This post will look at one of the most annoying behaviors that young children display - pestering. I know at times you wish someone would invent bubbles for children so that they cannot touch each other. This behavior takes up a large majority of our time sometimes and can be one of the causes for toxic stress for providers over time. This post will look at the some causes for this behavior and some simple solutions to deal with the constant pestering.
The Scenario
"He/She touched me!" is one of those phrases childcare providers and parents hear every single day. We all know those children especially boys that have the hardest time keeping hands and other body parts to themselves. When these children sit close to another child, the urge to touch nearly overcomes them if they try to resist it at all. Some do not even try. Teaching children about personal space can be one of the hardest tasks given to adults dealing with very small children.
The Need for Attention
Pestering, however, is more than a personal space issue. It involves the intense desire to either get attention or just be near somebody. Some little boys want the attention of some little girls so badly that they will do absolutely anything to get that attention. Most of the time this involves pestering the little girl. I have seen some little girls pester a little boy because she liked him, but it is not as prevalent as the other way around. Some little boys will also pester other little boys for attention. If a boy really struggles socially, this may be very prevalent. For little boys, pestering is just one of their social tools.
Familial Sense of Personal Space
Some families just spend a great deal of time in each other's space. I have siblings that do this. I am constantly having to separate them because all they want to do is scuffle. For children that come from a family like this, the pestering usually becomes an issue. Pestering is just normal for these children. They do not understand personal space especially with siblings. The reason for the pestering in this situation involves the need to be near other people. Some people just require more touch than other people. Within the family this usually does not present a problem unless a member of the family does not have this tendency. However, in a group setting, these children can be challenging. Learning to keep their body parts to themselves requires intense instruction.
Hula Hoops Anyone?
I have seriously considered getting some hula hoops for group times because of my siblings if I could find some small enough for the purpose. I do have sitting mats that I use for group times but the hula hoops would help them understand the "bubble" concept. It would give them a physical boundary to represent the concept of personal space. I would teach them to keep everything in their "bubble." I truly believe that would work much better than the "crisscross, applesauce, spoons in the bowl" technique, which is how I presently deal with this. That technique does work with extreme persistence, but I am having to constantly remind them to resume the position. One of the siblings is very close to school-age and the schools in this area use that technique heavily. Therefore, I have persisted with instructing that technique even though I am still on the hunt for hula hoops.
Working on this issue only using some "sit still" technique just deals with only a fraction of the underlying cause. This is a social-emotional issue and usually involves a degree of social immaturity especially for boys. These children need instruction on how to function in a group setting. They also may need instruction on how to be okay without having to be all over other people. Remember I gave two underlying causes for pestering and both causes need different types of instruction.
Appropriate Ways to Get Attention
For the children with an insatiable need for attention, you will need to teach them more appropriate ways of getting that attention. Children do not come into this world knowing how to make friends automatically. You must teach them proper ways to make friends, or they will find any way possible to get attention whether good or bad. Many immature children will find ways to get attention, and they do not care whether it is positive or negative attention. To them, attention is attention. Once they get a taste of positive attention and learn how to negotiate social settings, the pestering behavior will begin to subside. By the way, this also works for adults who are not socially savvy and have a tendency to pester other people.
The Need for Touch
The other cause for pestering involves the need for touch. I call these the "clingy" kids. These are the children that feel insecure if they are not in contact or very close to another human being. For these children, instruction in being okay alone is absolutely necessary. I am not advocating isolating these children all day long, but they do need short periods throughout the day where they have to learn to be alone. They will never improve without working on this. I know adults that still have this issue. It is not something they will outgrow necessarily. Of course, start small and build with time. You cannot expect a child that has this issue to be able to play alone for 30 minutes at the beginning. Sometimes if you can even get 2 minutes, you will have done well. Being able to be okay by themselves will be a skill that will serve them throughout their lives. It is very important.
Lack of Self-Control
One more aspect of pestering that I want to cover involves self-control. Pestering very much embodies a lack of self-control. Working on self-control along with these other aspects will go a long way to improve the pestering problem. Much of child development overlaps. Working on one issue very often helps in ways that we never foresee.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Language Development for 2 1/2 to 3 year olds - Communication (Part 3)
This post will continue the discussion for the area of learning - Communication. We will be looking at the component, Expressive Language, with the learning expectation - Participates in conversations. Remember I am taking my information from the Tennessee Early Learning Developmental Standards (TN-ELDS).
The first performance indicator for this component is: Knows and can say first and last name. For the first name this performance indicator can usually be picked up through life experience. Most normally developing children have heard their name enough to be able to say it on their own. If they cannot say their first name by the time they are 3 years olds, developmental testing should be employed. Even those children with lagging language skills can still say their name by 3 years old even if they cannot say much else. The last name, however, can be a little tricky. The family dynamic that many childcare providers see now involves children with a different last name than their mother and sometimes a different last name than their siblings. In some cases, a mother will have 3 or 4 children that all have a different last name. I am not going to comment on the reasons for this trend. That is a post for another day. However, because the last name does not have the same significance that it had 20 or 30 years ago, it becomes necessary to actually work with the child on their full name. Many times the parents do not really work on this because of the different dynamic. They often do not want to overemphasize the difference in last names until it becomes necessary for school. When I was growing up, we often referred to our family by our last name. That helped us develop the same sense for our last name as our first name. Families rarely do this anymore.
The second performance indicator for this component is: Likes to recite nursery rhymes or books with rhyming patterns. This particular performance indicator takes for granted that children are exposed to nursery rhymes or have been read to on a regular basis. Both assumptions tend to be the exception instead of the norm. Instead, I often assume a child has had no experience with nursery rhymes or books and plan accordingly. Even with professional parents, you cannot assume they have had a rich language environment. Like many other childcare professionals, I go off the assumption that if they do not get it from me, they will not get it at all. It is not just the childcare professionals that have come to this conclusion. Pediatricians now ask parents to read to their children as part of the well baby check-ups on top of all the other recommendations. It seems many professionals finally realize that we are massively failing our children in the language development department. Make nursery rhymes and books with rhyming schemes part of your daily schedule, and you will see this particular performance indicator emerge in your childcare even if it has to happen beyond the age of 3 years old.
The third performance indicator involves: Asks "who," "why," and "where" questions and continues to ask "what" questions. To be honest, I do not normally see "who," "why," and "where" questions until after children's 3rd birthday. Only the top 15% of children actually reach this particular performance indicator before their 3rd birthday. Language skills can be extremely diverse at this age. Some children do well just to reach the "wat's dat?" stage by the time they are 3 years old. If a child is not asking "what" questions by the time he/she is 3 years old, developmental testing would be advisable. These inquisitive questions emerge when a child reaches a certain level of language development. All that comes before must be covered first. A great percentage of children that come through my door immediately set off my developmental delay radar on language nowadays. I usually have to take the first 3 months of instruction to determine if an actual developmental delay does exist or they are simply language deprived. Remember a child with a true developmental delay will not pull up quickly with good instruction. A language deprived child will blossom after good instruction.
The fourth performance indicator for this component is: Names body parts. This particular performance indicator represents my beginning point with children regardless of age. With children I have had since 12 months old, I will begin body parts instruction at 18 months unless I have suspicions of developmental delay. I have found that body parts instruction is a good place to begin to determine whether or not a child has been language deprived. My body parts list covers much more than just the basics. Therefore, many 4 year olds that walk through the door do not know half the list. How much trouble they have learning the unfamiliar body parts gives me good clues as to where they stand on language and acquiring new language skills. If a child knows all my body parts on the first day, I know that child has a good language foundation.
The last performance indicator for this component is: Consistently uses 2 or 3 word sentences. Again, because children's language skills vary so widely at this age, many children will not reach this milestone until right at or after their 3rd birthday. I have a child that is 3 months from her 3rd birthday and is talking in paragraphs. I had another child that did not really start using 2 or 3 word sentences until about a week before his 3rd birthday. Now, if you caught the gender difference in those two examples, you caught a trend that is very real. Girls very often develop language skills far ahead of their male counterparts. However, this particular little girl probably falls within the top 5% of her age group for language. I have a 4-year old boy that is behind her in many ways on the language front. He came to us greatly behind, and we have been playing catch up since he arrived. This is one of the byproducts of one-on-one instruction at this place. I will very often have younger children way ahead of older children because they have been here longer and fall into the advanced/gifted range. Children progress with development according to their own biological make-up and according to their experiences. As teachers all we can do is provide rich language experiences, and then proceed according to the child's biological make-up.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The first performance indicator for this component is: Knows and can say first and last name. For the first name this performance indicator can usually be picked up through life experience. Most normally developing children have heard their name enough to be able to say it on their own. If they cannot say their first name by the time they are 3 years olds, developmental testing should be employed. Even those children with lagging language skills can still say their name by 3 years old even if they cannot say much else. The last name, however, can be a little tricky. The family dynamic that many childcare providers see now involves children with a different last name than their mother and sometimes a different last name than their siblings. In some cases, a mother will have 3 or 4 children that all have a different last name. I am not going to comment on the reasons for this trend. That is a post for another day. However, because the last name does not have the same significance that it had 20 or 30 years ago, it becomes necessary to actually work with the child on their full name. Many times the parents do not really work on this because of the different dynamic. They often do not want to overemphasize the difference in last names until it becomes necessary for school. When I was growing up, we often referred to our family by our last name. That helped us develop the same sense for our last name as our first name. Families rarely do this anymore.
The second performance indicator for this component is: Likes to recite nursery rhymes or books with rhyming patterns. This particular performance indicator takes for granted that children are exposed to nursery rhymes or have been read to on a regular basis. Both assumptions tend to be the exception instead of the norm. Instead, I often assume a child has had no experience with nursery rhymes or books and plan accordingly. Even with professional parents, you cannot assume they have had a rich language environment. Like many other childcare professionals, I go off the assumption that if they do not get it from me, they will not get it at all. It is not just the childcare professionals that have come to this conclusion. Pediatricians now ask parents to read to their children as part of the well baby check-ups on top of all the other recommendations. It seems many professionals finally realize that we are massively failing our children in the language development department. Make nursery rhymes and books with rhyming schemes part of your daily schedule, and you will see this particular performance indicator emerge in your childcare even if it has to happen beyond the age of 3 years old.
The third performance indicator involves: Asks "who," "why," and "where" questions and continues to ask "what" questions. To be honest, I do not normally see "who," "why," and "where" questions until after children's 3rd birthday. Only the top 15% of children actually reach this particular performance indicator before their 3rd birthday. Language skills can be extremely diverse at this age. Some children do well just to reach the "wat's dat?" stage by the time they are 3 years old. If a child is not asking "what" questions by the time he/she is 3 years old, developmental testing would be advisable. These inquisitive questions emerge when a child reaches a certain level of language development. All that comes before must be covered first. A great percentage of children that come through my door immediately set off my developmental delay radar on language nowadays. I usually have to take the first 3 months of instruction to determine if an actual developmental delay does exist or they are simply language deprived. Remember a child with a true developmental delay will not pull up quickly with good instruction. A language deprived child will blossom after good instruction.
The fourth performance indicator for this component is: Names body parts. This particular performance indicator represents my beginning point with children regardless of age. With children I have had since 12 months old, I will begin body parts instruction at 18 months unless I have suspicions of developmental delay. I have found that body parts instruction is a good place to begin to determine whether or not a child has been language deprived. My body parts list covers much more than just the basics. Therefore, many 4 year olds that walk through the door do not know half the list. How much trouble they have learning the unfamiliar body parts gives me good clues as to where they stand on language and acquiring new language skills. If a child knows all my body parts on the first day, I know that child has a good language foundation.
The last performance indicator for this component is: Consistently uses 2 or 3 word sentences. Again, because children's language skills vary so widely at this age, many children will not reach this milestone until right at or after their 3rd birthday. I have a child that is 3 months from her 3rd birthday and is talking in paragraphs. I had another child that did not really start using 2 or 3 word sentences until about a week before his 3rd birthday. Now, if you caught the gender difference in those two examples, you caught a trend that is very real. Girls very often develop language skills far ahead of their male counterparts. However, this particular little girl probably falls within the top 5% of her age group for language. I have a 4-year old boy that is behind her in many ways on the language front. He came to us greatly behind, and we have been playing catch up since he arrived. This is one of the byproducts of one-on-one instruction at this place. I will very often have younger children way ahead of older children because they have been here longer and fall into the advanced/gifted range. Children progress with development according to their own biological make-up and according to their experiences. As teachers all we can do is provide rich language experiences, and then proceed according to the child's biological make-up.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Dealing with Children that Complain
Next to arguing, complaining has to be one of the most emotionally draining weapons in a child's arsenal. It also happens to be one that adults use just as regularly. This post will look at the root causes of complaining with tips on how to teach children not to grow up to be so narcissistic.
Unhealthy Self-Esteem
Many, many people have written in recent years on the level of narcissism among today's children, teenagers, and young adults. Narcissism is basically self-centeredness taken to an extreme. These children believe the world revolves around them and they deserve everything for just being themselves. Of course, our overemphasis on self-esteem rather than self-acceptance has created this particular societal monster. We have taught them to be proud of themselves without tying it to actually accomplishing anything. Only recently have I seen articles on healthy self-esteem vs. unhealthy self-esteem. Finally psychologists and psychiatrists have linked the spike in narcissism with our push for building self-esteem. Unhealthy self-esteem has been defined as self-esteem divorced from one's accomplishments. Seems that sitting on your parents' couch at 25 playing video games all day should not make for a person that has healthy self-esteem. However, these young adults have all kinds of self-esteem and believe they have a right to everything.
The Constant Complaining
One of the worst byproducts of narcissism involves the constant complaining when they do not get what they want or their way. For many parents and caregivers this complaining can be relentless. It seems people under the age of 25 have no problem voicing their opposition constantly when life does not proceed on their schedule and according to their specifications. However, the complaining is more than just a constant barrage of grievances. Because of their inflated self-esteem, they normally phrase the complaints in such a way that they belittle the person or thing for which they have a grievance. For parents and caregivers of especially teenagers and young adults this type of complaining wears down your soul. Their inflated self-esteem robs you of any semblance of self-esteem you ever possessed. They will make you feel like a complete failure as a parent because you have the audacity to not have enough money to pay for whatever it is they believe they deserve be that a new car, the latest cell phone, etc. If they receive something of inferior quality to what they wanted, you will never hear the end of it. The poor replacement will be called everything under the sun until you give them what they want. This applies to objects as well as food. Heaven help you if you happen to expect them to eat what you have served. Complaining about food can be the worst of it all.
Maybe Respect is Necessary
How in the world did we get here? When we decided that respect was not necessary, we opened ourselves up to a world of evil. We have reaped disrespectful, ungrateful spoiled brats. Plus, we continue to push the very philosophies that led to our current predicament. Therefore, we will continue to have to deal with complaining of the sort that drives the recipients to the point of dismay. I am sorry, but you cannot raise children to believe that the world revolves around them and that they deserve everything their heart desires without having to work for it without reaping ungrateful children that argue and complain about everything. It just does not work.
Young Adults and Teenagers
Fixing the young adults and teenagers nearly takes a drill sergeant or some extremely hard life lessons at just the right time. Many of these children cannot adjust to adult life without therapy or extreme intervention. If you happened to have raised young adults or teenagers that are respectful and grateful, please tell the rest of the world how you accomplished that, but make sure that their employers and supervisors feel the same way that you do. I have found an extreme disconnect between parents' perceptions of their children and the real world's perceptions of their children. Some parents only see what they want to see thereby complicating their child(ren)'s sense of entitlement.
Young Children and School-Agers
Fixing young children and school-age children's sense of entitlement, however, is much simpler. It just takes consistently reminding those children that the world does not revolve around them. At many of the schools these days, one of the most used sayings is, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." That saying pretty much says it all. At my childcare, one of my rules is, "Do what Mrs. Natalie asks without pouting and complaining." When the children start the complaining, they will get that look from me. If they persist, I will simply tell them complaining is a sin. If they continue to persist, complaining is an inappropriate behavior and receives time-out until they are ready to quit. Do not put up with it. They do not have the right to badger you with verbal assaults because they are unhappy about their choices. We have got to raise the next generation to understand the world does not owe them anything. They will only get things when they work by the sweat of their brow.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Unhealthy Self-Esteem
Many, many people have written in recent years on the level of narcissism among today's children, teenagers, and young adults. Narcissism is basically self-centeredness taken to an extreme. These children believe the world revolves around them and they deserve everything for just being themselves. Of course, our overemphasis on self-esteem rather than self-acceptance has created this particular societal monster. We have taught them to be proud of themselves without tying it to actually accomplishing anything. Only recently have I seen articles on healthy self-esteem vs. unhealthy self-esteem. Finally psychologists and psychiatrists have linked the spike in narcissism with our push for building self-esteem. Unhealthy self-esteem has been defined as self-esteem divorced from one's accomplishments. Seems that sitting on your parents' couch at 25 playing video games all day should not make for a person that has healthy self-esteem. However, these young adults have all kinds of self-esteem and believe they have a right to everything.
The Constant Complaining
One of the worst byproducts of narcissism involves the constant complaining when they do not get what they want or their way. For many parents and caregivers this complaining can be relentless. It seems people under the age of 25 have no problem voicing their opposition constantly when life does not proceed on their schedule and according to their specifications. However, the complaining is more than just a constant barrage of grievances. Because of their inflated self-esteem, they normally phrase the complaints in such a way that they belittle the person or thing for which they have a grievance. For parents and caregivers of especially teenagers and young adults this type of complaining wears down your soul. Their inflated self-esteem robs you of any semblance of self-esteem you ever possessed. They will make you feel like a complete failure as a parent because you have the audacity to not have enough money to pay for whatever it is they believe they deserve be that a new car, the latest cell phone, etc. If they receive something of inferior quality to what they wanted, you will never hear the end of it. The poor replacement will be called everything under the sun until you give them what they want. This applies to objects as well as food. Heaven help you if you happen to expect them to eat what you have served. Complaining about food can be the worst of it all.
Maybe Respect is Necessary
How in the world did we get here? When we decided that respect was not necessary, we opened ourselves up to a world of evil. We have reaped disrespectful, ungrateful spoiled brats. Plus, we continue to push the very philosophies that led to our current predicament. Therefore, we will continue to have to deal with complaining of the sort that drives the recipients to the point of dismay. I am sorry, but you cannot raise children to believe that the world revolves around them and that they deserve everything their heart desires without having to work for it without reaping ungrateful children that argue and complain about everything. It just does not work.
Young Adults and Teenagers
Fixing the young adults and teenagers nearly takes a drill sergeant or some extremely hard life lessons at just the right time. Many of these children cannot adjust to adult life without therapy or extreme intervention. If you happened to have raised young adults or teenagers that are respectful and grateful, please tell the rest of the world how you accomplished that, but make sure that their employers and supervisors feel the same way that you do. I have found an extreme disconnect between parents' perceptions of their children and the real world's perceptions of their children. Some parents only see what they want to see thereby complicating their child(ren)'s sense of entitlement.
Young Children and School-Agers
Fixing young children and school-age children's sense of entitlement, however, is much simpler. It just takes consistently reminding those children that the world does not revolve around them. At many of the schools these days, one of the most used sayings is, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." That saying pretty much says it all. At my childcare, one of my rules is, "Do what Mrs. Natalie asks without pouting and complaining." When the children start the complaining, they will get that look from me. If they persist, I will simply tell them complaining is a sin. If they continue to persist, complaining is an inappropriate behavior and receives time-out until they are ready to quit. Do not put up with it. They do not have the right to badger you with verbal assaults because they are unhappy about their choices. We have got to raise the next generation to understand the world does not owe them anything. They will only get things when they work by the sweat of their brow.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Language Development for 2 1/2 to 3 year olds - Communication (Part 2)
This post will continue the discussion of Communication for 2 1/2 to 3 years olds for the component Receptive Language. Expressive Language will be covered in Part 3. We will finish up the remaining 4 performance indicators for this component. Remember I am taking my information from the Tennessee Early Learning Developmental Standards (TN-ELDS).
We will now pick up our discussion for the learning expectation: Understands questions, some abstract concepts, and simple directions. The next performance indicator is: Understands night and day and has a simple understanding of the concept of time. This is another performance indicator that has been adversely affected by several trends in our current culture. Back 20 to 30 years ago, children spent more time outdoors than children do today. This has actually affected how children process the passing of time. When children spend the majority of the their time indoors, they do not notice the difference in day and night. This used to be one of those areas where children developed a sense of the passing of time from life experience. Now we live in a 24/7 world and the cycles are not as clear as they used to be. Further complicating this particular performance indicator is the trend for lax bedtime and sleeping schedules. Many children do not have a set bedtime anymore. They have become accustomed to staying up at night and sleeping in during the morning hours. Night and day do not have the same meaning for children without regular bedtime schedules. I have had 3 and 4 year olds come through my door with no real concept of night and day until I started to regulate their schedules and talk about night and day. I really wish this nation would come to grips with what our "new parenting" philosophies are truly doing to our children.
The next performance indicator on our list is: Understands color and can recognize primary colors (red, yellow, blue). This particular performance indicator just happens to be one of my sticky points with the "learn through play" people. This skill falls on the left brain. Learning through play mostly covers right brain skills. Therefore, trying to teach the colors without direct instruction is going the long way around the mountain. Actually, many of the activities prescribed to teach colors involve direct instruction indirectly. The pure learning through play philosophy expects children to pick up information simply from life experience and play. Children have to be told that color is red, yellow, or blue at some point, which is direct instruction by the way. Games for learning the colors almost always involve the adult calling out the names of the colors. Guess what? If you do just a little pure direct instruction one-on-one with this age group, they can learn all the colors not just the primary ones. It only takes 5 minutes per day and involves you calling the colors and having them try to call the colors on their own. Children will pick up the colors much faster when you do more than just name every color you see. Practice makes perfect. A little drill and instruction goes a very long way.
Coming in next on the list of performance indicators is: Begins to demonstrate a sense of humor and is responsive to silly situations (e.g., teacher tries to put shoes and socks on hands rather than feet). This one actually has more to do with life experience than direct instruction. Children pick up a sense of humor from the other people in their life whether they be friends, caregivers, parents, etc. When a child does not begin to demonstrate a sense of humor by the age of 3, this could be a sign of a developmental delay. It also could be a sign of living in a toxic stress environment. Children that are never exposed to the lighter side of life cannot develop a sense of humor. Some children on the autism spectrum have a very difficult time processing humor until they are much older, and therefore do not display a sense of humor at this age. If you have a 3 year old child that does not understand humor, testing for developmental delays would probably be a very good idea. Toxic stress can cause otherwise normally developing children to be delayed.
The last performance indicator for this learning expectation involves: Holds up fingers when asked how old he is. This is another performance indicator that has left me flabbergasted over the last several years. Something is going so wrong with children's fine motor skills that two year olds and three year olds are nearly incapable of this particular performance indicator. Holding up two fingers used to be one of the cutest signs of toddlerhood. However, have you asked many two year olds how old they are and just gotten a blank stare recently? It is happening at a frightening level to me. As childcare providers we have now become physical therapists when it comes to holding up fingers for numbers. I have had to work hard for weeks on end to help 3 and 4 year olds learn to hold up fingers for numbers. I have given up trying to teach 2 year olds unless it comes naturally to them. Something major has been lost, and I have not pinpointed what that is just yet. It may be thumb dexterity because the children do not seem able to use their thumb to hold their fingers. I have seen a serious downslide in fine motor skills across the board. Not only have I seen the lack of fine motor skills for this particular performance indicator, but I have also seen a huge uptick in immaturity in two year olds. Many two year olds are no where near the point of even understanding age enough to answer that question. I guess I am old enough to truly see the major difference in the maturity level of children. Two year olds could answer this question 10, 20, 30 years ago. What has happened? In an age where the expectations for education have been increased for younger ages, we are on a track for a major train wreck as the maturity level of preschoolers continues to decline at an alarming rate. This serious maturity issue will probably hit the kindergarten teachers much harder this year than they have ever experienced. The childcare providers on the front lines have seen this coming and increasing over the last 3 or 4 years. What I could accomplish 7 or 8 years ago before a child hit kindergarten has had to be greatly adjusted for many children. I find myself doing much more backtracking, speech therapy, and physical therapy than ever these days. This is going to have major impact on our educational infrastructure sooner than we know.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
We will now pick up our discussion for the learning expectation: Understands questions, some abstract concepts, and simple directions. The next performance indicator is: Understands night and day and has a simple understanding of the concept of time. This is another performance indicator that has been adversely affected by several trends in our current culture. Back 20 to 30 years ago, children spent more time outdoors than children do today. This has actually affected how children process the passing of time. When children spend the majority of the their time indoors, they do not notice the difference in day and night. This used to be one of those areas where children developed a sense of the passing of time from life experience. Now we live in a 24/7 world and the cycles are not as clear as they used to be. Further complicating this particular performance indicator is the trend for lax bedtime and sleeping schedules. Many children do not have a set bedtime anymore. They have become accustomed to staying up at night and sleeping in during the morning hours. Night and day do not have the same meaning for children without regular bedtime schedules. I have had 3 and 4 year olds come through my door with no real concept of night and day until I started to regulate their schedules and talk about night and day. I really wish this nation would come to grips with what our "new parenting" philosophies are truly doing to our children.
The next performance indicator on our list is: Understands color and can recognize primary colors (red, yellow, blue). This particular performance indicator just happens to be one of my sticky points with the "learn through play" people. This skill falls on the left brain. Learning through play mostly covers right brain skills. Therefore, trying to teach the colors without direct instruction is going the long way around the mountain. Actually, many of the activities prescribed to teach colors involve direct instruction indirectly. The pure learning through play philosophy expects children to pick up information simply from life experience and play. Children have to be told that color is red, yellow, or blue at some point, which is direct instruction by the way. Games for learning the colors almost always involve the adult calling out the names of the colors. Guess what? If you do just a little pure direct instruction one-on-one with this age group, they can learn all the colors not just the primary ones. It only takes 5 minutes per day and involves you calling the colors and having them try to call the colors on their own. Children will pick up the colors much faster when you do more than just name every color you see. Practice makes perfect. A little drill and instruction goes a very long way.
Coming in next on the list of performance indicators is: Begins to demonstrate a sense of humor and is responsive to silly situations (e.g., teacher tries to put shoes and socks on hands rather than feet). This one actually has more to do with life experience than direct instruction. Children pick up a sense of humor from the other people in their life whether they be friends, caregivers, parents, etc. When a child does not begin to demonstrate a sense of humor by the age of 3, this could be a sign of a developmental delay. It also could be a sign of living in a toxic stress environment. Children that are never exposed to the lighter side of life cannot develop a sense of humor. Some children on the autism spectrum have a very difficult time processing humor until they are much older, and therefore do not display a sense of humor at this age. If you have a 3 year old child that does not understand humor, testing for developmental delays would probably be a very good idea. Toxic stress can cause otherwise normally developing children to be delayed.
The last performance indicator for this learning expectation involves: Holds up fingers when asked how old he is. This is another performance indicator that has left me flabbergasted over the last several years. Something is going so wrong with children's fine motor skills that two year olds and three year olds are nearly incapable of this particular performance indicator. Holding up two fingers used to be one of the cutest signs of toddlerhood. However, have you asked many two year olds how old they are and just gotten a blank stare recently? It is happening at a frightening level to me. As childcare providers we have now become physical therapists when it comes to holding up fingers for numbers. I have had to work hard for weeks on end to help 3 and 4 year olds learn to hold up fingers for numbers. I have given up trying to teach 2 year olds unless it comes naturally to them. Something major has been lost, and I have not pinpointed what that is just yet. It may be thumb dexterity because the children do not seem able to use their thumb to hold their fingers. I have seen a serious downslide in fine motor skills across the board. Not only have I seen the lack of fine motor skills for this particular performance indicator, but I have also seen a huge uptick in immaturity in two year olds. Many two year olds are no where near the point of even understanding age enough to answer that question. I guess I am old enough to truly see the major difference in the maturity level of children. Two year olds could answer this question 10, 20, 30 years ago. What has happened? In an age where the expectations for education have been increased for younger ages, we are on a track for a major train wreck as the maturity level of preschoolers continues to decline at an alarming rate. This serious maturity issue will probably hit the kindergarten teachers much harder this year than they have ever experienced. The childcare providers on the front lines have seen this coming and increasing over the last 3 or 4 years. What I could accomplish 7 or 8 years ago before a child hit kindergarten has had to be greatly adjusted for many children. I find myself doing much more backtracking, speech therapy, and physical therapy than ever these days. This is going to have major impact on our educational infrastructure sooner than we know.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Dealing with Children that Argue
This post will look at one of the most emotionally draining tools used by children - arguing. Even though I will tote the latest conventional wisdom on dealing with arguers, I also understand that sometimes it is not that simple. For some families arguing is a sport in which they take great pride. Dealing with children and adults from these families can be exhausting. I will be looking at different types of arguers and some strategies to help deal with them.
It Takes Two to Tango
Of course, the standard advice on this subject is that it takes two to tango. If you refuse to argue with the child, there will not be an argument. However, I understand that sometimes you are mid-argument before you even realize what has happened. Some children can be extremely sneaky about their tactics and draw you into the argument ever so subtly. The different types of arguers use different tactics to try to pull you into an argument because children understand whether the adult does or not that if they get you into the argument, they have already nearly won the battle. I say nearly because it is still possible to shut it down midstream if you have to do it that way. As adults we have to stay on our toes or we will find ourselves backed into a corner by a three year old, which is so embarrassing. Never underestimate the lengths to which a child will go in order to get what he/she wants. With that in mind, here are the types of arguers.
The Whiner
The first type of arguer is the whiner. These children combine arguing and whining in order to hit you with a double whammy. However, these are also the easiest to shut down because both types of manipulation call for the same strategy. Whining should be something you as the adult tunes out anyway. One of the best lines I have ever heard on a parenting advice site was this, "I don't speak whine." When we automatically shut down a child's ploys when they use a whiney voice, the whiney arguer will also be shut down immediately. However, do not be naive and think the child is through. The game has just simply begun.
The Straight Forward Arguer
The next type of arguer is the full-on straight forward arguer. These children engage immediately when they receive the wrong answer. Their strategy is to hit hard and fast and stay after it until they get the answer they want. Again, if you catch these right off the bat, you can stop this one in his/her tracks fairly easily. Not long ago I saw an article that touted how to shut down arguing with three simple words. Those three words are "asked and answered." For preschoolers you will have to be a lot more direct. I always turn the tide on my preschoolers by asking them what I said. I usually have to ask that question several times very adamantly before they actually answer me, but when they tell me what I said, their little faces fall because they know they have gone down in defeat. When they have to say the answer they do not like, they have to concede that the question has already been answered.
The Pleaders
Next on our list involves the pleaders. These children pour on the charm when they receive the wrong answer. They give you the puppy dog eyes and angelic faces trying to persuade you to change your mind. This tactic is usually employed over something where the children know you are not as adamant in your opinion. Children are smart as the dickens. They know when and where wiggle room can be found. If you start to waver, you can be absolutely assured this particular tactic will be employed. Standing your ground with this one is not as easy as the other two. Many times when you do have to stand your ground once they have begged, you will feel awful about having to say no. Sometimes when you give in to the pleading, you feel awful because you let them manipulate you when you should have stood your ground. This particular tactic has to be short-circuited long before children employ it. Many times we adults can be very guilty of saying "no" before we even consider something. If a request has some merit, train yourself to use the "I"ll think about it" option. Now, in order for this to stop the pleading, you must make sure the children understand pestering will get an absolute "no." Once you have thought it through, give your answer and tell them it is final. If they start the pleading again shut it down it fast with "I said no and that's the end of it."
Those That Demand Explanations
The last type we will look at are the ones that demand an explanation. These children will probably be lawyers sometime in the future because they have a counter point for every possible point they foresee you putting forward. If you inadvertently find yourself sucked up in an argument not knowing how you got there, you are probably dealing with one of these children. They have laid the trap well. They wait until you are nearly incoherent with stress or exhaustion before they make their case. They know that if you ever fall into the trap of trying to explain your reasoning, they have you. Many of these children are experts at what I call "point-blanking" someone. They have all their counterpoints ready to go and will deliver them rapid fire until they confuse you. Then when they have punched holes in all your reasoning because you are too tired to think on your feet, you will either give them what they want or say in frustration "because I said so." If "because I said so" has to come out of your mouth, you know you will never hear the end of how lame that is and how unreasonable you are being. These children are by far the most difficult to handle. You must train yourself to never let yourself get sucked up into having to explain yourself. Many times, these can be shut down with the "I"ll think about it" option. If you have to say no, do not try to explain your reasoning until later. In the heat of the moment, let your no be no and let them scream.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
It Takes Two to Tango
Of course, the standard advice on this subject is that it takes two to tango. If you refuse to argue with the child, there will not be an argument. However, I understand that sometimes you are mid-argument before you even realize what has happened. Some children can be extremely sneaky about their tactics and draw you into the argument ever so subtly. The different types of arguers use different tactics to try to pull you into an argument because children understand whether the adult does or not that if they get you into the argument, they have already nearly won the battle. I say nearly because it is still possible to shut it down midstream if you have to do it that way. As adults we have to stay on our toes or we will find ourselves backed into a corner by a three year old, which is so embarrassing. Never underestimate the lengths to which a child will go in order to get what he/she wants. With that in mind, here are the types of arguers.
The Whiner
The first type of arguer is the whiner. These children combine arguing and whining in order to hit you with a double whammy. However, these are also the easiest to shut down because both types of manipulation call for the same strategy. Whining should be something you as the adult tunes out anyway. One of the best lines I have ever heard on a parenting advice site was this, "I don't speak whine." When we automatically shut down a child's ploys when they use a whiney voice, the whiney arguer will also be shut down immediately. However, do not be naive and think the child is through. The game has just simply begun.
The Straight Forward Arguer
The next type of arguer is the full-on straight forward arguer. These children engage immediately when they receive the wrong answer. Their strategy is to hit hard and fast and stay after it until they get the answer they want. Again, if you catch these right off the bat, you can stop this one in his/her tracks fairly easily. Not long ago I saw an article that touted how to shut down arguing with three simple words. Those three words are "asked and answered." For preschoolers you will have to be a lot more direct. I always turn the tide on my preschoolers by asking them what I said. I usually have to ask that question several times very adamantly before they actually answer me, but when they tell me what I said, their little faces fall because they know they have gone down in defeat. When they have to say the answer they do not like, they have to concede that the question has already been answered.
The Pleaders
Next on our list involves the pleaders. These children pour on the charm when they receive the wrong answer. They give you the puppy dog eyes and angelic faces trying to persuade you to change your mind. This tactic is usually employed over something where the children know you are not as adamant in your opinion. Children are smart as the dickens. They know when and where wiggle room can be found. If you start to waver, you can be absolutely assured this particular tactic will be employed. Standing your ground with this one is not as easy as the other two. Many times when you do have to stand your ground once they have begged, you will feel awful about having to say no. Sometimes when you give in to the pleading, you feel awful because you let them manipulate you when you should have stood your ground. This particular tactic has to be short-circuited long before children employ it. Many times we adults can be very guilty of saying "no" before we even consider something. If a request has some merit, train yourself to use the "I"ll think about it" option. Now, in order for this to stop the pleading, you must make sure the children understand pestering will get an absolute "no." Once you have thought it through, give your answer and tell them it is final. If they start the pleading again shut it down it fast with "I said no and that's the end of it."
Those That Demand Explanations
The last type we will look at are the ones that demand an explanation. These children will probably be lawyers sometime in the future because they have a counter point for every possible point they foresee you putting forward. If you inadvertently find yourself sucked up in an argument not knowing how you got there, you are probably dealing with one of these children. They have laid the trap well. They wait until you are nearly incoherent with stress or exhaustion before they make their case. They know that if you ever fall into the trap of trying to explain your reasoning, they have you. Many of these children are experts at what I call "point-blanking" someone. They have all their counterpoints ready to go and will deliver them rapid fire until they confuse you. Then when they have punched holes in all your reasoning because you are too tired to think on your feet, you will either give them what they want or say in frustration "because I said so." If "because I said so" has to come out of your mouth, you know you will never hear the end of how lame that is and how unreasonable you are being. These children are by far the most difficult to handle. You must train yourself to never let yourself get sucked up into having to explain yourself. Many times, these can be shut down with the "I"ll think about it" option. If you have to say no, do not try to explain your reasoning until later. In the heat of the moment, let your no be no and let them scream.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Language Development for 2 1/2 to 3 year olds - Communication (Part 1)
This post will deal with language development instead of cognitive development. I will discuss the component of Receptive Language with its learning expectation and some of the performance indicators. The rest of the performance indicators will be covered in Part 2 and 3. Remember I am taking my information from the Tennessee Early Learning Developmental Standards (TN-ELDS).
The learning expectation for the component Receptive Language is as follows: Understands questions, some abstract concepts, and simple directions. The first performance indicator is: Knows and answers "who" and "what" questions. As I have stated before the TN-ELDS goes under the assumption that a child has had quality developmental experiences up until this point in his/her life. In reality we know that unfortunately having quality developmental experiences can be the exception instead of the rule in today's culture. The ability to answer "who" and "what" questions will greatly depend on how well-developed a child's language skills are at this point in his/her life. It has been my experience that some children have well-developed language skills at this point and some are barely talking. What makes the difference? Most of the time it involves the level of conversation that takes place in the home. Also, the level of the parents education also plays a huge role. Parents with higher levels of education tend to have more conversations in the home using a wider vocabulary than parents with a high school diploma or less. In today's culture, another huge factor involves the use of cell phones and other technology by the parents. It is just a sad fact of life that if a parent constantly talks or texts or goes online on his/her cell phone, the amount of real conversations that a child has will be significantly less. This particular new phenomenon has actually made children of degree bearing parents fall into the same category as those from parents with only a high school diploma. Language does not develop in the absence of language. Parents put up your cell phones and talk to your children.
The next performance indicator is: Recognizes objects and pictures by use of (depicted) object (e.g., "Show me what you sit on."). As will be the theme of this particular domain, how well-developed a child's language skills are will determine if they conquer this particular performance indicator by the age of 3 years old. Both this performance indicator and the previous one need for an adult to sit down with a child using either pictures or books designed for this purpose to develop these skills. They can emerge from just life experience by the age of 4, but that will put the child in a terrible position when he/she hits kindergarten. This pointing at pictures and asking questions of the child should start between a child's first and second birthday. In recent years I have had to incorporate these types of activities into my preschool repertoire because I had so many children lagging in these types of language skills. The older children pull up quickly, but I have to lay a foundation first to build other skills.
Next on our list of performance indicators involves: Easily follows simple conversation. Again, this one will be determined by how much a child gets to hear conversation. However, this particular component involves receptive language and not expressive language. A child will understand conversation much faster than he/she will be able to carry on a conversation. A child that is barely talking can still understand quite a bit of what is said to that child. If a child is not showing signs of being able to follow a simple conversation by the age of 3 years old, it might be prudent to have that child tested for developmental delays and/or hearing issues.
The last performance indicator I will cover in this post is: Understands basic concepts and contrasts (e.g., big/little, up/down, yes/no, come/go, run/stop). This has been one of those areas that has left me flabbergasted over the years. I have had 4 year olds come through my door that had difficulty with many of what I call "position and direction" words. After I establish that a child knows basic body parts, this is the next subject I tackle before we move on to other areas. I have learned to never take for granted that a child knows anything these days. I cover everything to be sure and dig in when I find a problem. I have forty pairs of position and direction words that I cover. Usually I will take a week and cover one pair with 2 year olds. With 3 and 4 year olds I cover one pair for three days instead of a week unless I see the child having major difficulties. This is yet another clue that a child might have developmental delays if a 4 year old cannot hang with the three day schedule. Sometimes I have had to wait to cover these concepts until a child is 3 years old or older. When I encounter difficulties, I will expand the time we cover each pair of words. Do not expect children to pick up these concepts simply from life experience. This will be an area that needs direct instruction and adult supervision in today's culture.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The learning expectation for the component Receptive Language is as follows: Understands questions, some abstract concepts, and simple directions. The first performance indicator is: Knows and answers "who" and "what" questions. As I have stated before the TN-ELDS goes under the assumption that a child has had quality developmental experiences up until this point in his/her life. In reality we know that unfortunately having quality developmental experiences can be the exception instead of the rule in today's culture. The ability to answer "who" and "what" questions will greatly depend on how well-developed a child's language skills are at this point in his/her life. It has been my experience that some children have well-developed language skills at this point and some are barely talking. What makes the difference? Most of the time it involves the level of conversation that takes place in the home. Also, the level of the parents education also plays a huge role. Parents with higher levels of education tend to have more conversations in the home using a wider vocabulary than parents with a high school diploma or less. In today's culture, another huge factor involves the use of cell phones and other technology by the parents. It is just a sad fact of life that if a parent constantly talks or texts or goes online on his/her cell phone, the amount of real conversations that a child has will be significantly less. This particular new phenomenon has actually made children of degree bearing parents fall into the same category as those from parents with only a high school diploma. Language does not develop in the absence of language. Parents put up your cell phones and talk to your children.
The next performance indicator is: Recognizes objects and pictures by use of (depicted) object (e.g., "Show me what you sit on."). As will be the theme of this particular domain, how well-developed a child's language skills are will determine if they conquer this particular performance indicator by the age of 3 years old. Both this performance indicator and the previous one need for an adult to sit down with a child using either pictures or books designed for this purpose to develop these skills. They can emerge from just life experience by the age of 4, but that will put the child in a terrible position when he/she hits kindergarten. This pointing at pictures and asking questions of the child should start between a child's first and second birthday. In recent years I have had to incorporate these types of activities into my preschool repertoire because I had so many children lagging in these types of language skills. The older children pull up quickly, but I have to lay a foundation first to build other skills.
Next on our list of performance indicators involves: Easily follows simple conversation. Again, this one will be determined by how much a child gets to hear conversation. However, this particular component involves receptive language and not expressive language. A child will understand conversation much faster than he/she will be able to carry on a conversation. A child that is barely talking can still understand quite a bit of what is said to that child. If a child is not showing signs of being able to follow a simple conversation by the age of 3 years old, it might be prudent to have that child tested for developmental delays and/or hearing issues.
The last performance indicator I will cover in this post is: Understands basic concepts and contrasts (e.g., big/little, up/down, yes/no, come/go, run/stop). This has been one of those areas that has left me flabbergasted over the years. I have had 4 year olds come through my door that had difficulty with many of what I call "position and direction" words. After I establish that a child knows basic body parts, this is the next subject I tackle before we move on to other areas. I have learned to never take for granted that a child knows anything these days. I cover everything to be sure and dig in when I find a problem. I have forty pairs of position and direction words that I cover. Usually I will take a week and cover one pair with 2 year olds. With 3 and 4 year olds I cover one pair for three days instead of a week unless I see the child having major difficulties. This is yet another clue that a child might have developmental delays if a 4 year old cannot hang with the three day schedule. Sometimes I have had to wait to cover these concepts until a child is 3 years old or older. When I encounter difficulties, I will expand the time we cover each pair of words. Do not expect children to pick up these concepts simply from life experience. This will be an area that needs direct instruction and adult supervision in today's culture.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Dealing with Picky Eaters - Tips for Parents Only
This post will be like an addendum to my other posts on picky eating. The tips contained in this post will probably not be regulation friendly in most states. Therefore, these tips are for parents only. Fixing picky eating really should start in the home anyway.
The One-Bite Rule
The most successful strategy I have ever seen to teach children to eat is the "one-bite rule." In my home when my children were growing up we had something very similar to this. Our rule involved eating some of every food served and sometimes that amounted to about one bite. For years in my childcare I had the one-bite rule in place until the state nearly shut me down over it. It seems that children should be allowed to say "no' to anything even if it is detrimental to their well-being in a childcare setting. This is why I warn you not to try this except at home. However, because I used this strategy in a childcare setting for years, I can give you a fairly detailed report on how well this actually works.
The First Stage
The first stage of using this rule will be the most difficult and can last up to 6 to 9 months for the most stubborn. You will probably have to get extremely creative to get those first bites down without an all out war. Sometimes the war cannot be avoided, and you will have to draw the line in the sand. Remember, you are the parent in this situation. Just tell your children over and over and over that they can eat one bite of anything. Sometimes toddlers will eat a bite if you feed it to them instead of expecting them to feed themselves. The absolute best scenario is to feed your children a large variety of real food from the time they begin eating solid food. Follow the suggestions of the USDA food program for infants for the best results. In a childcare using the USDA food program we can only give the children true vegetables and fruits. We cannot serve the dinners or the desserts. We feed them the cereals either mixed with formula or the infant juice. Make sure you feed them a large variety of both vegetables and fruits in order to prepare them for these foods after the age of one. At the age of one, childcares switch to table food that is chopped. Again, at this stage make sure to serve a large variety of both fruits and vegetables. If you do this when they are infants and toddlers, you will not have serious issues unless they fall into the category of the extreme, extremely picky eaters. Those children will call for war.
The Slow Evolution of Better Eating
After you survive the first stage and establish the routine of taking one bite of every food that is served, the next stage will be the slow evolution of better eating. The experts say that a child has to try a food 10 times before they will eat it. For some children that number should be 50 to 100. However, over the course of time the children will learn to actually like some of the fruits and vegetables. Sometimes this will happen immediately. I have had many children fight like they were in danger of their lives over taking a bite of something only to eat every last bit of it once they actually take that first bite. Surprisingly, this happens with beets and boys for some reason. Most of the time the progression is more gradual. You will notice them eating several bites of some of the food instead of just one. There will always be some foods the children will take their one bite and be done with it. However, my philosophy on that is "if a child is eating one bite of a vegetable once per week, that is far better than eating no bites of that vegetable in their entire childhood." After the one year mark with this rule in place and followed consistently, the results are amazing. Many, many people have come into my childcare and stood in amazement at what the children were scarfing down like it was the best food in the world. This really does work.
The Gaggers
Before I leave this subject, I want to give you some tips on dealing with one of the worst types of picky eaters - the gaggers. These are the children that gag every time a food they do not like goes into their mouth. Many experts will tell you that the gagging is an involuntary reflex and cannot be overcome. That is not true. The children gag because they are thinking of the food as a foreign object and not food. In that way, the gagging is an involuntary reflex, but it is caused by the child and not the food. When you can get the child to think of the substance in his/her mouth as food, the gagging can be stopped. The trick is to get them to chew. Once a child begins to chew the food, the gagging stops. At my childcare, we do the "chew chant." When a known gagger starts to take a bite, everyone in the childcare will begin to chant "chew, chew, chew, etc." It is amazing how well this actually works. Not only have you switched the mindset of the child by encouraging him/her to chew, but you have also put very powerful positive peer influence into effect. One of the most priceless memories I have involves the look on the face of a gagger when they eat a food for the first time without gagging. The pride and joy that exude from that child cannot be equaled. That child just conquered a major obstacle. That is how you build true self-esteem in a child by helping them conquer a major difficulty. By the way, the chewing trick works for adults that gag, too.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
The One-Bite Rule
The most successful strategy I have ever seen to teach children to eat is the "one-bite rule." In my home when my children were growing up we had something very similar to this. Our rule involved eating some of every food served and sometimes that amounted to about one bite. For years in my childcare I had the one-bite rule in place until the state nearly shut me down over it. It seems that children should be allowed to say "no' to anything even if it is detrimental to their well-being in a childcare setting. This is why I warn you not to try this except at home. However, because I used this strategy in a childcare setting for years, I can give you a fairly detailed report on how well this actually works.
The First Stage
The first stage of using this rule will be the most difficult and can last up to 6 to 9 months for the most stubborn. You will probably have to get extremely creative to get those first bites down without an all out war. Sometimes the war cannot be avoided, and you will have to draw the line in the sand. Remember, you are the parent in this situation. Just tell your children over and over and over that they can eat one bite of anything. Sometimes toddlers will eat a bite if you feed it to them instead of expecting them to feed themselves. The absolute best scenario is to feed your children a large variety of real food from the time they begin eating solid food. Follow the suggestions of the USDA food program for infants for the best results. In a childcare using the USDA food program we can only give the children true vegetables and fruits. We cannot serve the dinners or the desserts. We feed them the cereals either mixed with formula or the infant juice. Make sure you feed them a large variety of both vegetables and fruits in order to prepare them for these foods after the age of one. At the age of one, childcares switch to table food that is chopped. Again, at this stage make sure to serve a large variety of both fruits and vegetables. If you do this when they are infants and toddlers, you will not have serious issues unless they fall into the category of the extreme, extremely picky eaters. Those children will call for war.
The Slow Evolution of Better Eating
After you survive the first stage and establish the routine of taking one bite of every food that is served, the next stage will be the slow evolution of better eating. The experts say that a child has to try a food 10 times before they will eat it. For some children that number should be 50 to 100. However, over the course of time the children will learn to actually like some of the fruits and vegetables. Sometimes this will happen immediately. I have had many children fight like they were in danger of their lives over taking a bite of something only to eat every last bit of it once they actually take that first bite. Surprisingly, this happens with beets and boys for some reason. Most of the time the progression is more gradual. You will notice them eating several bites of some of the food instead of just one. There will always be some foods the children will take their one bite and be done with it. However, my philosophy on that is "if a child is eating one bite of a vegetable once per week, that is far better than eating no bites of that vegetable in their entire childhood." After the one year mark with this rule in place and followed consistently, the results are amazing. Many, many people have come into my childcare and stood in amazement at what the children were scarfing down like it was the best food in the world. This really does work.
The Gaggers
Before I leave this subject, I want to give you some tips on dealing with one of the worst types of picky eaters - the gaggers. These are the children that gag every time a food they do not like goes into their mouth. Many experts will tell you that the gagging is an involuntary reflex and cannot be overcome. That is not true. The children gag because they are thinking of the food as a foreign object and not food. In that way, the gagging is an involuntary reflex, but it is caused by the child and not the food. When you can get the child to think of the substance in his/her mouth as food, the gagging can be stopped. The trick is to get them to chew. Once a child begins to chew the food, the gagging stops. At my childcare, we do the "chew chant." When a known gagger starts to take a bite, everyone in the childcare will begin to chant "chew, chew, chew, etc." It is amazing how well this actually works. Not only have you switched the mindset of the child by encouraging him/her to chew, but you have also put very powerful positive peer influence into effect. One of the most priceless memories I have involves the look on the face of a gagger when they eat a food for the first time without gagging. The pride and joy that exude from that child cannot be equaled. That child just conquered a major obstacle. That is how you build true self-esteem in a child by helping them conquer a major difficulty. By the way, the chewing trick works for adults that gag, too.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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