This post will look at one of the most annoying behaviors that young children display - pestering. I know at times you wish someone would invent bubbles for children so that they cannot touch each other. This behavior takes up a large majority of our time sometimes and can be one of the causes for toxic stress for providers over time. This post will look at the some causes for this behavior and some simple solutions to deal with the constant pestering.
The Scenario
"He/She touched me!" is one of those phrases childcare providers and parents hear every single day. We all know those children especially boys that have the hardest time keeping hands and other body parts to themselves. When these children sit close to another child, the urge to touch nearly overcomes them if they try to resist it at all. Some do not even try. Teaching children about personal space can be one of the hardest tasks given to adults dealing with very small children.
The Need for Attention
Pestering, however, is more than a personal space issue. It involves the intense desire to either get attention or just be near somebody. Some little boys want the attention of some little girls so badly that they will do absolutely anything to get that attention. Most of the time this involves pestering the little girl. I have seen some little girls pester a little boy because she liked him, but it is not as prevalent as the other way around. Some little boys will also pester other little boys for attention. If a boy really struggles socially, this may be very prevalent. For little boys, pestering is just one of their social tools.
Familial Sense of Personal Space
Some families just spend a great deal of time in each other's space. I have siblings that do this. I am constantly having to separate them because all they want to do is scuffle. For children that come from a family like this, the pestering usually becomes an issue. Pestering is just normal for these children. They do not understand personal space especially with siblings. The reason for the pestering in this situation involves the need to be near other people. Some people just require more touch than other people. Within the family this usually does not present a problem unless a member of the family does not have this tendency. However, in a group setting, these children can be challenging. Learning to keep their body parts to themselves requires intense instruction.
Hula Hoops Anyone?
I have seriously considered getting some hula hoops for group times because of my siblings if I could find some small enough for the purpose. I do have sitting mats that I use for group times but the hula hoops would help them understand the "bubble" concept. It would give them a physical boundary to represent the concept of personal space. I would teach them to keep everything in their "bubble." I truly believe that would work much better than the "crisscross, applesauce, spoons in the bowl" technique, which is how I presently deal with this. That technique does work with extreme persistence, but I am having to constantly remind them to resume the position. One of the siblings is very close to school-age and the schools in this area use that technique heavily. Therefore, I have persisted with instructing that technique even though I am still on the hunt for hula hoops.
Working on this issue only using some "sit still" technique just deals with only a fraction of the underlying cause. This is a social-emotional issue and usually involves a degree of social immaturity especially for boys. These children need instruction on how to function in a group setting. They also may need instruction on how to be okay without having to be all over other people. Remember I gave two underlying causes for pestering and both causes need different types of instruction.
Appropriate Ways to Get Attention
For the children with an insatiable need for attention, you will need to teach them more appropriate ways of getting that attention. Children do not come into this world knowing how to make friends automatically. You must teach them proper ways to make friends, or they will find any way possible to get attention whether good or bad. Many immature children will find ways to get attention, and they do not care whether it is positive or negative attention. To them, attention is attention. Once they get a taste of positive attention and learn how to negotiate social settings, the pestering behavior will begin to subside. By the way, this also works for adults who are not socially savvy and have a tendency to pester other people.
The Need for Touch
The other cause for pestering involves the need for touch. I call these the "clingy" kids. These are the children that feel insecure if they are not in contact or very close to another human being. For these children, instruction in being okay alone is absolutely necessary. I am not advocating isolating these children all day long, but they do need short periods throughout the day where they have to learn to be alone. They will never improve without working on this. I know adults that still have this issue. It is not something they will outgrow necessarily. Of course, start small and build with time. You cannot expect a child that has this issue to be able to play alone for 30 minutes at the beginning. Sometimes if you can even get 2 minutes, you will have done well. Being able to be okay by themselves will be a skill that will serve them throughout their lives. It is very important.
Lack of Self-Control
One more aspect of pestering that I want to cover involves self-control. Pestering very much embodies a lack of self-control. Working on self-control along with these other aspects will go a long way to improve the pestering problem. Much of child development overlaps. Working on one issue very often helps in ways that we never foresee.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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