The Definition of Persistence/Perseverance
Webster defines persistence as the ability to go on resolutely or stubbornly in spite of difficulties. Perseverance is defined as the ability to persist in an undertaking in spite of difficulties. Because these definitions are so close we will use these words as almost interchangeable. Persistence/Perseverance is being able to complete a task in spite of difficulties. In the South we say it with the phrase "git-r-done." This trait plays a crucial role in building resilience in people/children. Every time a person works through a difficulty instead of giving up, they teach themselves exactly what they are capable of doing. This plays into self-awareness but it takes it one step further. When a person overcomes a weakness or a challenge, they build the true self-esteem that comes from accomplishment. Self-esteem that is divorced from accomplishment is narcissism. Self-esteem that stems from accomplishment makes a person stronger. Persistence/perseverance makes that type of self-esteem possible.
How to Build Persistence/Perseverance
Since persistence/perseverance is so important to a person's success, how do you build that in children. Number one, learn to ignore hissy fits. A hissy fit should never, never, NEVER get a child out of anything. If a child is throwing a hissy fit, that should signal the adult in the situation that you have hit a weakness or difficulty in the child's life. That is something to be worked through not around or avoid. This should start at or around the age of two years old. I know this makes life difficult for parents and caregivers but the parents and caregivers of yesterday dealt with issues immediately. They understood that a little bit of effort now curbs a lot of issues later. Number two, do not do for children what they can do for themselves. Again, this complicates life somewhat but you can be smart about it and schedule in such a way that you allow for the extra time this consumes especially with toddlers. If you start this early and are consistent, by the time they are 3 and 4 years old it ceases to be such a big deal. Number three, accept a no excuses policy for the necessities. Just because something is hard should never, never, NEVER get a child out of it. My motto at the childcare is, "If it's hard, keep trying." Let a child struggle with a task. It is okay to give hints and cues to help a child get back on track and heading in the right direction, but it is never okay to just step in and do it for him/her. Let "I can't" be dirty words at your facility.
How to Sabotage Persistence/Perseverance
In many ways our current parent philosophies and practices actually sabotage building persistence/perseverance in children. In the name of building a "perfect childhood" we have actually done great damage to a child's natural resilience. The following entail several of the ways we have failed our children. Number one is lack of consistency from the adult. Nothing kills just about any good attempt to build character in children worse than a lack of consistency. Children can spot that a mile away and take full advantage of adults that lack consistency. I should know because my mother was one of them. Did I take advantage that? Absolutely. When children know that they can outlast you, they will do it every time especially if it gets them out of work. I know our current "experts" would have you believe that laziness is not really an issue, but they are delusional. Most people will default to laziness whenever possible if we are truly honest with ourselves. Therefore, the most important trait a parent/caregiver can have is consistency. Number two is redirecting and all other behavior management techniques that avoid confrontation. I am sorry but confrontation will always be a part of parenting/caregiving. To avoid that confrontation equals kicking the can down the road to where it will be SOO much harder to deal with the behaviors. We should not have 4, 5, 6, 7, etc years old having hissy fits that rival any two year old, but we do all the time. That is enough evidence of what I am saying because that did not use to be the norm. Number three is micromanaging a child's life. Helicopter parenting kills persistence/perseverance. Period. A child must struggle and take risks in order to learn how to work through problems. Helicopter parents swoop in and save the day to make life easier for their children not realizing they are delaying a very important maturing process. There is a reason we have twenty-something people that are not "adulting" yet. Their parents delayed way too many important life lessons they should have learned in childhood. People, it starts at two years old. Please, do not delay the process for the sake of all the other people that will have to come into contact with your children.
Conclusion
To sum all this up, resilient people are persistent people. They know how to keep going in the face of adversity and work until the job is done. I am sorry but sometimes what has to be done is no fun whatsoever. Work does not have to be fun. It just has to be done. That is the motto of persistent people. This needs to be instilled into children once more if we are ever going to reclaim a work ethic that produces successful people. We are presently raising a generation of entitled victims. This cannot continue or someday very soon we will implode as a society.
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