This post will tackle a subject that some would say is completely unnecessary. Many in the early childhood world find correction too harsh and prefer redirection instead. However, correction and being able to take correction can mean the difference between being a truly successful person and one that never attempts anything. Adults must be able to take correction in order to fully function in this world. Therefore, to shelter children from correction sets them up for failure for the rest of their lives.
The Debate
This particular subject has come to be one of the hottest topics of debate of the last several years. Many in the early childhood world vehemently oppose correcting children. They feel that correction brings with it feelings of shame and worthlessness. They prefer to redirect children in a positive manner and guide them to good choices instead of pointing out bad choices. On the other side of this coin are those that believe we have completely ruined an entire generation by never letting them hear the word "no." This camp believes that facing failure and mistakes is the first step to growing as a person. Good choices flow from a person that has learned the difference between good and bad choices through correction and consequences. They believe redirecting children only postpones lessons that should be learned at young ages causing children to be incredibly immature and fragile emotionally.
Which camp has it right?
Since the redirection philosophy has been around long enough for us to have long-term effects, I think pretty much everyone knows the answer to that question. Almost every night on the news I hear about a study saying our children are more emotionally fragile than previous generations. Watching competitive shows on television also exposes this tendency for young adults to have a hard time dealing with correction. Those that cannot take direction have their dreams squashed very quickly. Seems that being corrected needs to be one of those hard-knock lessons everyone must go through to mature. If you do not know you have a problem, you can never change for the better. That is pure and simple logic, which constitutes another item many have completely thrown out the window.
The Importance of "No"
Now that we have established the necessity for correction, we will delve into the topic at hand. Before we can fix the children, we must first shut down the techniques that causes this problem in the first place. Number one, "no" is probably one of the most important words a child will ever hear. Responding to that word appropriately brings about more maturity than all the redirection in the world. Get some backbone, people, and start standing up to the little tyrants in your life and help them understand that "no" means "no" all the time. Start learning to ignore every manipulative ploy in children's arsenal, and help them become productive citizens of the world instead of victims.
The Importance of Resilience
Number two, quit thinking that your children are made of glass emotionally. In actuality, children tend to be rather resilient unless you teach them not to be. You teach them not to be resilient by instilling in them the fear that every little thing has the capacity to crush them emotionally. It's like when children fall down. If you react as if the world has come to an end, they will wail and cry as if you are right. If you do not overreact and wait to see if the child is truly hurt, then the child usually gets up and goes on with life unless they are truly injured. In our helicopter parenting world, we try to shield our children from every little bump and bruise when we really should not do that. Those bumps and bruises both physically and emotionally are the experiences that bring about maturity. Do not rescue them from what they need to become functioning adults.
Anger Management
What do you do with a child that has already developed an aversion to correction? Usually these children fall into two camps - the ones that get angry and the ones that fall apart. Both camps require different strategies. For the ones that get angry, you will need to work on anger management techniques that include how to respond to a "no' answer. At my childcare we talk about this one often because I have two that get angry when they do not get their way and one that gets angry sometimes when corrected. I teach them to take a deep breath and say "that's okay." Do they do this in the heat of the moment? Usually not, but when I remind them they do sometimes follow through with it because we have practiced. However, the heated moments following correction need more than just this technique. These children have to be reminded that correction is needed and necessary for everyone in the world. Calmly explain to the children that learning to accept correction means you are growing up. We must learn from our mistakes, and not get angry at the ones who correct us. If they did not love us, they would not bother. Children must understand that correction done properly is a loving gesture not a mean one.
The Difference between Nit-Picking and Correction
Before I move on the the other camp, I want to take a moment to differentiate between loving correction and nit-picking. Loving correction treats the child with respect. It should come off as "I know you can do better." Nit-picking and downright mean correction treats the child as if he/she is worthless. If you catch yourself degrading your child or treating him/her as if he/she can do nothing right, you might want to work on how you correct. Many in the redirection would say that all correction falls into the degrading camp, but it does not. When you treat a child as if they can do better but what they did misses the mark, you help them understand how to strive for goals and achieve them. We have to know we missed the mark in order to try harder next time. Redirection will never achieve that.
No Coddling
For the ones that fall apart when corrected, you might think those children need a more tender approach. Actually, that is backwards. They are like they are because they have been coddled. Further coddling only complicates the situation. This one can be compared to riding a horse. If you fall off, you have to get back on and try again. If you sit on the ground and cry, you will never ride the horse. We cannot let them sit in the floor and bellyache. These children need prodding to get back on the horse and try again. How that is accomplished will vary from child to child, but tough love needs to be present. These children must understand that it is not appropriate to come unglued every time something does not go their way or work like it is supposed to work. If we do not teach these children persistence, they will never be able to set goals and reach them. We will be setting them up for a life of failure. Stop coddling them.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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