. Children need to strive and struggle to become functional adults. We should not ever shield them from this process. Parents contribute to the immaturity end of the root cause of this behavior through overindulgence and helicopter parenting. The immaturity feeds the insecurities that make up the other part of the root cause. Granted, some children are naturally extremely clingy. However, the clinginess should not be fed. It is one of those behaviors we work on like laziness and pouting.
What's the Big Deal?
Some of you might say, what is the big deal? Does this type of behavior in young children prove to be detrimental in the long run? To answer that question, let me ask you a question. Have you seen 10-25 year olds that still so demand attention from either their parents or other people that it affects how they function in a group? Have you seen this increasing exponentially in the last decade? I have. We are not dealing with this behavior like previous generations of parents, and we are reaping a very ugly harvest. This behavior demands intervention just like these children demand attention.
Divorce
The emotional reasons that children become so demanding can vary from child to child. However, many of these children share some of the same common contributors. I hate to bring up the first one because most parents that go through this already feel massively guilty over it, but divorce is by far the number one reason for super clingy, demanding behavior. Children of divorce deal with an abandonment issue in most cases. The people that tell you it is possible to have a good divorce are lying to you. Divorce is ugly business especially for children. The more you understand that the easier it will be to see the detrimental side effects and do something about them. Children of divorce need encouragement, but that can become almost like an addiction to them. Many divorced parents tend to overdo the encouragement because of guilt, and have a hard time setting boundaries and sticking to them. When dealing with these children, give them attention but draw the line before it crosses over into complete dominance. It is extremely important for these children to learn self-management. You might say to them, "I've given you a hug. Now, you need to do what I asked you to do." You acknowledge their need without giving into their complete dominance of your time and attention. I have also seen the same emotional fallout from parents that co-habitate with people and change partners quite often. This lifestyle can reek havoc on children because they are abandoned over and over. However, giving into the demanding behavior of children just because their life has been rough does not do them any favors. These children need to learn to respect boundaries and self-regulation as much if not more than children that do not have to deal with these circumstances. We want functioning adults not codependent adults.
Fear
The other big contributing factor for demanding behavior is fear. Some children naturally deal with unsubstantiated fears. I was one of those children. It actually can be hereditary. My grandmother dealt with extreme irrational fears all of her life. Those fears dominated her and caused her to be a demanding person. These children need to be taught more than anything else how to regulate the fear. Some of these children might require counseling, but you as the childcare provider can do many things to teach a child to calm down. When a child experiences an episode of irrational fear, the best course of action for you is to calmly talk the child through the situation. Explain logically why the fear is not based in reality. For example, many children have extreme fear of thunder. When it thunders, I will say to the children, "Thunder cannot hurt you. It is just noise." It takes many, many, many repetitions of this type of intervention to truly calm a child, but in time this makes a huge difference for them. They will pick up on your calmness, and begin to talk themselves through other situations when they are afraid. If you are hysterical, you will feed the fear monster. Calmness goes a long way to ratchet down irrational fears.
Immaturity
Before I leave this subject, I want to touch on some areas where you as a provider can be proactive with these demanding children. As I said earlier, immaturity plays a huge role in these demanding episodes. Dealing with the immaturity through daily activities and routines can head off quite a bit of the demanding behavior before it gets out of control. Probably the most useful tool in your arsenal is teaching the child to play by himself/herself. This will be met with wailing and gnashing of teeth, but having times each day where the child has to entertain himself/herself teaches that child self-regulation. I do not know if you have ever put together that the most demanding children are also the ones who have the hardest time entertaining themselves. These children usually want to constantly be with people, but being okay with just themselves will serve them for the rest of their lives. You will have to start slowly with this and prepare yourself for the hissy fit of the century everyday for possible months. I had one child who did through a hissy fit for 3 months every time I made her play by herself. After the first three months, she sat there pouting for the next 3 months. At the six month mark, she started playing by herself. I wanted to dance. She was by far the most demanding child I had ever encountered, but it did finally work.
Structure
Another way to be proactive with demanding behavior is to have great structure in place. Demanding children need structure more than other children. They have issues with boundaries. Therefore, you need to give them plenty of practice dealing with boundaries. Be calm. Be consistent. When you have good structure in place, you will have systems in place already to deal with the occasional or constant demanding behavior episode. When a child knows what to expect, it will be much easier to gain compliance.
To sum up, demanding behavior demands a response. This type of behavior should never be redirected or ignored. It is another of those behaviors that requires direct intervention. Enforce your boundaries. Help the children be okay with themselves.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
The Scenario
We have all seen the poor mom that cannot hold a conversation with an adult without her child(ren) doing everything in their power to maintain her attention. They will crawl all over her, and if that doesn't work, they will proceed to start to tear the place down. To them, negative attention is still attention. They come unglued when they are left alone and think potty time for mom is a community affair. These children completely dominate their mom's and/or dad's time and attention and will throw a hissy fit for the ages if their need for attention is not met.
Should It Always Be about the Children?
Before I get into the emotional reasons for this behavior, I want to discuss how parents create (or at least feed constantly) the monster. We live in a culture that caters to children heavily. Parents are constantly fed the line that "it's all about the children." However, more and more articles by prominent psychologists have surfaced talking about how we might be doing our children a disservice through this philosophy. We become so engrossed in making our children's lives "perfect" that we do not see how we make them codependent on us. I know this is not a pleasant fact, but parents, you are enabling the monster. Because of parental guilt and overindulgence of the children, the children in today's society get away with behavior that would never have been tolerated 50 years ago. Parents feel extreme guilt when they do not provide everything for their children or make them happy constantly. They do not understand that this actually stunts emotional growth. Children need to strive and struggle to become functional adults. We should not ever shield them from this process. Parents contribute to the immaturity end of the root cause of this behavior through overindulgence and helicopter parenting. The immaturity feeds the insecurities that make up the other part of the root cause. Granted, some children are naturally extremely clingy. However, the clinginess should not be fed. It is one of those behaviors we work on like laziness and pouting.
What's the Big Deal?
Some of you might say, what is the big deal? Does this type of behavior in young children prove to be detrimental in the long run? To answer that question, let me ask you a question. Have you seen 10-25 year olds that still so demand attention from either their parents or other people that it affects how they function in a group? Have you seen this increasing exponentially in the last decade? I have. We are not dealing with this behavior like previous generations of parents, and we are reaping a very ugly harvest. This behavior demands intervention just like these children demand attention.
Divorce
The emotional reasons that children become so demanding can vary from child to child. However, many of these children share some of the same common contributors. I hate to bring up the first one because most parents that go through this already feel massively guilty over it, but divorce is by far the number one reason for super clingy, demanding behavior. Children of divorce deal with an abandonment issue in most cases. The people that tell you it is possible to have a good divorce are lying to you. Divorce is ugly business especially for children. The more you understand that the easier it will be to see the detrimental side effects and do something about them. Children of divorce need encouragement, but that can become almost like an addiction to them. Many divorced parents tend to overdo the encouragement because of guilt, and have a hard time setting boundaries and sticking to them. When dealing with these children, give them attention but draw the line before it crosses over into complete dominance. It is extremely important for these children to learn self-management. You might say to them, "I've given you a hug. Now, you need to do what I asked you to do." You acknowledge their need without giving into their complete dominance of your time and attention. I have also seen the same emotional fallout from parents that co-habitate with people and change partners quite often. This lifestyle can reek havoc on children because they are abandoned over and over. However, giving into the demanding behavior of children just because their life has been rough does not do them any favors. These children need to learn to respect boundaries and self-regulation as much if not more than children that do not have to deal with these circumstances. We want functioning adults not codependent adults.
Fear
The other big contributing factor for demanding behavior is fear. Some children naturally deal with unsubstantiated fears. I was one of those children. It actually can be hereditary. My grandmother dealt with extreme irrational fears all of her life. Those fears dominated her and caused her to be a demanding person. These children need to be taught more than anything else how to regulate the fear. Some of these children might require counseling, but you as the childcare provider can do many things to teach a child to calm down. When a child experiences an episode of irrational fear, the best course of action for you is to calmly talk the child through the situation. Explain logically why the fear is not based in reality. For example, many children have extreme fear of thunder. When it thunders, I will say to the children, "Thunder cannot hurt you. It is just noise." It takes many, many, many repetitions of this type of intervention to truly calm a child, but in time this makes a huge difference for them. They will pick up on your calmness, and begin to talk themselves through other situations when they are afraid. If you are hysterical, you will feed the fear monster. Calmness goes a long way to ratchet down irrational fears.
Immaturity
Before I leave this subject, I want to touch on some areas where you as a provider can be proactive with these demanding children. As I said earlier, immaturity plays a huge role in these demanding episodes. Dealing with the immaturity through daily activities and routines can head off quite a bit of the demanding behavior before it gets out of control. Probably the most useful tool in your arsenal is teaching the child to play by himself/herself. This will be met with wailing and gnashing of teeth, but having times each day where the child has to entertain himself/herself teaches that child self-regulation. I do not know if you have ever put together that the most demanding children are also the ones who have the hardest time entertaining themselves. These children usually want to constantly be with people, but being okay with just themselves will serve them for the rest of their lives. You will have to start slowly with this and prepare yourself for the hissy fit of the century everyday for possible months. I had one child who did through a hissy fit for 3 months every time I made her play by herself. After the first three months, she sat there pouting for the next 3 months. At the six month mark, she started playing by herself. I wanted to dance. She was by far the most demanding child I had ever encountered, but it did finally work.
Structure
Another way to be proactive with demanding behavior is to have great structure in place. Demanding children need structure more than other children. They have issues with boundaries. Therefore, you need to give them plenty of practice dealing with boundaries. Be calm. Be consistent. When you have good structure in place, you will have systems in place already to deal with the occasional or constant demanding behavior episode. When a child knows what to expect, it will be much easier to gain compliance.
To sum up, demanding behavior demands a response. This type of behavior should never be redirected or ignored. It is another of those behaviors that requires direct intervention. Enforce your boundaries. Help the children be okay with themselves.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, February 1, 2014
The Multi-sensory Learning Style
This post will deal with those children that must engage multiple senses to learn. I have touched on this in my previous posts on the big three learning styles, but this post will delve into more detail. This particular learning style involves a great percentage of children with developmental delays and learning difficulties. With the recent increase in the number of children being diagnosed with developmental delays and learning disabilities, this post will be of the upmost importance to providers and parents of these children.
What Is Multi-Sensory Learning?
What is meant by multi-sensory learning? This means exactly what it states. Children in this category have to engage multiple senses to learn. They may utilize two or three of the big three learning styles in order to learn. For example, some children have to see and hear information in order for their brains to process the information. These children will not learn when information is presented only in one format. They cannot make sense of a chart without verbal explanation, and they cannot process a lecture that is not accompanied by a great deal of visuals. The mix of the big three learning styles can be varied from child to child and even within the learning repertoire of the same child. Some children mix hands-on and verbal. Others may mix all three. Still others may only be multi-sensory in one particular field such as math. While not all children that are multi-sensory have developmental delays and learning disabilities, those children that are developmentally delayed and/or have learning disabilities fall into this category heavily. It seems that the greater the level of learning difficulty the more likely it is that a child will rely on multiple senses to process information. In the following paragraphs I will discuss the various combinations of learning styles and different teaching approaches that can be used.
The Difference between Multiple Learning Styles and Multi-Sensory
Before we dive into the various combinations, I want to clarify the difference between having multiple learning styles in our personal repertoire and being multi-sensory. Most of us have a fairly wide variety of learning styles in our personal repertoire that we can call on with a great deal of success when the situation demands it. People with true multi-sensory leanings, have to have information presented in a multiple format. For example, you may be able to use visual and auditory learning successfully in various environments. You may also get more from a presentation if it has a variety of formats included. However, those with multi-sensory leanings, cannot use one format exclusively. Sometimes this multi-sensory leaning only shows itself in one or two particular subjects, but in those subjects the information must be presented in a multiple format for the person to retain the information.
Visual and Auditory
Now, let us look at the various combinations. I have already discussed the combination of visual and auditory a little. People with this combination must have great visuals mixed with verbal explanation. Figuring out whether or not a child has this leaning comes down to simple trial and error. If you notice that a child does not do well with simple visuals or simple verbal instruction alone, but does very well when the two are combined, more than likely you have a multi-sensory learning style involved. This can manifest itself in the most random places. For example, I have seen children that cannot do word problems until they draw pictures or diagrams to go along with the word problems, and then still have to have the word problem read aloud for the diagrams to make sense to them. Just having to have the diagrams would only signify that a visual learning style was more prevalent. Having to have both the visuals and the reading aloud of the problem would signify a multi-sensory learning style. As I have said before, the multi-sensory need seems to pop up when we hit a subject that gives us great difficulty. For some children that may be just word problems or something of that nature, but for other children it involves learning in general.
Visual/Hands-on and Auditory/Hands-on
The next two combinations I want to look at are visual with hands-on learning and auditory with hands-on learning. These children will be the ones that do not do well with a pure discovery-style learning approach, but still need hands-on learning to go along with a visual or auditory presentation. Remember I am not talking about people that gain more from a combination of these learning styles, but people that cannot process the information in any one learning style. For example, you have a situation where you are trying to teach a child about multiplication. You have visuals that show how multiplication works, but the child still does not understand. Then you break out the manipulatives and the child still cannot correlate that to the written work of multiplication. It is only when you walk the child through the written form of multiplication while the child uses the manipulatives that the child understands. The child must see and use hands-on to understand the concept. For auditory learning with hands-on, the same would hold true except the child would need auditory explanation rather than visual explanation. I hope you are now understanding why this particular learning style plays so heavily in children with learning disabilities.
All Three
Now, let us look at those children that must have all three learning styles to process information. Most of the time when this scenario comes into play, you will definitely have a moderate to severe developmental delay or learning disability. Children that fall on the autism spectrum usually fall heavily into this category. Information for these children must be presented in multiple formats and even then it may still be a hit or miss situation. When you have a moderate to severe developmental delay or learning disability situation, teaching anything becomes an adventure. Most of the time, the mix between the different formats is not equal and may vary from day to day and subject to subject. Some days a child may require more auditory and less visual only to require the exact opposite in the same subject the next day. This is why one-on-one instruction works so much better for these children than a group situation. A teacher of these children needs the flexibility to switch gears at a moment's notice.
Keep Your Eyes Open for Issues
Let us take this into the early childhood world. As early childhood professionals, we are usually a child's first exposure to the academic world. Therefore, we are also in a position to spot problems before anyone else. Now I am not talking about diagnosing anything, but we can tell when something is just not right. Watch your children and pay attention to what kind of presentations seem to work for each child. When you encounter a child that seems to have great difficulty learning, try mixing different learning approaches to see if you can stumble upon that child's magic combination. Plus, make use of the different screening opportunities available in your state when you do notice those difficulties. Catching developmental delays and learning difficulties early can make a huge difference in the life of a child.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
What Is Multi-Sensory Learning?
What is meant by multi-sensory learning? This means exactly what it states. Children in this category have to engage multiple senses to learn. They may utilize two or three of the big three learning styles in order to learn. For example, some children have to see and hear information in order for their brains to process the information. These children will not learn when information is presented only in one format. They cannot make sense of a chart without verbal explanation, and they cannot process a lecture that is not accompanied by a great deal of visuals. The mix of the big three learning styles can be varied from child to child and even within the learning repertoire of the same child. Some children mix hands-on and verbal. Others may mix all three. Still others may only be multi-sensory in one particular field such as math. While not all children that are multi-sensory have developmental delays and learning disabilities, those children that are developmentally delayed and/or have learning disabilities fall into this category heavily. It seems that the greater the level of learning difficulty the more likely it is that a child will rely on multiple senses to process information. In the following paragraphs I will discuss the various combinations of learning styles and different teaching approaches that can be used.
The Difference between Multiple Learning Styles and Multi-Sensory
Before we dive into the various combinations, I want to clarify the difference between having multiple learning styles in our personal repertoire and being multi-sensory. Most of us have a fairly wide variety of learning styles in our personal repertoire that we can call on with a great deal of success when the situation demands it. People with true multi-sensory leanings, have to have information presented in a multiple format. For example, you may be able to use visual and auditory learning successfully in various environments. You may also get more from a presentation if it has a variety of formats included. However, those with multi-sensory leanings, cannot use one format exclusively. Sometimes this multi-sensory leaning only shows itself in one or two particular subjects, but in those subjects the information must be presented in a multiple format for the person to retain the information.
Visual and Auditory
Now, let us look at the various combinations. I have already discussed the combination of visual and auditory a little. People with this combination must have great visuals mixed with verbal explanation. Figuring out whether or not a child has this leaning comes down to simple trial and error. If you notice that a child does not do well with simple visuals or simple verbal instruction alone, but does very well when the two are combined, more than likely you have a multi-sensory learning style involved. This can manifest itself in the most random places. For example, I have seen children that cannot do word problems until they draw pictures or diagrams to go along with the word problems, and then still have to have the word problem read aloud for the diagrams to make sense to them. Just having to have the diagrams would only signify that a visual learning style was more prevalent. Having to have both the visuals and the reading aloud of the problem would signify a multi-sensory learning style. As I have said before, the multi-sensory need seems to pop up when we hit a subject that gives us great difficulty. For some children that may be just word problems or something of that nature, but for other children it involves learning in general.
Visual/Hands-on and Auditory/Hands-on
The next two combinations I want to look at are visual with hands-on learning and auditory with hands-on learning. These children will be the ones that do not do well with a pure discovery-style learning approach, but still need hands-on learning to go along with a visual or auditory presentation. Remember I am not talking about people that gain more from a combination of these learning styles, but people that cannot process the information in any one learning style. For example, you have a situation where you are trying to teach a child about multiplication. You have visuals that show how multiplication works, but the child still does not understand. Then you break out the manipulatives and the child still cannot correlate that to the written work of multiplication. It is only when you walk the child through the written form of multiplication while the child uses the manipulatives that the child understands. The child must see and use hands-on to understand the concept. For auditory learning with hands-on, the same would hold true except the child would need auditory explanation rather than visual explanation. I hope you are now understanding why this particular learning style plays so heavily in children with learning disabilities.
All Three
Now, let us look at those children that must have all three learning styles to process information. Most of the time when this scenario comes into play, you will definitely have a moderate to severe developmental delay or learning disability. Children that fall on the autism spectrum usually fall heavily into this category. Information for these children must be presented in multiple formats and even then it may still be a hit or miss situation. When you have a moderate to severe developmental delay or learning disability situation, teaching anything becomes an adventure. Most of the time, the mix between the different formats is not equal and may vary from day to day and subject to subject. Some days a child may require more auditory and less visual only to require the exact opposite in the same subject the next day. This is why one-on-one instruction works so much better for these children than a group situation. A teacher of these children needs the flexibility to switch gears at a moment's notice.
Keep Your Eyes Open for Issues
Let us take this into the early childhood world. As early childhood professionals, we are usually a child's first exposure to the academic world. Therefore, we are also in a position to spot problems before anyone else. Now I am not talking about diagnosing anything, but we can tell when something is just not right. Watch your children and pay attention to what kind of presentations seem to work for each child. When you encounter a child that seems to have great difficulty learning, try mixing different learning approaches to see if you can stumble upon that child's magic combination. Plus, make use of the different screening opportunities available in your state when you do notice those difficulties. Catching developmental delays and learning difficulties early can make a huge difference in the life of a child.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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