This post will deal with instilling honesty in children. Probably more than any other character trait, this one must be modeled above all else. Therefore, as with all the other character posts I have done, first I will talk to the adults before we move on to the children.
The Definition of Honesty
What is honesty? Is it just simply telling the truth all the time? Webster defines honest as free from deception; truthful; genuine, real; creditable. That takes it a little deeper than simply telling the truth. Honesty flows from a place that is grounded in real truth. It encompasses being a credible person as much as just saying things that are true. Being an honest person means people believe in the person you portray yourself to be. People trust you and find you dependable.
Being Free from Deception
The first part of Webster's definition deals with being free from deception. Many people feel like they are telling the truth when in reality they are deceived or their perception of truth has been skewed somehow. For example, a person shares what he/she feels to be the truth without having all the necessary facts and the version of the truth that he/she has is actually the opposite of reality. Therefore, the first aspect of being honest involves being slow to speak and not jumping to conclusions. Do not spout off at the mouth until you have all the facts. How many times do we as adults jump to conclusions before we have all the facts? Did you know that was an aspect of being honest? This involves our credibility. Being too quick to jump to conclusions destroys our credibility and makes people dismiss our opinions as unreliable. If people cannot trust what you say, you might as well be lying. Also, be careful of the things that form the basis of your opinions. Believing false information can harm your credibility as well. Before you discuss a matter, get the facts. Some of the best advice on this comes from the Bible. James 1: 19 says for us to be "quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger." Most of the time we get that completely backwards. We are slow to hear, quick to speak, and quick to anger.
Keep Your Word
The next aspect of honest I want to discuss deals with being people that keep their word. Again, this is an aspect of honesty that many people do not consider. This also involves being slow to speak. Do not threaten or promise anything that you know you cannot carry out. This is especially true when dealing with children. Do not let it come out of your mouth unless it carries the full force of your will to back it up and you will do everything in your power to make it happen even if it costs you. Credibility has as much to do with honesty as telling the truth. When a person does not keep his/her word, that destroys credibility. People will not believe what you say just as if you were telling the biggest lie on the planet. Your intentions do not factor into this equation. Your actions will define your honesty.
Telling the Truth
Now we come to the aspect of honesty that everyone knows - telling the truth. However, again we hit on being slow to speak. Many times when we tell a little white lie, it's because we have opened our mouth too quickly in a situation where we should have kept the truth to ourselves. It is not necessary to blurt out every single thought that comes into your head. That is not being honest. Most of the time that is being hurtful. There is an old saying that fits this perfectly - "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." We as Americans tend to value our own opinions far too highly and feel everyone should be entitled to how we feel. Many times what we push off as honesty, falls better into the category of manipulation and jealousy. Think before you speak and honesty will become a part of who you are as long as you value being honest. Some people do not value honesty and will lie to your face without even thinking twice about it.
Are Children Naturally Honest?
Before we discuss how to instill honesty in children, I want to touch on a false perception in our society. Many early childhood experts will say that children are naturally honest. Are they really? I have had 3 and 4 year olds lie to my face without batting an eye. I have touched on this before, but most early childhood experts refute original sin. They do not believe that we as humans are born with a sin nature. They believe that children have to be taught to do wrong. Those of us who believe in original sin understand that children have to be taught to do right. Doing wrong comes naturally to us all. Some children do have a tendency to be more honest than others, but every child will at least attempt to lie to your face when backed into a corner. Some children just lie better than others.
Model Honesty
As I said in the first paragraph, this particular character trait has to be modeled for children to learn. Children will follow the model of honesty that you set for them. If they see you as a person that cannot be trusted, they will not place much stock in honesty. If they see you constantly telling little white lies, they will think that is normal. Remember, honesty has to be taught. It does not come naturally. For very young children sometimes we have to help them differentiate between pretending and lying. At my childcare we have this discussion regularly. When you are pretending, you are playing and everyone understands it is not real. Lying is when you are trying to make people believe something that is not true. I often give the example for little boys about washing their hands after they go potty. If you do not wash your hands, and then when I ask you if you washed your hands and you say yes, that is lying. Little boys are notorious for this one, and it hits home. Remember to always try to find examples in which the children can relate.
Do Not Be Gullible
Lastly, expect honesty from yourself and the children, but do not be gullible. It is perfectly okay to check into a child's story to verify. When his/her story checks out, it gives the child a sense of justification. If the child's story does not check out, that child needed to be caught redhanded. Getting away with lying bolsters lying in children. Some people feel that constantly verifying children's stories undermines that child's self-esteem. Again, they have it backward. A child must understand that credibility is earned not just given, and once lost, it takes a long time to earn it back.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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