This post will continue the discussion of the effects of helicopter parenting. Specifically, this post will zero in on the problem of indecisiveness or fear of making decisions that has manifested itself in the first generation of helicopter parented children - the millenials.
Fear of Decisions
Even though helicopter parenting has not been around very long in the broad scheme of time, it has now been around long enough to notice very specific trends that have developed in the generation raised in this way. One of the most disturbing trends manifesting itself encompasses an intense fear of making decisions. This goes beyond just being indecisive. The millenials have meltdowns over having to make mild life decisions much less tough life decisions. These young adults have now reached their twenties, and for the most part, they still rely more heavily on their parents than any other previous generation. A large majority of them still live with their parents and do not hold down regular jobs. This fear of decisions has caused many, many of them to not really be functioning adults. We have had to invent a whole other developmental stage for this generation because of this.
Failure to Launch
For the record, I was absolutely not a helicopter parent even though my children are considered millenials. My children knew when they hit adulthood, my husband and I expected them to leave the nest. Moving back in on us would only happen if dire and extreme circumstances overtook them. We kept a spare bedroom for them when they were in college, but we did not keep "their" bedroom. We meant business because we were seeing so many of our friends having twenty something children not even remotely interested in leaving the nest. We actually saw this coming when our children were in their teens. Many, many of their friends had no desire to get their driver's license. I thought that odd to say the least. However, many of their friends' parents considered that a blessing at the time. I do not think they consider it a blessing now that their twenty something child still does not have a license and sits on the couch all day playing video games. We have a serious problem on our hands.
The Downside of a Perfect Childhood
What went wrong? My peers began the trend of trying to make childhood perfect. They did everything for their children. They tried to give them everything they did not have when they were children. They really did not have expectations for their children because they felt their parents had too many expectations for them. In short, they made a mess. My husband and I bucked the parenting trends popular with our peers, and it was not easy. Many, many people gave us a horrible time because we actually expected our children to work and made them go without a lot of the trendy clothes and toys the other children their age had. Now, many of them have twenty something children still living at home without jobs that function more like overgrown teenagers than adults. We have actual adult children that are on their own, and they are 27, 25, and 23. Our oldest owns a home and 2 cars, our middle child works 3 jobs, and our youngest owns a car. Millenials do not, on average, do any of those things.
Fear of Taking Risks
Millenials' fear of making decisions keeps them from taking risks that before this generation defined the twenties. They do not move out of their parents' home until they absolutely must. By and large many of them are deferring marriage because they are petrified of commitment. They will not even keep credit cards of their own. They will use their parent's credit cards but will not get their own. The responsibility of having to pay monthly bills terrifies them. My generation for the most part could not wait to get out of our own. We struggled in the beginning, but we were not afraid to take risks. I guess my generation decided that struggling was the most horrible experience they had ever encountered and vowed their children would never have to struggle like that. Now, my generation works so many jobs it is unbelievable to support not only their children but their children's children as well. Maybe my generation had a distorted view of reality and made some bad judgement calls. Maybe struggling was the best thing that ever happened to us.
The Need for Struggle
Therein, lies the solution to all this mess. Helicopter parenting failed so miserably because they did not let the children struggle and work to accomplish things. When everything is handed to you on a silver platter, it makes you dependent not independent. These children have to struggle in order to understand and calculate risk. Being able to calculate risk lies at the very heart of being a good decision maker.
The Trouble with Choice
I will say that about a decade ago, early childhood professionals began to see the ramifications of children not being able to make decisions. Therefore, they began to push "choice." Their theory was that if a child had more control over their lives, this would make them more decisive. This brought about the practice of giving children two positive choices instead of making them do things. However, two positive choices and getting things their way does not produce children that can calculate risk. It takes negative experiences to develop risk-taking abilities. Again, the experts have it upside down and backwards. Actually, children that are made to do what they need to do develop risk taking abilities because they understand how the real world works. All this other just adds to the mess.
I hope you have enjoyed this post. Goodbye and God bless!!
Check out Natalie's children's books at: https://www.amazon.com/author/nataliewade7457
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