This post will look at those children that have a bad tendency to interrupt every conversation going on around them. Not only do these children have no sense of decorum when it comes to the etiquette of conversation, but they also tend to be attention hogs. I will discuss the underlying causes for this behavior and give tips to help children learn conversational etiquette.
The Scenario
We all know those children that have supersonic radar when it comes to adult conversations. As soon as the slightest one starts, they have to be all up in the middle of it making a real conversation impossible to conduct. I also know adults that have this tendency, as well. They really do not know how to have two-way conversations. They only know how to talk constantly. Not only is this tendency rude, but it also shows a great social immaturity on the part of the interrupter.
Insecurity and Instant Gratification
What makes these children (and adults) feel the need to dominate every conversation that is going on around them? Insecurity. For some, talking acts like a security blanket to them, and for some reason, they do not feel secure unless they are doing the talking. For others, they feel like everyone is talking about them and dominate conversations to make sure that does not happen. Either way, these children and adults do not feel secure in themselves. They have immaturity issues in the social/emotional realm. Therefore, it takes working both aspects of this problem in order to truly gain success.
Before you can even begin to teach conversational etiquette, the social/emotional issues of this problem must be addressed. I read a study not long ago where people were asked if they would rather get small shocks or be alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes. Would you believe that a majority of the people would rather be shocked than be alone with their own thoughts? My word, what has this country become? We have become so addicted to instant gratification that we would rather have stimuli of any sort rather than sit and think. How in the world did we get to this point? Of course, the obvious reason has to do with our instant gratification culture. However, there has been another more subtle change in our culture that has bred a deep insecurity in the millennial generation and younger. That change has been how we handle insecurities in young children. Previous generations of parents have dealt with this in a much different way than we handle them today. They strove to toughen up their children and felt that coddling them would make them weak and even more insecure. For the past 40 years or so, we have done just the opposite. We have coddled our children and gave credence to every single nuance of fear and doubt in them. Guess what? I think our predecessors were smarter than we are. We have raised one of the most insecure generations this world has ever seen.
What went wrong?
Is not identifying emotions and acknowledging them supposed to be a healthy way to deal with our emotions? Well, yes and no. There are actually three steps in that process. The first step is to acknowledge a problem. The second step involves pinpointing the emotions involved. The third step is dealing with or working to change negative emotions. Our predecessors basically skipped steps one and two, which did cause issues. However, they did number three marvelously. We do steps one and two, and then cuddle with our negative emotions like they are pets. Our predecessors were able to have better results because they followed through with the most important step. Without the third step, growth does not happen. When we coddle our children, we do not allow them to face their negative emotions and learn to conquer them. We end up with very insecure people that know a lot about what is wrong with them but have no idea how to function.
How does this relate to the interrupters?
Children that interrupt have security issues. Identifying and acknowledging those issues are steps one and two. Tough love accomplishes step three. Instead of lavishing attention on these children (which really makes the problem worse), you must teach these children to be okay with themselves. Have them sit for short periods of time every day and say nothing. You will not believe how hard that will be for them. Start small and build until these children begin to be okay with being by themselves and not having to have constant attention. You may have to teach them coping mechanisms if the problem is severe. However, whether they learn to cope on their own or you teach them how to cope, the coping is the goal. The interrupting will become a non-issue when the underlying cause for the interrupting gets attention.
Teaching Conversation Etiquette
Once the insecurity begins to settle down, it will then be time to begin instruction on conversational etiquette. These children usually also have self-control issues. Therefore, instruction in manners and proper etiquette, which calls for self-control, will be another layer of work on the underlying social/emotional issues. Role-play the proper way to carry on conversations. Talk about why it is rude to interrupt other people's conversations. After the instruction has started, discuss with the children every time they interrupt the proper way to carry on conversations. At first, this will be extremely frustrating for these children. That is why I say to work on the main underlying cause before you start this type of instruction. With time and patience, these children will learn, and you will have given them one of the greatest gifts of their lives - the ability to overcome a weakness. That gift will serve them better than a great deal of other gifts you could give them.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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