This post will look at the issue of girl bullying that now seems to start in preschool. With the many sad episodes related to bullying that have occurred in recent years, this post will delve into the beginnings of bullying behavior that occurs in the early childhood years. This is a complex topic, and I will by no means cover it extensively. However, I will do my best to deal with the issue as it relates to girl world.
The Queen Bee and Her Posse
When we think of mean girls, most of us go straight to middle or high school and envision those uber popular girls that control their schools. However, for those of us in the early childhood world, we have seen those queen bees beginning to spread their wings and influence in our childcares. These girls dictate what is played and how it is played. They also dictate who gets to play and who is excluded. I have even seen the girl posse develop among four year olds. The queen bee has her little followers that do her every bidding, and will have panic attacks if the queen bee decides one of them just happens to be on her bad side that day. It is a social hierarchy that develops beyond our control most of the time, and many times, our attempts to dismantle it only make matters worse. These little girls have a great need to be accepted by the queen bee and will do just about anything to get that acceptance.
The Problem of Being a Geek
Having been the geek in high school that suffered much at the hands of these queen bees, it made my blood boil to see that type of behavior in my childcare. I was not even remotely interested in being a part of raising the next generation of mean girls. Yet, here they were. At first I tried to counter the bullying behavior head-on only to discover that the posse would defend the queen bee at all costs. Having been the geek, there was a lot about the social games popular people play that made no sense to me. I did not understand the underlying causes for many of the behaviors, which is why I ended up being their victim. As an adult, I needed to step back and observe the whole landscape. Not only did I not want to raise another generation of mean girls, I also did not want to raise another generation of victims. Both sides of this cycle needed addressing.
Is It Genetic?
When I stepped back and observed, I noticed for the most part these queen bees were second generation. Their mothers had been popular in high school and possibly even their grandmothers. Therefore, even though I do not think the moms meant to do this, they passed on an attitude of superiority. These little girls already knew they were going to be the beautiful ones when they hit school. It was their heritage. I also noticed that many of these little girls would rather manipulate people than play with toys. They had a social savviness to them that far exceeded their peers. They could manipulate adults and children alike. It was a gift. On the flip side, the posse usually were the descendants of women who had been followers themselves. Again, I think attitudes were passed down from mom to child about the super importance of being accepted. Likewise, the victims tended to be the descendants of victims. The parents passed on the social knowledge that was their own experience. However, I believe it goes deeper than just the passing of attitudes. Genetic dispositions for each group also came into play, and it was not just the mother's genetics. Those children who came from two parents that were beautiful ones were twice as likely to be queen bees. The other various combinations lined the children up on the social food chain.
My Experiment
The next area I observed was how well the child played by themselves. Victims played very well by themselves. Queen bees could not play by themselves at all. The posse fell in the middle. This observation gave me more information than the family heritage and an idea. If I worked on the queen bees and the posse to train them to play by themselves, I might break the vicious cycle. On the flip side, I knew from experience that the victims needed to learn to function in a group setting without being dominated. I used my center times to carry out my experiment. I structured the center times in such a way that sometimes everyone had to play by themselves and the children played with different people in every other center time. When the queen bees had to play by themselves, it was pitiful. They cried and threw hissy fit after hissy fit because I removed their favorite toys - people. On the other hand, the socially awkward were able to make strides when I paired them with posse away from the queen bee. Even the posse became stronger people when I removed the queen bee from the equation for just part of the day. It took months, but eventually the queen bee learned to play with toys instead of people and the victims learned to function in a group without being dominated. However, soon after this my state adopted a new scale and forced me to give more choice. When that happened, the queen bee took back over and the victims fell to the bottom of the pool again. This might explain another reason I am no fan of too many choices for children.
Why My Experiment Worked
This experiment worked because it went to the heart of the issue. Dominators tend to be the type of people that have a hard time entertaining themselves. Therefore, they use other people for their entertainment. Victims tend to be people that march to the beat of their own drum and have a hard time understanding social contexts. Therefore, group settings intimidate them and confuse them. The posse tends to be the followers and has a extremely hard time with confrontation. They will do anything to be accepted and avoid confrontation at all costs. When I taught the dominators to entertain themselves, I removed their excessive need for manipulating people. When I gave the victims the opportunity to operate in a social context with the posse, I provided a social context that was more equal for them. Therefore, they learned social context rules in a nonthreatening environment. When I removed the queen bee from the posse, I gave the posse an opportunity to be a leader instead of a follower. This gave them confidence to handle confrontation better. However, I had to micromanage the environment to accomplish this. If you live in a state that has a star quality system in place, you will be penalized for doing this. I chose the centers for the children instead of letting them choose for themselves. This was necessary because the posse would not voluntarily separate themselves from the queen bee. The queen bee would never voluntarily choose to be alone, and the victims would never really have the opportunity to play with the variety of children my system allowed. Too much choice for children is complicating our current bullying crisis along with all the other negatives it is doing to our society. However, the choice people currently hold sway. Therefore, if you have a bad queen bee situation, this solution may cost you in your star rating.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
No comments:
Post a Comment