This post will finish up my discussion of demanding children by looking at those children that have to have their own way all the time. This one is closely akin to the ones that have to have stuff all the time, but it goes a little beyond that. These children must have the day proceed on their agenda, and if it does not, everyone around them pays for it.
The Scenario
We have all witnessed this scenario play out wherever two year olds dwell. An adult needs for a child to transition to another activity, and the child is acting like the world just came to an end because the child does not agree with the transition. This is typical for a two year old. However, now imagine a six year old throwing the same fit for the same reason. Now we have an issue. I have seen teenagers throw hissy fits that could rival any two year old when they do not get their way. This is becoming a very prevalent problem in our society. Our children have become so demanding even minimal rational expectations have become difficult to maintain. How did we get here?
Choices
One word lies at the heart of it all - choices. We as a society decided in the 1980s that parenting up until that point had produced emotionally dysfunctional adults. Therefore, we threw out all conventional wisdom on the subject and began to give children more choices and control. No longer would we demand obedience and respect. We would instead let the child be more in charge of his/her destiny and figure out what he/she believed to be right and wrong. Basically we embarked on a massive societal experiment and are now truly beginning to see the fruits of our labors. Are you happy with the results of this grand experiment? I am not. To be honest, it scares the life out of me to think how much worse it must get before we dethrone the crazy individuals that set us all on this path in the first place. Some of their ideas have become so engrained in our national psyche that it will take massive societal upheaval to remove it. Don't believe me? Start talking to childhood experts about the danger of choices and see how fast they label you something completely awful.
Entitlement
Some of you might say that choices could not possibly be the reason our children are growing more demanding with every passing year. Really? What else could it be? The prevalence of giving children choices instead of expecting obedience is what has changed since I was a child. If I had tried some of the stunts I see children pull today, I would have been cleaning something for days on end until I learned the futility of that endeavor. We have created an entitled generation or two. My generation understood that the world owed us nothing, and if we got anything, it was through hard work and perseverance. Now some of my generation gladly embraced the entitled mindset out of sheer laziness, and now bums off of everyone including the government. Entitlement is a dangerous slippery slope for a society to embrace. Someone has to provide for all the entitled people, and eventually they will get tired of it. The saying of "if you do not work, you do not eat" has a very distinct purpose in a society, and only the truly disabled should be exempt from this rule. We now have almost an entire generation that believes the world owes them everything. We are in deep trouble.
Having No Control
Beyond just the matter of entitlement, we also have an epidemic of people who cannot deal with not getting their way. Many adults do not see the danger of being a control freak until life puts them in a situation where they have no control. Then the panic attacks and overall freaking out that accompanies such a situation truly complicates an already difficult situation. Make no mistake, sometime in your life you will experience a situation where you have absolutely no control. How well you survive that situation will very much depend on being able to go with the flow. If you cannot handle not being in control, the situation will break you. If we are raising a generation of control freaks, we are raising a generation that cannot handle life and will be broken by it. Experts are already telling us our children lack resiliency. However, these same experts will never link our overindulgence of choices for children as the culprit. Resiliency comes from what my husband likes to call the "suck up and deal with it" factor. We have to teach children that sometimes we have to just deal with what life hands us.
Learn to Take "No" for an Answer
Now let us bring this into the early childhood realm. How do we deal with these overly demanding children? Number one, never give them anything they demand. Demanding should be a behavior that is treated as completely inappropriate. Teach them to ask nicely. Teach them to take "no" for an answer without throwing a hissy fit. At my childcare I teach the children to take a deep breath and say "that's okay" when they are told "no." We practice a lot so that when we hit the heat of the moment, they know exactly what I am going to tell them to do. It takes lots of work to teach a child to take "no" for an answer in today's society, but it can be done. Lastly, make them be last as often as they get to be first. I have many systems in my daily routines that dictate who gets to go first and who goes last. These systems rotate so that this is equally divided. When children start at my childcare, this has to be one of the hardest lessons they learn in the first six months. Do I have hissy fits because a child does not always get to go first? Absolutely. I just smile to myself and tell myself I am teaching them one of life's most important lessons.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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