This post will deal with hissy fits as opposed to temper tantrums, which I will deal with in my next post. The difference between the two deals with aggression. Temper tantrums are destructive to the child, others, and/or objects. Hissy fits, on the other hand, involve crying, screaming, and/or pouting. These two types of fits are handled differently.
Avoiding Power Struggles
Let me begin the discussion with the current "best practice" for dealing with both temper tantrums and hissy fits according to the "experts." The main thrust of their advice is to avoid power struggles. They suggest giving the child two positive choices instead of making the child do something. For younger children, they suggest using redirection and planning to avoid potential problems. This advice sounds wonderful on the surface until you dig down to the underlying philosophical reason for it.
The Underlying Philosophy
One of the first things I learned as a homeschooling mom was that everything has a philosophical base. Everyone has a worldview whether they realize it or not. It is how we determine our priorities. The same holds true for the early childhood field. What is considered "best practice" reflects the underlying philosophical base of the theorists that are considered the pioneers of the field. Unfortunately for those of us who are not extremely liberal or progressive in our worldview, this presents a huge problem. The underlying philosophical reason for the current "best practice" for dealing with hissy fits lies in the fact that giving children choices is far higher on their priority list than teaching children to be obedient. In fact, many early childhood experts consider the teaching of obedience to be dangerous because it makes children more susceptible to child abuse. I don't know about you, but I find that ridiculous. According to them, we should not teach children to respect authority because some adults have abused that authority. If you reflect on that, the fact that we have such a problem with children and teenagers having no respect for any authority should make perfect sense. The long term consequences of this philosophy is reeking havoc on our present society.
Relativism
Well, isn't teaching children to make good choices important? Yes, it is, but how are you going about that. When in the real world do you ever get the opportunity to choose between two positive options? Hardly ever. Most of the time we have to choose the lesser of two negative options. How is giving children two positive choices teaching them to make good choices in the real world? Wouldn't it be more appropriate to teach them the difference between right and wrong? Here is where we hit the liberal/progressive philosophical base again. It is called relativism. It is the belief that right and wrong are relative. They believe we have no right to impose our idea of right and wrong on the next generation. They believe the next generation should decide for themselves what constitutes right and wrong. Let's follow that train of thought out to its logical conclusion (or just simply look at how messed up our current society is). What really happens when people do what is right in their own eyes? Think about that. I know many people who have some skewed versions of reality. What they think is right is destructive for everyone around them. We must as a society get back to teaching children the difference between right and wrong. Our teaching may not be perfect, but it is surely better than what we are getting with relativism.
A Manipulative Tool
Now we turn our attention on how to handle hissy fits. There is one very important fact that must be understood in dealing with hissy fits. A hissy fit is a manipulative tool used by children from toddlerhood through their early twenties to get what they want or to get out of doing something they do not want to do. Their ploy must fail utterly, or it will be repeated with greater intensity as the years go by. It really is that simple. If the hissy fit fails to produce the results they want, they will move on to other ploys. Getting those results, however, is not that easy. Sometimes especially in a child care setting you must get creative to make sure the hissy fits are not succeeding. However, if you keep in mind that a child will not die from a hissy fit, it makes it much easier to ignore. Let them cry, scream, pout, etc., but don't give in. If they cross over into a temper tantrum, you will need to change strategies. As long as it remains in the realm of the hissy fit, ignore it. I must touch on one more aspect of this before I move on to my last point. During the course of a hissy fit a preschooler can get verbally abusive to you and others. That is the same as being physically aggressive and should be handled as a temper tantrum.
Teaching Good and Bad Choices
Finally let me say, giving a child a positive and a negative choice teaches children the difference between a good choice and a bad choice. You must explain to the child why one choice is better than the other. This is called teaching a child about consequences. If children have to learn about consequences through natural consequences, the process takes too long. It takes both direct instruction and natural consequences to teach children about good and bad choices. This should be accomplished using every teachable moment given to you. Remember, preschoolers can act like they are not paying attention to you when you really have their undivided attention. Never underestimate what a child can retain.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Nap Time
In some places in America nap time for preschoolers is becoming an endangered species. This post is going to discuss why nap is absolutely necessary and specific tips for getting even the most stubborn child to take a nap.
The Link between Nap and Sleeping at Night
Many parents when enrolling their child in my childcare swear up and down that their child doesn't take naps and doesn't really need them. A few statements later they also talk about how their child doesn't sleep well at night. They don't realize that the one affects the other. If fact, I really don't know if most of today's childcare providers know that lack of a nap affects how well a child sleeps at night.
Overstimulation
It would seem like the opposite would be true. Too much sleep during the day should cause a child not to sleep well at night. However, when a child does not get a good nap during the day they get overstimulated. Overstimulation acts like a dose of caffeine. It causes the child not to be able to wind down enough to get to sleep at night. Then the child does not sleep well causing the overstimulation cycle to continually get worse and worse until the child takes a nap out of sheer exhaustion.
Wait for it . . .
When children first start at my childcare and they begin to take naps regularly, most parents panic because the sleeping at night seems to get worse for the first week or so. I tell them to just wait a week or two before you pass judgment. Sometime during the second week their child sleeps all the way through the night for the first time in a long time or ever, and the parents think I am a genius. They fail to understand that children's bodies need more sleep because they are growing so fast. If you don't make sure they get enough sleep, you get children that are overstimulated and stressed out. I think every parent in America understands that reality.
How Do I Accomplish this Magic?
The first and most important key is understanding children's inner clocks. Children's bodies respond very well to rhythms. When their day has a basic structure they settle into the routine. As childcare providers we can use this information to make nap times much less of a hassle, but it does not come without work. First of all, you must have a set time for nap everyday that occurs around the same time. Don't deviate from it by more than 30 minutes. Next you must have a nap time ritual that is adhered to religiously. At my childcare I read a book, begin to sing a lullaby as I turn out the lights and cover the children with their blankets, and then turn on a sound machine. I have sung the same lullaby everyday for the past 8 years. Despite what you might think, variety in this situation is not a good thing. The same lullaby acts like a mental trigger letting the child's body know it is time to relax. Many children fall asleep during the lullaby. The rest fall asleep as soon as I turn on the sound machine. Lastly and most importantly, you must train the children to rest for the entire nap period. When children start at my childcare I understand that I will be working nap for a while. I have many little tricks that I employ to get children to sleep that I will get to in a little bit, but the goal is to get the child's body used to resting for the entire nap period. If they wake up early, I will either try to get them back to sleep or sit beside them to keep them from waking up the others. Over time, which for some kids is a matter of a week or so and for others may be a matter of a couple of months, the children get so used to resting at that point in the day that they sleep all the way through nap every day thereafter unless they are sick or have some massive turmoil in their life. I have seen this work on children who were severely stubborn about nap to the amazement of their parents. It just takes time and effort.
Stop the Wiggling
I am about to share with you some of my best kept secrets to get children to fall asleep. Many children will fall asleep if you can manage to keep them still for just a few minutes. However, these children are also very adept at wiggling. I have seen them wiggle a toe just to keep themselves awake, and when I stop the toe wiggling they start wiggling their hand. These kids will fight sleep with a vengeance. They will require a lot of patience and more time than others. The trick is to sit beside them and gently touch every body part they wiggle to still them. For the first week, you may not get more than 30 minutes of sleep during nap if that much. However, if you are employing the core of the rest of my suggestions, eventually they will also begin to get used to resting during that time of the day. It will gradually take less and less effort to get them to be still and fall asleep. Finally, they also will begin to fall asleep during your nap time ritual as you set their inner clocks.
The Fan
The next tip comes from my grandmother, and it works very well. Sit next to the child with something that can be used as a fan. Very slowly fan the child. Don't talk to the child. Just simply fan the child. Eventually their little eyes will get droopy and they will fall asleep. This one works very well on those children who don't necessarily wiggle, but also fight nap very hard. I have yet to meet a child who could outlast the fan for more than a day or two.
The Sleepy Look
Another tip that works very well for a child that wakes up in the middle of nap and is still a little groggy, involves simply looking at the child and closing your own eyes very slowly. The power of suggestion is more than many children can resist especially if they are still sleepy. If that doesn't work, I will simply sit beside the child until they go back to sleep or nap is over. As I have said before, you want the child to be so used to resting at that time of day that their inner clock takes over. I protect nap as if it is sacred because I believe it is. I will not allow one child to disturb their own nap much less anyone else's nap. I have experienced the results of training children to nap on a regular basis, and I don't care to do it the other way. The children are calm and happier. They learn far more. It is worth every bit of trouble that comes with the training process.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Link between Nap and Sleeping at Night
Many parents when enrolling their child in my childcare swear up and down that their child doesn't take naps and doesn't really need them. A few statements later they also talk about how their child doesn't sleep well at night. They don't realize that the one affects the other. If fact, I really don't know if most of today's childcare providers know that lack of a nap affects how well a child sleeps at night.
Overstimulation
It would seem like the opposite would be true. Too much sleep during the day should cause a child not to sleep well at night. However, when a child does not get a good nap during the day they get overstimulated. Overstimulation acts like a dose of caffeine. It causes the child not to be able to wind down enough to get to sleep at night. Then the child does not sleep well causing the overstimulation cycle to continually get worse and worse until the child takes a nap out of sheer exhaustion.
Wait for it . . .
When children first start at my childcare and they begin to take naps regularly, most parents panic because the sleeping at night seems to get worse for the first week or so. I tell them to just wait a week or two before you pass judgment. Sometime during the second week their child sleeps all the way through the night for the first time in a long time or ever, and the parents think I am a genius. They fail to understand that children's bodies need more sleep because they are growing so fast. If you don't make sure they get enough sleep, you get children that are overstimulated and stressed out. I think every parent in America understands that reality.
How Do I Accomplish this Magic?
The first and most important key is understanding children's inner clocks. Children's bodies respond very well to rhythms. When their day has a basic structure they settle into the routine. As childcare providers we can use this information to make nap times much less of a hassle, but it does not come without work. First of all, you must have a set time for nap everyday that occurs around the same time. Don't deviate from it by more than 30 minutes. Next you must have a nap time ritual that is adhered to religiously. At my childcare I read a book, begin to sing a lullaby as I turn out the lights and cover the children with their blankets, and then turn on a sound machine. I have sung the same lullaby everyday for the past 8 years. Despite what you might think, variety in this situation is not a good thing. The same lullaby acts like a mental trigger letting the child's body know it is time to relax. Many children fall asleep during the lullaby. The rest fall asleep as soon as I turn on the sound machine. Lastly and most importantly, you must train the children to rest for the entire nap period. When children start at my childcare I understand that I will be working nap for a while. I have many little tricks that I employ to get children to sleep that I will get to in a little bit, but the goal is to get the child's body used to resting for the entire nap period. If they wake up early, I will either try to get them back to sleep or sit beside them to keep them from waking up the others. Over time, which for some kids is a matter of a week or so and for others may be a matter of a couple of months, the children get so used to resting at that point in the day that they sleep all the way through nap every day thereafter unless they are sick or have some massive turmoil in their life. I have seen this work on children who were severely stubborn about nap to the amazement of their parents. It just takes time and effort.
Stop the Wiggling
I am about to share with you some of my best kept secrets to get children to fall asleep. Many children will fall asleep if you can manage to keep them still for just a few minutes. However, these children are also very adept at wiggling. I have seen them wiggle a toe just to keep themselves awake, and when I stop the toe wiggling they start wiggling their hand. These kids will fight sleep with a vengeance. They will require a lot of patience and more time than others. The trick is to sit beside them and gently touch every body part they wiggle to still them. For the first week, you may not get more than 30 minutes of sleep during nap if that much. However, if you are employing the core of the rest of my suggestions, eventually they will also begin to get used to resting during that time of the day. It will gradually take less and less effort to get them to be still and fall asleep. Finally, they also will begin to fall asleep during your nap time ritual as you set their inner clocks.
The Fan
The next tip comes from my grandmother, and it works very well. Sit next to the child with something that can be used as a fan. Very slowly fan the child. Don't talk to the child. Just simply fan the child. Eventually their little eyes will get droopy and they will fall asleep. This one works very well on those children who don't necessarily wiggle, but also fight nap very hard. I have yet to meet a child who could outlast the fan for more than a day or two.
The Sleepy Look
Another tip that works very well for a child that wakes up in the middle of nap and is still a little groggy, involves simply looking at the child and closing your own eyes very slowly. The power of suggestion is more than many children can resist especially if they are still sleepy. If that doesn't work, I will simply sit beside the child until they go back to sleep or nap is over. As I have said before, you want the child to be so used to resting at that time of day that their inner clock takes over. I protect nap as if it is sacred because I believe it is. I will not allow one child to disturb their own nap much less anyone else's nap. I have experienced the results of training children to nap on a regular basis, and I don't care to do it the other way. The children are calm and happier. They learn far more. It is worth every bit of trouble that comes with the training process.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Immature Children
Recently I have seen a major uptick in the level of immaturity in the children who first arrive on my doorstep. This post will deal with what I see as underlying causes of this immaturity and what we as childcare providers can do to rectify it.
An Uptick in Immaturity
For those of you who have been in this business for a long time, it comes as no surprise that we are dealing with higher and higher levels of immaturity in the children who come to us with each passing year. I have only been in the childcare business for 8 years now, but even I have seen a massive uptick in immaturity. What is causing this? Before I go any further, let me differentiate between developmental delays and immaturity. A developmental delay is when a child consistently drags behind their peers over a period of time. Immaturity, on the other hand, is when a child initially drags behind their peers, but quickly pulls up with instruction. I have also seen an uptick of true developmental delays, but that is a subject for a later post.
Immature Parents
It is my opinion that the underlying causes of this uptick come from three very different sources. The first source is immature parents. Most of these parents are the peers of my own biological children, which means they are 25 years old or younger. However, I have seen older parents who were just as bad and younger parents who were great parents. What these parents have in common is that they never grew out of an egocentric viewpoint. In layman terms that means they still think the world revolves around them. They are still developmentally teenagers. This is society's fault. We raised these kids to think that the world did revolve around them, and then expected them to magically transition when they hit adulthood and became parents. It didn't happen. These parents can barely take care of themselves much less another human being. We never expected much of them or taught them how to delay gratification. Of course, the second generation raised with this viewpoint are going to be even more immature. We are seeing the uptick now because the first generation is reaching adulthood and becoming parents.
The Helicopter Parent
The second underlying cause comes from a completely different parenting style - the helicopter parent. These parents tend to be older and waited until later in life to start a family. These parents do everything for their children. They are basically making the mistake of the parents who are my peers. They are not letting their children learn from natural consequences or really expecting much out of them. They feel childhood should be pure enjoyment, and children should not be burdened with anything. Again, society in raising another first generation of children who think the world revolves around them. These children will not magically become responsible adults without intervention.
The Idealistic Childhood
This brings me to the third underlying cause and the true underlying cause for both of the others. It is the philosophy of parenting that idealizes childhood. This philosophy really started to take root in the late 1980s. Childhood is supposed to be a time of magic and perfectness. Parents should do everything they can to ensure their children have everything they never had as children - every experience and every material thing. This philosophy sounds perfectly harmless and even something that should be aspired to by all parents. However, the devil is always in the details. We are really beginning to see the long term effects of this parenting philosophy as a society, and it is ugly. We have had to develop a whole new phase of development for twenty-somethings because adolescence has been extended an entire decade. We wonder why our young adults have some of the attitudes they have and many of them can't seem to hold down a job. We wonder at some of the over-the-top selfish behaviors we are now seeing in teenagers. It stems from having an over-idealistic view of what childhood should be.
The Other Side of the Coin
Now don't get me wrong, I do think children should play and have fun. However, there is another side to this coin. Childhood is also a time to learn selflessness, self-control, persistence, steadfastness, patience, kindness, gentleness, etc. This has to be taught in a deliberate way. Children do not magically develop these traits from their wonderful over-scheduled, self-indulgent lifestyle. Children who develop these traits have parents who systematically and purposefully instill these qualities into their children. These children have parents who are parents and not peers.
Where to Begin?
As childcare providers we face the daunting task of not only training the immature children but also teaching the parents how to be parents. Where do we even begin? Most of the time you have to start with the children because the parents won't take you seriously until they see major results in their children. Once the parents see that you know what you are talking about, they are much more likely to listen when you offer parent training or tips.
Structure and Boundaries
With the children the first step is structure and boundaries. I have talked in earlier posts about how children have rhythms. It is calming for them to know what to expect. Therefore, having a basic structure that you follow everyday is a great place to start. They need to know that snack follows center time and recess is right before lunch, etc. The second part deals with boundaries. We get little from children because we expect little from children. It seems absurd to me that children for thousands of years learned the meaning of "no," "stop," and "don't," but here in the last 50 or so years the children are no longer capable of learning these concepts. We redirect instead of teaching them "no" because we must avoid hissy fits at all costs. Hissy fits cause stress, and our perfect idealistic childhood world should be free of stress. Did you know that some stress is actually essential to the proper emotional development of a child? A child must learn to self-soothe or that child will never be able to handle any negativity, and I'm afraid the world is chalked full of negativity. One of the most important skills a child learns before kindergarten is to take "no" for an answer without throwing a fit. If they don't, they get a crash course in this concept once they get there. The motto for our local elementary school is "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit." If we would teach them this skill before they get to kindergarten, then the schools could concentrate on academics instead of having to deal with the emotional immaturity.
Consistency and Persistence
The next very important step involves consistency and persistence. We can't be wishy-washy with the children. They get enough of that at home. We must do what we say we will do and stay after all these unpleasant tasks until we get the job done. On the first part, you must be careful what you promise or threaten. Before you let it come out of your mouth, you must determine if you can actually follow through on what you are saying. If you can't, don't say it. Children in today's society desperately need people who are true to their word. Remember, you must model those traits you want children to emulate, and we want children to learn to be consistent. The second half of this is making sure that the children follow through with their responsibilities every day. In the olden days this was called chores. In the early childhood world this is now called self-help skills. Chores in the olden days had to be done everyday without fail. Self-help skills are no different. If you want to truly teach a child these skills, you cannot be wishy-washy about it. This is hard work and probably the most thankless part of the job we do. However, teaching a child to follow through is worth all the tears, screams, and hissy fits we must endure. Remember we are going against the tide of society to accomplish this and trying to reset an entire generation on a different path than the previous one. This will not be easy but well worth all the effort.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
An Uptick in Immaturity
For those of you who have been in this business for a long time, it comes as no surprise that we are dealing with higher and higher levels of immaturity in the children who come to us with each passing year. I have only been in the childcare business for 8 years now, but even I have seen a massive uptick in immaturity. What is causing this? Before I go any further, let me differentiate between developmental delays and immaturity. A developmental delay is when a child consistently drags behind their peers over a period of time. Immaturity, on the other hand, is when a child initially drags behind their peers, but quickly pulls up with instruction. I have also seen an uptick of true developmental delays, but that is a subject for a later post.
Immature Parents
It is my opinion that the underlying causes of this uptick come from three very different sources. The first source is immature parents. Most of these parents are the peers of my own biological children, which means they are 25 years old or younger. However, I have seen older parents who were just as bad and younger parents who were great parents. What these parents have in common is that they never grew out of an egocentric viewpoint. In layman terms that means they still think the world revolves around them. They are still developmentally teenagers. This is society's fault. We raised these kids to think that the world did revolve around them, and then expected them to magically transition when they hit adulthood and became parents. It didn't happen. These parents can barely take care of themselves much less another human being. We never expected much of them or taught them how to delay gratification. Of course, the second generation raised with this viewpoint are going to be even more immature. We are seeing the uptick now because the first generation is reaching adulthood and becoming parents.
The Helicopter Parent
The second underlying cause comes from a completely different parenting style - the helicopter parent. These parents tend to be older and waited until later in life to start a family. These parents do everything for their children. They are basically making the mistake of the parents who are my peers. They are not letting their children learn from natural consequences or really expecting much out of them. They feel childhood should be pure enjoyment, and children should not be burdened with anything. Again, society in raising another first generation of children who think the world revolves around them. These children will not magically become responsible adults without intervention.
The Idealistic Childhood
This brings me to the third underlying cause and the true underlying cause for both of the others. It is the philosophy of parenting that idealizes childhood. This philosophy really started to take root in the late 1980s. Childhood is supposed to be a time of magic and perfectness. Parents should do everything they can to ensure their children have everything they never had as children - every experience and every material thing. This philosophy sounds perfectly harmless and even something that should be aspired to by all parents. However, the devil is always in the details. We are really beginning to see the long term effects of this parenting philosophy as a society, and it is ugly. We have had to develop a whole new phase of development for twenty-somethings because adolescence has been extended an entire decade. We wonder why our young adults have some of the attitudes they have and many of them can't seem to hold down a job. We wonder at some of the over-the-top selfish behaviors we are now seeing in teenagers. It stems from having an over-idealistic view of what childhood should be.
The Other Side of the Coin
Now don't get me wrong, I do think children should play and have fun. However, there is another side to this coin. Childhood is also a time to learn selflessness, self-control, persistence, steadfastness, patience, kindness, gentleness, etc. This has to be taught in a deliberate way. Children do not magically develop these traits from their wonderful over-scheduled, self-indulgent lifestyle. Children who develop these traits have parents who systematically and purposefully instill these qualities into their children. These children have parents who are parents and not peers.
Where to Begin?
As childcare providers we face the daunting task of not only training the immature children but also teaching the parents how to be parents. Where do we even begin? Most of the time you have to start with the children because the parents won't take you seriously until they see major results in their children. Once the parents see that you know what you are talking about, they are much more likely to listen when you offer parent training or tips.
Structure and Boundaries
With the children the first step is structure and boundaries. I have talked in earlier posts about how children have rhythms. It is calming for them to know what to expect. Therefore, having a basic structure that you follow everyday is a great place to start. They need to know that snack follows center time and recess is right before lunch, etc. The second part deals with boundaries. We get little from children because we expect little from children. It seems absurd to me that children for thousands of years learned the meaning of "no," "stop," and "don't," but here in the last 50 or so years the children are no longer capable of learning these concepts. We redirect instead of teaching them "no" because we must avoid hissy fits at all costs. Hissy fits cause stress, and our perfect idealistic childhood world should be free of stress. Did you know that some stress is actually essential to the proper emotional development of a child? A child must learn to self-soothe or that child will never be able to handle any negativity, and I'm afraid the world is chalked full of negativity. One of the most important skills a child learns before kindergarten is to take "no" for an answer without throwing a fit. If they don't, they get a crash course in this concept once they get there. The motto for our local elementary school is "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit." If we would teach them this skill before they get to kindergarten, then the schools could concentrate on academics instead of having to deal with the emotional immaturity.
Consistency and Persistence
The next very important step involves consistency and persistence. We can't be wishy-washy with the children. They get enough of that at home. We must do what we say we will do and stay after all these unpleasant tasks until we get the job done. On the first part, you must be careful what you promise or threaten. Before you let it come out of your mouth, you must determine if you can actually follow through on what you are saying. If you can't, don't say it. Children in today's society desperately need people who are true to their word. Remember, you must model those traits you want children to emulate, and we want children to learn to be consistent. The second half of this is making sure that the children follow through with their responsibilities every day. In the olden days this was called chores. In the early childhood world this is now called self-help skills. Chores in the olden days had to be done everyday without fail. Self-help skills are no different. If you want to truly teach a child these skills, you cannot be wishy-washy about it. This is hard work and probably the most thankless part of the job we do. However, teaching a child to follow through is worth all the tears, screams, and hissy fits we must endure. Remember we are going against the tide of society to accomplish this and trying to reset an entire generation on a different path than the previous one. This will not be easy but well worth all the effort.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Sippee Cups
This post will deal with the appropriate and inappropriate uses of sippee cups (those cups with lids that don't spill when tipped).
NOT a Developmental Milestone
One of my favorite quotes about sippee cups comes from an early intervention specialist with TEIS. It is, "Sippee cups are not a developmental milestone." What does she mean by that? Most American parents and child care providers do consider sippee cups the next step after bottles. They are convenient and help children transition to a regular cup or do they? What did people do before sippee cups were invented?
What Do Speech Therapists Say?
Again, convenience has dictated a trend that is not necessarily in the child's best interests. If you talk to speech therapists especially those that have children as clients they will tell you that sippee cups are keeping them in business. Turns out that overuse of sippee cups keeps the mouth from developing properly and causes speech issues in children. Drinking from a normal cup develops muscles in the mouth that drinking from a sippee cup does not. Therefore, my friend, the early intervention specialist, is right. Sippee cups are not a developmental milestone and can be skipped altogether without any consequence to the children.
The Truth about Real Cups
At this point I can hear the parents and child care providers crying foul. It has become common practice for parents and caregivers to start introducing a sippee cup several months before the transition away from a bottle. Then the sippee cup is used until the child is ready for a real cup. For parents and child care providers alike the sippee cup is a means to keep spills at a minimum at mealtimes and snacks. Therefore, the thought of doing away with the sippee cup altogether does not paint pleasant pictures of mealtimes and snacks for those caring for children. However, children are capable of handling regular cups at a much younger age than most parents and child care providers would believe possible. It is all in what you expect, try, and train. As Americans we sometimes gravely underestimate what children are capable of doing. Children as young as 12 months can be trained to use a regular cup with assistance and many 18 month old children can handle a small regular cup independently. However, this does not happen magically. Parents and caregivers must work with the children to train them to use these cups and be prepared to clean up some spills. Having children's speech develop properly is worth a little spilled milk.
The Dangers of Roaming and Drinking
Let me digress a moment and address the common practice of letting toddlers walk around most of the day with juice or other liquid in a sippee cup. Not only is that a bad idea because of the speech issues, but it is also bad for their teeth to be constantly sucking on liquid other than water. Many experts are now beginning to warn parents and caregivers about relying too heavily on juice even 100% juice and are suggesting it may be one of the causes of the obesity epidemic. Children should be given liquid when they are thirsty. To let them have liquid constantly is to have them use it for comfort instead of thirst. That is the same as comfort food with the same implications.
The Best Way to Use Sippee Cups
What then is the proper use of sippee cups? In a child care setting I can understand using sippee cups as a transition from bottles to a regular cup as long as it is short-lived. I do that at my child care. We wean off the bottle around 12 months and give them milk in a sippee cup for meals. I do this because we are transitioning from formula or breastmilk to regular milk, and I like to graduate changes over time. However, one word of caution about the type of sippee cup you use. A sippee cup with a hard top is better than one with a soft top, which is too much like a bottle. A soft-topped sippee cup should only be used when introducing a child to a sippee cup while they are still taking a bottle. When the weaning process begins in earnest, a sippee cup with a hard top should be used instead. Sometimes, not always, a child who refuses to use a hard top on a sippee cup is showing the first signs of sensory perception disorder. If the refusal to use a hard top coincides with other developmental delays, it might be time to call in the early intervention specialists. At my child care we wait until 18 months to start the transition to a regular cup, but we try to find opportunities to expose children 12-18 months to a regular cup with supervision. I have a wide bottomed cup that I use when a child first starts the process because it does not tip easily. Then after a month or so, I use a small regular cup that fits in the child's hand easily. It doesn't take long for the children to adjust and become pros at using a regular cup.
Outside of a child care setting the appropriate use for sippee cups is only when absolutely necessary. If I have stay-at-home moms reading this post, my advice to you is only use sippee cups when you have to provide drinks in a car or other situation where you are away from home. Otherwise, leave the sippee cups alone. You can work with your child more consistently than many other settings and can therefore go straight from a bottle to a regular cup. The benefits of this action far outweigh any inconvenience this causes.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
NOT a Developmental Milestone
One of my favorite quotes about sippee cups comes from an early intervention specialist with TEIS. It is, "Sippee cups are not a developmental milestone." What does she mean by that? Most American parents and child care providers do consider sippee cups the next step after bottles. They are convenient and help children transition to a regular cup or do they? What did people do before sippee cups were invented?
What Do Speech Therapists Say?
Again, convenience has dictated a trend that is not necessarily in the child's best interests. If you talk to speech therapists especially those that have children as clients they will tell you that sippee cups are keeping them in business. Turns out that overuse of sippee cups keeps the mouth from developing properly and causes speech issues in children. Drinking from a normal cup develops muscles in the mouth that drinking from a sippee cup does not. Therefore, my friend, the early intervention specialist, is right. Sippee cups are not a developmental milestone and can be skipped altogether without any consequence to the children.
The Truth about Real Cups
At this point I can hear the parents and child care providers crying foul. It has become common practice for parents and caregivers to start introducing a sippee cup several months before the transition away from a bottle. Then the sippee cup is used until the child is ready for a real cup. For parents and child care providers alike the sippee cup is a means to keep spills at a minimum at mealtimes and snacks. Therefore, the thought of doing away with the sippee cup altogether does not paint pleasant pictures of mealtimes and snacks for those caring for children. However, children are capable of handling regular cups at a much younger age than most parents and child care providers would believe possible. It is all in what you expect, try, and train. As Americans we sometimes gravely underestimate what children are capable of doing. Children as young as 12 months can be trained to use a regular cup with assistance and many 18 month old children can handle a small regular cup independently. However, this does not happen magically. Parents and caregivers must work with the children to train them to use these cups and be prepared to clean up some spills. Having children's speech develop properly is worth a little spilled milk.
The Dangers of Roaming and Drinking
Let me digress a moment and address the common practice of letting toddlers walk around most of the day with juice or other liquid in a sippee cup. Not only is that a bad idea because of the speech issues, but it is also bad for their teeth to be constantly sucking on liquid other than water. Many experts are now beginning to warn parents and caregivers about relying too heavily on juice even 100% juice and are suggesting it may be one of the causes of the obesity epidemic. Children should be given liquid when they are thirsty. To let them have liquid constantly is to have them use it for comfort instead of thirst. That is the same as comfort food with the same implications.
The Best Way to Use Sippee Cups
What then is the proper use of sippee cups? In a child care setting I can understand using sippee cups as a transition from bottles to a regular cup as long as it is short-lived. I do that at my child care. We wean off the bottle around 12 months and give them milk in a sippee cup for meals. I do this because we are transitioning from formula or breastmilk to regular milk, and I like to graduate changes over time. However, one word of caution about the type of sippee cup you use. A sippee cup with a hard top is better than one with a soft top, which is too much like a bottle. A soft-topped sippee cup should only be used when introducing a child to a sippee cup while they are still taking a bottle. When the weaning process begins in earnest, a sippee cup with a hard top should be used instead. Sometimes, not always, a child who refuses to use a hard top on a sippee cup is showing the first signs of sensory perception disorder. If the refusal to use a hard top coincides with other developmental delays, it might be time to call in the early intervention specialists. At my child care we wait until 18 months to start the transition to a regular cup, but we try to find opportunities to expose children 12-18 months to a regular cup with supervision. I have a wide bottomed cup that I use when a child first starts the process because it does not tip easily. Then after a month or so, I use a small regular cup that fits in the child's hand easily. It doesn't take long for the children to adjust and become pros at using a regular cup.
Outside of a child care setting the appropriate use for sippee cups is only when absolutely necessary. If I have stay-at-home moms reading this post, my advice to you is only use sippee cups when you have to provide drinks in a car or other situation where you are away from home. Otherwise, leave the sippee cups alone. You can work with your child more consistently than many other settings and can therefore go straight from a bottle to a regular cup. The benefits of this action far outweigh any inconvenience this causes.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Potty Training (Part 2)
In this post I am going to discuss the difference between developmental delays and immaturity as it concerns potty training and what to do about stubbornness as it pertains to potty training.
Children with Developmental Delays and Immature Children
As I stated before in the previous post, 20 to 21 months turns out to be the best time to start potty training for normally developing children. What then do you do about children with developmental delays and immature children? First of all, you need to be able to determine the difference between true developmental delays and immaturity for there is a difference. In the last several years I have seen a massive uptick in immaturity in children. I have also seen an uptick in true developmental delays. Before I start this conversation, let me say it is not the place of child care providers to provide a diagnosis for developmental delays. However, we are usually the first to spot problems and recommend referral to early intervention specialists. We need to know where the line is for referral in order not to inundate early intervention specialists with children who are simply immature. Children will receive the developmental delay diagnosis only when they are showing significant signs of delay in 1 or more domains of development. The domains of development are motor, communication, cognitive, social, and adaptive (self-help skills). (This information provided by a TEIS specialist.)
What Is Typical Development?
How do you determine what is typical development? Most early intervention specialists have development charts they would be delighted to share with you. Each state has some form of early intervention program to fulfill the requirements of Part C of IDEA. Remember that these charts are approximations, and each child is different. However, if a child is showing signs of being 3 to 6 months behind in one or more areas, it is time to call the early intervention specialists. Another word of caution, many immature children will show delay when they first arrive in programs. Some may even show significant delay. However, these children will also show great gains the first couple of months when they actually have someone instructing them. This is the difference. Developmentally delayed children will consistently drag even with the instruction. As a provider, you will need to give the children time to show you whether or not they are truly developmentally delayed or just simply immature.
Potty Training with Developmental Delays
How does all of this pertain to potty training? When a child has true developmental delays, you will need to delay potty training until they reach the developmental age of 20 to 21 months. This may not happen for some children until they are 3 or 4 years of age according to how much of a delay is present. Also, understand that the potty training process will be difficult for children with developmental delays. Hopefully, you will have access to specialists who can help you with the process because even though these children see specialists every week, you are still the primary caregiver. It will fall to you to see the process through to completion or sending them to public school whichever comes first.
Potty Training with the Immature
Now I want to turn my attention to the immature. As I stated before, these children can also show significant delays when they first arrive on your doorstep. However, you will see significant progress with all areas of development as you work with these children on a daily basis. If you see one area not progressing like the others, you may still have a true developmental delay. Again, you will need to delay potty training until these children reach the developmental age of 20 to 21 months. These children should progress with potty training just like their typically developing peers. You will just need to bring them up to speed before you begin. I'm not going to discuss the causes of the uptick in immaturity in this post. That will be a subject for a later post.
The Irrational Fear of the Potty
There is one more aspect of this subject I would like to discuss. It is those children who seem to fight the potty training process tooth and nail. Some of these are children are just stubborn, and I will talk about them in a minute. However, some children have an irrational fear of peeing or pooping in the potty. This is far more prevalent with pooping, but I have also seen this with peeing. For these children you must find a way for them to do it just one time, and then they usually potty train within a couple of days. These children will require you to become the scientist. You will have to observe and document when they usually pee and/or poop everyday. You will then have to schedule their potty times accordingly. For those of you that live in states where you have the 5 minute rule as to how long you can have the children on the potty in an hour, this process will get tricky. When it arrives at the time the children would normally pee or poop, you place them on the potty. If you think that will work the first day, you are gravely underestimating these children. Each subsequent day you will delay their potty times by a few minutes. The object is to hit the point when they have to go so bad, they simply cannot hold it and will let it go into the potty. However, as I said this will be a tricky process. If you are limited to 5 minutes, they will outlast you or pee or poop before you put them on the potty. If they also fall into the stubborn category, you will have to delegate this to the parents. I have seen some children hold it all day, and then poop and/or pee as soon as the parents walk through the door.
The 3 Year Old Threshold
At this point I want to discuss what I call the 3 year old threshold. All children reach a point where they get so used to doing their business in their underwear it becomes a security issue. For normally developing children that usually occurs if potty training goes beyond their third birthday. For the developmentally delayed, it usually occurs when they reach the developmental age of 2 and a half or three because of the extra time involved. When you reach that point, potty training becomes a battle and a half. If you have ever talked to that parent who stated they thought they would never get their child to potty train, I guarantee that child went beyond the 3 year old threshold. Personally, I have never seen a normally developing child go over the 3 year old threshold and potty train easily.
The Stubborn
Now I will turn my attention to the truly stubborn. Early childhood experts would have us believe that no child is truly stubborn. I say those people don't work with children on a daily basis. There are those children who fight everything that has to do with growing up tooth and nail. They want to stay exactly like they are and have no desire to do for themselves. I call these children the "clingers." Whereas, most toddlers go through an independent phase, these children do not. They are perfectly content for mommy to do everything for them. When I see this behavior, I know we are in for a battle and a half over every self-help skill including potty training. These children will not potty train unless the child care provider and the parents are a united front. If the parents continue to coddle these children, they will cross the 3 year old threshold and may not potty train fully until they hit kindergarten. I have seen children with this disposition who continued to poop their pants well into elementary school. These children may be beyond your abilities as a child care provider because there must come a point where accidents are not okay. When accidents are occurring every single potty time every single day for a year, we either have a developmental delay or a child who needs the parents to intervene strongly. If I have a child approaching the 3 year old threshold, I will have a very serious and frank discussion with these parents and let them know the ball is in their court. If their child is going to potty train, they are going to have to get serious about it.
I hope you have enjoyed this discussion of potty training. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Children with Developmental Delays and Immature Children
As I stated before in the previous post, 20 to 21 months turns out to be the best time to start potty training for normally developing children. What then do you do about children with developmental delays and immature children? First of all, you need to be able to determine the difference between true developmental delays and immaturity for there is a difference. In the last several years I have seen a massive uptick in immaturity in children. I have also seen an uptick in true developmental delays. Before I start this conversation, let me say it is not the place of child care providers to provide a diagnosis for developmental delays. However, we are usually the first to spot problems and recommend referral to early intervention specialists. We need to know where the line is for referral in order not to inundate early intervention specialists with children who are simply immature. Children will receive the developmental delay diagnosis only when they are showing significant signs of delay in 1 or more domains of development. The domains of development are motor, communication, cognitive, social, and adaptive (self-help skills). (This information provided by a TEIS specialist.)
What Is Typical Development?
How do you determine what is typical development? Most early intervention specialists have development charts they would be delighted to share with you. Each state has some form of early intervention program to fulfill the requirements of Part C of IDEA. Remember that these charts are approximations, and each child is different. However, if a child is showing signs of being 3 to 6 months behind in one or more areas, it is time to call the early intervention specialists. Another word of caution, many immature children will show delay when they first arrive in programs. Some may even show significant delay. However, these children will also show great gains the first couple of months when they actually have someone instructing them. This is the difference. Developmentally delayed children will consistently drag even with the instruction. As a provider, you will need to give the children time to show you whether or not they are truly developmentally delayed or just simply immature.
Potty Training with Developmental Delays
How does all of this pertain to potty training? When a child has true developmental delays, you will need to delay potty training until they reach the developmental age of 20 to 21 months. This may not happen for some children until they are 3 or 4 years of age according to how much of a delay is present. Also, understand that the potty training process will be difficult for children with developmental delays. Hopefully, you will have access to specialists who can help you with the process because even though these children see specialists every week, you are still the primary caregiver. It will fall to you to see the process through to completion or sending them to public school whichever comes first.
Potty Training with the Immature
Now I want to turn my attention to the immature. As I stated before, these children can also show significant delays when they first arrive on your doorstep. However, you will see significant progress with all areas of development as you work with these children on a daily basis. If you see one area not progressing like the others, you may still have a true developmental delay. Again, you will need to delay potty training until these children reach the developmental age of 20 to 21 months. These children should progress with potty training just like their typically developing peers. You will just need to bring them up to speed before you begin. I'm not going to discuss the causes of the uptick in immaturity in this post. That will be a subject for a later post.
The Irrational Fear of the Potty
There is one more aspect of this subject I would like to discuss. It is those children who seem to fight the potty training process tooth and nail. Some of these are children are just stubborn, and I will talk about them in a minute. However, some children have an irrational fear of peeing or pooping in the potty. This is far more prevalent with pooping, but I have also seen this with peeing. For these children you must find a way for them to do it just one time, and then they usually potty train within a couple of days. These children will require you to become the scientist. You will have to observe and document when they usually pee and/or poop everyday. You will then have to schedule their potty times accordingly. For those of you that live in states where you have the 5 minute rule as to how long you can have the children on the potty in an hour, this process will get tricky. When it arrives at the time the children would normally pee or poop, you place them on the potty. If you think that will work the first day, you are gravely underestimating these children. Each subsequent day you will delay their potty times by a few minutes. The object is to hit the point when they have to go so bad, they simply cannot hold it and will let it go into the potty. However, as I said this will be a tricky process. If you are limited to 5 minutes, they will outlast you or pee or poop before you put them on the potty. If they also fall into the stubborn category, you will have to delegate this to the parents. I have seen some children hold it all day, and then poop and/or pee as soon as the parents walk through the door.
The 3 Year Old Threshold
At this point I want to discuss what I call the 3 year old threshold. All children reach a point where they get so used to doing their business in their underwear it becomes a security issue. For normally developing children that usually occurs if potty training goes beyond their third birthday. For the developmentally delayed, it usually occurs when they reach the developmental age of 2 and a half or three because of the extra time involved. When you reach that point, potty training becomes a battle and a half. If you have ever talked to that parent who stated they thought they would never get their child to potty train, I guarantee that child went beyond the 3 year old threshold. Personally, I have never seen a normally developing child go over the 3 year old threshold and potty train easily.
The Stubborn
Now I will turn my attention to the truly stubborn. Early childhood experts would have us believe that no child is truly stubborn. I say those people don't work with children on a daily basis. There are those children who fight everything that has to do with growing up tooth and nail. They want to stay exactly like they are and have no desire to do for themselves. I call these children the "clingers." Whereas, most toddlers go through an independent phase, these children do not. They are perfectly content for mommy to do everything for them. When I see this behavior, I know we are in for a battle and a half over every self-help skill including potty training. These children will not potty train unless the child care provider and the parents are a united front. If the parents continue to coddle these children, they will cross the 3 year old threshold and may not potty train fully until they hit kindergarten. I have seen children with this disposition who continued to poop their pants well into elementary school. These children may be beyond your abilities as a child care provider because there must come a point where accidents are not okay. When accidents are occurring every single potty time every single day for a year, we either have a developmental delay or a child who needs the parents to intervene strongly. If I have a child approaching the 3 year old threshold, I will have a very serious and frank discussion with these parents and let them know the ball is in their court. If their child is going to potty train, they are going to have to get serious about it.
I hope you have enjoyed this discussion of potty training. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Potty Training (Part 1)
This will be the first part of a two part post on potty training. This part will deal with the basics of potty training, and the second part will deal with the various and assorted complications of potty training.
The Difference between Stay-at-Home and Childcare
When I first started trying to potty train in a child care setting, I quickly learned that it was entirely different than trying to potty train my own biological children. Number one, when my children were small, disposable training pants were just beginning to be a big thing. We could barely afford the diapers. Therefore, continuing to shell out for disposable training pants was not an option. I did it the old fashioned way with cloth training pants and lots of laundry. Also, I was a stay-at-home mom and had the luxury of putting everything else on hold for a couple weeks to concentrate on the potty training. Most child care providers do not have that luxury. Lastly, the regulations in our state did not help matters. Many of the techniques I had used with my biological children were deemed developmentally inappropriate. I did not even know where to begin but I gave it my best shot.
For the first couple of years I really struggled. I was used to potty training taking about a month to get to where a child was basically potty trained unless that child was extremely stubborn like my middle child, and she took six months. However, in the childcare setting it was taking a year to a year and a half to get the children to the point they were basically potty trained with accidents continuing regularly for another six months or more. Something was wrong with this picture.
Using Rhythms and Consistency
The first step I took was to apply my knowledge of how much rhythms and consistency are important to small children's biological clocks. I had known for a long time that if naptime is consistent and around the same time each day eventually a child's biological clock will take over, and nap is no longer even an issue. Therefore, I applied this same concept and had potty times scheduled into our daily routine at around the same time each day for those who were in disposable training pants. Of course, fully potty-trained children just took themselves when they needed to go. This was only for those who were in the potty training process, and it did shave off about 3 months in how long it was taking to potty train. However, many children just simply waited for the pull-ups to go back on to do their business especially pooping. At this point I decided the disposable training pants had to go.
Disposable Training Pants Are Not Your Friend
I had come to the same conclusion in which many experts who deal with children with special needs have come. Disposable training pants are just glorified diapers and do more to hinder the potty training process than help. This was going to be a hard sell. Disposable training pants were convenient and protected the floor from pee puddles. Parents were not very open to going back to the old fashioned way of doing things. I knew I would have to prove my point before I would be able to win the parents over. Therefore, I bought a bunch of cloth training pants and plastic pants and prepared to do lots of laundry myself. I had not used the plastic pants with my biological children, but I needed a way to protect the children's clothes for the most part from accidents. I still used disposable training pants for the first three months or so in order to give the child time to adjust. Then I switched them to the cloth training pants with plastic pants. Again, this step shaved off another 3 months from the process taking us down to six months to a year for children to reach basically potty trained instead of the year to year and a half. This was still not acceptable.
The "Whoosh" Effect
At this point in the history of this childcare, we completely remodeled our big room and put down laminate flooring to replace the carpeting. I now had the opportunity to test out how much the plastic pants were hindering the process. Therefore, I ceased using the plastic pants and low and behold, I did discover the missing piece. I call it the "whoosh." When a child pees his/her pants for the first time when they simply have on cloth underwear, they get to experience the sensation of not having their pee caught by a diaper, disposable training pants, or plastic pants. This is an absolutely necessary step to complete the potty training process. Many children do not like this sensation at all and conquer potty training soon after the switch to cloth underwear occurs. I was having children attain basic potty training status in a couple of weeks instead of months. Not all children were getting there so quickly, but over half of the children were. However, there was one more vital piece of information I lacked.
The 20 to 21 Month Window
I received this vital piece of information while I was taking a class on infants and toddlers. We were discussing the developmental milestones of toddlers around 20 to 21 months, and one of my fellow classmates piped up and said this was the perfect time to start potty training. I had always waited until after the child was two years old to start potty training. This woman had been a family child care provider for 20 years so I wondered if maybe she was on to something. I determined right then that the next normally developing child I potty trained would start at 20 to 21 months. I was flabbergasted at the results. My experience had been that the first 3 months of potty training would have little or no progress while they were still in disposable training pants. However, even in disposable training pants, these children were making significant progress on potty training before they ever reached two years old. I decided to switch to underwear around two years old and had the same or better results as I had when I stopped using plastic pants. This has to be the best kept secret in America. Who knew that we as a society have been waiting too long to potty train. Actually our ancestors had this knowledge. When I made this discovery, I asked my mother when people would start potty training before the advent of disposable diapers. Her answer was between 18 and 20 months. Turns out that the convenience of disposable diapers caused us to lose a valuable piece of information.
I will continue the discussion of potty training in my next blog, which I hope to have posted in the next several days. I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Difference between Stay-at-Home and Childcare
When I first started trying to potty train in a child care setting, I quickly learned that it was entirely different than trying to potty train my own biological children. Number one, when my children were small, disposable training pants were just beginning to be a big thing. We could barely afford the diapers. Therefore, continuing to shell out for disposable training pants was not an option. I did it the old fashioned way with cloth training pants and lots of laundry. Also, I was a stay-at-home mom and had the luxury of putting everything else on hold for a couple weeks to concentrate on the potty training. Most child care providers do not have that luxury. Lastly, the regulations in our state did not help matters. Many of the techniques I had used with my biological children were deemed developmentally inappropriate. I did not even know where to begin but I gave it my best shot.
For the first couple of years I really struggled. I was used to potty training taking about a month to get to where a child was basically potty trained unless that child was extremely stubborn like my middle child, and she took six months. However, in the childcare setting it was taking a year to a year and a half to get the children to the point they were basically potty trained with accidents continuing regularly for another six months or more. Something was wrong with this picture.
Using Rhythms and Consistency
The first step I took was to apply my knowledge of how much rhythms and consistency are important to small children's biological clocks. I had known for a long time that if naptime is consistent and around the same time each day eventually a child's biological clock will take over, and nap is no longer even an issue. Therefore, I applied this same concept and had potty times scheduled into our daily routine at around the same time each day for those who were in disposable training pants. Of course, fully potty-trained children just took themselves when they needed to go. This was only for those who were in the potty training process, and it did shave off about 3 months in how long it was taking to potty train. However, many children just simply waited for the pull-ups to go back on to do their business especially pooping. At this point I decided the disposable training pants had to go.
Disposable Training Pants Are Not Your Friend
I had come to the same conclusion in which many experts who deal with children with special needs have come. Disposable training pants are just glorified diapers and do more to hinder the potty training process than help. This was going to be a hard sell. Disposable training pants were convenient and protected the floor from pee puddles. Parents were not very open to going back to the old fashioned way of doing things. I knew I would have to prove my point before I would be able to win the parents over. Therefore, I bought a bunch of cloth training pants and plastic pants and prepared to do lots of laundry myself. I had not used the plastic pants with my biological children, but I needed a way to protect the children's clothes for the most part from accidents. I still used disposable training pants for the first three months or so in order to give the child time to adjust. Then I switched them to the cloth training pants with plastic pants. Again, this step shaved off another 3 months from the process taking us down to six months to a year for children to reach basically potty trained instead of the year to year and a half. This was still not acceptable.
The "Whoosh" Effect
At this point in the history of this childcare, we completely remodeled our big room and put down laminate flooring to replace the carpeting. I now had the opportunity to test out how much the plastic pants were hindering the process. Therefore, I ceased using the plastic pants and low and behold, I did discover the missing piece. I call it the "whoosh." When a child pees his/her pants for the first time when they simply have on cloth underwear, they get to experience the sensation of not having their pee caught by a diaper, disposable training pants, or plastic pants. This is an absolutely necessary step to complete the potty training process. Many children do not like this sensation at all and conquer potty training soon after the switch to cloth underwear occurs. I was having children attain basic potty training status in a couple of weeks instead of months. Not all children were getting there so quickly, but over half of the children were. However, there was one more vital piece of information I lacked.
The 20 to 21 Month Window
I received this vital piece of information while I was taking a class on infants and toddlers. We were discussing the developmental milestones of toddlers around 20 to 21 months, and one of my fellow classmates piped up and said this was the perfect time to start potty training. I had always waited until after the child was two years old to start potty training. This woman had been a family child care provider for 20 years so I wondered if maybe she was on to something. I determined right then that the next normally developing child I potty trained would start at 20 to 21 months. I was flabbergasted at the results. My experience had been that the first 3 months of potty training would have little or no progress while they were still in disposable training pants. However, even in disposable training pants, these children were making significant progress on potty training before they ever reached two years old. I decided to switch to underwear around two years old and had the same or better results as I had when I stopped using plastic pants. This has to be the best kept secret in America. Who knew that we as a society have been waiting too long to potty train. Actually our ancestors had this knowledge. When I made this discovery, I asked my mother when people would start potty training before the advent of disposable diapers. Her answer was between 18 and 20 months. Turns out that the convenience of disposable diapers caused us to lose a valuable piece of information.
I will continue the discussion of potty training in my next blog, which I hope to have posted in the next several days. I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Cell Phones
I am going to approach this subject from two different perspectives. First, I will talk about parent cell phone usage especially during drop off and pick-up time. Then I will tackle one of the biggest problems in childcare today - employee cell phone usage during working hours.
The Parent Scenario
The first scenario is all too familiar. Momma comes in to drop off her child fully engulfed in a conversation on her cell phone. She heads straight for the sign-in sheet, scribbles the necessary information, kisses her child, and proceeds out the door never stopping the conversation. This whole time the child is swinging from the mother's leg doing everything possible to get the mother's attention. You, the childcare provider, needed to have a conversation with this mother, but you were never even able to make eye contact much less start the necessary conversation. Pick-up time is no better. Instead of leaving the child, this time the mother stops the conversation just long enough to tell her child to head for the door. Still no chance to even make eye contact.
How in the world are we as child care providers supposed to build relationships with these parents if we can't even make eye contact? This is becoming such a problem that some childcare providers are going to drastic measures to try to get these parents' attention. I know of some places that have instituted "cell phone free" zones as parents come into the building. Others have completely given up trying to use drop off and pick-up times for conversations. Instead they will text the parents the necessary information. The other side of this problem is the kids. I have had older kids comment on how much they hate cell phones because they can't ever get their mom or dad's attention.
Cell Phone Etiquette
This is unfortunately one of those problems that we as child care providers can't fully solve. What these parents need to learn is what many MANY people in our society need to learn - cell phone etiquette. Those places that have instituted "cell phone free" zones are in their own way trying to teach the parents about cell phone etiquette. Many of these places have signs that read "This is a cell phone free zone. We as your children's childcare providers need to have the opportunity to discuss with you, the parent, how your child is doing. We appreciate your cooperation in this matter." These places have the right idea. However, having talked to some providers who have tried this, it still has not solved the problem. Many parents ignore the sign and continue to jabber away on their cell phone. My only suggestion besides finding something to block the signal on your property is to be proactive in trying to explain cell phone etiquette every single opportunity that you get.
Cell Phones and Employees
Now I want to turn my attention to the other side of the cell phone issue. For those of you who have employees, you know that keeping your employees off of their cell phones during working hours is one of the biggest issues childcare employers face today. I'm with you. I tried to approach this issue from a participatory management standpoint. I told my employees that I would let them keep their cell phones on them if they only used them for emergencies. I gave them the chance to be responsible for their own cell phone use. Their definition of an emergency and my definition of an emergency were two entirely different definitions. That didn't work. Next I had them put their cell phones in a specified place when they came to work and leave them there. Every time I turned around they were sneaking a peek at their cell phones. That didn't work. Next I completely banned the cell phones and told my employees to leave them in the car. They were sneaking to their cars when they took the children to the playground so they could have their cell phones on the playground. The children told on them. That didn't work.
Supervision
If you don't work in childcare, you might ask what is the big deal? The big deal is supervision. Just like you really can't pay attention to the road while driving and texting, you can't really watch the children while you are checking Facebook or Twitter or texting or any other application on your cell phone. This is such a huge problem that many employers are having to hire extra people to just make sure someone is watching the children at all times. You also might ask why don't you just put into place a zero tolerance policy and fire them when they are caught on their cell phones. For those of us who live in states where child care is heavily regulated, unless you have a substitute that can be pulled in immediately this is not an option. We have to maintain ratios and the hiring process can take up to a month or more to clear all the hurdles involved. Even then you are not guaranteed that you are not just replacing one employee with another one just like the first one. Not many people want to work that hard for minimum wage. Substitutes in this industry are a luxury. Many smaller childcares really struggle finding qualified help. Most of us have to settle for warm bodies to fulfill ratio requirements and work ourselves into a frenzy trying to compensate for the poor quality of our help. I've been there. I completely understand.
A Cultural Problem
This problem has no easy solution because it is a cultural problem. Many people especially younger adults do not understand why they can't stay on their phones constantly. The only truly realistic approach to this problem will have to come from changes in the regulations for those of us in states with heavy regulations. As employers we have to have the option of firing employees on the spot for this problem. Other industries do it, but regulations tie our hands. We need to be able to have substitutes without having to jump through all the hoops. This can be accomplished by letting retired child care providers become substitutes at large or have a pool of substitutes for an area that all providers can pull from. School systems get to have a pool of substitutes to pull from at any time. Child care providers need that badly. There are many other reasons for child care providers to have this pool of substitutes but this problem is one of the most pressing reasons. If ever there was an issue that needs a grass roots effort, this is it.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The Parent Scenario
The first scenario is all too familiar. Momma comes in to drop off her child fully engulfed in a conversation on her cell phone. She heads straight for the sign-in sheet, scribbles the necessary information, kisses her child, and proceeds out the door never stopping the conversation. This whole time the child is swinging from the mother's leg doing everything possible to get the mother's attention. You, the childcare provider, needed to have a conversation with this mother, but you were never even able to make eye contact much less start the necessary conversation. Pick-up time is no better. Instead of leaving the child, this time the mother stops the conversation just long enough to tell her child to head for the door. Still no chance to even make eye contact.
How in the world are we as child care providers supposed to build relationships with these parents if we can't even make eye contact? This is becoming such a problem that some childcare providers are going to drastic measures to try to get these parents' attention. I know of some places that have instituted "cell phone free" zones as parents come into the building. Others have completely given up trying to use drop off and pick-up times for conversations. Instead they will text the parents the necessary information. The other side of this problem is the kids. I have had older kids comment on how much they hate cell phones because they can't ever get their mom or dad's attention.
Cell Phone Etiquette
This is unfortunately one of those problems that we as child care providers can't fully solve. What these parents need to learn is what many MANY people in our society need to learn - cell phone etiquette. Those places that have instituted "cell phone free" zones are in their own way trying to teach the parents about cell phone etiquette. Many of these places have signs that read "This is a cell phone free zone. We as your children's childcare providers need to have the opportunity to discuss with you, the parent, how your child is doing. We appreciate your cooperation in this matter." These places have the right idea. However, having talked to some providers who have tried this, it still has not solved the problem. Many parents ignore the sign and continue to jabber away on their cell phone. My only suggestion besides finding something to block the signal on your property is to be proactive in trying to explain cell phone etiquette every single opportunity that you get.
Cell Phones and Employees
Now I want to turn my attention to the other side of the cell phone issue. For those of you who have employees, you know that keeping your employees off of their cell phones during working hours is one of the biggest issues childcare employers face today. I'm with you. I tried to approach this issue from a participatory management standpoint. I told my employees that I would let them keep their cell phones on them if they only used them for emergencies. I gave them the chance to be responsible for their own cell phone use. Their definition of an emergency and my definition of an emergency were two entirely different definitions. That didn't work. Next I had them put their cell phones in a specified place when they came to work and leave them there. Every time I turned around they were sneaking a peek at their cell phones. That didn't work. Next I completely banned the cell phones and told my employees to leave them in the car. They were sneaking to their cars when they took the children to the playground so they could have their cell phones on the playground. The children told on them. That didn't work.
Supervision
If you don't work in childcare, you might ask what is the big deal? The big deal is supervision. Just like you really can't pay attention to the road while driving and texting, you can't really watch the children while you are checking Facebook or Twitter or texting or any other application on your cell phone. This is such a huge problem that many employers are having to hire extra people to just make sure someone is watching the children at all times. You also might ask why don't you just put into place a zero tolerance policy and fire them when they are caught on their cell phones. For those of us who live in states where child care is heavily regulated, unless you have a substitute that can be pulled in immediately this is not an option. We have to maintain ratios and the hiring process can take up to a month or more to clear all the hurdles involved. Even then you are not guaranteed that you are not just replacing one employee with another one just like the first one. Not many people want to work that hard for minimum wage. Substitutes in this industry are a luxury. Many smaller childcares really struggle finding qualified help. Most of us have to settle for warm bodies to fulfill ratio requirements and work ourselves into a frenzy trying to compensate for the poor quality of our help. I've been there. I completely understand.
A Cultural Problem
This problem has no easy solution because it is a cultural problem. Many people especially younger adults do not understand why they can't stay on their phones constantly. The only truly realistic approach to this problem will have to come from changes in the regulations for those of us in states with heavy regulations. As employers we have to have the option of firing employees on the spot for this problem. Other industries do it, but regulations tie our hands. We need to be able to have substitutes without having to jump through all the hoops. This can be accomplished by letting retired child care providers become substitutes at large or have a pool of substitutes for an area that all providers can pull from. School systems get to have a pool of substitutes to pull from at any time. Child care providers need that badly. There are many other reasons for child care providers to have this pool of substitutes but this problem is one of the most pressing reasons. If ever there was an issue that needs a grass roots effort, this is it.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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