This post will deal with the task of raising children to be dependable people. This is not an easy task in today's society. As with most of the character traits I have dealt with in previous posts, many American adults do not have this trait in abundance. Teaching children to have a trait that their parents do not necessarily possess can be especially tricky.
The Definition of Dependability
What is dependability? Webster defines dependability as being trustworthy and reliable. The trustworthy aspect revolves around being people that keep their word. If I say I am going to do something, it is as good as done unless something catastrophic interferes. Reliable comes very close to the same definition. Being reliable involves doing what is expected all the time. If I am a reliable person, then the activities put under my care are done to the right specifications all the time without having to be supervised. How many American employers would nearly give their right leg to have those kinds of employees?
Adults First
As with all my other posts on character traits, let's talk to the adults first. By now it should be blatantly obvious that character is something you model while you teach. The adults must be trustworthy and reliable if they want the children in their lives to be trustworthy and reliable. I really believe that Americans' biggest problem with most of the character traits I have covered in posts is their tendency to spout off at the mouth. Being trustworthy has the same issue. How often do you promise or threaten to do something with absolutely no follow through? Again, one of the biggest lessons many adults must learn is to not let it come out of their mouth unless it has the full force of their will behind it. In other words, do not say it unless you can perform it. On the other hand, reliability has more to do with the attitude of the heart than the actions of the mouth. Who or what do you work for? Do you work for money alone? Do you work for the accolades of man? Or do you work as unto the Lord, to please Him in all respects? Only the last one produces truly reliable people. The old saying "any job worth doing is worth doing well" also fits in with being reliable. When you work, do you consistently try to do your best even when no one ever pays attention to whether you do a good job or not? Only when the answer to that question is yes can you consider yourself a reliable person. Remember dependability equals trustworthiness plus reliability. It takes both aspects being present in a person for that person to be truly dependable.
People of Their Word
How does this look in the early childhood arena? First, let's look at teaching children to be trustworthy. The most obvious way probably presents the hardest problem for most. When children promise something, do you hold them to it? How many times have you let a child off the hook because enforcing the promise would be too much trouble? If you did let them off the hook, did you punish them for promising something they could not perform? I think it has been a very long time in this country since parents took seriously the task of teaching children to be people of their word. I say this because many of the adults of this country do not have the reputation that many people of previous centuries have had. Is your word your bond? There was a time when if people promised something, they fulfilled it even if it cost them dearly. They also taught their children to value their word as if it was made of gold. That starts in the preschool years by expecting them to do what they say. If they cannot do what they say, they are taught that breaking their word comes with consequences. For example, if a child promises to let another child have a toy in a few minutes, you make sure the child follows through with his/her promise. Teach children that a promise is a promise and if you do not mean it, do not say it. Can you imagine what a difference it would make in this society if we succeeded in raising a generation that highly valued trustworthiness?
Reliability
Now let's look at the other half of the equation. How can I teach children to be reliable? This one has to do with the expectations you have for the children. For example, at my childcare one of the milestones the children reach is the point where I trust them to do their pages right on their own. If they violate that trust, they have to earn it back. In case you are wondering I do require the children to do what some people consider "school pages" and I expect them to do it correctly according to their ability. Many early childhood experts will tell you these pages have absolutely no value in an early childhood setting. What better reason could you have than to teach that child to be dependable? I expect them to color the page according to specifications because that teaches them to follow directions. It is also a way for them to show me that they are reliable. Another way I teach reliability occurs during pick-up time. I expect the children here as soon as they learn where toys belong to put them back in that spot. If they do not, I make them correct their mistake. Yes, I treat it like a mistake. If you let them get away with putting away things wherever is convenient, you are teaching them that it does not matter what kind of job they do as long as they do something. That is precisely what is wrong with the generation that is now between the ages of 12 and 30. If you do not expect the children to do a good job, you will get what you expect - whatever.
Root Out Relativism
Many childhood experts might tell you that teaching preschoolers dependability in this way is not developmentally appropriate. However, let me remind you again that most early childhood philosophy has a foundation of relativism, which is the belief that true right and wrong do not exist. If we want to have truly dependable children, the relativism must be rooted out of our worldview at its core. Relativism is precisely why children and adults in this society have so little character.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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