This post will deal with helping children to face fears and attempt risks. Our society today is raising a generation that is so sheltered they are being called the "fragile" generation. I really do not think we as a society have even fully considered what kind of long-term ramifications that will have on us as a nation. For over a hundred years Americans have been known for their pioneering spirit and ingenuity. We can kiss that reputation goodbye if we have not already. We will simply continue our slide into obscurity and another nation will rise to prominence. We have fallen into the same trap in which every other prominent nation throughout history has fallen prey. We have become complacent and raised generations of children that became increasingly more sheltered.
The Definition of Courage
Webster defines courage as the ability to conquer fear or despair. In order to conquer fear and/or despair, children must experience both fear and despair. Helicopter parents do everything in their power to keep their children from both of these experiences. I have said over and over and over again that our society's fixation with a "perfect" childhood will be our undoing. Childhood cannot and should not be "perfect." If it is, children will not grow into properly functioning adults. I am afraid that is just the cold hard facts.
The Lessons of History
The saying that "those who do not know their history are doomed to repeat it" very much applies to the trends we see in our current society. I become so frustrated with people trying to build a utopia on this earth. These type of people have such narrow focus that they do not see how they follow the paths that brought serious decline to other empires. They will tell you (if you point out to them what they are doing) that this time will be different because the world has changed. To quote the Bible "there is nothing new under the sun." It has not worked ever before, and it will not work this time, either. When you raise subsequent generations of spoiled and sheltered children, a more dominant culture will come to displace that society, and the displaced society will suffer. The spoiled and sheltered children will become completely defenseless adults destined to be victims.
The Importance of Courage
I hope the previous paragraph scared the life out of you. Courage is absolutely and completely necessary for the survival of any people. What are we doing to build courage in our children? All I see in current trends is sheltering and redirection. Both of these techniques has created our "fragile" generation. Courage comes out of adversity. How do you see children dealing with adversity? What I see are children that throw hissy fits over the least little inconvenience (I also see adults doing this as well). I do not believe that is instilling courage in anyone. Yet, we continue to push sheltering and redirection as the most beneficial methods of raising children.
The Trouble with the "Perfect" Environment
At this point I want to take an in depth look at the two types of disciplining techniques I find to be the most at fault for creating our "fragile" generation. The first is what I will refer to as sheltering, but it comes with many and various labels. Basically, this deals with the discipline technique where adults try to prepare for every contingency and try to create environments that are perfectly safe. Number one, this is impossible. I guarantee for every "perfect" environment there exists a child that will find some way to hurt himself/herself or others. For this reason, providers are put in a position of enormous pressure to maintain said impossible "perfect" environment and hung out to dry when they fail. Unfortunately, this is almost a given. I have seen so many good providers completely devastated and villianized when that time comes where a child finds a way around their "perfect" environment. Yet, these types of environments are not even in the best interests of the child. As I stated earlier, courage comes with adversity. Adversity involves risk-taking. Risk-taking in these types of environments is squashed in all but the most stubborn of children. Children have to learn how to weigh risks in order to make good decisions. Helicopter society is going to have to back off or we will continue to raise generation after generation of adults with no concept of how to deal with fear or despair other than to be dominated by them.
The Trouble with Redirection
The other major misstep we are making as a society involves redirection. In theory, this one sounds like a wonderful idea. Rather than having to deal with constant power struggles with two year olds, we simply redirect them or try desperately to avoid situations where power struggles will occur. However, avoiding power struggles with two year olds only puts you, the adult, in the position to deal with an extended period where children throw these irrational hissy fits. Instead of dealing with this period of irrational hissy fits head-on, we are dealing with teenagers throwing hissy fits that would rival any two year old in history. Unfortunately, hissy fits and power struggles are a part of a two year old's normal development. When we avoid dealing with these hissy fits, we are depriving the child of learning to accept that the world does revolve around them. This is a lesson a child should begin learning at the age of two, and when they do not, we end up with young adults with an extremely skewed version of reality. All one has to do is look around at our society to know that I speak the uncompromising truth of the matter. Another aspect of allowing children to work through their hissy fits instead of redirecting them has to do with what my husband calls the "suck up and deal with it" factor. Courage has a lot to do with the ability to deal with unpleasant circumstances and make the best of a bad situation. Have you ever considered that by avoiding power struggles we as a society are depriving our children of one of the most important aspects of courage - learning to deal with unpleasantness. It starts at age two.
The Importance of Risks
To sum it all up, if we want children to develop courage, we need to let them take risks. We need to quit hovering over them and saving them from every little setback. Let them flounder. Let them work through their own difficulties. Back off and let them be. Also, do not let a few tears and hissy fits send you into compromising situations. Let them cry and scream and flail. Stand your ground. They must learn that the world does not revolve around them if you want to have adults that can truly function in the real world. This will breed children with resilience and character capable of overcoming what life throws their way.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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