This post will return to my response to the article by the British nanny on the state of American parenting. Her second point involved a lowered bar or "the everyone gets a trophy mentality." In many ways she hit the nail on the head with this one, but it must also be paired with the unrealistic expectations for prosperity among "helicopter parents" for their children. Not only have American parents passed on the idea that everything must always be fair, but they have also instilled in their children an inflated sense of worth without substance. I will tackle both of these issues.
What Is Wrong with Everyone Getting a Trophy?
On the surface this seems like a harmless way to avoid the inevitable hissy fit and temper tantrum of children that do not win. However, just like redirection postpones life lessons for toddlers that should not be postponed, this trend does the same for learning to bounce back from disappointment. Many people might call me hardhearted for that stance. How can you disappointment a little child like that? What good does it do? Well, I am about to admit something from my childhood to give you perspective. I was a horrible loser. I wailed and cried every time I did not win to the utter frustration of my mother. Had I been born in the last few years, many might have used me as a poster child for why everyone needs to get a trophy, and they would have been dead wrong. In reality I needed more practice than most to learn to deal with disappointment not the other way around. Had I been shielded from disappointment as a child, I would probably still be immature in that area at my age now. I have seen people my age where the families have shielded them from as much disappointment and other negative consequences as possible. Those people are either in jail or complete do nothings that sit on the couch and expect everyone else to take care of them. Even though it took me until my teenage years to halfway learn to be a gracious loser, I did finally learn. Unfortunately, it takes the ugly reality of disappointment to learn that lesson and nothing should be substituted for it.
Some might still say that yes disappointment is inevitable but why should little children have to suffer through it. People, take a look around. How many times have you seen a ten or twelve year old throwing a hissy fit that could rival any two year old? Even I would not have thought about throwing a hissy fit at those ages. I might have still cried when I lost but I got over my hissy fits in my early elementary years. Children do not automatically learn to be gracious losers when they reach a certain age. Plus, if this lesson is not learned early enough it morphs. The hissy fits and temper tantrums turn into vengeful, spiteful acts that can cause great harm. If you have ever been on the receiving end of the vengeful side of a millenial, you will understand what I am talking about entirely. They have never learned to think of others before acting and will jump straight to vicious when they do not get their way. It is important to learn the proper way to handle disappointment before that behavior becomes ingrained into your personality. Unlearning this behavior as an adult takes years of therapy.
The Importance of Hard Work
Another ugly by-product of the "everyone gets a trophy" mentality involves the stifling of a hard work ethic. Children learn very early that it does not take much effort to win the trophy. Therefore, why should they exert any more effort than necessary. I hope you have enough common sense to see where this is going. If you have ever had the misfortune of being the employer of young adults that grew up without having a good work ethic instilled in them, you have witnessed the very ugly side of this philosophy. I have had that misfortune. I tried everything imaginable to inspire my employees to grasp the concept of doing a good job to no avail. They felt that simply showing up for work relatively on time entitled them to their minimum wage pay. If I actually wanted more work, that would require more pay. Before those employees, I had another employee that did not see the need to show up for work when she was scheduled, and when she needed more money, she would ask for more hours. I sent all of them packing as soon as I could, but in the childcare industry especially in our state, the regulations make it very difficult to fire someone on short notice. The regulations would rather have a useless warm body than giving the employer the freedom to fire freeloaders on the spot. I no longer have employees under the age of 30 unless they have been homeschooled and/or worked on a farm.
When a child goes through life without disappointments and setbacks, that child never learns to overcome adversity. It is a proven fact that successful people understand how to turn disappointments, mistakes, and setbacks into something positive. They learn from their mistakes and grow through adversity. We should never, ever, ever shield children from disappointment and setbacks if we want them to truly become successful, functioning adults.
The Ugly Side of Self-Esteem
This brings me to the other side and untold aspect of this particular problem. When you mix shielding children from disappointment and teaching them to feel good about themselves without any reference to accomplishments, you produce the employees that I described earlier. These young adults have an inflated opinion of themselves and feel entitled to pay without effort. We should pay them for just being because they are so wonderful. This also affects school work at all levels and instills the laziness that millenials have been accused of having. Millenials become so angry when people call them lazy and yet they act just like I described. However, in their defense we created these monsters. We gave them trophies for just participating. We pushed self-esteem without any regard for earning it. We really have no right to complain about the monsters of our own creation.
How Do We Fix It?
Unfortunately for the millenials, they will have to learn the hard way unless their parents are willing to take care of them until the parents pass from this life. Then they will have to learn the hard way. I am afraid that this life lesson will be particularly painful for this age group as they realize that all the cushy jobs with all the great benefits are either becoming extinct or only available to the ones that work their butt off for them. Life will teach them if you do not work you do not eat if we the parents do not teach them that first. How much harder it is to learn that lesson in adulthood when bad habits have been allowed to take root. In trying to make their life easier, we have made it exponentially harder in the long run. When we will ever learn better? The British nanny called this one right. High expectations within reason produce good results. Low expectations produce all the things so very wrong with our society.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!! https://linktr.ee/natawade
No comments:
Post a Comment