This post will deal with the difficult task of teaching children to think of others. Of course, children are naturally egocentric, which means they think the world revolves around them. However, they can be taught to think of others just like everyone else.
The Definition of Thoughtful
Webster defines thoughtful as considerate of others. It is also defined as marked by careful thinking. We will explore this from both of those aspects. One of the greatest aspects of being considerate involves having good manners. We will discuss that in depth. Careful thinking involves not being rash and impulsive, but thinking before we act and speak.
Adults First
Just like all the other posts I have done on character issues, I will talk to the adults first. One of the biggest ways we show consideration for other people is by using good manners. America has become a very rude place. Common courtesy has completely flown out the window. No wonder it is becoming increasingly difficult to teach our children to be thoughtful. Thoughtfulness like all other character traits has to be modeled for children to truly understand how it functions in everyday situations. Do you as the adult use good manners with the children? More importantly, do you use good manners with your coworkers, parents, and other adults? A lot of times, we as caregivers are very careful about manners in the childcare setting, but we regress to normal societal behavior when it comes to other adults. I guarantee the children will pick up your behavior with other adults much faster than they will the "fake" behavior they see from you in the childcare. I used the word "fake" very purposefully. Many aspects of our society have "fake" politeness than has no basis in reality. Especially those of us from the South, understand how some people will say "bless your heart"while digging a knife in your back. In childcare settings we can have this same "fake" politeness that has no basis in love whatsoever. We make everyone say and do all the right things without ever dealing with the heart issues underneath. However, the truth comes out eventually and children can smell a "fake" a mile away. They will learn what you model and if what you model has no true basis in love, it will be just as fake as it can be. You will in essence be teaching children to be two-faced.
Careful Thinking
I said in the beginning of this post, we would look at this from two sides. Being considerate of others needs to be balanced with careful thinking. Careful thinking has to do with motives of the heart or the reasons for our actions. Why are you doing what you are doing? Are you doing it just because it's the polite thing to do or are you genuinely concerned for that person? Good manners becomes a force for good when coupled with pure intentions. Good manners becomes a manipulative ploy when coupled with selfish intentions. I have seen people with impeccable manners that were mean as snakes. I would not trust those people any further than I could throw them. However, if you do not even have manners, what does that say about you? Pure intentions without being considerate of others is just as useless as manners without good intentions. We need both.
Good Manners
How does this translate into an early childhood setting? Most of us are very good at trying to teach good manners to the children in our care. If you are not teaching the children in your care basic manners, that is definitely where you need to start. When teaching manners to children, it must be both modeled and directly taught. Children must be taught to say "please" when they want something and be expected to do it in real-life situations. It does absolutely no good to simply tell children what they should do without making them practice in real-life situations. However, you cannot assume that a child knows to say "please, thank you, etc." either. Good manners in our society are becoming more scarce with every year. That child may have never had good manners modeled for them before. Therefore, you must do both. Once the basics have been established, then the heart issues must start to be addressed. With children often their motives can be fairly transparent. If they do not really mean it, it is evident in their tone and body language. Many child experts will tell you never to force a child to be truly sorry or truly thankful. However, those are the same experts that have relativism as a foundation for their world view. They believe we should not impose a true right and wrong on children. If you have a different worldview learn to take some of their "best practices" with a grain of salt. I do not let children get away with going through the motions of being polite. I am not interested in raising another generation of people that are polite to be manipulative. If a child needs to say sorry and cannot say it with meaning, that child is still in trouble. The underlying heart issue that caused the situation in the first place has not changed. Unless you deal with situations at their source, you will have multiple repeats of the same behavior. We must teach children that being polite involves so much more than just saying the right words at the right time. We have to mean what we say and let our manners be a deliberate act of our will. Only then will we be truly thoughtful people.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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