This post will deal with how susceptible early childhood professionals are to this complex and how the field itself actually makes this worse. I will also discuss ways to avoid the pitfalls of this mindset and how to pull back and find balance in your life.
The Superwoman Complex
The superwoman complex is nothing new to all women in today's society. Our society teaches us that we have to do everything and do it well. We must have successful careers to be personally fulfilled. We must raise smart, confident children. We must be vixen for the men in our life. Plus, we must keep a fabulous house that is the envy of the neighborhood. We must do all of this with a super perky smile on our face as if juggling all these aspects of our life is easy as pie. Our realities are far from this wonderful picture of life, but we have learned that if we don't portray this facade, we will be considered failures at life. Never do we admit that our lives are anything but perfect to anyone who is not the most trusted friend, and even then we may keep most of the disappointments to ourselves.
Superwoman Complex - Early Childhood Version
In the early childhood field the superwoman complex looks like this. We have wonderful classrooms that are cleaned and sanitized to the most stringent specifications. We have well-behaved and well-adjusted children that spend their day in nothing but creative play and wonderful activities. The business end of our facilities is run like a well-oiled machine with systems in place to cover every contingency. Plus, we find time to give back to our field through volunteer work. We are well-balanced professional women who exude confidence and find just enough time to fulfill the requirements for the superwoman in general laid out by our society.
Exhausted Yet?
I hope the previous two paragraphs made you feel exhausted. If they didn't, you are living in a fairy-tale world. The reality of those people who actually try to accomplish everything required of the superwoman is complete and total exhaustion all the time. This is especially true of family child care providers. In order to completely fulfill all of the daily requirement to have the dream facility demands 16+ hours per day, and that doesn't count personal responsibilities. We have to take care of all the administrative duties, all the teaching responsibilities, all the care-taking responsibilities, and the cleaning responsibilities. That covers at least 3 full-time jobs, and when you add in personal responsibilities for the family you have 4 full-time jobs. Family child care providers often work all weekend to catch up everything that could not be done during their 16+ hour days during the week.
Something Has to Give
What most child care providers will never admit is where they have to let things slide in order to survive this lifestyle. What is left to slide varies from person to person, but something has to slide because nobody has extended the day to have more than 24 hours. Most of time the area that gets the short end of the stick is the family or the paperwork or both. However, I know many providers fudge on the cleaning when it is just not possible to get it all done. Whatever it is, something has to give and even then, there are never enough hours in a day.
The early childhood field actually exacerbates this problem. The trainings you attend often tell you that all you need is more systems in place. The experts will tell you that a well-structured system makes it possible to squeeze more and more into a day. Also at play is this underlying philosophy that to be successful everything must constantly get better and better. Your business should grow every year. You as a professional should be constantly improving your practice and furthering your education. We are all chasing the impossible dream that one day we will arrive at perfection and no longer be completely exhausted with the process.
My Story
For years I was completely sucked up into this mindset. I was constantly trying to figure out ways to tweek all my systems in order to add more activities into our day. What I didn't realize until it was all suddenly taken away from me was how out of balance my life had become. My biological children resented the child care because it consumed all of my waking hours and energies. My very existence hinged on being an early childhood professional. When I came face to face with false accusations that threatened to take everything away, I realized I had ceased to be me and without the childcare I was nothing. I was forced to downsize to almost nothing while my lawyer navigated all the crazy loopholes, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. When all the false grandeur of "being a professional" was stripped away, I was able to see for the first time in years what really mattered to me. I will not go back. I will remain a small independent child care. The experts can take all their crazy expectations and regulations and have fun with them. I am done.
A Few Words of Wisdom
For those of you who remain in the game, I have a few words of wisdom. Number one, never let the business consume you. If it does, it is too big. Success at the expense of your family is not true success. All the prestige and the money in the world will not smooth out the resentment that can build when a family suffers for success. Number two, learn the art of contentment. Be the childcare professional that you were created to be. Each of us has that area that makes us light up. Pour your heart and soul into that area and don't try to be all things to all people. That area is what creates your "niche" on the market. Your assessment score really doesn't matter when you have completely satisfied clientele. They pay you. The state does not. Number three, make sure you do something every day that you enjoy that has nothing to do with child care. For me, that has been reading books. Before this year all I read were textbooks, and it has been that way since 2004. In one year I have read several series of books. Maybe I'm overindulging a little, but I'm making up for lost time. Number four, remember that anything that is out of the will of God will fall apart no matter how hard you try to fix it. I missed God massively when I expanded my childcare. He has reminded me over and over this year that any attempt to fix it would have failed. I was not supposed to go there. What has been stripped away was not meant to be, and what has risen out of the ashes is of such a higher quality it astounds me. Number five, you cannot control people or life. Circumstances will most definitely come your way that you didn't see coming. People can be vicious and manipulative. Sometimes life just isn't fair, and your business and personal life will go through hard times. Always stay true to who you are on the inside, and you will be able to weather anything. If your life is based on a position or things, you will fall apart when it is all taken away. My motto for this last year has been to simply be me to the best of my ability and all the scandal will eventually fall to the wayside. It takes time and patience. It also takes not being defined by what other people think or say. I know Whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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