Next to arguing, complaining has to be one of the most emotionally draining weapons in a child's arsenal. It also happens to be one that adults use just as regularly. This post will look at the root causes of complaining with tips on how to teach children not to grow up to be so narcissistic.
Unhealthy Self-Esteem
Many, many people have written in recent years on the level of narcissism among today's children, teenagers, and young adults. Narcissism is basically self-centeredness taken to an extreme. These children believe the world revolves around them and they deserve everything for just being themselves. Of course, our overemphasis on self-esteem rather than self-acceptance has created this particular societal monster. We have taught them to be proud of themselves without tying it to actually accomplishing anything. Only recently have I seen articles on healthy self-esteem vs. unhealthy self-esteem. Finally psychologists and psychiatrists have linked the spike in narcissism with our push for building self-esteem. Unhealthy self-esteem has been defined as self-esteem divorced from one's accomplishments. Seems that sitting on your parents' couch at 25 playing video games all day should not make for a person that has healthy self-esteem. However, these young adults have all kinds of self-esteem and believe they have a right to everything.
The Constant Complaining
One of the worst byproducts of narcissism involves the constant complaining when they do not get what they want or their way. For many parents and caregivers this complaining can be relentless. It seems people under the age of 25 have no problem voicing their opposition constantly when life does not proceed on their schedule and according to their specifications. However, the complaining is more than just a constant barrage of grievances. Because of their inflated self-esteem, they normally phrase the complaints in such a way that they belittle the person or thing for which they have a grievance. For parents and caregivers of especially teenagers and young adults this type of complaining wears down your soul. Their inflated self-esteem robs you of any semblance of self-esteem you ever possessed. They will make you feel like a complete failure as a parent because you have the audacity to not have enough money to pay for whatever it is they believe they deserve be that a new car, the latest cell phone, etc. If they receive something of inferior quality to what they wanted, you will never hear the end of it. The poor replacement will be called everything under the sun until you give them what they want. This applies to objects as well as food. Heaven help you if you happen to expect them to eat what you have served. Complaining about food can be the worst of it all.
Maybe Respect is Necessary
How in the world did we get here? When we decided that respect was not necessary, we opened ourselves up to a world of evil. We have reaped disrespectful, ungrateful spoiled brats. Plus, we continue to push the very philosophies that led to our current predicament. Therefore, we will continue to have to deal with complaining of the sort that drives the recipients to the point of dismay. I am sorry, but you cannot raise children to believe that the world revolves around them and that they deserve everything their heart desires without having to work for it without reaping ungrateful children that argue and complain about everything. It just does not work.
Young Adults and Teenagers
Fixing the young adults and teenagers nearly takes a drill sergeant or some extremely hard life lessons at just the right time. Many of these children cannot adjust to adult life without therapy or extreme intervention. If you happened to have raised young adults or teenagers that are respectful and grateful, please tell the rest of the world how you accomplished that, but make sure that their employers and supervisors feel the same way that you do. I have found an extreme disconnect between parents' perceptions of their children and the real world's perceptions of their children. Some parents only see what they want to see thereby complicating their child(ren)'s sense of entitlement.
Young Children and School-Agers
Fixing young children and school-age children's sense of entitlement, however, is much simpler. It just takes consistently reminding those children that the world does not revolve around them. At many of the schools these days, one of the most used sayings is, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." That saying pretty much says it all. At my childcare, one of my rules is, "Do what Mrs. Natalie asks without pouting and complaining." When the children start the complaining, they will get that look from me. If they persist, I will simply tell them complaining is a sin. If they continue to persist, complaining is an inappropriate behavior and receives time-out until they are ready to quit. Do not put up with it. They do not have the right to badger you with verbal assaults because they are unhappy about their choices. We have got to raise the next generation to understand the world does not owe them anything. They will only get things when they work by the sweat of their brow.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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