This post will deal with my experience with child-centered instruction as a homeschooling mom. Unlike childcare facilities, homeschooling environments lend themselves to a purer form of a theory's implementation. Over the years I have witnessed how these theories function over the long-term. Many childcare facilities do not have this luxury because their set-up is institutional by character.
My Homeschooling Background
When I entered formal early childhood instruction on a college level, I already had 13 years of homeschooling experience under my belt. I also had a lot more life experience than many who study early childhood straight out of high school. During my homeschooling years, I had witnessed the implementation of many of the theorists' ideas that early childhood professionals revere. I had also been a part of cleaning up the messes these ideas created when implemented over the long term. Therefore, when these same ideas came up in my classes, I tried desperately not to visible roll my eyes and get on my soap box to explain to these people why that does not work. I deliberately avoided writing my papers on these principles and managed somehow to find common ground as a conservative in an extremely liberal field. Needless to say, all of that greatly enhanced my writing abilities.
What's the Big Deal?
When child-centered instruction is purely implemented and carried on throughout childhood, you will get children who know an awful lot about one or two subjects and yet cannot read or do basic math skills because they find the work involved in acquiring these skills boring. On more occasions than I care to remember, I have had to help homeschooling parents repair the damage done because they followed these theorists wholeheartedly. Most of the time, these children had to endure a horrible bootcamp-type season to bring their reading and math skills up to speed, and then the parents put them in public school in complete defeat. Sometimes the children were just simply put back in public school and left to flounder. The parents were not to blame. These theorists have it completely wrong.
Hard Work over Talent
This past week I posted an article on the Facebook page for this blog from Psychology Today that talked about what is required for children to achieve greatness. Most people say that talent plays the biggest role in whether or not children achieve greatness. However, in this article it talked about how hard work has more to do with it than talent. Even a talented child has to be able to work hard when it is not fun to rise above the masses and achieve great things. This applies for every genre of work across the board. As a music teacher, I know this article hits it right on the head. A talented child that is not willing to put in the hours of monotonous practice will not outdo the less talented child that is willing to put in the work. When work is equal, the talented child will outdo the less talented child, but lack of work holds back even the most talented of individuals.
Should Learning HAVE to Be Fun?
Child-centered instruction basically teaches children that learning HAS to be fun or they do not have to do it. Even our public school systems are falling into this trap and then wondering why we keep slipping into mediocrity as a nation. Of course, those who push child-centered instruction never put it that way. They say we need to make learning fun in order to keep the children's attention. However, the underlying message that we have been sending to these children is that they do not have to do anything that they find the least bit boring. We have actually done more damage to their attention spans than any boring instruction has ever done. It amazes me that no one has put together that the decrease in our children's attention spans coincided with the push of child-centered instruction.
Work Is Necessary to Be Great
One of the greatest lessons we will ever teach children comes when they push through the endless hours of monotonous practice to emerge as experts. Sports people have this down. Academic people have this backwards. The adults have to keep pushing the children through all the work required to become really good at something because children do not think long-term. However, even young children can learn to think long-term if they have worked hard at something for years and are finally able to perform at a high level. This works in sports, music, and even reading, math, and every other academic pursuit. We as adults must navigate the children through the mundane not around the mundane if we want them to truly achieve great things.
The Difference between Work and Play
What does this look like in early childhood terms? In my childcare I teach the difference between work and play. I dare teach these children that there are some things that must be done whether you want to do it or not. I teach them that work does not have to be fun to have to be done. We can try to make the work fun, but it still has to be done. This applies across the board and even involves academic matters. If a child is not in the mood to do their one-on-one instruction, they do it anyway. We lay the foundation for school, and they must learn to do their school work whether they are in the mood or not if they plan to actually learn. We must stop coddling and catering to our children before we completely ruin an entire generation if we have not done so already.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Teaching Children Respect
This post will look at this societal problem from a perspective you may never have heard. I saw a recent poll on the Internet where child care providers were asked the greatest problem they faced in their profession. Almost overwhelmingly, the response was a lack of respect from the children. Children in our society are taught to be respected not to respect. The former does not promote the latter as we in child care know all too well.
Too Much Self-Esteem?
I will briefly touch on the our society's overindulgence in self-esteem, which is a large part of the problem before I move on to the heart of the matter. As I stated in the first paragraph, children in our society expect to be respected whether they deserve that respect or not. I once saw a cartoon that depicted children from the 1950s standing before a teacher discussing a bad grade and then children today doing the same thing. The children from the 1950s were promising to do better. The children from today were demanding a good grade whether they deserved it or not. That cartoon actually says it all. We have so overemphasized self-esteem that our children have lost touch with reality. They believe that adults must bow down and give them everything they want or they will make us pay. This is a completely ridiculous situation. I have already written a post on self-esteem. Therefore, I will leave it at that and move on.
The Importance of Men
The heart of the matter will not make females of the world very happy. Men teach children to respect and our men are AWOL on this matter or hamstrung to the point that they do not dare. As a female, I share your absolute aggravation that this is a reality, but I am smart enough to know not to fight it. I can do everything in the world to try to gain respect from the children. Then my husband can walk into the room and say something simple with the children falling all over themselves to obey. It does make me want to bang my head against the wall sometimes, but that doesn't nullify what I have witnessed over and over. Something about men commands respect from children when they assert it. Women get more respect from children when men demand it of them. To fight this reality is to fight a losing battle. I'm not saying that women cannot earn children's respect, but the level of respect women garner alone cannot compare to the level a man can garner.
If a person accepts this reality and then looks around at our society, many situations and circumstances take on a whole new light. For several decades many women have lived as if men were completely unnecessary. Many women believe that fathers are not necessarily needed to raise children. They believe women are completely capable of raising well-rounded children without any assistance from a man. I want to make these women take a good hard look at our society and come to their senses. Men are completely necessary for the upbringing of children. Contrary to popular belief, you cannot just cast aside all the men of the world and go on without them. We have no respect from our children because we have no respect for men in our society.
You Get What You Expect
Now, that does not mean that some men are not completely worthless. People of both genders fall into that category. However, it has been my experience that with men you get what you expect. If you expect them to be deadbeats, they will oblige. If you expect them to step up and be a man, many of them actually do. I have had to deal with many divorce situations as a childcare provider. Many times the moms do not know how to take the way I treat the fathers. I expect the fathers to be involved, and I communicate that as strongly as I do with the mothers. If I have a difficult child, I will set the father down and let him know in no uncertain terms that he is mostly responsible for how his child turns out. If he wants his child to do well, he needs to step up and be a man in that child's life. What amazes me is that usually no one else has ever talked to that man in that way. I get results because I cut to the chase.
Children Need a Man in their Life
What do you do if the father is truly a worthless deadbeat or the child has no father? To that I say find a man to fill that void for that child. It can be a grandfather, uncle, other relative, or mentor of some type. Somehow, someway find a male role model for that child that will teach the child to respect. Girls need male role models as much as boys do. Men teach girls self-respect in a way a woman cannot. However, the women must get out of the way and let the men be men. At the beginning I said that our men are AWOL or hamstrung to the point that they do not dare assert their maleness. Women of our society have done the hamstringing along with the liberal philosophies so prevalent today. If you truly want the children of today's society to learn to respect other people, then let men be men again and get out of their way.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Too Much Self-Esteem?
I will briefly touch on the our society's overindulgence in self-esteem, which is a large part of the problem before I move on to the heart of the matter. As I stated in the first paragraph, children in our society expect to be respected whether they deserve that respect or not. I once saw a cartoon that depicted children from the 1950s standing before a teacher discussing a bad grade and then children today doing the same thing. The children from the 1950s were promising to do better. The children from today were demanding a good grade whether they deserved it or not. That cartoon actually says it all. We have so overemphasized self-esteem that our children have lost touch with reality. They believe that adults must bow down and give them everything they want or they will make us pay. This is a completely ridiculous situation. I have already written a post on self-esteem. Therefore, I will leave it at that and move on.
The Importance of Men
The heart of the matter will not make females of the world very happy. Men teach children to respect and our men are AWOL on this matter or hamstrung to the point that they do not dare. As a female, I share your absolute aggravation that this is a reality, but I am smart enough to know not to fight it. I can do everything in the world to try to gain respect from the children. Then my husband can walk into the room and say something simple with the children falling all over themselves to obey. It does make me want to bang my head against the wall sometimes, but that doesn't nullify what I have witnessed over and over. Something about men commands respect from children when they assert it. Women get more respect from children when men demand it of them. To fight this reality is to fight a losing battle. I'm not saying that women cannot earn children's respect, but the level of respect women garner alone cannot compare to the level a man can garner.
If a person accepts this reality and then looks around at our society, many situations and circumstances take on a whole new light. For several decades many women have lived as if men were completely unnecessary. Many women believe that fathers are not necessarily needed to raise children. They believe women are completely capable of raising well-rounded children without any assistance from a man. I want to make these women take a good hard look at our society and come to their senses. Men are completely necessary for the upbringing of children. Contrary to popular belief, you cannot just cast aside all the men of the world and go on without them. We have no respect from our children because we have no respect for men in our society.
You Get What You Expect
Now, that does not mean that some men are not completely worthless. People of both genders fall into that category. However, it has been my experience that with men you get what you expect. If you expect them to be deadbeats, they will oblige. If you expect them to step up and be a man, many of them actually do. I have had to deal with many divorce situations as a childcare provider. Many times the moms do not know how to take the way I treat the fathers. I expect the fathers to be involved, and I communicate that as strongly as I do with the mothers. If I have a difficult child, I will set the father down and let him know in no uncertain terms that he is mostly responsible for how his child turns out. If he wants his child to do well, he needs to step up and be a man in that child's life. What amazes me is that usually no one else has ever talked to that man in that way. I get results because I cut to the chase.
Children Need a Man in their Life
What do you do if the father is truly a worthless deadbeat or the child has no father? To that I say find a man to fill that void for that child. It can be a grandfather, uncle, other relative, or mentor of some type. Somehow, someway find a male role model for that child that will teach the child to respect. Girls need male role models as much as boys do. Men teach girls self-respect in a way a woman cannot. However, the women must get out of the way and let the men be men. At the beginning I said that our men are AWOL or hamstrung to the point that they do not dare assert their maleness. Women of our society have done the hamstringing along with the liberal philosophies so prevalent today. If you truly want the children of today's society to learn to respect other people, then let men be men again and get out of their way.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Keeping Books Intact
This post will deal with the never ending struggle to keep books in one piece in a child care setting. We all understand this problem far too well. Good books are not cheap, and young children would rather eat them at times more than look at them. Many of my books have been put back together so many times with duct tape they are nearly unrecognizable. I will share how I keep my library areas stocked with books and hopefully give you ideas on how to do the same.
Book Regulations Can Get Expensive
This problem is compounded for those of us that live in states with strict regulations. In my state the number of books per child according to age is dictated. The types of books required with a certain number of each type for each age group is dictated. It can get downright expensive to maintain all the different book requirements year round because the types of books that meet the requirements are not cheap. To be honest, I had certain books that I used for assessment, and they came out two weeks before assessment and were put up immediately after. Those books cost me a fortune. Two weeks gave the children enough time to get used to those books so that they weren't overly excited about them but were still new enough that they got plenty of action. Sometimes the books did not make it two weeks without significant damage. Every year I spent a small fortune preparing for assessment and quite a bit of that was book purchases. I read those books to the children year round. I just did not give them access to those books year round.
The Beauty of Board Books
The books in which the children in my child care get access are mostly very inexpensive board books. I have a mixed-age facility. I also have two different library areas. The main library area that is intended for all the children contains only board books, cloth books, and plastic books. The other area is designed for children that are 3 years old and older. This area contains the regular books. This area also has strict rules. If a child destroys a book, that child will lose access to this library area. However, I also have a great number of books that the children do not touch. These are my books that are used for reading times, and they are placed on very high shelves or closets. Most of the accessible books are from yard sales and dollar stores. I do keep a few of the children's favorite board books, but these books are duct taped back together as much as possible. That is the beauty of board books. Regular books just do not duct tape very well.
Book Handling Skills
Of course, much time and effort must be put into teaching children book handling skills. Children under the age of three, however, usually do not grasp this concept well enough to trust them with expensive regular books. That does not mean that you do not work with these children. It is important for them to already have fairly decent book handling skills by the time they are three, and this does not happen by magic. How do you teach book handling skills? First of all, you model. Children need to see you handle books on a regular basis. Exposure to books is extremely important. It just is not wise to expect them to be instantly proficient because that book cost you a fortune. When very young children mistreat books, you must treat that as a teachable moment. Talk to the children as often as the opportunity arises about how books should be treated. Children need to practice these skills with books that you do not mind being destroyed.
The Philosophy Behind the Accessibility
Before I leave this subject I want to discuss the reasons children should have access to books throughout the day. This is important because it will determine what kind of books you keep and how they are used. Many of the states that have stringent regulations of the number and kinds of books to be kept all follow the whole language philosophy of literacy instruction. I am a former homeschooler, and I have no great love for the whole language philosophy of literacy instruction. Systematic phonics instruction produces 1000 times greater results, but that is a post for another day. You need to know this because these child care experts are expecting these children to learn to read by exposure rather than learning to decode the words. Therefore, they want you to have the expensive books accessible to the children. As a teacher of systematic phonics instruction, I understand that it is not necessary for the children to have access to these expensive books. Reading the books to the children far outweighs the necessity of the children having access to them at all times. That is why my expensive books are out of reach. Children can learn book handling skills from the cheap yard sale and dollar store books just as well. I do have a few of the children's favorite books such as "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" and other very repetitive books accessible to the children because they will practice reciting the text. They are not reading (let me make that very clear), but that is a very valuable language activity. Some of my more expensive books that are accessible to the children have been put back together so many times they are unrecognizable. However, the children can find that book on the bookshelf in a heartbeat. Do not let the experts tell you the book has to be in mint condition to be of value to your children.
My Best Advice
To sum it all up, my best advice for those of you that have a mixed-age facility would be to keep inexpensive board books, cloth books, and plastic books in your library area and keep your good books out of reach. If you do have the means for a separate area for the older children, I still would keep the area stocked with inexpensive books that you do not mind being destroyed. Remember the point is to teach the children book handling skills and not reading from a whole language perspective. For those who have divided age facilities use your own judgement as to the level of book handling skills your children possess to determine what kind of books to keep. If your children are all four years old with horrible book handling skills, it is okay to keep only board books, cloth books, and plastic books until they develop decent book handling capabilities.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Book Regulations Can Get Expensive
This problem is compounded for those of us that live in states with strict regulations. In my state the number of books per child according to age is dictated. The types of books required with a certain number of each type for each age group is dictated. It can get downright expensive to maintain all the different book requirements year round because the types of books that meet the requirements are not cheap. To be honest, I had certain books that I used for assessment, and they came out two weeks before assessment and were put up immediately after. Those books cost me a fortune. Two weeks gave the children enough time to get used to those books so that they weren't overly excited about them but were still new enough that they got plenty of action. Sometimes the books did not make it two weeks without significant damage. Every year I spent a small fortune preparing for assessment and quite a bit of that was book purchases. I read those books to the children year round. I just did not give them access to those books year round.
The Beauty of Board Books
The books in which the children in my child care get access are mostly very inexpensive board books. I have a mixed-age facility. I also have two different library areas. The main library area that is intended for all the children contains only board books, cloth books, and plastic books. The other area is designed for children that are 3 years old and older. This area contains the regular books. This area also has strict rules. If a child destroys a book, that child will lose access to this library area. However, I also have a great number of books that the children do not touch. These are my books that are used for reading times, and they are placed on very high shelves or closets. Most of the accessible books are from yard sales and dollar stores. I do keep a few of the children's favorite board books, but these books are duct taped back together as much as possible. That is the beauty of board books. Regular books just do not duct tape very well.
Book Handling Skills
Of course, much time and effort must be put into teaching children book handling skills. Children under the age of three, however, usually do not grasp this concept well enough to trust them with expensive regular books. That does not mean that you do not work with these children. It is important for them to already have fairly decent book handling skills by the time they are three, and this does not happen by magic. How do you teach book handling skills? First of all, you model. Children need to see you handle books on a regular basis. Exposure to books is extremely important. It just is not wise to expect them to be instantly proficient because that book cost you a fortune. When very young children mistreat books, you must treat that as a teachable moment. Talk to the children as often as the opportunity arises about how books should be treated. Children need to practice these skills with books that you do not mind being destroyed.
The Philosophy Behind the Accessibility
Before I leave this subject I want to discuss the reasons children should have access to books throughout the day. This is important because it will determine what kind of books you keep and how they are used. Many of the states that have stringent regulations of the number and kinds of books to be kept all follow the whole language philosophy of literacy instruction. I am a former homeschooler, and I have no great love for the whole language philosophy of literacy instruction. Systematic phonics instruction produces 1000 times greater results, but that is a post for another day. You need to know this because these child care experts are expecting these children to learn to read by exposure rather than learning to decode the words. Therefore, they want you to have the expensive books accessible to the children. As a teacher of systematic phonics instruction, I understand that it is not necessary for the children to have access to these expensive books. Reading the books to the children far outweighs the necessity of the children having access to them at all times. That is why my expensive books are out of reach. Children can learn book handling skills from the cheap yard sale and dollar store books just as well. I do have a few of the children's favorite books such as "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" and other very repetitive books accessible to the children because they will practice reciting the text. They are not reading (let me make that very clear), but that is a very valuable language activity. Some of my more expensive books that are accessible to the children have been put back together so many times they are unrecognizable. However, the children can find that book on the bookshelf in a heartbeat. Do not let the experts tell you the book has to be in mint condition to be of value to your children.
My Best Advice
To sum it all up, my best advice for those of you that have a mixed-age facility would be to keep inexpensive board books, cloth books, and plastic books in your library area and keep your good books out of reach. If you do have the means for a separate area for the older children, I still would keep the area stocked with inexpensive books that you do not mind being destroyed. Remember the point is to teach the children book handling skills and not reading from a whole language perspective. For those who have divided age facilities use your own judgement as to the level of book handling skills your children possess to determine what kind of books to keep. If your children are all four years old with horrible book handling skills, it is okay to keep only board books, cloth books, and plastic books until they develop decent book handling capabilities.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Obey - A 4-Letter Word?
This post will cover the importance of obedience and why it is demonized among the educational elite. It amazes me that such a divide exists between the philosophy of the educational elite and the philosophy of most American parents. What amazes me even more is that this divide rarely gets any discussion. The educational elite hold the status of gods, and anyone who dares defy them feels the full force of their wrath. What the educational elite say is accepted without question as being right and true even though it contradicts the core values of a majority of Americans. No where does this hold more true than when it comes to the topic of obedience.
The Average Parent's Stance on Obedience
If you were to ask the average American parent about the importance of obedience in children, a majority of them would say that it is very important for children to learn to obey. If you were to ask a member of the educational elite, early childhood professional, etc. that same question, they would give you a long speech on how demeaning it is to a child to expect him/her to obey an adult. I see a major difference of opinion here. Yet only one opinion ever gets portrayed in the media, and it's not the parents. When my own children were small, I had a huge problem with this. I felt like these people treated me like some ignorant cow that only functioned off of savage instincts where my children were concerned. If I did not hold their beliefs and opinions, I had to be uneducated and simple. To them, no educated person would ever think of holding conservative beliefs. As a highly, educated conservative, I still take offense at this.
The Educational Elite's Stance on Obedience
What exactly is the stance of the educational elite, early childhood field, etc. on the subject of obedience? They see an adult imposing anything on a child as a violation of that child's choice. The experts will tell you it is disrespectful to the child to force them to do something. It is inappropriate to impose a set of standards on a child. To lead that child to decide to choose the appropriate option is fine, but to simply expect that child to obey an adult without question is dehumanizing for that child. For them, a situation does not exist that would call for a child to blindly obey an adult. All situations can be managed in such a way that the child chooses the appropriate option of his/her own free will.
What Is Wrong with That?
As a parent, I can think of millions of situations that call for immediate obedience and many of them are life and death situations. One of my greatest fears as a young mother was that I would find my family in one of those situations and my child would decide in that moment to disobey me costing my child his/her life. It is completely ludicrous to assert that every circumstance that calls for complete and immediate obedience can be avoided through planning and supervision. I am an avid student of history and understand that just because our society enjoys peace at the moment does not mean that we cannot be plunged into chaos overnight. How in the world do you plan for a situation like the one the Jews of Germany found themselves in during the 1930s? Many times those families had to hide, and a child that could not be made to be quiet cost everybody their life. I am sure that the Jews of Germany in the 1920s had no idea that 10 years later they would be having to hide in peoples' attics. If American families found themselves in similar circumstances in 10 years, not many of them would survive because our children will not obey for anything. At least the Jews of the 1930s valued obedience. America does not.
The Track Record of the Millenials
Is obedience really that big a deal? Isn't it better if the child chooses of his/her own free will? On the surface having a child choose of his/her own free will sounds like the better option. It should help that child to be decisive and learn to make good decisions. However, we have a generation of children that have been brought up with this philosophy to some degree. These children are now between the ages of 15 and 25 to 30. Can you honestly look at this generation and say that they are decisive and make good decisions? Have they become strong productive adults when compared to previous generations? How many media reports have you heard lately about how this particular age group seems to be much more immature than previous generations? It is quite often. The long-term effects of the "choice" movement have been disastrous and that is putting it nicely. What scares me is that the next generation has been raised by a much truer form of the "choice" movement. I have already written a post about how the level of immaturity seems to be getting worse with every subsequent year. This problem may get out of hand before America finally realizes that obedience just might be an important skill to instill in children.
Obedience and the Prefrontal Cortex
Before I leave this subject I want to touch on one more area. Many times being obedient is portrayed as a mindless act. When the educational elite talk about choices, they do not regard obedience as a form of choice. Is obedience a mindless act that children do without any thought process? That is laughable. When a child obeys, most of the time that child has to choose to do what he/she is supposed to do over what they want to do. That takes inhibitory control. Inhibitory control comes from the prefrontal cortex of the brain. The brain research coming out in the last 5 years has been screaming about the importance of the prefrontal cortex when it comes to children doing well in school. There has also been much discussion about how the prefrontal cortex of children 15 to 25 seems to be more immature than previous generations. I don't think it requires a degree in rocket science to put 2 and 2 together in this situation. Obedience has been progressively more demonized since the late 1980s. That has coincided with a huge upsurge in immaturity all around and in children's prefrontal cortex development. That is no coincidence. We must begin to put obedience before choice before we do any more damage to another generation of children.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
P.S. I now have a Facebook page for this blog. It is at www.facebook.com/childcareconundrums. Become a fan!!!
The Average Parent's Stance on Obedience
If you were to ask the average American parent about the importance of obedience in children, a majority of them would say that it is very important for children to learn to obey. If you were to ask a member of the educational elite, early childhood professional, etc. that same question, they would give you a long speech on how demeaning it is to a child to expect him/her to obey an adult. I see a major difference of opinion here. Yet only one opinion ever gets portrayed in the media, and it's not the parents. When my own children were small, I had a huge problem with this. I felt like these people treated me like some ignorant cow that only functioned off of savage instincts where my children were concerned. If I did not hold their beliefs and opinions, I had to be uneducated and simple. To them, no educated person would ever think of holding conservative beliefs. As a highly, educated conservative, I still take offense at this.
The Educational Elite's Stance on Obedience
What exactly is the stance of the educational elite, early childhood field, etc. on the subject of obedience? They see an adult imposing anything on a child as a violation of that child's choice. The experts will tell you it is disrespectful to the child to force them to do something. It is inappropriate to impose a set of standards on a child. To lead that child to decide to choose the appropriate option is fine, but to simply expect that child to obey an adult without question is dehumanizing for that child. For them, a situation does not exist that would call for a child to blindly obey an adult. All situations can be managed in such a way that the child chooses the appropriate option of his/her own free will.
What Is Wrong with That?
As a parent, I can think of millions of situations that call for immediate obedience and many of them are life and death situations. One of my greatest fears as a young mother was that I would find my family in one of those situations and my child would decide in that moment to disobey me costing my child his/her life. It is completely ludicrous to assert that every circumstance that calls for complete and immediate obedience can be avoided through planning and supervision. I am an avid student of history and understand that just because our society enjoys peace at the moment does not mean that we cannot be plunged into chaos overnight. How in the world do you plan for a situation like the one the Jews of Germany found themselves in during the 1930s? Many times those families had to hide, and a child that could not be made to be quiet cost everybody their life. I am sure that the Jews of Germany in the 1920s had no idea that 10 years later they would be having to hide in peoples' attics. If American families found themselves in similar circumstances in 10 years, not many of them would survive because our children will not obey for anything. At least the Jews of the 1930s valued obedience. America does not.
The Track Record of the Millenials
Is obedience really that big a deal? Isn't it better if the child chooses of his/her own free will? On the surface having a child choose of his/her own free will sounds like the better option. It should help that child to be decisive and learn to make good decisions. However, we have a generation of children that have been brought up with this philosophy to some degree. These children are now between the ages of 15 and 25 to 30. Can you honestly look at this generation and say that they are decisive and make good decisions? Have they become strong productive adults when compared to previous generations? How many media reports have you heard lately about how this particular age group seems to be much more immature than previous generations? It is quite often. The long-term effects of the "choice" movement have been disastrous and that is putting it nicely. What scares me is that the next generation has been raised by a much truer form of the "choice" movement. I have already written a post about how the level of immaturity seems to be getting worse with every subsequent year. This problem may get out of hand before America finally realizes that obedience just might be an important skill to instill in children.
Obedience and the Prefrontal Cortex
Before I leave this subject I want to touch on one more area. Many times being obedient is portrayed as a mindless act. When the educational elite talk about choices, they do not regard obedience as a form of choice. Is obedience a mindless act that children do without any thought process? That is laughable. When a child obeys, most of the time that child has to choose to do what he/she is supposed to do over what they want to do. That takes inhibitory control. Inhibitory control comes from the prefrontal cortex of the brain. The brain research coming out in the last 5 years has been screaming about the importance of the prefrontal cortex when it comes to children doing well in school. There has also been much discussion about how the prefrontal cortex of children 15 to 25 seems to be more immature than previous generations. I don't think it requires a degree in rocket science to put 2 and 2 together in this situation. Obedience has been progressively more demonized since the late 1980s. That has coincided with a huge upsurge in immaturity all around and in children's prefrontal cortex development. That is no coincidence. We must begin to put obedience before choice before we do any more damage to another generation of children.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
P.S. I now have a Facebook page for this blog. It is at www.facebook.com/childcareconundrums. Become a fan!!!
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Getting Parents to Read to Their Children
This post will deal with the sometimes nearly impossible task of getting parents to read to their young children. The research on the benefits of reading aloud to young children is so strong this should be a given in every American household, but it isn't. Developing strong readers should be on of our nation's strongest priorities, but it isn't. Early childhood literacy is my passion. Therefore, finding ways to get parents to read to their children will be one of my lifelong endeavors.
Why Don't Parents Read to their Children?
The list of excuses could go to the moon and back. However, the main excuses are that parents are too busy with other things both personal and professional, some parents don't read well and are embarrassed to try to read to their children, and some parents do not see the need. Whatever the excuse, the fact remains that some children will not have someone read to them at home. If they are not in an another environment where they are read to regularly, these children will hit school with language deficiencies. As child care providers, this is one of the most important jobs we do every single day. If we do nothing else to promote language and literacy beyond reading many good books to the children each day, we will still accomplish quite a bit toward developing a love of reading in the children. Sadly, not every child care provider reads to the children in his/her care every day. Many times the children in these facilities are from homes where they do not have someone to read to them at home. Then these children struggle with reading in school and grow up to be parents that do not read to their children. This is a sad cycle that many great foundations, programs, and schools have set out to correct.
The Dolly Parton Imagination Library
One foundation that I am quite familiar with is the Dolly Parton Imagination Library. This foundation provides free books every month or so to children until their fifth birthday. This program has put thousands and thousands of books into the homes of children in the state of Tennessee. (I do not know if this program extends to other states.) However, just because the book is in the home does not necessarily mean the book gets read. There is a greater chance it will be read, but those parents that fall into the main group of excuses will still not read to their children. I also know that many books go unclaimed and collect at certain distribution sites across the state. I know this because many times these distribution sites will donate the books to local child cares and libraries. We have many of those books at our facility.
What Some Schools Are Doing
Many schools around the country have gotten rather aggressive about parents reading to their children. My grandchildren have just enrolled in new schools and both schools require the parents to read aloud to the children each night. A planner is sent home, and the parents must document what was read and sign it. Of course, some parents will sign the planner without actually reading to the children, but the youngest's school also has mandatory attendance for parent/teacher conference. If a parent does not show up for his/her designated time, the teacher will show up at the child's home. This school has 100% attendance for parent/teacher conferences. A teacher can tell when a parent does not actually read by how the child is progressing in his/her lessons. I am sure this is one of the main topics of discussion at these conferences.
The Traveling Suitcases
At my child care I have a sneaky way of getting parents to read to their children. Many years ago I developed what has been called "traveling suitcases." These consist of a clear backpack with a book, a prop of some sort (usually a stuffed animal that goes with the story), a journal for the parents, a drawing pad, and crayons. Each Friday afternoon I bring out the traveling suitcases. Every child 2 and older gets to choose one of the suitcases and take it home for the weekend. I have half of the suitcases designated for 2 year olds and the other half is appropriate for 3 and older (the older children are allowed to take the 2 year old suitcases as long as the 2 year olds have already chosen). These suitcases are a huge deal at my facility. In all I now have 75 or more different books with props that are used for these suitcases. I keep about 10 clear backpacks to use for the suitcases and store the others in large plastic bags. I rotate in a new suitcase every week and read that story for afternoon group time on Friday. If it is a long story, I will often only read half of it and tell them they will have to take this one home to hear the other half.
How has the program worked for me? Honestly, it works fairly well. Most of the time, those parents that don't read have the children tell on them when the suitcase comes back on Monday (or Tuesday, Wednesday, etc.). Those parents will go out of their way to tell me when they read the book the next time. Many parents have come in on Monday complaining about how many times they had to read the book over the weekend. (That puts a smile in my heart.) Keeping up with the suitcases can be extremely frustrating for preschool age parents, but I tell them this is training for library books in the future. I have a rule that if the suitcase is not brought back by Friday morning, the child cannot take home another one. After one Friday afternoon of having to deal with an extremely distraught child, the parents will normally be frantically bringing in suitcases on Friday morning to avoid another episode. However, I have had parents that have refused to participate. I have to replace crayons and drawing pads constantly. Most of the time at least the book and prop come back intact, but I have lost suitcases entirely. This was more of a problem when I was a bigger facility. It seems to be less of a problem with a smaller group. The benefits that these suitcases provide far outweigh the cost and hassle of maintaining them. The language skills of the children at my facility far exceed the developmental norm. Of course, these suitcases are coupled with a provider that takes early childhood literacy seriously to a fault.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Why Don't Parents Read to their Children?
The list of excuses could go to the moon and back. However, the main excuses are that parents are too busy with other things both personal and professional, some parents don't read well and are embarrassed to try to read to their children, and some parents do not see the need. Whatever the excuse, the fact remains that some children will not have someone read to them at home. If they are not in an another environment where they are read to regularly, these children will hit school with language deficiencies. As child care providers, this is one of the most important jobs we do every single day. If we do nothing else to promote language and literacy beyond reading many good books to the children each day, we will still accomplish quite a bit toward developing a love of reading in the children. Sadly, not every child care provider reads to the children in his/her care every day. Many times the children in these facilities are from homes where they do not have someone to read to them at home. Then these children struggle with reading in school and grow up to be parents that do not read to their children. This is a sad cycle that many great foundations, programs, and schools have set out to correct.
The Dolly Parton Imagination Library
One foundation that I am quite familiar with is the Dolly Parton Imagination Library. This foundation provides free books every month or so to children until their fifth birthday. This program has put thousands and thousands of books into the homes of children in the state of Tennessee. (I do not know if this program extends to other states.) However, just because the book is in the home does not necessarily mean the book gets read. There is a greater chance it will be read, but those parents that fall into the main group of excuses will still not read to their children. I also know that many books go unclaimed and collect at certain distribution sites across the state. I know this because many times these distribution sites will donate the books to local child cares and libraries. We have many of those books at our facility.
What Some Schools Are Doing
Many schools around the country have gotten rather aggressive about parents reading to their children. My grandchildren have just enrolled in new schools and both schools require the parents to read aloud to the children each night. A planner is sent home, and the parents must document what was read and sign it. Of course, some parents will sign the planner without actually reading to the children, but the youngest's school also has mandatory attendance for parent/teacher conference. If a parent does not show up for his/her designated time, the teacher will show up at the child's home. This school has 100% attendance for parent/teacher conferences. A teacher can tell when a parent does not actually read by how the child is progressing in his/her lessons. I am sure this is one of the main topics of discussion at these conferences.
The Traveling Suitcases
At my child care I have a sneaky way of getting parents to read to their children. Many years ago I developed what has been called "traveling suitcases." These consist of a clear backpack with a book, a prop of some sort (usually a stuffed animal that goes with the story), a journal for the parents, a drawing pad, and crayons. Each Friday afternoon I bring out the traveling suitcases. Every child 2 and older gets to choose one of the suitcases and take it home for the weekend. I have half of the suitcases designated for 2 year olds and the other half is appropriate for 3 and older (the older children are allowed to take the 2 year old suitcases as long as the 2 year olds have already chosen). These suitcases are a huge deal at my facility. In all I now have 75 or more different books with props that are used for these suitcases. I keep about 10 clear backpacks to use for the suitcases and store the others in large plastic bags. I rotate in a new suitcase every week and read that story for afternoon group time on Friday. If it is a long story, I will often only read half of it and tell them they will have to take this one home to hear the other half.
How has the program worked for me? Honestly, it works fairly well. Most of the time, those parents that don't read have the children tell on them when the suitcase comes back on Monday (or Tuesday, Wednesday, etc.). Those parents will go out of their way to tell me when they read the book the next time. Many parents have come in on Monday complaining about how many times they had to read the book over the weekend. (That puts a smile in my heart.) Keeping up with the suitcases can be extremely frustrating for preschool age parents, but I tell them this is training for library books in the future. I have a rule that if the suitcase is not brought back by Friday morning, the child cannot take home another one. After one Friday afternoon of having to deal with an extremely distraught child, the parents will normally be frantically bringing in suitcases on Friday morning to avoid another episode. However, I have had parents that have refused to participate. I have to replace crayons and drawing pads constantly. Most of the time at least the book and prop come back intact, but I have lost suitcases entirely. This was more of a problem when I was a bigger facility. It seems to be less of a problem with a smaller group. The benefits that these suitcases provide far outweigh the cost and hassle of maintaining them. The language skills of the children at my facility far exceed the developmental norm. Of course, these suitcases are coupled with a provider that takes early childhood literacy seriously to a fault.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Teaching Children to Focus
This post will deal with the overwhelming task of getting 21st century children to focus on something for longer than two seconds. Recent research has plainly pointed out that children with the ability to focus do much better in school than those who cannot focus. Therefore, teaching this skill in early childhood is of paramount importance.
What Is Focus?
What exactly do the researchers mean when they talk about focus? This actually involves many skills including but not limited to self control, perseverance, the ability to listen (which I covered in my previous post), the ability to follow directions (which I also covered in an older post), and the ability to finish a job. Children with these skills in their arsenal arrive at school ready to go. Instilling these skills in children in today's society can be extremely difficult. Why? Many adults do not even have these particular skills in abundance even though these skills are required to succeed in the adult world. These skills are not flashy. They take time and effort to instill. People in today's world want flashy and easy, which is why they are so scarce. Parents and caregivers need to begin in toddlerhood to instill these skills in children in order to be to the point they should be before entering school. However, if you have a four-year, a ten-year old or a fifty-year old, you can start the process. It just might be a little more difficult to undo entrenched bad habits.
Self-Control
I will start this discussion with self-control. The very first step to instilling self-control in children is to teach the meaning of the words "no, stop, and don't." If a child does not truly understand these words and is not capable of obeying them, he/she will not be able to tell himself/herself "no, stop, or don't." That is just common sense. This process should start when the child reaches toddlerhood. However, it can start when he/she is older. It will just take a lot more effort to undo what these words have come to mean to the child, which is usually "start the hissy fit negotiation." This process will also probably take some retraining on the part of the caregiver. You must mean "no, stop, or don't" when you say these words. You must convey that the situation is not up for negotiation at all. If you give in, you teach the child that you didn't really mean "no, stop, or don't." Do not use these words flippantly. The next step involves teaching the child to take "no" for an answer without pouting or throwing a hissy fit. At our child care we teach the children to take a deep breath and say "that's okay" when they are told "no" or do not get their way. This is not a lesson that can wait for a teachable moment. It must be taught regularly. In the heat of the moment, a child will have great difficulty following through with this without prompting until he/she has been trained in this concept for months. We teach this during character training lessons we have throughout the week and prompt it when the heat of the moment arises. It takes both types of instruction to see results. Once a child has mastered the ability to be okay with "no" for an answer, you will have accomplished teaching self-control at the preschool level.
Perseverance
The next part of the equation is perseverance. This means to keep trying in the face of difficulty. For the most part, this is a caregiver issue more than a child issue. Caregivers step in too fast and too often because it takes an enormous amount of patience to let the child do it himself/herself. I didn't say it was entirely a caregiver issue. I am quite aware of the children that sit in the floor and wail until someone does whatever for them. Establishing this skill takes everyone involved in the process to have the attitude "whatever the child can do for himself/herself, he/she will have to do." When I use the phrase "have to do," I mean that the caregiver/parent will not step in unless the child runs into technical difficulties beyond his/her abilities. This may involve hissy fits galore. Let them have at it. We have a saying at our child care and it is, "If it's hard, keep trying." This is how perseverance is taught on a preschool level.
The Behavioral Aspects of Listening
I covered the academic aspects of teaching children to listen in my previous post. Here I will discuss the behavioral aspects. How often do you as a caregiver find that you must repeat yourself multiple times to get a child's attention? If that child is older than three and has no developmental delays, you have stated your wishes way too many times. Again, this will require a caregiver to retrain himself/herself as well as the child. When you want a child to do something, the first step is to make sure the child is looking at you. Some people would say that you have to get down on a child's level, but I have not found that to be absolutely necessary. As long as I have eye contact, I expect that child to do what I say the first time. If I do not get compliance, I do not repeat myself. I ask the child to tell me what is expected. Nine times out of ten, they are fully capable of telling me what is expected. What does that tell you? Children have selective listening down to an art form. If you have eye contact, they heard you. They just chose to test and see if you really meant what you said. It is all about expectations. Children know if you don't really expect them to do it. They learn very quickly where that line is that marks where you switch from just trying to get them to do something to fully expecting them to do something. Move the line.
Following Directions
In an older post I covered the subject of following directions. Here I am just going to give a short overview of that post. This one comes down to the same bottom line as listening - expectations. We as a society have become entirely too lenient in our expectations on this subject. So many careers require precision and yet we do not expect our children to follow directions exactly. Most of the time as long as the child gets in the ballpark, we tell them "that's good enough." Then when those same children reach adulthood and can't hold down a job because they take too many liberties with their employer's instructions, we scratch our heads and wonder what went wrong. Even preschool children need some activities that have to be done exactly to specifications to begin to develop this skill. It can be as easy as a certain order a certain routine must be done such as handwashing. At my child care we have several routines that have a specific order to them including handwashing. We teach these like we teach basic rules, and we expect the children to follow these precisely.
Finish the Job
Some might say that finishing the job and perseverance are the same. I put them both on the list because in our society many times we separate effort from a completed job. This is especially true when dealing with children. As long as the child gave a good effort, we many times do not expect them to finish the job. Before I started writing this today, I read an article on New Hampshire's new education initiative. They are trying to get away from grouping children by age and grouping them instead by competencies. A child has to finish a skill before they move on to another one. They do not just count seat-time and consider that adequate. I stand up and applaud this state!!!!!!! We must begin to finish the job and teach our children to do so as well. However, a child cannot finish the job if we do not define what a finished job looks like. This is especially true in the preschool years. Let me give you an example. When the children at our facility pick-up, I check the centers to make sure they were done correctly. If I find something, I point it out and tell the children they missed something. This can be done without being snotty, and it is absolutely necessary for the children to understand what finished means. Children will define "finished" however they are allowed. Make sure you are teaching them to actually finish the job.
Two Year Olds and Developmentally Delayed
Before I finish I want to discuss two year olds and developmentally delayed children. Both of these groups require basically the same techniques when dealing with following directions and listening. These groups must be talked through routines. You will repeat yourself so many times it is maddening, but that is necessary. Keep calmly repeating each individual step until it is accomplished, and then move on to the next step. Do not move on until you have compliance. This takes a great deal of patience, but this is how you teach two year olds and developmentally delayed children to focus in all its forms. For those of you who like me have mixed-age facilities, it can be extremely difficult to change gears between two and under strategies and three and older strategies. Don't beat yourself up if you make mistakes, but do try to remember the different strategies for the different age groups.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
What Is Focus?
What exactly do the researchers mean when they talk about focus? This actually involves many skills including but not limited to self control, perseverance, the ability to listen (which I covered in my previous post), the ability to follow directions (which I also covered in an older post), and the ability to finish a job. Children with these skills in their arsenal arrive at school ready to go. Instilling these skills in children in today's society can be extremely difficult. Why? Many adults do not even have these particular skills in abundance even though these skills are required to succeed in the adult world. These skills are not flashy. They take time and effort to instill. People in today's world want flashy and easy, which is why they are so scarce. Parents and caregivers need to begin in toddlerhood to instill these skills in children in order to be to the point they should be before entering school. However, if you have a four-year, a ten-year old or a fifty-year old, you can start the process. It just might be a little more difficult to undo entrenched bad habits.
Self-Control
I will start this discussion with self-control. The very first step to instilling self-control in children is to teach the meaning of the words "no, stop, and don't." If a child does not truly understand these words and is not capable of obeying them, he/she will not be able to tell himself/herself "no, stop, or don't." That is just common sense. This process should start when the child reaches toddlerhood. However, it can start when he/she is older. It will just take a lot more effort to undo what these words have come to mean to the child, which is usually "start the hissy fit negotiation." This process will also probably take some retraining on the part of the caregiver. You must mean "no, stop, or don't" when you say these words. You must convey that the situation is not up for negotiation at all. If you give in, you teach the child that you didn't really mean "no, stop, or don't." Do not use these words flippantly. The next step involves teaching the child to take "no" for an answer without pouting or throwing a hissy fit. At our child care we teach the children to take a deep breath and say "that's okay" when they are told "no" or do not get their way. This is not a lesson that can wait for a teachable moment. It must be taught regularly. In the heat of the moment, a child will have great difficulty following through with this without prompting until he/she has been trained in this concept for months. We teach this during character training lessons we have throughout the week and prompt it when the heat of the moment arises. It takes both types of instruction to see results. Once a child has mastered the ability to be okay with "no" for an answer, you will have accomplished teaching self-control at the preschool level.
Perseverance
The next part of the equation is perseverance. This means to keep trying in the face of difficulty. For the most part, this is a caregiver issue more than a child issue. Caregivers step in too fast and too often because it takes an enormous amount of patience to let the child do it himself/herself. I didn't say it was entirely a caregiver issue. I am quite aware of the children that sit in the floor and wail until someone does whatever for them. Establishing this skill takes everyone involved in the process to have the attitude "whatever the child can do for himself/herself, he/she will have to do." When I use the phrase "have to do," I mean that the caregiver/parent will not step in unless the child runs into technical difficulties beyond his/her abilities. This may involve hissy fits galore. Let them have at it. We have a saying at our child care and it is, "If it's hard, keep trying." This is how perseverance is taught on a preschool level.
The Behavioral Aspects of Listening
I covered the academic aspects of teaching children to listen in my previous post. Here I will discuss the behavioral aspects. How often do you as a caregiver find that you must repeat yourself multiple times to get a child's attention? If that child is older than three and has no developmental delays, you have stated your wishes way too many times. Again, this will require a caregiver to retrain himself/herself as well as the child. When you want a child to do something, the first step is to make sure the child is looking at you. Some people would say that you have to get down on a child's level, but I have not found that to be absolutely necessary. As long as I have eye contact, I expect that child to do what I say the first time. If I do not get compliance, I do not repeat myself. I ask the child to tell me what is expected. Nine times out of ten, they are fully capable of telling me what is expected. What does that tell you? Children have selective listening down to an art form. If you have eye contact, they heard you. They just chose to test and see if you really meant what you said. It is all about expectations. Children know if you don't really expect them to do it. They learn very quickly where that line is that marks where you switch from just trying to get them to do something to fully expecting them to do something. Move the line.
Following Directions
In an older post I covered the subject of following directions. Here I am just going to give a short overview of that post. This one comes down to the same bottom line as listening - expectations. We as a society have become entirely too lenient in our expectations on this subject. So many careers require precision and yet we do not expect our children to follow directions exactly. Most of the time as long as the child gets in the ballpark, we tell them "that's good enough." Then when those same children reach adulthood and can't hold down a job because they take too many liberties with their employer's instructions, we scratch our heads and wonder what went wrong. Even preschool children need some activities that have to be done exactly to specifications to begin to develop this skill. It can be as easy as a certain order a certain routine must be done such as handwashing. At my child care we have several routines that have a specific order to them including handwashing. We teach these like we teach basic rules, and we expect the children to follow these precisely.
Finish the Job
Some might say that finishing the job and perseverance are the same. I put them both on the list because in our society many times we separate effort from a completed job. This is especially true when dealing with children. As long as the child gave a good effort, we many times do not expect them to finish the job. Before I started writing this today, I read an article on New Hampshire's new education initiative. They are trying to get away from grouping children by age and grouping them instead by competencies. A child has to finish a skill before they move on to another one. They do not just count seat-time and consider that adequate. I stand up and applaud this state!!!!!!! We must begin to finish the job and teach our children to do so as well. However, a child cannot finish the job if we do not define what a finished job looks like. This is especially true in the preschool years. Let me give you an example. When the children at our facility pick-up, I check the centers to make sure they were done correctly. If I find something, I point it out and tell the children they missed something. This can be done without being snotty, and it is absolutely necessary for the children to understand what finished means. Children will define "finished" however they are allowed. Make sure you are teaching them to actually finish the job.
Two Year Olds and Developmentally Delayed
Before I finish I want to discuss two year olds and developmentally delayed children. Both of these groups require basically the same techniques when dealing with following directions and listening. These groups must be talked through routines. You will repeat yourself so many times it is maddening, but that is necessary. Keep calmly repeating each individual step until it is accomplished, and then move on to the next step. Do not move on until you have compliance. This takes a great deal of patience, but this is how you teach two year olds and developmentally delayed children to focus in all its forms. For those of you who like me have mixed-age facilities, it can be extremely difficult to change gears between two and under strategies and three and older strategies. Don't beat yourself up if you make mistakes, but do try to remember the different strategies for the different age groups.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, August 10, 2013
The Lost Art of Listening
This post will deal with what has become a lost art in our society - listening. This is not even remotely just a children's problem. It cuts across all age groups and socioeconomic status. I cannot possibly cover this subject on that wide a scale. This post will zero in on the problem as it relates to children's ability to listen.
Half Listeners
As a society we have lost the ability to truly tune in and listen to just about anything for more than a few minutes. We half listen to just about everything. This is true in our relationships, in our professional lives, in our schools, and even in our recreation times. I saw a series of pictures recently showing all the different times people check their cell phones, blackberries, etc. It showed people at a basketball game texting on their cell phone. It is impossible to avoid. We are a distracted society.
We have actually been a distracted society for much longer than you would think. Before it was cell phones and computers, it was television and talking on the phone. For most of the second half of the 20th century, we as a society transitioned from being a society that relied on what we hear to relying on what we see. Of course, now it seems to be getting much worse with every passing year. Is this such a big deal? Does it matter that we now don't really listen?
The Decline in Education
It should come as no surprise that the timing of this transition in our society coincided with our decline in education. Being able to listen affects our ability to focus. Recent research shows that children who cannot focus have a hard time in school. Have our brains changed over the last 70 years? No. What has changed is what we develop. From the time we are infants, we are bombarded with visual stimuli. We no longer have to rely on oral stimuli to process our surroundings. Most of the time, we quickly decipher the situation visually and tune out a great deal of the oral stimuli. This was not possible for the people who lived 100 years ago. They had to depend on oral stimuli as much as visual stimuli to make sense of their world. They developed their ability to listen as much as their ability to see. We as a society handicap ourselves by our over-reliance on visual stimuli.
Listening Is a Skill
Fortunately listening is a skill, and like any other skill it can be developed. We as a society must raise its importance. Our educational system seems to be going in the wrong direction. Instead of putting more focus on developing listening skills, the schools keep transitioning to visual stimuli at a faster pace. Visual stimuli does not increase our focus. Until we start putting more emphasis on listening skills, we will continue our spiral downward. Fortunately, all we need to do is resurrect some old traditions.
Storytelling
With the breakdown of communication in our society, another very valuable tradition has been lost - storytelling. When I was young the older generation still felt it their duty to pass on to the younger generation the stories of the area. However, that faded by the time my own children were small. Until recently, I did not realize how little my own children knew of the stories I took for granted as a child. Somehow storytelling has fallen by the wayside, and that is one of the greatest travesties of the last 70 years. Therefore, number one, we need to resurrect storytelling. This is not the same as reading picture books to children. Storytelling involves no pictures. Children are forced to picture the story in their own minds instead of relying on the pictures in the book. This is an absolutely invaluable skill to develop reading comprehension. If a child cannot picture a story that is told orally, they will not be able to picture in their minds a story that they read without pictures. One of the greatest gifts my third grade teacher gave to us as a class was orally reading books to us that were beyond most of the reading levels of the class. It was our after lunch ritual. She did more to expand the entire class's reading comprehension level in that one act than a great deal of what passes for reading comprehension instruction today.
Other ways to build these types of listening skills might include the following. Partner with the senior citizens of your area and have them come in to tell stories to the children. At first, the children will struggle with listening to stories for more than a few minutes. Therefore, have them start with short stories and gradually build the children's ability to sit and listen to stories this way. It really doesn't take that long. It just takes persistence. Another way involves reading poetry to the children without pictures. This is what I did for my own children, and their reading comprehension scores were very high as children (by the way, I homeschooled). Poetry demands a greater level of visualization than regular stories. One poem a day goes a long way to building children's listening and reading comprehension abilities. Start with nursery rhymes without pictures and build to short poems. Many good poetry books for children are on the market.
The Adventures of Polliwog Pond
At this point I want to have a quick commercial for one of my other blogs "The Adventures of Polliwog Pond." The purpose of the blog is to build listening skills and reading comprehension skills in children. Basically, this blog consists of a series of stories surrounding four characters - a frog, a turtle, a dragonfly, and a duck. The stories are to be read to children orally. Then the parents or teachers ask the children to draw a picture about that story. When parents or teachers send those pictures in to me, I post them on the story that the child illustrated. The posting of the pictures is not the point. The point is to have the stories read orally and have the children draw what they picture in their minds. The posting of the pictures acts as a catalyst to get the children to actually listen to the story. I partner with parents, child cares, and elementary classrooms to provide teachers a means to help develop listening skills in children in today's society. You can see the blog at http://summerbug1226.blogspot.com.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Half Listeners
As a society we have lost the ability to truly tune in and listen to just about anything for more than a few minutes. We half listen to just about everything. This is true in our relationships, in our professional lives, in our schools, and even in our recreation times. I saw a series of pictures recently showing all the different times people check their cell phones, blackberries, etc. It showed people at a basketball game texting on their cell phone. It is impossible to avoid. We are a distracted society.
We have actually been a distracted society for much longer than you would think. Before it was cell phones and computers, it was television and talking on the phone. For most of the second half of the 20th century, we as a society transitioned from being a society that relied on what we hear to relying on what we see. Of course, now it seems to be getting much worse with every passing year. Is this such a big deal? Does it matter that we now don't really listen?
The Decline in Education
It should come as no surprise that the timing of this transition in our society coincided with our decline in education. Being able to listen affects our ability to focus. Recent research shows that children who cannot focus have a hard time in school. Have our brains changed over the last 70 years? No. What has changed is what we develop. From the time we are infants, we are bombarded with visual stimuli. We no longer have to rely on oral stimuli to process our surroundings. Most of the time, we quickly decipher the situation visually and tune out a great deal of the oral stimuli. This was not possible for the people who lived 100 years ago. They had to depend on oral stimuli as much as visual stimuli to make sense of their world. They developed their ability to listen as much as their ability to see. We as a society handicap ourselves by our over-reliance on visual stimuli.
Listening Is a Skill
Fortunately listening is a skill, and like any other skill it can be developed. We as a society must raise its importance. Our educational system seems to be going in the wrong direction. Instead of putting more focus on developing listening skills, the schools keep transitioning to visual stimuli at a faster pace. Visual stimuli does not increase our focus. Until we start putting more emphasis on listening skills, we will continue our spiral downward. Fortunately, all we need to do is resurrect some old traditions.
Storytelling
With the breakdown of communication in our society, another very valuable tradition has been lost - storytelling. When I was young the older generation still felt it their duty to pass on to the younger generation the stories of the area. However, that faded by the time my own children were small. Until recently, I did not realize how little my own children knew of the stories I took for granted as a child. Somehow storytelling has fallen by the wayside, and that is one of the greatest travesties of the last 70 years. Therefore, number one, we need to resurrect storytelling. This is not the same as reading picture books to children. Storytelling involves no pictures. Children are forced to picture the story in their own minds instead of relying on the pictures in the book. This is an absolutely invaluable skill to develop reading comprehension. If a child cannot picture a story that is told orally, they will not be able to picture in their minds a story that they read without pictures. One of the greatest gifts my third grade teacher gave to us as a class was orally reading books to us that were beyond most of the reading levels of the class. It was our after lunch ritual. She did more to expand the entire class's reading comprehension level in that one act than a great deal of what passes for reading comprehension instruction today.
Other ways to build these types of listening skills might include the following. Partner with the senior citizens of your area and have them come in to tell stories to the children. At first, the children will struggle with listening to stories for more than a few minutes. Therefore, have them start with short stories and gradually build the children's ability to sit and listen to stories this way. It really doesn't take that long. It just takes persistence. Another way involves reading poetry to the children without pictures. This is what I did for my own children, and their reading comprehension scores were very high as children (by the way, I homeschooled). Poetry demands a greater level of visualization than regular stories. One poem a day goes a long way to building children's listening and reading comprehension abilities. Start with nursery rhymes without pictures and build to short poems. Many good poetry books for children are on the market.
The Adventures of Polliwog Pond
At this point I want to have a quick commercial for one of my other blogs "The Adventures of Polliwog Pond." The purpose of the blog is to build listening skills and reading comprehension skills in children. Basically, this blog consists of a series of stories surrounding four characters - a frog, a turtle, a dragonfly, and a duck. The stories are to be read to children orally. Then the parents or teachers ask the children to draw a picture about that story. When parents or teachers send those pictures in to me, I post them on the story that the child illustrated. The posting of the pictures is not the point. The point is to have the stories read orally and have the children draw what they picture in their minds. The posting of the pictures acts as a catalyst to get the children to actually listen to the story. I partner with parents, child cares, and elementary classrooms to provide teachers a means to help develop listening skills in children in today's society. You can see the blog at http://summerbug1226.blogspot.com.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Developing Character in Children
This post will deal with the nuts and bolts of developing character in children. Like everything else worth having in this life, it takes hard work over time. Nothing worth having is instant.
The Right Foundation
In the previous two posts I dealt with the two greatest hindrances to developing character in children - overemphasizing choices and self-esteem. Once these two areas have been put in their proper place in the list of priorities, developing character becomes much easier. If they are left at the top of the list of priorities, developing character will seem like it is stuck in a vicious cycle of getting nowhere. You will essentially be creating the monster and trying to tame it all at the same time. Therefore, step number one is to get on the right foundation.
What Is Important to You?
The next step is to decide which character qualities are most important to you and the parents you serve. The best place to start might be a quick survey for your parents where they rank a list of qualities from most important to least important. This exercise may greatly surprise you. Many parents want their children to have qualities they may not necessarily possess themselves. Most parents place much more value on qualities like obedience and respect than most early childhood professionals. Remember, these are not your children. It is not your place to usurp the parents' authority and push an agenda off on their children. When you choose a list of qualities to use for your survey, make sure the list you provide them is neutral in its tone. I have seen lists of this nature that word every conservative trait in a way that makes it unappealing and every liberal trait as if it is the most desired trait in the world. The point is to find out how your parents feel and not make them want the traits the early childhood professional world thinks is important.
Deliberate Teaching
Once you have your list of traits, you must decide how you want to go about teaching these traits. As with anything in a preschool setting, teaching character must be a deliberate act. It needs a time on your weekly or daily schedule to ensure that it gets done. I have found in my setting that if I don't schedule it, it gets lost in the shuffle. I personally do weekly character lessons that are specifically designed for that purpose. Many of the other lessons we do cover some of the character traits, but I have the one very specific lesson that deals with one particular trait each week. I have found this to be highly effective. Covering only one character trait at a time is important. Focusing on one quality helps the children to absorb what you are trying to teach them.
In teaching these lessons I have found that if I act out the opposite of how I want them to act, it has greater effect than just talking about the quality. After I have done my exaggerated (or not so exaggerated) version of the opposite, I then demonstrate the correct way. Children need you to model both ways. It is not enough to just model the correct way. They need to understand what the wrong way looks like. They always giggle when I do my impressions of them acting in a way they shouldn't, but they get the point. It also helps them to recognize when their friends start acting that way. Many times I have had the children say to each other, "You are acting just like Mrs. Natalie does." Rarely will they actually realize this themselves during the heat of the moment, but they straighten up much faster when their friends point this out to them.
Teachable Moments
Now I want to turn my attention to teachable moments. Teachable moments are those times where circumstances give you a perfect opportunity to teach a concept on the spot. Teachable moments are valuable, but you can't rely on teachable moments solely as the means of instilling character. Sometimes teachable moments are few and far between. Sometimes the moment passes before we realize it could have been used. As teachers it is important to learn to recognize teachable moments and make the most of them, but the times of direct instruction are equally as important. The times of direct instruction will actually help you to tune into the teachable moments and use them to reinforce what was covered in the times of direct instruction.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Right Foundation
In the previous two posts I dealt with the two greatest hindrances to developing character in children - overemphasizing choices and self-esteem. Once these two areas have been put in their proper place in the list of priorities, developing character becomes much easier. If they are left at the top of the list of priorities, developing character will seem like it is stuck in a vicious cycle of getting nowhere. You will essentially be creating the monster and trying to tame it all at the same time. Therefore, step number one is to get on the right foundation.
What Is Important to You?
The next step is to decide which character qualities are most important to you and the parents you serve. The best place to start might be a quick survey for your parents where they rank a list of qualities from most important to least important. This exercise may greatly surprise you. Many parents want their children to have qualities they may not necessarily possess themselves. Most parents place much more value on qualities like obedience and respect than most early childhood professionals. Remember, these are not your children. It is not your place to usurp the parents' authority and push an agenda off on their children. When you choose a list of qualities to use for your survey, make sure the list you provide them is neutral in its tone. I have seen lists of this nature that word every conservative trait in a way that makes it unappealing and every liberal trait as if it is the most desired trait in the world. The point is to find out how your parents feel and not make them want the traits the early childhood professional world thinks is important.
Deliberate Teaching
Once you have your list of traits, you must decide how you want to go about teaching these traits. As with anything in a preschool setting, teaching character must be a deliberate act. It needs a time on your weekly or daily schedule to ensure that it gets done. I have found in my setting that if I don't schedule it, it gets lost in the shuffle. I personally do weekly character lessons that are specifically designed for that purpose. Many of the other lessons we do cover some of the character traits, but I have the one very specific lesson that deals with one particular trait each week. I have found this to be highly effective. Covering only one character trait at a time is important. Focusing on one quality helps the children to absorb what you are trying to teach them.
In teaching these lessons I have found that if I act out the opposite of how I want them to act, it has greater effect than just talking about the quality. After I have done my exaggerated (or not so exaggerated) version of the opposite, I then demonstrate the correct way. Children need you to model both ways. It is not enough to just model the correct way. They need to understand what the wrong way looks like. They always giggle when I do my impressions of them acting in a way they shouldn't, but they get the point. It also helps them to recognize when their friends start acting that way. Many times I have had the children say to each other, "You are acting just like Mrs. Natalie does." Rarely will they actually realize this themselves during the heat of the moment, but they straighten up much faster when their friends point this out to them.
Teachable Moments
Now I want to turn my attention to teachable moments. Teachable moments are those times where circumstances give you a perfect opportunity to teach a concept on the spot. Teachable moments are valuable, but you can't rely on teachable moments solely as the means of instilling character. Sometimes teachable moments are few and far between. Sometimes the moment passes before we realize it could have been used. As teachers it is important to learn to recognize teachable moments and make the most of them, but the times of direct instruction are equally as important. The times of direct instruction will actually help you to tune into the teachable moments and use them to reinforce what was covered in the times of direct instruction.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Developing Character in Children: The Trouble with Self-Esteem
This post will deal with the second largest hindrance to developing true character in children - the overemphasis of self-esteem in our culture. The idea of self-esteem I will be discussing is the blind love of self without regard for faults.
Too Much Self-Esteem?
It is no secret that teenagers in the United States rank highest among developed countries in self-esteem but lowest in math and science. We have children who feel really good about themselves without any regard for character or productivity. We as a nation should have a real problem with that. However, if anyone tries to move self-esteem down the list of priorities in our nation, he/she is in for the war of a lifetime. It is so entrenched in our national psyche that self-esteem is one of the most important attributes to be developed in children, it is hard to have a serious intellectual conversation about the contrary. Nothing, and I mean nothing, should ever be done to children that will make them feel shame or anything but warm fuzzies according to our psychologists. If we as a nation do not correct this egregious error, we will soon go the way of the Roman Empire.
Feel-Good Junkies
Isn't self-esteem important to keep children from suffering from depression? Actually no. Since we have put so much emphasis on self-esteem, we have not improved the rate of depression among children. Actually, I believe we have made it worse. We have made it worse by creating "feel-good junkies." When our children do not "feel good about themselves," they fall into depression. What we now have in this country is self-esteem with no moral character base to it. There is a huge difference between feeling good about yourself and loving yourself. We have made self-esteem be about feeling good about yourself instead of unconditionally loving yourself. One is based on feelings. The other is based on knowledge. Actually, a better term for unconditionally loving yourself is self-acceptance.
What's the Difference between Self-Esteem and Self-Acceptance?
As I stated earlier, self-esteem, as we as a society have defined it, is based on feelings. We are training our children to "feel good about themselves" when they are mean as snakes, lazy, and completely unproductive. On the other hand, we have self-acceptance. This is knowledge-based. It is understanding yourself with all your good points and bad points. It has nothing to do with feelings. The real difference, however, plays out in the real world. A person who has self-esteem doesn't have to do anything to earn the "feel good." Whereas, the person with self-acceptance understands their short-comings and works on them in order to earn the "feel good." The first type of "feel good' is empty because it has no basis in reality. The second type of "feel good" is real because it was earned. The first type of "feel good" is fleeting and will end up in an endless cycle of searching for the empty "feel good" and sinking into depression. The second type of "feel good" can actually help lift a person out of feelings of depression. Let me put it this way, when a person feels good about themselves in a blind way, they see no need to change. When a person looks at himself/herself in a realistic manner, they see the areas that need work. A person who sees no need for change will never change, and a person that does not change over time does not grow emotionally or socially.
We as a society start this process in early childhood. We don't correct the children because it will damage their self-esteem. We don't force them to do anything, because it will damage their self-esteem. We try to create for them this magical world where they can always feel good about themselves regardless of their input in that process. We are creating "feel good junkies" from the very beginning. What should we be doing instead? We should be teaching them to look at themselves realistically. Everyone on this planet has areas in which they master quickly and areas in which they struggle. A child should be taught this reality from the very beginning. It is only when a child has to work on mastering something that is difficult that he/she gets his/her first taste of a real "feel good about themselves." We want our children to chase after the real thing and not the fluffy substitute.
Two Types of Shame
At this point I want to have a discussion about the concept of shame. Shame in our society has been demonized as being one of the most evil attributes an adult can place on a child. However, there are two different types of shame, but we as society have lumped both types together as evil. One is evil, and it is shame that leads to defeat. This is shame that demoralizes another human being by putting them down. For example, telling a child he/she is worthless and won't ever amount to anything falls into this category. The other type of shame is shame that leads to repentance. This type of shame must be present for a person to truly have self-acceptance. This type of shame says "I expect more out of you. You know better than to act that way." The child who is shamed in this manner realizes that they have done wrong and needs to change. The adult in this situation conveys the message that the child has worth beyond his/her actions. The actions must change for the child to reach his/her full potential. We must as a society resurrect this type of shame. We must convey to our children that they are capable of being better and doing more. We must raise our expectations. We basically get what we expect, which isn't much. The fluffy, fake idea of self-esteem needs to be eradicated from our national psyche. Our children deserve to know how to find the true way of feeling good about themselves. This comes from a realistic knowledge of who they are as people, both good and bad, and understanding that life is a process of change that never stops.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Too Much Self-Esteem?
It is no secret that teenagers in the United States rank highest among developed countries in self-esteem but lowest in math and science. We have children who feel really good about themselves without any regard for character or productivity. We as a nation should have a real problem with that. However, if anyone tries to move self-esteem down the list of priorities in our nation, he/she is in for the war of a lifetime. It is so entrenched in our national psyche that self-esteem is one of the most important attributes to be developed in children, it is hard to have a serious intellectual conversation about the contrary. Nothing, and I mean nothing, should ever be done to children that will make them feel shame or anything but warm fuzzies according to our psychologists. If we as a nation do not correct this egregious error, we will soon go the way of the Roman Empire.
Feel-Good Junkies
Isn't self-esteem important to keep children from suffering from depression? Actually no. Since we have put so much emphasis on self-esteem, we have not improved the rate of depression among children. Actually, I believe we have made it worse. We have made it worse by creating "feel-good junkies." When our children do not "feel good about themselves," they fall into depression. What we now have in this country is self-esteem with no moral character base to it. There is a huge difference between feeling good about yourself and loving yourself. We have made self-esteem be about feeling good about yourself instead of unconditionally loving yourself. One is based on feelings. The other is based on knowledge. Actually, a better term for unconditionally loving yourself is self-acceptance.
What's the Difference between Self-Esteem and Self-Acceptance?
As I stated earlier, self-esteem, as we as a society have defined it, is based on feelings. We are training our children to "feel good about themselves" when they are mean as snakes, lazy, and completely unproductive. On the other hand, we have self-acceptance. This is knowledge-based. It is understanding yourself with all your good points and bad points. It has nothing to do with feelings. The real difference, however, plays out in the real world. A person who has self-esteem doesn't have to do anything to earn the "feel good." Whereas, the person with self-acceptance understands their short-comings and works on them in order to earn the "feel good." The first type of "feel good' is empty because it has no basis in reality. The second type of "feel good" is real because it was earned. The first type of "feel good" is fleeting and will end up in an endless cycle of searching for the empty "feel good" and sinking into depression. The second type of "feel good" can actually help lift a person out of feelings of depression. Let me put it this way, when a person feels good about themselves in a blind way, they see no need to change. When a person looks at himself/herself in a realistic manner, they see the areas that need work. A person who sees no need for change will never change, and a person that does not change over time does not grow emotionally or socially.
We as a society start this process in early childhood. We don't correct the children because it will damage their self-esteem. We don't force them to do anything, because it will damage their self-esteem. We try to create for them this magical world where they can always feel good about themselves regardless of their input in that process. We are creating "feel good junkies" from the very beginning. What should we be doing instead? We should be teaching them to look at themselves realistically. Everyone on this planet has areas in which they master quickly and areas in which they struggle. A child should be taught this reality from the very beginning. It is only when a child has to work on mastering something that is difficult that he/she gets his/her first taste of a real "feel good about themselves." We want our children to chase after the real thing and not the fluffy substitute.
Two Types of Shame
At this point I want to have a discussion about the concept of shame. Shame in our society has been demonized as being one of the most evil attributes an adult can place on a child. However, there are two different types of shame, but we as society have lumped both types together as evil. One is evil, and it is shame that leads to defeat. This is shame that demoralizes another human being by putting them down. For example, telling a child he/she is worthless and won't ever amount to anything falls into this category. The other type of shame is shame that leads to repentance. This type of shame must be present for a person to truly have self-acceptance. This type of shame says "I expect more out of you. You know better than to act that way." The child who is shamed in this manner realizes that they have done wrong and needs to change. The adult in this situation conveys the message that the child has worth beyond his/her actions. The actions must change for the child to reach his/her full potential. We must as a society resurrect this type of shame. We must convey to our children that they are capable of being better and doing more. We must raise our expectations. We basically get what we expect, which isn't much. The fluffy, fake idea of self-esteem needs to be eradicated from our national psyche. Our children deserve to know how to find the true way of feeling good about themselves. This comes from a realistic knowledge of who they are as people, both good and bad, and understanding that life is a process of change that never stops.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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