This post will be a continuation of the last post. In the last post I dealt with the underlying causes for children being unable to play more than solutions. This post will deal with specific types of problems and how to handle them.
The Dumpers
The first type of problem I want to discuss is the dumpers. These are the children who simply go around the room dumping out everything they can find until the room looks like it exploded. They never really play with anything and neither can anyone else, really, because of the mess. This is a typical behavior for toddlers, but when you have 3, 4, and 5 year olds doing this we either have immaturity issues or a developmental delay. This is actually a typical autistic behavior. Many children on the autism spectrum will display this type of behavior. If you have a child that does this and also displays other signs of being developmentally delayed, you might want to check into getting that child tested. However, most of the time this is simply an immaturity issue. The child simply does not know how to play, and this is a means of acting out.
Solving this requires putting certain structures is place. First, you must make it to where the child has to pick up his/her own mess. We accomplished this by having the children pick centers during free play time and stay in those centers. We kept the center times relatively short and allowed no roaming whatsoever. This made it impossible for the dumpers to escape their messes. When pick-up time came, they had no one else to blame for the mess but themselves, and we did not pick it up for them. The first day we implemented this, the dumpers wailed and screamed when they figured out we meant business about picking up their own messes. However, the rest of the kids were happy as larks because they no longer had to pick up the messes of the dumpers. Pick-up times for the first few days will be most unpleasant, but the dumpers will eventually begin to learn to stop dumping. This brings us to the second part. For the next few days they will simply sit in the floor and wail because they are bored. This is the point where you step in and show the child how to play with something in the center they are in. These children have never entertained themselves. They do not know how. However, once you have provided some instruction, back off and leave them be even if they go back to wailing. They will allow you to entertain them if you oblige. The goal is for them to entertain themselves. Slowly, you will begin to see play from these children. Once they can play by themselves, they will grow into playing well with other children.
The Controllers, Instigators, and Pesterers
The second type of problem deals with the controllers, instigators, and pesterers. These are the children who are more interested in manipulating and controlling people than playing. Many of these children tend to be only children that have spent the majority of their time with adults, or they have parents that fully embrace the "perfect childhood" philosophy and have never actually had to entertain themselves. They also do not know how to play. This problem manifests itself in constant fighting and chaos. Sometimes the children are so good at manipulating that you really do not know who is causing the problems. However, be very suspicious of the "queen bees" and the "leaders of the pack" because they are often the source. To deal with this one, you employ the same tactic as with the dumpers except you make sure they are in a center alone. Many times the dumpers will end up in centers alone because the children will isolate them. Children are not stupid. They figure out quickly that if they go into centers with dumpers, they will end up having to clean up large messes. However, the controllers are usually the ones that have already established themselves as the "popular" kids. They have the children believing that if they are not friends with these kids, they will be excluded. You will have to isolate these kids. Again, when you first implement this you will have hissy fits and maybe even serious temper tantrums from these kids. You have removed their power source, and they will not take that lightly at all. The other kids will seem fretful for the first day until they figure out they are no longer being bossed. Then they will probably blossom and start showing maturity in play in which you did not think them capable. For the controllers the goal is to teach them to play by themselves with toys and not people. The same steps will be followed as for the dumpers with the same stages. Eventually they will learn to play by themselves and that will make them better able to play in the group without having to control it. However, you must watch these children carefully. They have a tendency to revert to their old ways once you bring them out of isolation. For the sake of the rest of your children, use isolation as a means to control their bullying behavior, for that is what it is. Most of the time one center time in isolation is enough to get your point across. This must be coupled with talking constantly to all the children about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. You must teach these children how to be a friend and not a bully.
The Destroyers
The last type of problem I wish to address is the destroyers. These are the angry children who do not play and hurt people and things. This is an anger issue. The solution to this will involve teaching anger management and isolating the child until he/she calms down. Every childcare center needs a calm down place. At our center we have a laundry basket with a large throw pillow in it. Children naturally like to play in baskets. Something about being in a confined place makes them feel more secure and less out of control. When we talk about emotions and controlling our emotions, we tell the children that if they are feeling angry and out of control, they can put themselves in the basket until they have calmed down. However, we put them in the basket when they are out of control and not at a point where they understand to put themselves in the basket. We do not time this. We simply tell them when they calm down they can come back and play. They can stay in the basket for as long as they want. We have had many children simply curl up on the pillow and take a break for a while. This is not exactly time-out, but it does serve some of the same purpose. It removes the angry child from the group to protect the other children, and it also helps the angry child learn what it means to calm down. At this point I want to add one word of caution. Do not allow a child like this to make the rest of the children absolutely miserable. Sometimes these children need serious psychological help and are beyond our ability to control. It is okay to admit this rather than try to save a child that is in need of professional help. It is ultimately better for everyone involved to be truthful with these parents even though it is an extremely difficult subject to breach. No parent wants to be told their child is in need of psychological help. However, in the long run it will be beneficial for everyone.
A Word of Caution
Before I close I want to discuss one more aspect of this for those child care providers in states that use the standardized scales for assessment purposes. If you do not allow the children to roam, you will be counted down for accessibility every single time that occurs in the scale. However, the choice is yours. You must decide what is more important. Is giving children complete choice the most important aspect or is maintaining a calm and peaceful environment more important? I chose to take my hits and have a calm and peaceful environment because I also had children on the autism spectrum. These children shut down when there is chaos. It is not good for other children either. Play does not flourish in chaos, but it will blossom in the right environment.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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