This post will look at teaching children the importance of telling the truth. Contrary to the belief of many in the early childhood world, children as young as two can lie to your face and not bat an eye. Very smart, manipulative three and four year olds can really pull some stunts involving lying. Maybe because I raised some very smart, manipulative children, I have a different take on this than some. However, I believe many early childhood professionals fall prey to some whoppers because they underestimate the manipulative power of toddlers and preschoolers.
Nurture over Nature
In my very first childcare class I took when getting my CDA, I had my instructor make a comment that I found to be one of the most ludicrous statements I have ever heard. She said that two year olds do not lie unless they are taught to lie. I started to laugh out loud until I saw she was dead serious. Then I panicked. If that was the true belief of this woman, I would have to be very careful about every single little thing that came out of my mouth. Then I got angry. How in the world could anyone that has dealt with children on any kind of regular basis hold this belief? This woman had 4 children. Surely she did not believe every single thing that came out of her toddler's mouth. She was also a minister's wife. She should know that children are born with a fallen nature and do not have to be taught to do wrong. That class and that instructor were my first initiation into just how liberally biased the early childhood world can be. The majority of the underlying philosophies among early childhood experts favor nurture over nature and deny outright the fallen nature of man. However, anyone that actually works in the trenches of the early childhood world will tell you that children have to be taught to do right not wrong. Wrong comes as naturally as breathing. Also, genetics play a much bigger part in a person's character than many in the social sciences will admit. Guess what people, all mankind comes predisposed to lying not telling the truth.
Do Young Children Lie?
Because of the underlying philosophies in the early childhood world, lying tends to be one of those areas that is conveniently swept under the rug. Many of the negative traits are treated this way, but for some reason lying is treated like it is a rare occurrence. Yet those of us that are very observant have caught the children in our care telling us outright lies with the sweetest smiles on their faces. Why is it that we as a society believe everything a young child says? We did not used to be so gullible. When I was a child, my parents took what I said with a grain of salt very often. I will admit that I lied through my teeth on many occasions even as a young child. They had good reason to be wary of some of my tales.
What Brought Us Here
I believe the swing came in the last 30 or so years as the spotlight on abusive situations has come to the forefront. It is true that many children suffered because they were not believed when they spoke of the abuse they endured. People began to take what the children said as the gospel truth especially when dealing with certain subjects. Many people were exposed as abusers and situations stopped that were horrible to even consider. However, like everything else in this society, we went too far. We stopped taking into consideration how untruthful children can be, and we made the children believe we would accept everything that came out of their mouth. We empowered a generation to believe that they could cry wolf and everyone would hunt down their "wolf" whether real or imagined.
Innocent until Proven Guilty
I am going to dive off into some territory that might be highly controversial but I can actually speak on this subject from a very different perspective. I have been the victim of slander and faced the wrath of children's services because someone took advantage of the pro-victim society we now have. Today when someone says they have been the victim of abuse we take their word without question. The accused is guilty until proven innocent and proving innocence is by far much more complicated that proving guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. I used to be just as guilty of this as most everyone else until I encountered the very ugly side of people that believe truth is relative. I am now not so gullible and do not jump to conclusions when people are accused of even the most horrible things. I let their guilt be proven beyond a reasonable doubt. Our founding fathers had very good reason to set up our justice system in this way.
Earning Trust
How does all of this relate to teaching children not to lie? Children need to understand that we are going to check out their stories. They need to understand that trust is earned by repeatedly showing oneself truthful. We have created a society that does not really flesh out truth before we persecute people. Our children pay attention to this. They learn that lying can be a good tool to use to manipulate people. We are inadvertently teaching some pretty awful lessons through being so quick to judge people. If we want our children to value truth, then we need to make sure that we seek out truth before we jump to conclusions.
Proving Truthfulness
Now let us take this into the early childhood world. Do you have a culture in your center that believes everything a child says or do you have a culture in which a child has to prove his/her truthfulness? I will tell you that I go behind my children and verify their stories quite often just to let them know that being truthful is very important. This can be accomplished through something as simple as verifying that the child flushed the commode. Boys are notorious for lying about that one simple everyday occurrence and holding them to being truthful about it can go a long way in other areas. Telling the truth takes practice. Give your children many opportunities to prove their truthfulness, and lying will cease to be an issue.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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