This post will deal with hissy fits as opposed to temper tantrums, which I will deal with in my next post. The difference between the two deals with aggression. Temper tantrums are destructive to the child, others, and/or objects. Hissy fits, on the other hand, involve crying, screaming, and/or pouting. These two types of fits are handled differently.
Avoiding Power Struggles
Let me begin the discussion with the current "best practice" for dealing with both temper tantrums and hissy fits according to the "experts." The main thrust of their advice is to avoid power struggles. They suggest giving the child two positive choices instead of making the child do something. For younger children, they suggest using redirection and planning to avoid potential problems. This advice sounds wonderful on the surface until you dig down to the underlying philosophical reason for it.
The Underlying Philosophy
One of the first things I learned as a homeschooling mom was that everything has a philosophical base. Everyone has a worldview whether they realize it or not. It is how we determine our priorities. The same holds true for the early childhood field. What is considered "best practice" reflects the underlying philosophical base of the theorists that are considered the pioneers of the field. Unfortunately for those of us who are not extremely liberal or progressive in our worldview, this presents a huge problem. The underlying philosophical reason for the current "best practice" for dealing with hissy fits lies in the fact that giving children choices is far higher on their priority list than teaching children to be obedient. In fact, many early childhood experts consider the teaching of obedience to be dangerous because it makes children more susceptible to child abuse. I don't know about you, but I find that ridiculous. According to them, we should not teach children to respect authority because some adults have abused that authority. If you reflect on that, the fact that we have such a problem with children and teenagers having no respect for any authority should make perfect sense. The long term consequences of this philosophy is reeking havoc on our present society.
Relativism
Well, isn't teaching children to make good choices important? Yes, it is, but how are you going about that. When in the real world do you ever get the opportunity to choose between two positive options? Hardly ever. Most of the time we have to choose the lesser of two negative options. How is giving children two positive choices teaching them to make good choices in the real world? Wouldn't it be more appropriate to teach them the difference between right and wrong? Here is where we hit the liberal/progressive philosophical base again. It is called relativism. It is the belief that right and wrong are relative. They believe we have no right to impose our idea of right and wrong on the next generation. They believe the next generation should decide for themselves what constitutes right and wrong. Let's follow that train of thought out to its logical conclusion (or just simply look at how messed up our current society is). What really happens when people do what is right in their own eyes? Think about that. I know many people who have some skewed versions of reality. What they think is right is destructive for everyone around them. We must as a society get back to teaching children the difference between right and wrong. Our teaching may not be perfect, but it is surely better than what we are getting with relativism.
A Manipulative Tool
Now we turn our attention on how to handle hissy fits. There is one very important fact that must be understood in dealing with hissy fits. A hissy fit is a manipulative tool used by children from toddlerhood through their early twenties to get what they want or to get out of doing something they do not want to do. Their ploy must fail utterly, or it will be repeated with greater intensity as the years go by. It really is that simple. If the hissy fit fails to produce the results they want, they will move on to other ploys. Getting those results, however, is not that easy. Sometimes especially in a child care setting you must get creative to make sure the hissy fits are not succeeding. However, if you keep in mind that a child will not die from a hissy fit, it makes it much easier to ignore. Let them cry, scream, pout, etc., but don't give in. If they cross over into a temper tantrum, you will need to change strategies. As long as it remains in the realm of the hissy fit, ignore it. I must touch on one more aspect of this before I move on to my last point. During the course of a hissy fit a preschooler can get verbally abusive to you and others. That is the same as being physically aggressive and should be handled as a temper tantrum.
Teaching Good and Bad Choices
Finally let me say, giving a child a positive and a negative choice teaches children the difference between a good choice and a bad choice. You must explain to the child why one choice is better than the other. This is called teaching a child about consequences. If children have to learn about consequences through natural consequences, the process takes too long. It takes both direct instruction and natural consequences to teach children about good and bad choices. This should be accomplished using every teachable moment given to you. Remember, preschoolers can act like they are not paying attention to you when you really have their undivided attention. Never underestimate what a child can retain.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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