This post will be the first of a three-part series on developing character in children. The first two parts will deal with the two greatest hindrances to developing true character in children - the overemphasis of giving children choices and the overemphasizing of self-esteem instead of self-awareness.
The Liberal "Trump" Card
One of the biggest hindrances to instilling character traits such as diligence, patience, kindness, obedience, and respect is that society does not value these traits much anymore. This is especially true of obedience and respect, which is nearly considered evil in our society. Many prominent psychologists and sociologists place obedience and respect at the very bottom of the list of traits that children should be taught. What do they put at the top? The traits at the top of their list is self-esteem and having choices. I will deal with self-esteem in my next post, but the real culprit that causes so much of our grief as a society is the overemphasis on giving children choices. I call it the liberal "trump" card. Like in the card game "Rook," choices trumps everything including all common sense. It aggravates me to no end that early childhood professionals accept this without question not realizing that this prioritization of traits undermines a lot of the good traits we want to see in our children. The best way to undermine diligence is to give the children the choice to quit. How in the world can children develop patience if they always get their way? Of course, it should make sense now why obedience and respect are so demonized. If children have complete choice, adults have no right to push anything off on the children for any reason. Therefore, the first order of business to instill character into children is to put giving children choices in its proper place in the list of priorities, which is much closer to the bottom. Notice that I did not say it was not important at all. I just said it is not all important.
The Need for Wisdom
Where does choice fit in the grand scheme of it all? Many of the early childhood theorists believe that the only way to teach children to make good choices is to give them complete choice. They believe that the act of making choices will eventually produce adults who can be decisive and make good choices in their lives. There's a little flaw in that theory, and it is called the sin nature. Because these theorists deny the sin nature, they do not take into account that selfishness and greed will more often come into play in a child's decisions than wisdom. Wisdom has to be taught. Being selfish and greedy does not have to be taught. The simple act of making decisions without wisdom will never produce adults who make good decisions. They might be decisive, but we all know people who are decisive and very unwise. Therefore, the teaching of wisdom must come first coupled with opportunities for the children to make some decisions.
Two Positive Choices
At this point I want to deal with the practice of giving "two positive choices." When in life do we as anyone above the age of 5 get to choose between two positives? Most of the time we have to choose between the lesser of two negatives. Choosing between two positives is not really developing the ability to make good choices. All it develops is being decisive. When a child has to decide between doing what they are supposed to do and what they want to do because they have weighed the consequences, that develops good decision making skills. That is how decisions for the rest of their life will have to be made. Why in the world would we present them with such a unrealistic scenario as two positive choices? The answer to that question lies in the fact that most early childhood theory is based on relativism and adults should not enforce a definite "right and wrong" on children. They will say that when a positive and a negative choice are given to a child that is not really a choice. Oh really? That child can choose the negative and does so quite often because of stubbornness. Then that child learns that negative choices beget negative consequences. How are children supposed to learn that lesson when all they ever get are two positive choices? They won't.
Choice in the Real World
In an early childhood world where relativism is stripped away and the provider takes the sin nature into account, what does choice look like? In a situation where a child is misbehaving it is perfectly acceptable to point out to that child the positive way of handling that situation and the negative consequences if they do not. Then that child has to decide if they will be obedient or suffer the consequences. In situations where children must choose between neutral options, a wise way of teaching decisiveness is to make them abide by their choices. In our facility we let the children choose centers at each center time, but they have to stay there. Roaming is not allowed. The children at our facility put a little more thought into where they go and who goes with them because for 15-20 minutes that is where they will be. It doesn't take children long at all to figure this out once they start at our facility. Making good choices can actually be taught much more effectively if the child is not given complete choice. However, this can only be accomplished when relativism is thrown out the window. It is our God-given responsibility to teach children the difference between right and wrong.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Saturday, July 27, 2013
The Art of Teaching Rules
This post will deal with my expertise in establishing rules in a child care setting. Like everything else in life, getting children to follow rules takes time and effort. Just putting a rules display on the wall will only get you brownie points for displays on an assessment scale. To create an environment where children actually follow the rules takes a multi-front effort.
The Rules Display
Let's start this discussion with the typical rules display. Most of us have a copy of our classroom rules on the wall. If you don't have a copy of the classroom rules, this is an excellent place to start. For a preschool setting the rules should be short and to the point with not more than 5 or 6 rules. However, put good thought into the wording of the rules. They should not be so specific that four year olds will find loopholes and yet not so vague that they are hard to enforce. Never underestimate the ability of four year olds to find loopholes in your classroom rules. When that happens, you will need to reword your rules. Finding workable rules is about a 6 month process. Many experts will tell you that you should allow the children to help with the setting of the classroom rules. This can be good and bad. It is true that the children will initially be more willing to follow the rules if they help make them, but this won't last forever. Also, I have a problem with children only being willing to follow rules that they help create. When they hit public school, they will have to follow many rules they had no say in making. They need some experience with this before they get there. If you do allow the children to help set the rules, you need to have a good sense of what the rules need to be in the beginning and gently guide the conversation in the way it needs to go. Many times four year olds will actually help with the wording because they will foresee the loopholes, but there will be some concepts the children may avoid on purpose that you will have to bring up.
A Daily Process
Now that you have the classroom rules written and displayed on the wall, what do you do with them? This is the most important question. If all you do is create the display, it will be a waste of time. If all you do is read the rules occasionally, it will be basically a waste of time. Teaching rules is a daily process. I have a time built into my schedule for daily rule instruction. Each day we take one of our general rules and discuss it. We do more than just read the rule. If all you are doing is reading the rule, you are having a language lesson and not a rule lesson. Children need to understand why that rule is necessary. They need to be told what happens when they break that rule. For example, one of our rules is "no toys on the tile." Someone who is unfamiliar with our facility would think that is a silly rule. However, our facility has two different types of flooring. We have wood flooring in all the rooms where the children play. We have tile in the kitchen, dining room, and bathrooms. Toys need to stay out of the kitchen, dining room, and bathrooms. Those are not places toys should be. When we talk about that rule, I ask them why we need to keep the toys off of the tile. I help them understand the sanitary reasons behind that rule as well as the tripping hazard reasons. It helps to maintain that rule when I bring in the yuck factor of what can be on the floor of kitchens and bathrooms.
The Other Sets of Rules
Up until this point I have only discussed general classroom rules, and that is where you need to begin. It is not where the process ends, however. Many centers have their own set of rules that need to be maintained. For example, art areas must have their own set of rules unless you want absolute chaos. If you have an indoor sensory area, that center will need its own set of rules. Also, the everyday routines will have their own "rules" that go with them. All of these different sets of rules also need attention regularly. In my daily rule instruction I rotate all these different sets of rules as well as doing the one general rule each day. For example, one of the rotations is on paper towels and toilet paper. We had serious issues with the children wasting both of these items. Therefore, when I have this particular discussion, we talk about how to use the paper towels correctly, how many towels to get at one time, how much toilet paper to get at one time, and where both types of paper are thrown away. We actually flush the toilet paper instead of putting it in the trash. Having this discussion regularly makes it exponentially easier to handle this routine on a daily basis. If they break the rule, many times their peers will correct them long before I can even say anything. I also incorporate basic behavior rules in the rotation as well. One of the rotations is on the difference between tattling and reporting. Tattling is trying to get someone in trouble. Whereas, reporting deals with situations that are dangerous or involve injury. We discuss different scenarios as to whether that would be tattling or reporting. This has greatly cut down the amount of tattling we have. For your information the following is a list of the rotations we do on a regular basis - art center rules, puzzles, sensory table rules, 3 room (this room is for children 3 years and older and has its own set of rules), the difference between tattling and reporting, rules for meals and snacks, the difference between inside and outside voices, how to use paper towels and toilet paper, and the difference between pretending and lying. The rules you choose to include in this rotation should reflect the issues you have in your facility.
Words of Wisdom
Finally, let me give some words of wisdom. Anything you try to establish in a child care setting takes 6-9 months. Many people give up on good ideas because they do not see immediate results. For the first month or so it will seem like you are making no progress whatsoever. However, keep after it. There will come that moment when you start to correct a child and one of his/her peers beats you to it. Then after a couple more months you will realize you are correcting the children less and less. The true test comes when you start a new child and realize how much the other children are helping the process along instead of hindering. Then you will know the full value of training children to follow the rules.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Rules Display
Let's start this discussion with the typical rules display. Most of us have a copy of our classroom rules on the wall. If you don't have a copy of the classroom rules, this is an excellent place to start. For a preschool setting the rules should be short and to the point with not more than 5 or 6 rules. However, put good thought into the wording of the rules. They should not be so specific that four year olds will find loopholes and yet not so vague that they are hard to enforce. Never underestimate the ability of four year olds to find loopholes in your classroom rules. When that happens, you will need to reword your rules. Finding workable rules is about a 6 month process. Many experts will tell you that you should allow the children to help with the setting of the classroom rules. This can be good and bad. It is true that the children will initially be more willing to follow the rules if they help make them, but this won't last forever. Also, I have a problem with children only being willing to follow rules that they help create. When they hit public school, they will have to follow many rules they had no say in making. They need some experience with this before they get there. If you do allow the children to help set the rules, you need to have a good sense of what the rules need to be in the beginning and gently guide the conversation in the way it needs to go. Many times four year olds will actually help with the wording because they will foresee the loopholes, but there will be some concepts the children may avoid on purpose that you will have to bring up.
A Daily Process
Now that you have the classroom rules written and displayed on the wall, what do you do with them? This is the most important question. If all you do is create the display, it will be a waste of time. If all you do is read the rules occasionally, it will be basically a waste of time. Teaching rules is a daily process. I have a time built into my schedule for daily rule instruction. Each day we take one of our general rules and discuss it. We do more than just read the rule. If all you are doing is reading the rule, you are having a language lesson and not a rule lesson. Children need to understand why that rule is necessary. They need to be told what happens when they break that rule. For example, one of our rules is "no toys on the tile." Someone who is unfamiliar with our facility would think that is a silly rule. However, our facility has two different types of flooring. We have wood flooring in all the rooms where the children play. We have tile in the kitchen, dining room, and bathrooms. Toys need to stay out of the kitchen, dining room, and bathrooms. Those are not places toys should be. When we talk about that rule, I ask them why we need to keep the toys off of the tile. I help them understand the sanitary reasons behind that rule as well as the tripping hazard reasons. It helps to maintain that rule when I bring in the yuck factor of what can be on the floor of kitchens and bathrooms.
The Other Sets of Rules
Up until this point I have only discussed general classroom rules, and that is where you need to begin. It is not where the process ends, however. Many centers have their own set of rules that need to be maintained. For example, art areas must have their own set of rules unless you want absolute chaos. If you have an indoor sensory area, that center will need its own set of rules. Also, the everyday routines will have their own "rules" that go with them. All of these different sets of rules also need attention regularly. In my daily rule instruction I rotate all these different sets of rules as well as doing the one general rule each day. For example, one of the rotations is on paper towels and toilet paper. We had serious issues with the children wasting both of these items. Therefore, when I have this particular discussion, we talk about how to use the paper towels correctly, how many towels to get at one time, how much toilet paper to get at one time, and where both types of paper are thrown away. We actually flush the toilet paper instead of putting it in the trash. Having this discussion regularly makes it exponentially easier to handle this routine on a daily basis. If they break the rule, many times their peers will correct them long before I can even say anything. I also incorporate basic behavior rules in the rotation as well. One of the rotations is on the difference between tattling and reporting. Tattling is trying to get someone in trouble. Whereas, reporting deals with situations that are dangerous or involve injury. We discuss different scenarios as to whether that would be tattling or reporting. This has greatly cut down the amount of tattling we have. For your information the following is a list of the rotations we do on a regular basis - art center rules, puzzles, sensory table rules, 3 room (this room is for children 3 years and older and has its own set of rules), the difference between tattling and reporting, rules for meals and snacks, the difference between inside and outside voices, how to use paper towels and toilet paper, and the difference between pretending and lying. The rules you choose to include in this rotation should reflect the issues you have in your facility.
Words of Wisdom
Finally, let me give some words of wisdom. Anything you try to establish in a child care setting takes 6-9 months. Many people give up on good ideas because they do not see immediate results. For the first month or so it will seem like you are making no progress whatsoever. However, keep after it. There will come that moment when you start to correct a child and one of his/her peers beats you to it. Then after a couple more months you will realize you are correcting the children less and less. The true test comes when you start a new child and realize how much the other children are helping the process along instead of hindering. Then you will know the full value of training children to follow the rules.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
The Pains of Paperwork
This post will discuss what is considered "quality" in maintaining paperwork. It will also deal with the difficulties of maintaining this.
I Hate Paperwork
Paperwork is the bane of my existence. Most people laugh at me when I say that because I have a bachelor's degree in business. That just means I know how necessary paperwork is in our litigious society. It has nothing to do with how much I loathe the chore of maintaining the necessary paperwork to run a business. Nothing puts me in a funk faster than learning that some politician has seen fit to add another layer of paperwork I must keep up with in order to avoid penalty or worse.
Paperwork and Childcare
If you don't run your own business, you have no idea how much paperwork is required for tax purposes, regulation purposes, and simple good business practices. When I first started my childcare, I can remember nearly breaking down in tears when I attended my first training session on business practices. The list of paperwork that was required for taxes alone gave me pause. Up until this point in my life, I had been a piano teacher. Even though this is a self-employed position, the paperwork involved with it does not even remotely compare to what I had to keep track of for a childcare.
That first year, I got a coffee bucket and stuffed my receipts in it planning to once per week go through them and document them for taxes. I had really good intentions, but the reality turned into a month of going through receipts right before the tax deadline desperately trying to get finished. The smartest thing I did that year was hire an accountant. The second year I developed a system where I had files for the different categories of expenses, but I still didn't maintain the sorting like I should have and ended up doing another marathon session. The third year I signed up to earn an administrative credential. I remember coming home from that first session crying so hard I could barely see the road. I had no idea that there were so many different levels of paperwork I wasn't doing. I couldn't even keep up with the paperwork I did know about. However, this was a class format, and I am the ultimate geek. I tackled this like I would any assignment in school. I spent the next year putting systems in place to maintain the necessary paperwork for the level of childcare I had at that time. That was a long hard year, but I made it and earned that credential. Then I decided to expand the childcare. Nobody told me that once you have employees and a group level home, you must be prepared to spend half your time maintaining paperwork. I would have had to clone myself to have kept up with that. The systems I had put in place for the smaller childcare unraveled quickly after the expansion and I never caught it up again. I have since reduced back to a much smaller childcare, but I still struggle with paperwork.
What's the Big Deal?
People outside the childcare world might wonder, "What's the big deal?" Following is a good synopsis of the paperwork required to run a childcare. However, I will not say it is exhaustive. I'm sure I will leave something out. We start our day with a sign-in sheet that in our state has to have a signature not just initials. If we have children who are younger than 30 months, we must keep a daily report on them. On this report we must record all items the child eat or drinks during meals and snacks, all diaper/potty changes, and how well they napped. If children must take medicine during the day, this must be documented. If a child is injured to the point of requiring first aid, this must be documented and a copy given to parents. If a child bites another child, this must be documented and a copy given to both the victim and the biter's parents. If the facility is on the USDA food program, daily attendance and meal counts must be documented daily. Also, a weekly menu must be posted to where parents can see it. If the facility has employees, very detailed records must be kept. Their file must include fingerprinting and background checks, medical record, high school diploma, references, all training certificates, signed drug policy, and anything else the state decides must be in there from year to year. In our state they change their minds every year as to what has to be in these files. Also, if you give your employee even a verbal reprimand, it better be documented. When you conduct yearly evaluations, documentation of these evaluations must be in the employee's file. For taxes and good business practices you must keep all receipts and categorize them. You must document all the hours you work in the childcare beyond regular operating hours. You must document all mileage that is business related. You must maintain a budget (this is required in our state). You must document that you reconcile your checking account every month. You must keep records of the parent's fees. Weekly receipts need to be given to parents. At the end of year, you must provide parents with a statement containing your tax ID number and the amount of fees they paid in the year. All this is just the business end.
For teaching purposes I maintain a daily planner for each child. I have a planner for group times that I prepare a year in advance. It is recommended that observations be made of the children at least once a week and then documented (I did this until I downsized). Our state requires a monthly newsletter for star quality purposes. I also maintain a portfolio of the children's work that is added to at least monthly. I do quarterly developmental continuum evaluations on each child. I have biannual parent-teacher conferences that must also be documented. Any other official parent-teacher conference also needs to be documented. I have both a parent handbook that is extensive and a employee handbook that is equally extensive.
When children are enrolled our state requires they have a file that contains a signed contract, immunization records, an enrollment form, a signature showing the parents received a copy of the basic regulations for that level of childcare from the state, and a signature signifying that the parents received a copy of the parent handbook. If a child must be removed for disciplinary reasons, this should be documented.
The Necessity of Systems
I hope the preceding paragraphs give an adequate picture of the paperwork involved with running a childcare. For those who run smaller childcares and can't be simply the administrator, this level of paperwork is completely overwhelming sometimes. I was administrator, lead teacher, and caregiver. My least favorite of these positions was administrator.
Since I have downsized, so has the paper workload. However, I still struggle to keep up with it. The key to keeping up with the paperwork is putting systems in place and making specific times to do the paperwork. That is the best advice I can give. However, life happens, and when it does, you will have to redo your systems. It is a never-ending process.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
I Hate Paperwork
Paperwork is the bane of my existence. Most people laugh at me when I say that because I have a bachelor's degree in business. That just means I know how necessary paperwork is in our litigious society. It has nothing to do with how much I loathe the chore of maintaining the necessary paperwork to run a business. Nothing puts me in a funk faster than learning that some politician has seen fit to add another layer of paperwork I must keep up with in order to avoid penalty or worse.
Paperwork and Childcare
If you don't run your own business, you have no idea how much paperwork is required for tax purposes, regulation purposes, and simple good business practices. When I first started my childcare, I can remember nearly breaking down in tears when I attended my first training session on business practices. The list of paperwork that was required for taxes alone gave me pause. Up until this point in my life, I had been a piano teacher. Even though this is a self-employed position, the paperwork involved with it does not even remotely compare to what I had to keep track of for a childcare.
That first year, I got a coffee bucket and stuffed my receipts in it planning to once per week go through them and document them for taxes. I had really good intentions, but the reality turned into a month of going through receipts right before the tax deadline desperately trying to get finished. The smartest thing I did that year was hire an accountant. The second year I developed a system where I had files for the different categories of expenses, but I still didn't maintain the sorting like I should have and ended up doing another marathon session. The third year I signed up to earn an administrative credential. I remember coming home from that first session crying so hard I could barely see the road. I had no idea that there were so many different levels of paperwork I wasn't doing. I couldn't even keep up with the paperwork I did know about. However, this was a class format, and I am the ultimate geek. I tackled this like I would any assignment in school. I spent the next year putting systems in place to maintain the necessary paperwork for the level of childcare I had at that time. That was a long hard year, but I made it and earned that credential. Then I decided to expand the childcare. Nobody told me that once you have employees and a group level home, you must be prepared to spend half your time maintaining paperwork. I would have had to clone myself to have kept up with that. The systems I had put in place for the smaller childcare unraveled quickly after the expansion and I never caught it up again. I have since reduced back to a much smaller childcare, but I still struggle with paperwork.
What's the Big Deal?
People outside the childcare world might wonder, "What's the big deal?" Following is a good synopsis of the paperwork required to run a childcare. However, I will not say it is exhaustive. I'm sure I will leave something out. We start our day with a sign-in sheet that in our state has to have a signature not just initials. If we have children who are younger than 30 months, we must keep a daily report on them. On this report we must record all items the child eat or drinks during meals and snacks, all diaper/potty changes, and how well they napped. If children must take medicine during the day, this must be documented. If a child is injured to the point of requiring first aid, this must be documented and a copy given to parents. If a child bites another child, this must be documented and a copy given to both the victim and the biter's parents. If the facility is on the USDA food program, daily attendance and meal counts must be documented daily. Also, a weekly menu must be posted to where parents can see it. If the facility has employees, very detailed records must be kept. Their file must include fingerprinting and background checks, medical record, high school diploma, references, all training certificates, signed drug policy, and anything else the state decides must be in there from year to year. In our state they change their minds every year as to what has to be in these files. Also, if you give your employee even a verbal reprimand, it better be documented. When you conduct yearly evaluations, documentation of these evaluations must be in the employee's file. For taxes and good business practices you must keep all receipts and categorize them. You must document all the hours you work in the childcare beyond regular operating hours. You must document all mileage that is business related. You must maintain a budget (this is required in our state). You must document that you reconcile your checking account every month. You must keep records of the parent's fees. Weekly receipts need to be given to parents. At the end of year, you must provide parents with a statement containing your tax ID number and the amount of fees they paid in the year. All this is just the business end.
For teaching purposes I maintain a daily planner for each child. I have a planner for group times that I prepare a year in advance. It is recommended that observations be made of the children at least once a week and then documented (I did this until I downsized). Our state requires a monthly newsletter for star quality purposes. I also maintain a portfolio of the children's work that is added to at least monthly. I do quarterly developmental continuum evaluations on each child. I have biannual parent-teacher conferences that must also be documented. Any other official parent-teacher conference also needs to be documented. I have both a parent handbook that is extensive and a employee handbook that is equally extensive.
When children are enrolled our state requires they have a file that contains a signed contract, immunization records, an enrollment form, a signature showing the parents received a copy of the basic regulations for that level of childcare from the state, and a signature signifying that the parents received a copy of the parent handbook. If a child must be removed for disciplinary reasons, this should be documented.
The Necessity of Systems
I hope the preceding paragraphs give an adequate picture of the paperwork involved with running a childcare. For those who run smaller childcares and can't be simply the administrator, this level of paperwork is completely overwhelming sometimes. I was administrator, lead teacher, and caregiver. My least favorite of these positions was administrator.
Since I have downsized, so has the paper workload. However, I still struggle to keep up with it. The key to keeping up with the paperwork is putting systems in place and making specific times to do the paperwork. That is the best advice I can give. However, life happens, and when it does, you will have to redo your systems. It is a never-ending process.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, July 20, 2013
The Superwoman Complex
This post will deal with how susceptible early childhood professionals are to this complex and how the field itself actually makes this worse. I will also discuss ways to avoid the pitfalls of this mindset and how to pull back and find balance in your life.
The Superwoman Complex
The superwoman complex is nothing new to all women in today's society. Our society teaches us that we have to do everything and do it well. We must have successful careers to be personally fulfilled. We must raise smart, confident children. We must be vixen for the men in our life. Plus, we must keep a fabulous house that is the envy of the neighborhood. We must do all of this with a super perky smile on our face as if juggling all these aspects of our life is easy as pie. Our realities are far from this wonderful picture of life, but we have learned that if we don't portray this facade, we will be considered failures at life. Never do we admit that our lives are anything but perfect to anyone who is not the most trusted friend, and even then we may keep most of the disappointments to ourselves.
Superwoman Complex - Early Childhood Version
In the early childhood field the superwoman complex looks like this. We have wonderful classrooms that are cleaned and sanitized to the most stringent specifications. We have well-behaved and well-adjusted children that spend their day in nothing but creative play and wonderful activities. The business end of our facilities is run like a well-oiled machine with systems in place to cover every contingency. Plus, we find time to give back to our field through volunteer work. We are well-balanced professional women who exude confidence and find just enough time to fulfill the requirements for the superwoman in general laid out by our society.
Exhausted Yet?
I hope the previous two paragraphs made you feel exhausted. If they didn't, you are living in a fairy-tale world. The reality of those people who actually try to accomplish everything required of the superwoman is complete and total exhaustion all the time. This is especially true of family child care providers. In order to completely fulfill all of the daily requirement to have the dream facility demands 16+ hours per day, and that doesn't count personal responsibilities. We have to take care of all the administrative duties, all the teaching responsibilities, all the care-taking responsibilities, and the cleaning responsibilities. That covers at least 3 full-time jobs, and when you add in personal responsibilities for the family you have 4 full-time jobs. Family child care providers often work all weekend to catch up everything that could not be done during their 16+ hour days during the week.
Something Has to Give
What most child care providers will never admit is where they have to let things slide in order to survive this lifestyle. What is left to slide varies from person to person, but something has to slide because nobody has extended the day to have more than 24 hours. Most of time the area that gets the short end of the stick is the family or the paperwork or both. However, I know many providers fudge on the cleaning when it is just not possible to get it all done. Whatever it is, something has to give and even then, there are never enough hours in a day.
The early childhood field actually exacerbates this problem. The trainings you attend often tell you that all you need is more systems in place. The experts will tell you that a well-structured system makes it possible to squeeze more and more into a day. Also at play is this underlying philosophy that to be successful everything must constantly get better and better. Your business should grow every year. You as a professional should be constantly improving your practice and furthering your education. We are all chasing the impossible dream that one day we will arrive at perfection and no longer be completely exhausted with the process.
My Story
For years I was completely sucked up into this mindset. I was constantly trying to figure out ways to tweek all my systems in order to add more activities into our day. What I didn't realize until it was all suddenly taken away from me was how out of balance my life had become. My biological children resented the child care because it consumed all of my waking hours and energies. My very existence hinged on being an early childhood professional. When I came face to face with false accusations that threatened to take everything away, I realized I had ceased to be me and without the childcare I was nothing. I was forced to downsize to almost nothing while my lawyer navigated all the crazy loopholes, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. When all the false grandeur of "being a professional" was stripped away, I was able to see for the first time in years what really mattered to me. I will not go back. I will remain a small independent child care. The experts can take all their crazy expectations and regulations and have fun with them. I am done.
A Few Words of Wisdom
For those of you who remain in the game, I have a few words of wisdom. Number one, never let the business consume you. If it does, it is too big. Success at the expense of your family is not true success. All the prestige and the money in the world will not smooth out the resentment that can build when a family suffers for success. Number two, learn the art of contentment. Be the childcare professional that you were created to be. Each of us has that area that makes us light up. Pour your heart and soul into that area and don't try to be all things to all people. That area is what creates your "niche" on the market. Your assessment score really doesn't matter when you have completely satisfied clientele. They pay you. The state does not. Number three, make sure you do something every day that you enjoy that has nothing to do with child care. For me, that has been reading books. Before this year all I read were textbooks, and it has been that way since 2004. In one year I have read several series of books. Maybe I'm overindulging a little, but I'm making up for lost time. Number four, remember that anything that is out of the will of God will fall apart no matter how hard you try to fix it. I missed God massively when I expanded my childcare. He has reminded me over and over this year that any attempt to fix it would have failed. I was not supposed to go there. What has been stripped away was not meant to be, and what has risen out of the ashes is of such a higher quality it astounds me. Number five, you cannot control people or life. Circumstances will most definitely come your way that you didn't see coming. People can be vicious and manipulative. Sometimes life just isn't fair, and your business and personal life will go through hard times. Always stay true to who you are on the inside, and you will be able to weather anything. If your life is based on a position or things, you will fall apart when it is all taken away. My motto for this last year has been to simply be me to the best of my ability and all the scandal will eventually fall to the wayside. It takes time and patience. It also takes not being defined by what other people think or say. I know Whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Superwoman Complex
The superwoman complex is nothing new to all women in today's society. Our society teaches us that we have to do everything and do it well. We must have successful careers to be personally fulfilled. We must raise smart, confident children. We must be vixen for the men in our life. Plus, we must keep a fabulous house that is the envy of the neighborhood. We must do all of this with a super perky smile on our face as if juggling all these aspects of our life is easy as pie. Our realities are far from this wonderful picture of life, but we have learned that if we don't portray this facade, we will be considered failures at life. Never do we admit that our lives are anything but perfect to anyone who is not the most trusted friend, and even then we may keep most of the disappointments to ourselves.
Superwoman Complex - Early Childhood Version
In the early childhood field the superwoman complex looks like this. We have wonderful classrooms that are cleaned and sanitized to the most stringent specifications. We have well-behaved and well-adjusted children that spend their day in nothing but creative play and wonderful activities. The business end of our facilities is run like a well-oiled machine with systems in place to cover every contingency. Plus, we find time to give back to our field through volunteer work. We are well-balanced professional women who exude confidence and find just enough time to fulfill the requirements for the superwoman in general laid out by our society.
Exhausted Yet?
I hope the previous two paragraphs made you feel exhausted. If they didn't, you are living in a fairy-tale world. The reality of those people who actually try to accomplish everything required of the superwoman is complete and total exhaustion all the time. This is especially true of family child care providers. In order to completely fulfill all of the daily requirement to have the dream facility demands 16+ hours per day, and that doesn't count personal responsibilities. We have to take care of all the administrative duties, all the teaching responsibilities, all the care-taking responsibilities, and the cleaning responsibilities. That covers at least 3 full-time jobs, and when you add in personal responsibilities for the family you have 4 full-time jobs. Family child care providers often work all weekend to catch up everything that could not be done during their 16+ hour days during the week.
Something Has to Give
What most child care providers will never admit is where they have to let things slide in order to survive this lifestyle. What is left to slide varies from person to person, but something has to slide because nobody has extended the day to have more than 24 hours. Most of time the area that gets the short end of the stick is the family or the paperwork or both. However, I know many providers fudge on the cleaning when it is just not possible to get it all done. Whatever it is, something has to give and even then, there are never enough hours in a day.
The early childhood field actually exacerbates this problem. The trainings you attend often tell you that all you need is more systems in place. The experts will tell you that a well-structured system makes it possible to squeeze more and more into a day. Also at play is this underlying philosophy that to be successful everything must constantly get better and better. Your business should grow every year. You as a professional should be constantly improving your practice and furthering your education. We are all chasing the impossible dream that one day we will arrive at perfection and no longer be completely exhausted with the process.
My Story
For years I was completely sucked up into this mindset. I was constantly trying to figure out ways to tweek all my systems in order to add more activities into our day. What I didn't realize until it was all suddenly taken away from me was how out of balance my life had become. My biological children resented the child care because it consumed all of my waking hours and energies. My very existence hinged on being an early childhood professional. When I came face to face with false accusations that threatened to take everything away, I realized I had ceased to be me and without the childcare I was nothing. I was forced to downsize to almost nothing while my lawyer navigated all the crazy loopholes, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. When all the false grandeur of "being a professional" was stripped away, I was able to see for the first time in years what really mattered to me. I will not go back. I will remain a small independent child care. The experts can take all their crazy expectations and regulations and have fun with them. I am done.
A Few Words of Wisdom
For those of you who remain in the game, I have a few words of wisdom. Number one, never let the business consume you. If it does, it is too big. Success at the expense of your family is not true success. All the prestige and the money in the world will not smooth out the resentment that can build when a family suffers for success. Number two, learn the art of contentment. Be the childcare professional that you were created to be. Each of us has that area that makes us light up. Pour your heart and soul into that area and don't try to be all things to all people. That area is what creates your "niche" on the market. Your assessment score really doesn't matter when you have completely satisfied clientele. They pay you. The state does not. Number three, make sure you do something every day that you enjoy that has nothing to do with child care. For me, that has been reading books. Before this year all I read were textbooks, and it has been that way since 2004. In one year I have read several series of books. Maybe I'm overindulging a little, but I'm making up for lost time. Number four, remember that anything that is out of the will of God will fall apart no matter how hard you try to fix it. I missed God massively when I expanded my childcare. He has reminded me over and over this year that any attempt to fix it would have failed. I was not supposed to go there. What has been stripped away was not meant to be, and what has risen out of the ashes is of such a higher quality it astounds me. Number five, you cannot control people or life. Circumstances will most definitely come your way that you didn't see coming. People can be vicious and manipulative. Sometimes life just isn't fair, and your business and personal life will go through hard times. Always stay true to who you are on the inside, and you will be able to weather anything. If your life is based on a position or things, you will fall apart when it is all taken away. My motto for this last year has been to simply be me to the best of my ability and all the scandal will eventually fall to the wayside. It takes time and patience. It also takes not being defined by what other people think or say. I know Whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
The Horrors of Handwashing
This post will deal with what is considered "best practice" as far as handwashing is concerned and how to cope with it. I live in a state with very stringent regulations and one of the worst of these is the handwashing regulations. Many of us in this state feel like we spend half our day washing hands or sanitizing sinks.
When to Wash
What is considered "best practice" in the handwashing department? Actually this is broken down into three different aspects. The first aspect deals with when to wash. Children and staff must wash their hands when they first arrive at the facility, before and after meals and snacks, after using the potty or changing diapers, after playing outside, after playing with playdough, after coughing or sneezing, after participating in water play, after coming into contact with any kind of animal, and any other time they participate in messy play. Children in diapers must wash their hands after being changed, and staff must wash their hands any time they come in contact with any kind of human excretion (snot, slobber, etc.).
How to Wash
The second aspect has to do with how you wash and how long you wash. This comes with steps. Step one is to wet your hands. Step two is to get soap. Step three is to scrub your hands making sure to scrub front and back, in between fingers, and around your nails. Step four is to rinse for at least 20 seconds with warm water. Step five is to dry with a paper towel.
Controlling the Spread of Germs
The third aspect deals with controlling the spread of germs. Most of the experts break this down into the dirty phase of washing and the clean phase. In other words, you can touch the faucet when your hands are dirty but not when they are clean. Turning off the faucet requires a paper towel if you do not have automatic sinks. Also, if only one sink is available for all handwashing needs, then it must be sanitized after each potty/diaper use.
OCD Regulations
For those of us who live in states where these regulations are strictly enforced, it takes us half the day to accomplish all the handwashing required especially for those caring for infants and toddlers. After I explained all these regulations to my husband as we were preparing for our first assessment, he looked at me and said, "Whoever made these regulations has OCD." I have to agree. In my state the assessors were counting off if the children touched anything between the sink and the table when going to meals and snacks. It is nearly impossible to keep 2 and 3 year olds from touching things. Fortunately, after major complaints, the assessors backed off this particular practice. However, it is still difficult to fully comply with all these regulations all the time.
A Man's Point of View
As I have said before, my husband worked alongside me when we first opened our child care. Being a man, he found interesting ways to fulfill the requirements for these regulations. Most of these dealt with how we planned new additions to the facility. However, maybe you can get some ideas from our journey to accommodate the regulations. The journey consisted of my husband finding ways around certain requirements starting with the ones he found the most ridiculous. At the top of that list was having to turn the sink off with a paper towel. When he asked for a recommendation from the resource and referral experts, they told him we could just leave the water running while all the children were washing their hands and then turn it off ourselves when the children were finished. His response to that was, "Are you going to pay our water bill?" Therefore, he went in search of affordable automatic faucets and found some that were quite reasonable. Now all the sinks we use with the children have automatic faucets, and they have paid for themselves ten times over because they automatically shut off within seconds of removing the hands. We are also able to control the water flow and the temperature of the water keeping us from having to reset our water heater.
The next requirement that absolutely aggravated my husband to no end was having to sanitize the sink every single time a child used the bathroom or we changed a diaper because we only had one sink at that time. He started taking measurements and searching online for a small sink that would fit in the small hallway right outside our bathroom. He found the cutest little sink that has become the rave of all my childcare friends. We now have a separate sink for all handwashing that is not potty/diaper related keeping us from having to sanitize the bathroom sinks after every use. Let me give you one word of caution. If you use the two sink method, you must keep the uses completely separate or you will get counted off for cross-contamination.
Training the Children
We have basically dealt with the rest of the requirements through training the children. During group times we talk extensively about how to wash hands to remind the older ones, and we supervise the younger ones until they have learned to do it independently. It is still a lot of work, but we did manage to cut out some of the work with the automatic sinks and having more than one sink.
Antibacterial Soap
I want to touch on one more issue while discussing handwashing, and that is antibacterial soap. As I discussed in my post about bleach, my allergist has given me a sermon on more than one occasion about overuse of antibacterial products and sanitizing. We are killing necessary bacteria along with the bad bacteria. This is especially true when using antibacterial soap. In order for your skin to stay healthy, it must have this bacteria. If you kill this bacteria, you skin will dry out, crack, and bleed. Do not use antibacterial soap. Regular soap does the job well enough. Remember the goal is to reduce the germs not completely eliminate them.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
When to Wash
What is considered "best practice" in the handwashing department? Actually this is broken down into three different aspects. The first aspect deals with when to wash. Children and staff must wash their hands when they first arrive at the facility, before and after meals and snacks, after using the potty or changing diapers, after playing outside, after playing with playdough, after coughing or sneezing, after participating in water play, after coming into contact with any kind of animal, and any other time they participate in messy play. Children in diapers must wash their hands after being changed, and staff must wash their hands any time they come in contact with any kind of human excretion (snot, slobber, etc.).
How to Wash
The second aspect has to do with how you wash and how long you wash. This comes with steps. Step one is to wet your hands. Step two is to get soap. Step three is to scrub your hands making sure to scrub front and back, in between fingers, and around your nails. Step four is to rinse for at least 20 seconds with warm water. Step five is to dry with a paper towel.
Controlling the Spread of Germs
The third aspect deals with controlling the spread of germs. Most of the experts break this down into the dirty phase of washing and the clean phase. In other words, you can touch the faucet when your hands are dirty but not when they are clean. Turning off the faucet requires a paper towel if you do not have automatic sinks. Also, if only one sink is available for all handwashing needs, then it must be sanitized after each potty/diaper use.
OCD Regulations
For those of us who live in states where these regulations are strictly enforced, it takes us half the day to accomplish all the handwashing required especially for those caring for infants and toddlers. After I explained all these regulations to my husband as we were preparing for our first assessment, he looked at me and said, "Whoever made these regulations has OCD." I have to agree. In my state the assessors were counting off if the children touched anything between the sink and the table when going to meals and snacks. It is nearly impossible to keep 2 and 3 year olds from touching things. Fortunately, after major complaints, the assessors backed off this particular practice. However, it is still difficult to fully comply with all these regulations all the time.
A Man's Point of View
As I have said before, my husband worked alongside me when we first opened our child care. Being a man, he found interesting ways to fulfill the requirements for these regulations. Most of these dealt with how we planned new additions to the facility. However, maybe you can get some ideas from our journey to accommodate the regulations. The journey consisted of my husband finding ways around certain requirements starting with the ones he found the most ridiculous. At the top of that list was having to turn the sink off with a paper towel. When he asked for a recommendation from the resource and referral experts, they told him we could just leave the water running while all the children were washing their hands and then turn it off ourselves when the children were finished. His response to that was, "Are you going to pay our water bill?" Therefore, he went in search of affordable automatic faucets and found some that were quite reasonable. Now all the sinks we use with the children have automatic faucets, and they have paid for themselves ten times over because they automatically shut off within seconds of removing the hands. We are also able to control the water flow and the temperature of the water keeping us from having to reset our water heater.
The next requirement that absolutely aggravated my husband to no end was having to sanitize the sink every single time a child used the bathroom or we changed a diaper because we only had one sink at that time. He started taking measurements and searching online for a small sink that would fit in the small hallway right outside our bathroom. He found the cutest little sink that has become the rave of all my childcare friends. We now have a separate sink for all handwashing that is not potty/diaper related keeping us from having to sanitize the bathroom sinks after every use. Let me give you one word of caution. If you use the two sink method, you must keep the uses completely separate or you will get counted off for cross-contamination.
Training the Children
We have basically dealt with the rest of the requirements through training the children. During group times we talk extensively about how to wash hands to remind the older ones, and we supervise the younger ones until they have learned to do it independently. It is still a lot of work, but we did manage to cut out some of the work with the automatic sinks and having more than one sink.
Antibacterial Soap
I want to touch on one more issue while discussing handwashing, and that is antibacterial soap. As I discussed in my post about bleach, my allergist has given me a sermon on more than one occasion about overuse of antibacterial products and sanitizing. We are killing necessary bacteria along with the bad bacteria. This is especially true when using antibacterial soap. In order for your skin to stay healthy, it must have this bacteria. If you kill this bacteria, you skin will dry out, crack, and bleed. Do not use antibacterial soap. Regular soap does the job well enough. Remember the goal is to reduce the germs not completely eliminate them.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Teaching Children How to Play
This post will be a continuation of the last post. In the last post I dealt with the underlying causes for children being unable to play more than solutions. This post will deal with specific types of problems and how to handle them.
The Dumpers
The first type of problem I want to discuss is the dumpers. These are the children who simply go around the room dumping out everything they can find until the room looks like it exploded. They never really play with anything and neither can anyone else, really, because of the mess. This is a typical behavior for toddlers, but when you have 3, 4, and 5 year olds doing this we either have immaturity issues or a developmental delay. This is actually a typical autistic behavior. Many children on the autism spectrum will display this type of behavior. If you have a child that does this and also displays other signs of being developmentally delayed, you might want to check into getting that child tested. However, most of the time this is simply an immaturity issue. The child simply does not know how to play, and this is a means of acting out.
Solving this requires putting certain structures is place. First, you must make it to where the child has to pick up his/her own mess. We accomplished this by having the children pick centers during free play time and stay in those centers. We kept the center times relatively short and allowed no roaming whatsoever. This made it impossible for the dumpers to escape their messes. When pick-up time came, they had no one else to blame for the mess but themselves, and we did not pick it up for them. The first day we implemented this, the dumpers wailed and screamed when they figured out we meant business about picking up their own messes. However, the rest of the kids were happy as larks because they no longer had to pick up the messes of the dumpers. Pick-up times for the first few days will be most unpleasant, but the dumpers will eventually begin to learn to stop dumping. This brings us to the second part. For the next few days they will simply sit in the floor and wail because they are bored. This is the point where you step in and show the child how to play with something in the center they are in. These children have never entertained themselves. They do not know how. However, once you have provided some instruction, back off and leave them be even if they go back to wailing. They will allow you to entertain them if you oblige. The goal is for them to entertain themselves. Slowly, you will begin to see play from these children. Once they can play by themselves, they will grow into playing well with other children.
The Controllers, Instigators, and Pesterers
The second type of problem deals with the controllers, instigators, and pesterers. These are the children who are more interested in manipulating and controlling people than playing. Many of these children tend to be only children that have spent the majority of their time with adults, or they have parents that fully embrace the "perfect childhood" philosophy and have never actually had to entertain themselves. They also do not know how to play. This problem manifests itself in constant fighting and chaos. Sometimes the children are so good at manipulating that you really do not know who is causing the problems. However, be very suspicious of the "queen bees" and the "leaders of the pack" because they are often the source. To deal with this one, you employ the same tactic as with the dumpers except you make sure they are in a center alone. Many times the dumpers will end up in centers alone because the children will isolate them. Children are not stupid. They figure out quickly that if they go into centers with dumpers, they will end up having to clean up large messes. However, the controllers are usually the ones that have already established themselves as the "popular" kids. They have the children believing that if they are not friends with these kids, they will be excluded. You will have to isolate these kids. Again, when you first implement this you will have hissy fits and maybe even serious temper tantrums from these kids. You have removed their power source, and they will not take that lightly at all. The other kids will seem fretful for the first day until they figure out they are no longer being bossed. Then they will probably blossom and start showing maturity in play in which you did not think them capable. For the controllers the goal is to teach them to play by themselves with toys and not people. The same steps will be followed as for the dumpers with the same stages. Eventually they will learn to play by themselves and that will make them better able to play in the group without having to control it. However, you must watch these children carefully. They have a tendency to revert to their old ways once you bring them out of isolation. For the sake of the rest of your children, use isolation as a means to control their bullying behavior, for that is what it is. Most of the time one center time in isolation is enough to get your point across. This must be coupled with talking constantly to all the children about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. You must teach these children how to be a friend and not a bully.
The Destroyers
The last type of problem I wish to address is the destroyers. These are the angry children who do not play and hurt people and things. This is an anger issue. The solution to this will involve teaching anger management and isolating the child until he/she calms down. Every childcare center needs a calm down place. At our center we have a laundry basket with a large throw pillow in it. Children naturally like to play in baskets. Something about being in a confined place makes them feel more secure and less out of control. When we talk about emotions and controlling our emotions, we tell the children that if they are feeling angry and out of control, they can put themselves in the basket until they have calmed down. However, we put them in the basket when they are out of control and not at a point where they understand to put themselves in the basket. We do not time this. We simply tell them when they calm down they can come back and play. They can stay in the basket for as long as they want. We have had many children simply curl up on the pillow and take a break for a while. This is not exactly time-out, but it does serve some of the same purpose. It removes the angry child from the group to protect the other children, and it also helps the angry child learn what it means to calm down. At this point I want to add one word of caution. Do not allow a child like this to make the rest of the children absolutely miserable. Sometimes these children need serious psychological help and are beyond our ability to control. It is okay to admit this rather than try to save a child that is in need of professional help. It is ultimately better for everyone involved to be truthful with these parents even though it is an extremely difficult subject to breach. No parent wants to be told their child is in need of psychological help. However, in the long run it will be beneficial for everyone.
A Word of Caution
Before I close I want to discuss one more aspect of this for those child care providers in states that use the standardized scales for assessment purposes. If you do not allow the children to roam, you will be counted down for accessibility every single time that occurs in the scale. However, the choice is yours. You must decide what is more important. Is giving children complete choice the most important aspect or is maintaining a calm and peaceful environment more important? I chose to take my hits and have a calm and peaceful environment because I also had children on the autism spectrum. These children shut down when there is chaos. It is not good for other children either. Play does not flourish in chaos, but it will blossom in the right environment.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Dumpers
The first type of problem I want to discuss is the dumpers. These are the children who simply go around the room dumping out everything they can find until the room looks like it exploded. They never really play with anything and neither can anyone else, really, because of the mess. This is a typical behavior for toddlers, but when you have 3, 4, and 5 year olds doing this we either have immaturity issues or a developmental delay. This is actually a typical autistic behavior. Many children on the autism spectrum will display this type of behavior. If you have a child that does this and also displays other signs of being developmentally delayed, you might want to check into getting that child tested. However, most of the time this is simply an immaturity issue. The child simply does not know how to play, and this is a means of acting out.
Solving this requires putting certain structures is place. First, you must make it to where the child has to pick up his/her own mess. We accomplished this by having the children pick centers during free play time and stay in those centers. We kept the center times relatively short and allowed no roaming whatsoever. This made it impossible for the dumpers to escape their messes. When pick-up time came, they had no one else to blame for the mess but themselves, and we did not pick it up for them. The first day we implemented this, the dumpers wailed and screamed when they figured out we meant business about picking up their own messes. However, the rest of the kids were happy as larks because they no longer had to pick up the messes of the dumpers. Pick-up times for the first few days will be most unpleasant, but the dumpers will eventually begin to learn to stop dumping. This brings us to the second part. For the next few days they will simply sit in the floor and wail because they are bored. This is the point where you step in and show the child how to play with something in the center they are in. These children have never entertained themselves. They do not know how. However, once you have provided some instruction, back off and leave them be even if they go back to wailing. They will allow you to entertain them if you oblige. The goal is for them to entertain themselves. Slowly, you will begin to see play from these children. Once they can play by themselves, they will grow into playing well with other children.
The Controllers, Instigators, and Pesterers
The second type of problem deals with the controllers, instigators, and pesterers. These are the children who are more interested in manipulating and controlling people than playing. Many of these children tend to be only children that have spent the majority of their time with adults, or they have parents that fully embrace the "perfect childhood" philosophy and have never actually had to entertain themselves. They also do not know how to play. This problem manifests itself in constant fighting and chaos. Sometimes the children are so good at manipulating that you really do not know who is causing the problems. However, be very suspicious of the "queen bees" and the "leaders of the pack" because they are often the source. To deal with this one, you employ the same tactic as with the dumpers except you make sure they are in a center alone. Many times the dumpers will end up in centers alone because the children will isolate them. Children are not stupid. They figure out quickly that if they go into centers with dumpers, they will end up having to clean up large messes. However, the controllers are usually the ones that have already established themselves as the "popular" kids. They have the children believing that if they are not friends with these kids, they will be excluded. You will have to isolate these kids. Again, when you first implement this you will have hissy fits and maybe even serious temper tantrums from these kids. You have removed their power source, and they will not take that lightly at all. The other kids will seem fretful for the first day until they figure out they are no longer being bossed. Then they will probably blossom and start showing maturity in play in which you did not think them capable. For the controllers the goal is to teach them to play by themselves with toys and not people. The same steps will be followed as for the dumpers with the same stages. Eventually they will learn to play by themselves and that will make them better able to play in the group without having to control it. However, you must watch these children carefully. They have a tendency to revert to their old ways once you bring them out of isolation. For the sake of the rest of your children, use isolation as a means to control their bullying behavior, for that is what it is. Most of the time one center time in isolation is enough to get your point across. This must be coupled with talking constantly to all the children about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. You must teach these children how to be a friend and not a bully.
The Destroyers
The last type of problem I wish to address is the destroyers. These are the angry children who do not play and hurt people and things. This is an anger issue. The solution to this will involve teaching anger management and isolating the child until he/she calms down. Every childcare center needs a calm down place. At our center we have a laundry basket with a large throw pillow in it. Children naturally like to play in baskets. Something about being in a confined place makes them feel more secure and less out of control. When we talk about emotions and controlling our emotions, we tell the children that if they are feeling angry and out of control, they can put themselves in the basket until they have calmed down. However, we put them in the basket when they are out of control and not at a point where they understand to put themselves in the basket. We do not time this. We simply tell them when they calm down they can come back and play. They can stay in the basket for as long as they want. We have had many children simply curl up on the pillow and take a break for a while. This is not exactly time-out, but it does serve some of the same purpose. It removes the angry child from the group to protect the other children, and it also helps the angry child learn what it means to calm down. At this point I want to add one word of caution. Do not allow a child like this to make the rest of the children absolutely miserable. Sometimes these children need serious psychological help and are beyond our ability to control. It is okay to admit this rather than try to save a child that is in need of professional help. It is ultimately better for everyone involved to be truthful with these parents even though it is an extremely difficult subject to breach. No parent wants to be told their child is in need of psychological help. However, in the long run it will be beneficial for everyone.
A Word of Caution
Before I close I want to discuss one more aspect of this for those child care providers in states that use the standardized scales for assessment purposes. If you do not allow the children to roam, you will be counted down for accessibility every single time that occurs in the scale. However, the choice is yours. You must decide what is more important. Is giving children complete choice the most important aspect or is maintaining a calm and peaceful environment more important? I chose to take my hits and have a calm and peaceful environment because I also had children on the autism spectrum. These children shut down when there is chaos. It is not good for other children either. Play does not flourish in chaos, but it will blossom in the right environment.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
The Inability to Play
This post will deal with the upswing in children who do not know how to engage in creative play. I will first talk about possible reasons for the upswing and then solutions for helping children become more adept at creative play.
No Play Experience
I don't know about you, but in the last few years I have had only a handful of children walk through my door knowing how to play. These children know how to destroy, create chaos, and manipulate people, but they have no idea how to sit down and play with toys. They cannot even parallel play much less cooperate in a group to create a dramatic play theme. I am not talking about 2 year olds. These are 3, 4, and 5 year olds.
Instant Gratification Society
What is causing this? Like most problems this one has multiple causes. The biggest cause is our instant, entertain-me society. These same children who are incapable of creative play can sit down with a smartphone, etc. and be playing games on it in no time. These games do not really call for much thought but give the children lots of instant gratification. However, this problem goes much deeper than technology. It is the underlying belief in our society that children must be entertained constantly. Even the educational system in our county has fallen prey to that belief. Have children really changed that much in the last half century? Has something biological taken place that has rewired these children's brains to where they must be constantly stimulated or they will blow up the world? Or could it be that philosophical underpinnings have shifted in a direction that has caused this? I have talked before about the philosophy that childhood should be perfect and how destructive that has turned out to be. Here again we have that same philosophy rearing its ugly head and reeking havoc.
Perfect Childhood
I want to dig a little deeper into the "perfect childhood" philosophy and how it is causing harm. As parents and caregivers we are lead to believe that our lives should revolve around our children and making them happy. To do this we must make sure they never do without or heaven forbid, be bored. We must provide them with stimulating activities from the time they get up to the time they go to bed or they will become discipline problems. We keep them so busy doing stuff that they have no time to ponder anything. They may enjoy what they are doing most of the time, but they have no down time to just play and be kids. Children need time to process life and emotions. They do this through unstructured play. Tons of research tells us this.
Learning through Play
You might ask, what about the "learning through play" movement? Isn't that bringing play back? The answer to that is yes and no. The early childhood movement as a whole is putting a lot more emphasis on play. However, a lot of this still has adults always "controlling" the play experience. In order to teach through play, the activities must occur during the children's playtime. This interferes with the unstructured play that is truly the goal for which the "learning through play" movement is striving. It is during this unstructured play that children truly explore and experiment. Children also work out emotional issues in this type of play, but usually when adults are not in the picture. Another point that the "learning through play" movement misses is that only half the population actually learns through play. Children who are right-brain leaning or dominant are the ones who truly explore and experiment without having to be prompted. Children who are left-brain leaning or dominant actually practice what they learn through play. There is a subtle difference. The left-brain leaning or dominant children will take something they have been exposed to in direct instruction and tinker with it. These children have to have the initial introduction before they will explore and experiment, and they represent the other half of the population.
How to Fix It
This brings us back to the initial problem. How can we get children to participate in unstructured, creative play on their own? The first part of the solution is to make sure children have opportunity for big hunks of time devoted to unstructured play. In other words, adults need to back off. If we as adults are constantly dictating how the children play, they will never learn to do it on their own. The second part of the solution has to do with the destruction and chaos factor. When unstructured play is scheduled, certain ground rules must be in place or all you will get is destruction and chaos. How you set those rules is up to you, but it must be made clear that simply roaming around the room dumping everything and destroying things is not acceptable. Make it clear what you expect because many of these children do not know what playing looks like. All they know is destruction and chaos. Have an abundance of open-ended toys such as blocks available and show the children how to use them. Then back off. It is okay to have an initial point of instruction especially for your left-brain leaning or dominant children. However, once they get the idea, get out of the way and let them play. Understand that when you first begin to switch around to where the children have unstructured playtime, some children will simply sit in the floor and demand to be entertained. You will have discipline issues. Stand your ground and enforce your ground rules. It will be what you do for the first month or two. However, after that initial time of transition, you will begin to see creative play flowing from children that you never thought would actually be able to do that. You have to provide the opportunity, the structure, and the know-how before you can see the results.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
No Play Experience
I don't know about you, but in the last few years I have had only a handful of children walk through my door knowing how to play. These children know how to destroy, create chaos, and manipulate people, but they have no idea how to sit down and play with toys. They cannot even parallel play much less cooperate in a group to create a dramatic play theme. I am not talking about 2 year olds. These are 3, 4, and 5 year olds.
Instant Gratification Society
What is causing this? Like most problems this one has multiple causes. The biggest cause is our instant, entertain-me society. These same children who are incapable of creative play can sit down with a smartphone, etc. and be playing games on it in no time. These games do not really call for much thought but give the children lots of instant gratification. However, this problem goes much deeper than technology. It is the underlying belief in our society that children must be entertained constantly. Even the educational system in our county has fallen prey to that belief. Have children really changed that much in the last half century? Has something biological taken place that has rewired these children's brains to where they must be constantly stimulated or they will blow up the world? Or could it be that philosophical underpinnings have shifted in a direction that has caused this? I have talked before about the philosophy that childhood should be perfect and how destructive that has turned out to be. Here again we have that same philosophy rearing its ugly head and reeking havoc.
Perfect Childhood
I want to dig a little deeper into the "perfect childhood" philosophy and how it is causing harm. As parents and caregivers we are lead to believe that our lives should revolve around our children and making them happy. To do this we must make sure they never do without or heaven forbid, be bored. We must provide them with stimulating activities from the time they get up to the time they go to bed or they will become discipline problems. We keep them so busy doing stuff that they have no time to ponder anything. They may enjoy what they are doing most of the time, but they have no down time to just play and be kids. Children need time to process life and emotions. They do this through unstructured play. Tons of research tells us this.
Learning through Play
You might ask, what about the "learning through play" movement? Isn't that bringing play back? The answer to that is yes and no. The early childhood movement as a whole is putting a lot more emphasis on play. However, a lot of this still has adults always "controlling" the play experience. In order to teach through play, the activities must occur during the children's playtime. This interferes with the unstructured play that is truly the goal for which the "learning through play" movement is striving. It is during this unstructured play that children truly explore and experiment. Children also work out emotional issues in this type of play, but usually when adults are not in the picture. Another point that the "learning through play" movement misses is that only half the population actually learns through play. Children who are right-brain leaning or dominant are the ones who truly explore and experiment without having to be prompted. Children who are left-brain leaning or dominant actually practice what they learn through play. There is a subtle difference. The left-brain leaning or dominant children will take something they have been exposed to in direct instruction and tinker with it. These children have to have the initial introduction before they will explore and experiment, and they represent the other half of the population.
How to Fix It
This brings us back to the initial problem. How can we get children to participate in unstructured, creative play on their own? The first part of the solution is to make sure children have opportunity for big hunks of time devoted to unstructured play. In other words, adults need to back off. If we as adults are constantly dictating how the children play, they will never learn to do it on their own. The second part of the solution has to do with the destruction and chaos factor. When unstructured play is scheduled, certain ground rules must be in place or all you will get is destruction and chaos. How you set those rules is up to you, but it must be made clear that simply roaming around the room dumping everything and destroying things is not acceptable. Make it clear what you expect because many of these children do not know what playing looks like. All they know is destruction and chaos. Have an abundance of open-ended toys such as blocks available and show the children how to use them. Then back off. It is okay to have an initial point of instruction especially for your left-brain leaning or dominant children. However, once they get the idea, get out of the way and let them play. Understand that when you first begin to switch around to where the children have unstructured playtime, some children will simply sit in the floor and demand to be entertained. You will have discipline issues. Stand your ground and enforce your ground rules. It will be what you do for the first month or two. However, after that initial time of transition, you will begin to see creative play flowing from children that you never thought would actually be able to do that. You have to provide the opportunity, the structure, and the know-how before you can see the results.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, July 6, 2013
The Trouble with Bleach
This post will deal with issues caused by using bleach as a sanitizer. Very few people who don't suffer with respiratory allergies know that bleach can be an environmental trigger for people with asthma and respiratory allergies. Unlike allergens such as pollen and mold, environmental triggers are not helped with normal allergy medicine and allergy shots. Environmental triggers must simply be avoided.
My History
To start, I need to share a little bit of my history. About 15 years ago we moved into a house that contained black mold. I already suffered from normal seasonal allergies, but when I was exposed to black mold my immune system went haywire. Right after the exposure I was nearly bedridden. I started having allergic reactions to cleaners I had used all my life. I couldn't go into any buildings if they were old and had had any water damage. Any amount of exposure to mold made me sick as everything. Not only that, but exposure to bleach did the same thing.
The World of the Allergy Sufferer
For those of you who do not suffer from asthma and respiratory issues, let me explain our world. Most of us have allergens such as tree pollen, dust, or mold that set off our allergies. When our allergies are set off our eyes water, we sneeze, or our nose runs if we're lucky. Those are the symptoms for those people with seasonal allergy issues. For those of us with hardcore allergy issues, the symptoms go much deeper. For us, it is like having the flu without the fever. We have trouble breathing deeply, we lose energy, our glands swell, and we just feel nasty. To deal with the allergens we either take allergy medicine regularly and/or take allergy shots regularly. For some people this regimen will eventually help them to return to normal. For others like me, we will deal with this the rest of our lives and have to take allergy shots perpetually.
Environmental Triggers
Allergens are not the only problem. As I said earlier, environmental triggers set off our allergy symptoms just like allergens except our medicine regimen doesn't help these as much if at all. What is an environmental trigger? It is something in the environment that our bodies react to as if it were a germ. Most of the time these environmental triggers are chemical in nature and have a strong smell. The most common environmental triggers are cigarette smoke, perfume, and strong-smelling cleaners. Thus, bleach qualifies as one of the worst environmental triggers because of its strong chemical smell.
The Child Care Setting
At this point, I should have the attention of every child care provider who has children in their facilities with respiratory problems or asthma. Maybe you, the child care provider, struggle with respiratory issues, and no one has ever told you that bleach can be a environmental trigger. Every time you sanitize with bleach, you are setting off allergy symptoms in the children who react to bleach as an environmental trigger. Most of the time this will manifest itself in children as runny noses, ear infections, and susceptibility to colds and other viruses. In essence, what you are doing to cut down sickness may actually be causing more sickness than it is avoiding. Many times the effects can be subtle and hard to see until you remove the environmental trigger because these children get used to not feeling good and consider how they feel as being normal. They cannot tell you that their lung capacity is being diminished. Many of these children don't know what it is like to live without a runny nose. However, once you remove the environmental trigger you will see dramatic results in a few weeks in how the children feel once they get to your facility. Unfortunately, most parents do not have good information on environmental triggers either. The parents may use strong-smelling cleaners at home or strong-smelling air fresheners, which can also be environmental triggers. The worst cases are those who have parents that smoke. Until those parents quit, those poor children will never know a day without respiratory issues.
We Are Killing Too Many Germs
If you can't use bleach, what can be used to sanitize? Before I answer that question, I am going to give you the same lecture my allergist gave me when he found out I was a childcare provider. Many allergists believe that we are oversanitizing our environments. When we sanitize we not only kill harmful bacteria, but we also kill useful bacteria that our bodies need to function properly. Without this useful bacteria, our bodies begin to fight allergens such as mold, pollen, etc. as if they were harmful bacteria. Our country has seen a massive spike in people dealing with allergies. This has coincided with our obsession of killing germs. However, for those of us who live in states that require significant sanitizing, what can we do? Number one, don't go overboard. Sanitize what you must and leave the rest alone. Number two, find a sanitizer that is more respiratory/asthma friendly.
Bleach Alternatives
Bleach is not the only sanitizer. You might be surprised to hear that hospitals and restaurants are beginning to switch from bleach to other sanitizers because of these respiratory issues. The most common of these alternatives is ammonium chloride. However, for me even this one has too strong a smell. My alternative is hydrogen peroxide. It has no smell and is an oxygen-based bleach instead of being a chlorine based bleach. I use it straight from the bottle, which is a 3% solution. I simply pour the hydrogen peroxide in my sanitizing spray bottle and go to town. I don't have to mix it everyday because I do not dilute with water. I simply refill the bottle when it gets low. Imagine not having to remake your sanitizing bottles every single day. It is a marvelous alternative.
Conclusion
Many of you may be asking if I see a greater occurrence of sickness than others who use bleach as a sanitizer. The answer to that is no. I see much less runny noses, ear infections, etc. than most child cares. We also have less occurrence of viruses than most child cares. I have to have a asthma friendly environment to work in or I could not do this job. Turns out, that makes my facility very respiratory friendly for everyone. I do want to give you two words of caution. Being respiratory friendly can make it difficult to control typical child care smells (smelly diapers). I can't use any air fresheners, and since hydrogen peroxide has no smell, it doesn't cut down those types of smells. We mop with vinegar, which does help to some degree, but many times we have to simply let the child care air out naturally. The second word of caution is that hydrogen peroxide can bleach your hair with constant use. That can be a good thing or a bad thing according to your perspective. For me, it keeps me blonder that I used to be, and it seems to bleach my gray hairs to a blond ( I'm perfectly okay with that). I just wanted you to be aware that can be a side effect.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
My History
To start, I need to share a little bit of my history. About 15 years ago we moved into a house that contained black mold. I already suffered from normal seasonal allergies, but when I was exposed to black mold my immune system went haywire. Right after the exposure I was nearly bedridden. I started having allergic reactions to cleaners I had used all my life. I couldn't go into any buildings if they were old and had had any water damage. Any amount of exposure to mold made me sick as everything. Not only that, but exposure to bleach did the same thing.
The World of the Allergy Sufferer
For those of you who do not suffer from asthma and respiratory issues, let me explain our world. Most of us have allergens such as tree pollen, dust, or mold that set off our allergies. When our allergies are set off our eyes water, we sneeze, or our nose runs if we're lucky. Those are the symptoms for those people with seasonal allergy issues. For those of us with hardcore allergy issues, the symptoms go much deeper. For us, it is like having the flu without the fever. We have trouble breathing deeply, we lose energy, our glands swell, and we just feel nasty. To deal with the allergens we either take allergy medicine regularly and/or take allergy shots regularly. For some people this regimen will eventually help them to return to normal. For others like me, we will deal with this the rest of our lives and have to take allergy shots perpetually.
Environmental Triggers
Allergens are not the only problem. As I said earlier, environmental triggers set off our allergy symptoms just like allergens except our medicine regimen doesn't help these as much if at all. What is an environmental trigger? It is something in the environment that our bodies react to as if it were a germ. Most of the time these environmental triggers are chemical in nature and have a strong smell. The most common environmental triggers are cigarette smoke, perfume, and strong-smelling cleaners. Thus, bleach qualifies as one of the worst environmental triggers because of its strong chemical smell.
The Child Care Setting
At this point, I should have the attention of every child care provider who has children in their facilities with respiratory problems or asthma. Maybe you, the child care provider, struggle with respiratory issues, and no one has ever told you that bleach can be a environmental trigger. Every time you sanitize with bleach, you are setting off allergy symptoms in the children who react to bleach as an environmental trigger. Most of the time this will manifest itself in children as runny noses, ear infections, and susceptibility to colds and other viruses. In essence, what you are doing to cut down sickness may actually be causing more sickness than it is avoiding. Many times the effects can be subtle and hard to see until you remove the environmental trigger because these children get used to not feeling good and consider how they feel as being normal. They cannot tell you that their lung capacity is being diminished. Many of these children don't know what it is like to live without a runny nose. However, once you remove the environmental trigger you will see dramatic results in a few weeks in how the children feel once they get to your facility. Unfortunately, most parents do not have good information on environmental triggers either. The parents may use strong-smelling cleaners at home or strong-smelling air fresheners, which can also be environmental triggers. The worst cases are those who have parents that smoke. Until those parents quit, those poor children will never know a day without respiratory issues.
We Are Killing Too Many Germs
If you can't use bleach, what can be used to sanitize? Before I answer that question, I am going to give you the same lecture my allergist gave me when he found out I was a childcare provider. Many allergists believe that we are oversanitizing our environments. When we sanitize we not only kill harmful bacteria, but we also kill useful bacteria that our bodies need to function properly. Without this useful bacteria, our bodies begin to fight allergens such as mold, pollen, etc. as if they were harmful bacteria. Our country has seen a massive spike in people dealing with allergies. This has coincided with our obsession of killing germs. However, for those of us who live in states that require significant sanitizing, what can we do? Number one, don't go overboard. Sanitize what you must and leave the rest alone. Number two, find a sanitizer that is more respiratory/asthma friendly.
Bleach Alternatives
Bleach is not the only sanitizer. You might be surprised to hear that hospitals and restaurants are beginning to switch from bleach to other sanitizers because of these respiratory issues. The most common of these alternatives is ammonium chloride. However, for me even this one has too strong a smell. My alternative is hydrogen peroxide. It has no smell and is an oxygen-based bleach instead of being a chlorine based bleach. I use it straight from the bottle, which is a 3% solution. I simply pour the hydrogen peroxide in my sanitizing spray bottle and go to town. I don't have to mix it everyday because I do not dilute with water. I simply refill the bottle when it gets low. Imagine not having to remake your sanitizing bottles every single day. It is a marvelous alternative.
Conclusion
Many of you may be asking if I see a greater occurrence of sickness than others who use bleach as a sanitizer. The answer to that is no. I see much less runny noses, ear infections, etc. than most child cares. We also have less occurrence of viruses than most child cares. I have to have a asthma friendly environment to work in or I could not do this job. Turns out, that makes my facility very respiratory friendly for everyone. I do want to give you two words of caution. Being respiratory friendly can make it difficult to control typical child care smells (smelly diapers). I can't use any air fresheners, and since hydrogen peroxide has no smell, it doesn't cut down those types of smells. We mop with vinegar, which does help to some degree, but many times we have to simply let the child care air out naturally. The second word of caution is that hydrogen peroxide can bleach your hair with constant use. That can be a good thing or a bad thing according to your perspective. For me, it keeps me blonder that I used to be, and it seems to bleach my gray hairs to a blond ( I'm perfectly okay with that). I just wanted you to be aware that can be a side effect.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Temper Tantrums
This post will deal with temper tantrums as opposed to hissy fits. A hissy fit becomes a temper tantrum when it crosses over to being destructive either physically or emotionally. Whereas, most of the time a hissy fit can simply be ignored, a temper tantrum must be addressed.
The Scenario
We've all witnessed this scenario. A child doesn't get what he/she wants and begins to cry, scream, etc. Then the child kicks it up a notch and starts throwing things, hurting people, destroying toys, or saying horribly mean words to you, the caregiver, or another child. This is a full-blown temper tantrum. What do the experts advise? Actually, for the heat of the moment, they don't really give a whole lot of advice except keep the child from hurting himself/herself or others. Most of their advice deals with teaching anger management techniques before and after the heat of the moment. They also place pressure on child care providers and parents to avoid situations that cause full-blown episodes through planning and redirection. However, I have seen children go from hissy fit to full-blown temper tantrum in less than five seconds.
Anger Issues
Children in today's society have anger issues. Some of them have horrible anger issues. Is it normal for children to have temper tantrums? To some degree, the answer to that is yes. On the other hand, the level and ferocity of the temper tantrums that we see in today's society is not normal. To get to the root of this problem, we must take a good hard look at some of the pervading philosophies of our day.
Idealistic Childhood
The first culprit philosophy is the notion that childhood should be idealistic and magical. I have discussed this particular philosophy before in my post about immature children. Parents of the late 80s and 90s have already raised a generation that thinks the world revolves around them. This next generation coming behind them thinks the world revolves around them and if they don't get what they want, it will get ugly. It is this pervasive selfishness that we have instilled in these children that is to blame for the violent temper tantrums we are seeing. Childhood should have fun times and not so fun times if we want good balanced children. My husband calls this the "suck up and deal with it" factor. In the old days, they would tell children to "dry it up." This is the same basic concept. Children must learn that they are not allowed to throw a temper tantrum simply because things are not going according to their design. It is not okay. It is not an appropriate way to express your emotions. They must learn the lesson that there will be times when they must do things they don't like or don't want to do simply because they must be done. The teaching of this lesson must start in toddlerhood or by the time they reach school-age, you will have the mess we now have in our society.
Relativism
The second culprit philosophy has to do with relativism. I touched on this one in my post on hissy fits. It is the notion that right and wrong are relative, and we as adults do not have the right to push our idea of right and wrong on the children. When it comes to temper tantrums, this philosophy manifests itself in the notion that there are no wrong emotions only wrong expressions. There is truth in this statement. A person can't help the emotions that arise during situations. How we choose to respond when those emotions rise up within us is what determines the appropriateness. However, many of these experts completely ignore certain character traits as if they don't exist. For example, they will say that laziness is just a lack of motivation. They will also not really discuss stubbornness or selfishness as something that is an underlying cause of the temper tantrums. These experts deny that we as people are born with a sin nature. That is a problem for those of us who do believe that people don't have to be taught to do wrong. They just have to be taught to do right. For those of us who do believe in the sin nature, we understand that children must be taught the difference between right and wrong. If we don't teach them the difference between right and wrong, we will simply get wrong all the time. For those of us in child care, it doesn't take much observation to understand that bad habits spread like gangrene, but good habits have to be fought for every single day. That's enough evidence for me to prove the sin nature.
Emotional Intelligence
One of the ways that has arisen to deal with temper tantrums has been the push to teach emotional intelligence. Basically this deals with teaching children about emotions and how to control those emotions. For once, the experts have hit the jackpot. Teaching children how to calm themselves down through breathing techniques, how to "go with the flow" instead of throwing a hissy fit, and learning to use words to express their emotions instead of physical aggression are all wonderful techniques that every parent and child care provider should spend great amounts of time teaching to children. However, if the rest of the instruction is laced with teaching the children the world revolves around them and relativism, you will be creating the monster and then trying to train it. Instead of having constant contradiction, the better choice is to have complementing strategies. Teach the children to deal with situations that must be done regardless of how the child feels about it. Teach the children the difference between right and wrong. Plus, teach the children about emotions and how to handle them. All of this instruction flows from the same foundation and will produce much greater results than creating the monster and then trying to train it.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Scenario
We've all witnessed this scenario. A child doesn't get what he/she wants and begins to cry, scream, etc. Then the child kicks it up a notch and starts throwing things, hurting people, destroying toys, or saying horribly mean words to you, the caregiver, or another child. This is a full-blown temper tantrum. What do the experts advise? Actually, for the heat of the moment, they don't really give a whole lot of advice except keep the child from hurting himself/herself or others. Most of their advice deals with teaching anger management techniques before and after the heat of the moment. They also place pressure on child care providers and parents to avoid situations that cause full-blown episodes through planning and redirection. However, I have seen children go from hissy fit to full-blown temper tantrum in less than five seconds.
Anger Issues
Children in today's society have anger issues. Some of them have horrible anger issues. Is it normal for children to have temper tantrums? To some degree, the answer to that is yes. On the other hand, the level and ferocity of the temper tantrums that we see in today's society is not normal. To get to the root of this problem, we must take a good hard look at some of the pervading philosophies of our day.
Idealistic Childhood
The first culprit philosophy is the notion that childhood should be idealistic and magical. I have discussed this particular philosophy before in my post about immature children. Parents of the late 80s and 90s have already raised a generation that thinks the world revolves around them. This next generation coming behind them thinks the world revolves around them and if they don't get what they want, it will get ugly. It is this pervasive selfishness that we have instilled in these children that is to blame for the violent temper tantrums we are seeing. Childhood should have fun times and not so fun times if we want good balanced children. My husband calls this the "suck up and deal with it" factor. In the old days, they would tell children to "dry it up." This is the same basic concept. Children must learn that they are not allowed to throw a temper tantrum simply because things are not going according to their design. It is not okay. It is not an appropriate way to express your emotions. They must learn the lesson that there will be times when they must do things they don't like or don't want to do simply because they must be done. The teaching of this lesson must start in toddlerhood or by the time they reach school-age, you will have the mess we now have in our society.
Relativism
The second culprit philosophy has to do with relativism. I touched on this one in my post on hissy fits. It is the notion that right and wrong are relative, and we as adults do not have the right to push our idea of right and wrong on the children. When it comes to temper tantrums, this philosophy manifests itself in the notion that there are no wrong emotions only wrong expressions. There is truth in this statement. A person can't help the emotions that arise during situations. How we choose to respond when those emotions rise up within us is what determines the appropriateness. However, many of these experts completely ignore certain character traits as if they don't exist. For example, they will say that laziness is just a lack of motivation. They will also not really discuss stubbornness or selfishness as something that is an underlying cause of the temper tantrums. These experts deny that we as people are born with a sin nature. That is a problem for those of us who do believe that people don't have to be taught to do wrong. They just have to be taught to do right. For those of us who do believe in the sin nature, we understand that children must be taught the difference between right and wrong. If we don't teach them the difference between right and wrong, we will simply get wrong all the time. For those of us in child care, it doesn't take much observation to understand that bad habits spread like gangrene, but good habits have to be fought for every single day. That's enough evidence for me to prove the sin nature.
Emotional Intelligence
One of the ways that has arisen to deal with temper tantrums has been the push to teach emotional intelligence. Basically this deals with teaching children about emotions and how to control those emotions. For once, the experts have hit the jackpot. Teaching children how to calm themselves down through breathing techniques, how to "go with the flow" instead of throwing a hissy fit, and learning to use words to express their emotions instead of physical aggression are all wonderful techniques that every parent and child care provider should spend great amounts of time teaching to children. However, if the rest of the instruction is laced with teaching the children the world revolves around them and relativism, you will be creating the monster and then trying to train it. Instead of having constant contradiction, the better choice is to have complementing strategies. Teach the children to deal with situations that must be done regardless of how the child feels about it. Teach the children the difference between right and wrong. Plus, teach the children about emotions and how to handle them. All of this instruction flows from the same foundation and will produce much greater results than creating the monster and then trying to train it.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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