Dealing with Pouting in Children

This post will deal with one of children's most potent weapons against both parents and caregivers - the pout.  Most adults would rather do anything than deal with a pouty child.  It manifests in various forms. Some children simply stick out the lower lip.  Some children whine and cry.  Some children throw full-fledged hissy fits.  Whatever the manifestation, the intended purpose of pouting on the part of the child remains the manipulation of adults to get what he/she wants.

The Definition of Pouting
Webster defines pouting as "to show displeasure by thrusting out the lips or to look sullen."  I say pouting goes much deeper than that.  Pouting is like a dark cloud that descends upon a person.  Displeasure throws the person into a foul mood that affects everyone else around them.  Even adults pout in their own way when they do not get what they want.  Have you ever seen an adult descend into a dark mood when they experience disappointment?  That is pouting.

Is Pouting a Natural Response?
Some might say that pouting is just a natural response to disappoint.  Everyone experiences disappointment in their lives, but does pouting have to accompany disappointment?  Is pouting a healthy response to disappointment?  I would venture to say that pouting tends to be the most common response to disappointment, but that does not make it a healthy or appropriate response.  Pouting flows from selfishness, and the more selfish we are about a situation, the more likely we are to pout.  This explains why children are so prone to respond to disappointment in this manner.  Selfishness runs deep in children especially young children.

Is Pouting Developmentally Appropriate?
At this point I am sure the early childhood experts will raise the point that children are egocentric by nature.  We cannot expect young children to learn selflessness because it is not developmentally appropriate.  They will learn to be selfless at an older age when their brain development reaches a point to where they can experience empathy.  I find it amazing that today's early childhood experts believe that learning character magically happens as children grow older.  It has no basis in reality, but they hold to that belief with all their being.  Learning to do wrong seems to be the only thing in this world that happens without effort.  Learning to do right, on the other hand, takes a lifetime of effort, and it starts in toddlerhood.

How to Deal with Pouting
In order to deal with pouting, you must first have an appropriate attitude about pouting.  Disappointment and pouting should never be thought of as indivisible.  We cannot stop children from experiencing disappointment nor would we want to do that.  Many of the most powerful lessons of our lives come out of disappointment.  However, descending into a dark cloud because we have been disappointed should never be an acceptable response from anyone.  At my childcare, when a child starts to descend into pouting, I will tell them to take a deep breath and say, "it's okay."  I do not tolerate pouting in any shape or form.  I do not ignore it nor do I redirect it.  This one I plow through because it is a manipulative ploy used by children and adults alike to try to change a situation for selfish reasons.  Think about it.  Do you want the children in your care to become adept at manipulating people?  Is that a skill you want to encourage?  I have said it before, and I will say it again.  Ignoring these problem behaviors in children equals encouraging these behaviors.  Negative behaviors must be dealt with in a head-on manner.  They will not magically disappear with age.  They only get subtler.

Everyday I watch toddlers and preschoolers play their parents like a fiddle.  These poor parents have bought into the notion that young children are not sophisticated enough to employ that level of manipulation.  However, those same children would never even dream of trying to pull those stunts with me.  They have learned that pouting and hissy fits get them no where.  I will shut it down quickly. Yet, when their parents walk in the door, they switch gears and pull some of the worst stunts I have ever seen.  Now, you tell me.  Have these children got their parents' number?  Absolutely.  NEVER, EVER underestimate the manipulative power of a toddler and preschooler.

Pouting with Toddlers and Twos
Before I leave this subject, I want to briefly touch on dealing with pouting in older toddlers and twos specifically.  The technique of having them take a breath and say, "it's okay" will not work with toddlers and twos.  However, you can shut down their pouting as well.  For this age, I will firmly tell them that I said "no" and that is what I meant.  When the hissy fit kicks in, I will put them in a safe place so they will not harm themselves or others.  Then I will tell them when they are finished, they can come back and play.  I treat the behavior as inappropriate and make it cost them until they decide to return to appropriate behavior.  They must work through the issue not be directed around the issue.  I do not want two year old behavior to spill into a child's third year because I chose to avoid dealing with the issue.  I see way too many behavioral issues lingering into children's older years because adults avoided dealing with the root cause.

I hope you have enjoyed this post.  Goodbye and God bless!!

Check out Natalie's children's books at:  https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457