This post will deal with temper tantrums as opposed to hissy fits. A hissy fit becomes a temper tantrum when it crosses over to being destructive either physically or emotionally. Whereas, most of the time a hissy fit can simply be ignored, a temper tantrum must be addressed.
The Scenario
We've all witnessed this scenario. A child doesn't get what he/she wants and begins to cry, scream, etc. Then the child kicks it up a notch and starts throwing things, hurting people, destroying toys, or saying horribly mean words to you, the caregiver, or another child. This is a full-blown temper tantrum. What do the experts advise? Actually, for the heat of the moment, they don't really give a whole lot of advice except keep the child from hurting himself/herself or others. Most of their advice deals with teaching anger management techniques before and after the heat of the moment. They also place pressure on child care providers and parents to avoid situations that cause full-blown episodes through planning and redirection. However, I have seen children go from hissy fit to full-blown temper tantrum in less than five seconds.
Anger Issues
Children in today's society have anger issues. Some of them have horrible anger issues. Is it normal for children to have temper tantrums? To some degree, the answer to that is yes. On the other hand, the level and ferocity of the temper tantrums that we see in today's society is not normal. To get to the root of this problem, we must take a good hard look at some of the pervading philosophies of our day.
Idealistic Childhood
The first culprit philosophy is the notion that childhood should be idealistic and magical. I have discussed this particular philosophy before in my post about immature children. Parents of the late 80s and 90s have already raised a generation that thinks the world revolves around them. This next generation coming behind them thinks the world revolves around them and if they don't get what they want, it will get ugly. It is this pervasive selfishness that we have instilled in these children that is to blame for the violent temper tantrums we are seeing. Childhood should have fun times and not so fun times if we want good balanced children. My husband calls this the "suck up and deal with it" factor. In the old days, they would tell children to "dry it up." This is the same basic concept. Children must learn that they are not allowed to throw a temper tantrum simply because things are not going according to their design. It is not okay. It is not an appropriate way to express your emotions. They must learn the lesson that there will be times when they must do things they don't like or don't want to do simply because they must be done. The teaching of this lesson must start in toddlerhood or by the time they reach school-age, you will have the mess we now have in our society.
Relativism
The second culprit philosophy has to do with relativism. I touched on this one in my post on hissy fits. It is the notion that right and wrong are relative, and we as adults do not have the right to push our idea of right and wrong on the children. When it comes to temper tantrums, this philosophy manifests itself in the notion that there are no wrong emotions only wrong expressions. There is truth in this statement. A person can't help the emotions that arise during situations. How we choose to respond when those emotions rise up within us is what determines the appropriateness. However, many of these experts completely ignore certain character traits as if they don't exist. For example, they will say that laziness is just a lack of motivation. They will also not really discuss stubbornness or selfishness as something that is an underlying cause of the temper tantrums. These experts deny that we as people are born with a sin nature. That is a problem for those of us who do believe that people don't have to be taught to do wrong. They just have to be taught to do right. For those of us who do believe in the sin nature, we understand that children must be taught the difference between right and wrong. If we don't teach them the difference between right and wrong, we will simply get wrong all the time. For those of us in child care, it doesn't take much observation to understand that bad habits spread like gangrene, but good habits have to be fought for every single day. That's enough evidence for me to prove the sin nature.
Emotional Intelligence
One of the ways that has arisen to deal with temper tantrums has been the push to teach emotional intelligence. Basically this deals with teaching children about emotions and how to control those emotions. For once, the experts have hit the jackpot. Teaching children how to calm themselves down through breathing techniques, how to "go with the flow" instead of throwing a hissy fit, and learning to use words to express their emotions instead of physical aggression are all wonderful techniques that every parent and child care provider should spend great amounts of time teaching to children. However, if the rest of the instruction is laced with teaching the children the world revolves around them and relativism, you will be creating the monster and then trying to train it. Instead of having constant contradiction, the better choice is to have complementing strategies. Teach the children to deal with situations that must be done regardless of how the child feels about it. Teach the children the difference between right and wrong. Plus, teach the children about emotions and how to handle them. All of this instruction flows from the same foundation and will produce much greater results than creating the monster and then trying to train it.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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