Dealing with Children that Give Up Too Easily

This post will tackle the serious lack of persistence evident in many children today.  Many, many children will throw up their hands and quit at the least little resistance.  This post will look at the underlying causes for this behavior and some strategies to help children develop persistence.

The Scenario
We have all seen this scenario.  A child is asked to do a task that he/she does not really want to do.  They attempt it for about two seconds, and then throw up their hands and begin whining about how it is too hard.  There is always whining.  If the adult does not immediately rescue them, the whining and complaining kicks up a notch.  If the adult dares to not intervene at this point, the wailing and gnashing of teeth that ensues would make you think the child was being tortured.  This particular scenario can produce some of the most intense hissy fits a child throws.

What Is to Blame?
What are the underlying causes for this behavior?  Helicopter parenting.  We have done this one to ourselves.  Parents swoop in at the least little whimper and do nearly everything for their children.  I have seen some parents not even wait for the whimper.  These children have become accustomed to being waited on hand and foot.  Why in the world would they do anything for themselves?

When the children enter an environment where the adults have no intention on waiting on these children hand and foot, issues galore develop.  A great deal of a child's first few months in a structured setting these days has to be devoted to teaching self-help skills, and it can get ugly.  For those poor souls that live in heavily regulated states, they have to walk such a fine line between teaching children self-help skills and making sure they do not cry for more than a few minutes.  What should take only a couple of weeks has to be dragged out over months because the childcare provider ends up having to wait on the child hand and foot in the beginning.  The implementation has to be stretched out and incremented in the smallest possible baby steps to avoid the horrible nasty hissy fits.  This hinders some children from being kindergarten ready.  Therefore, the first few months of kindergarten must be devoted to pulling these children up to speed instead of the actual learning the states are now requiring.  I feel very sorry for kindergarten teachers these days.  You are being asked to do more with children that come equipped to do less.  You all deserve medals in my book.

Dealing with Helicopter Parents
This particular problem really needs to be attacked on two fronts.  To simply work with the children and not deal with the underlying parenting issues will only get you so far.  Every Monday you will be set back and almost have to start from scratch, which will make you feel like you are taking one step forward and two steps back.  However, getting helicopter parents to change their ways presents a daunting task.  You must approach this in a respectful and tactful way even though you will feel neither respectful or tactful on the inside.  You will also have to have a very calculated plan of attack.  Remember these children basically look at adults as large slaves.  In your setting you can correct that assumption but that will not transfer to anywhere else unless the adults in that situation dethrone the tyrant as well.  Therefore, this will be a constant battle you will have to wage unless you can manage to change the other scenarios at least a little.

In my childcare I always use kindergarten readiness as my weapon of choice when approaching the helicopter parents.  Most helicopter parents will about 6 months out from kindergarten freak out over whether or not their precious angel will be ready for kindergarten.  I make sure my parents of 3 year olds already have kindergarten in their sights.  I have the self-help skills laid out in a logical succession and show the parents how the child must conquer this before we move on to this.  I point out that if we do not start on this now, we will not be able to conquer X, Y, and Z before kindergarten.  That usually brings even helicopter parents back to reality although I will say they will protest immensely.  However, if you can get even half-hearted help with this problem, it will be better than none at all.

Developing Self-Help Skills
On the flip side of this equation is the children.  For the children I expect them to do for themselves what they are capable of doing, and I refuse to do it for them regardless of the level of the hissy fit.  For the first few weeks this makes for a lot of unpleasantness.  With extremely stubborn children this can turn into the first few months.  However long it takes, eventually even the most stubborn get with the program at least in my setting.  They may try to go back to their old ways but I am one consistent puppy.  Most of the time I simply have to look at them and say, "You need to remember where you are.  Get busy."

Now some of you may be asking how in the world do you handle the over-the-top hissy fits this will produce?  Very calmly.  In the Bible it says "A gentle answer turns away wrath."  When a child is throwing a massive hissy fit, you will simply and calmly keep repeating what you expect the child to do.  Sometimes this may require pulling yourself from the situation and regrouping, but continue to stand your ground.  Be that steady, calming influence that does not waver.  Work through those hissy fits and not around them.  This can be exhausting work in the beginning but it produces a wonderful harvest once you get to the other side.

I hope you have enjoyed this post.  Goodbye and God bless!! Check out Natalie's children's books at:  https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457