This post will deal with one of the most frustrating bad habits of children - those children that can hear perfectly but never listen to a word you say. I call these children the hard of listening. This particular annoying habit goes hand in hand with last Wednesday's post on respect. A lack of respect drives the lack of listening.
The Scenario
We all see this scenario play out over and over again. You tell a child to do something, and the child sits there like you have not even spoken at all. The child continues to ignore you and do whatever he/she pleases until you reach the very point where action is about to take place. Believe me, every American child knows exactly where that line is with every single adult in his/her life. They will take you to that line every single time, but most will rarely cross it. However, some adults really have no line in the sand these days. The child understands this as well. If an adult will pester and plead until they become frustrated and give up, the child will never respond to the request. The child knows that if they outlast the adult, the adult will just give up.
No Respect
Of course, our epidemic of hard of listening children corresponds with the lack of importance placed on respect for authority. That is no coincidence. The slide in respect pretty much started in the 1960s. We as a society decided that respect for authority was overrated. We stopped demanding respect from our children, and it has led us here. Let us take a little trip back in time say 100 years ago and imagine a child treating their parents like children do today. It probably happened on rare occasions when a child was feeling his/her oats but no where near the level that it happens today. Children listened to what their parents had to say or they paid the consequences, and those consequences came swift and sure. Therefore, children learned that listening to their parents might be in their best interest. The parents of yesteryear expected their children to listen to them. Guess what? You get what you expect.
The Importance of Follow Through
How do we turn this situation around? First of all, adults need to learn some consistency and follow through. If the adult in the situation has no consistency or follow through, then the child will feel that ignoring that adult is normal. We have made it normal to be ignored. Adults, you have to have a "line in the sand" point. If you have completely given up on the line in the sand, you will never get a child to do anything. That is called follow through. However, be very careful what comes out of your mouth. If all you ever say includes idle threats and promises that you really never intend to keep, you will only be compounding your problem. The children know that you do not really mean what you say. Therefore, they will only ignore you. Say what you mean and choose your words carefully. In designing your "line in the sand" make sure it involves something you can actually do or do not go there. A "line in the sand" has to be enforceable.
And Consistency
Along with follow through comes consistency. When the child crosses your "line in the sand," you have to consistently do what you said you would do. It does not matter how inconvenient it is, or how tired you are at the moment. Just remind yourself that you hate to be ignored, and this is the price you must pay to be heard. It really does not take long for most children to figure out where that line is and never actually cross it. However, there will always be those choice few who cross lines for various and assorted reasons. If you have one of those, ask God to help you because they pretty much fall out of everyone's expertise but His.
The Line in the Sand
Next, place your "line in the sand" much closer to the beginning of the process. Some people have their "line" out at their emotional breaking point. That is much too far out. If you keep your consequences from being too extreme but appropriate for the situation, it makes it much easier to move your "line" closer to the beginning. One warning is really all any child needs. When you go beyond one warning, you begin to destroy your credibility and show the child your lack of consistency and follow through. Children are much smarter that many give them credit. They can smell inconsistency and lack of follow through a mile away. Do not ever forget that. Let me tell you that if you are not accustomed to this type of follow through and consistency, you are in for some serious personal growth. It is not easy to be this consistent. However, just keep telling yourself that the results are worth every ounce of personal struggle and inconvenience learning to be consistent involves. It will be one of those areas that reap results in nearly every nook and cranny of your life. Successful people are consistent people.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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